Author's notes: Not betaed - much too short.
And before you all threaten me with bodily harm, there will be a part three - what I wanted to do with the story made more sense to me in three parts. I'll try and get the next one done in a week or two.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.
Self-Destruction
John Sheppard lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Yes, sir, he'd really done it now. That self-destruct mechanism of his had kicked in again. It had ruined every relationship he'd ever had, and it looked like he'd gone and done it again. Just as he was beginning to fall for a wonderful, beautiful woman, they'd had a fight. He'd said stuff... cruel stuff... He'd let his temper do the talking.... Days later, the words still echoed in his head...
It's all I can have, isn't it? You've made that abundantly clear. No sharing your life, no commitment. I never get a say in anything. It all has to be on your terms, with you in control. I'm just here when it suits you. I'm just convenient until you can get home to lover boy.
He'd lashed out like a child because he hadn't got his own way. Said the first hurtful things that had come into his head. And the truth was, he hadn't meant it. Not really. He did want more than she was prepared to give... at the moment. But when it came down to it, he'd wait for her.
He'd always wait for her.
But while he was still mad, he'd screwed - well, in an Ancient, glowy kind of way, he guessed he'd screwed - another woman. He wasn't sure why he'd done it. Was he trying to make Elizabeth jealous? If so, he appeared to have failed spectacularly.
She hadn't said a word. She'd just let him get on with it. Rodney had been the one to shout, to call him on his behaviour, and accuse him of being like Captain Kirk. Oh yes, Rodney was Elizabeth's knight in shining armour, he thought bitterly. The scientist had known about their relationship - he was the only one who had - and wouldn't stand to see her hurt. By now, McKay would know they'd fought, said things they shouldn't.... and broken up.
To Sheppard it was obvious that McKay had feelings for Elizabeth. So, had Rodney stepped in and taken his place by Elizabeth's side... and in her bed? A wave of white hot jealousy shot through him at the thought.
Enough, he thought. I need to see her and apologise.
~~~~~~~
As John approached Elizabeth's quarters, he got more and more nervous. His mouth was dry, the adrenaline was pumping as if he was about to run a marathon. Trying to calm himself, he took a deep breath. He could face the Wraith, fly spaceships, lead men into battle... so why was there a knot in his stomach the size of a football when he was just going to talk to Elizabeth? He squared his shoulders. He could do this... he had to do this. If he wanted her back, he had to make the first move.
Deep down, he knew that to get her to forgive him, he wasn't just going to have to apologise for what he'd said, he was going to have to apologise for overruling her in front of Bates. But did he want to do that? Could he do that? He still thought he was in the right... that he'd made the right decision. Could he say the words and not mean them? Could he lie to save their relationship?
Standing outside her door, he raised his hand to knock, then hesitated. He closed his eyes, and imagined her face when he made love to her.
Yes, he would do anything to get Elizabeth back.
He knocked.
Moments later, the door slid open, revealing Elizabeth wearing a silky robe that clung to her slim figure in all the right places. A wave of lust coursed through him at the sight. "John," she said, warily. "Is this urgent? It really isn't a good time." She glanced nervously over her shoulder, then forced a smile, but she wouldn't look him in the eye. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to talk to him after the things he'd said.
John's heart lurched. He'd made her feel like this. It was his fault and he had to fix it. He licked his lips. "Yeah. I'd like to talk. I said some things..."
He thought he saw a flicker of something - forgiveness? love? - cross her face before he was interrupted by a familiar voice coming from her bathroom. "Elizabeth, can you give me a hand with this?"
John felt like he'd taken a punch to the gut. McKay was in Elizabeth's bathroom and wanted help? When Elizabeth was only wearing a robe? He didn't need McKay's IQ to work out what was going on here.
"Never mind," he muttered quickly. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you both." He turned and left, without giving her chance to reply.
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