Still Waters by Espiritu

Still Waters von Espiritu

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Category: Post-epi/missing scene from 'The Eye',Romance/Angst,Sheppard/Weir Spoilers: 'The Eye', '38 Minutes' Summary: Sheppard's and Weir's thoughts after The Eye. Author Notes: I based this on some Eye clips, so please excuse any errors in details from the show if you were lucky to see it in its entirety. This is my first ever fan fiction. Let me know what you think, good or bad. I don't know if comes even close to the standards set by the talented writers who post here, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Disclaimer: I can wish all I want, but Stargate Atlantis and its characters belong to MGM not me. I just like to take them out and play with them from time to time.

Still Waters

Standing on the balcony watching the sun slowly set over the horizon, Major John Sheppard reflected on the day's traumatic events. The now calm sea gave no hint to the recent storm that had battered the immense city or to the heated battle that had been waged within its ancient walls. As Sheppard watched the colors of the sky change with the fading of the day, his thoughts replayed the events that transpired only a short time ago.

It had only been a few short hours since the inhabitants of Atlantis regained control of the city from the invading Genii. Only hours since the one most dear to him had almost been lost.

He thought she had died. When Koyla cut off his transmission and did not respond to Sheppard's frantic cries, he was sure Weir was dead. Dead at the hands of Koyla. And with her, died his heart and soul.

Fueled by grief, rage, and lust for blood, he vowed to make Koyla pay dearly for taking Weir from him. Nothing else but revenge mattered to him once she was gone. With stealth and cunning, he ruthlessly hunted Koyla down. The price Koyla paid was with his life.

Only now that the storm surge had passed and the vengeful fire that had raged inside him had cooled, could Sheppard allow any regret to surface. He would have to live with his actions of this day. With the danger he allowed to enter the city, with the hostage situation he allowed to escalate, and with the lives he had taken in revenge. The tragic images of the day's events would haunt his dreams for some time to come.

Even lost in thought, he knew when she stepped out onto the balcony even though she made no sound as she slipped through the doorway. Even if he had been struck deaf and blind, he would have still sensed her nearby silently watching him. She left an indelible mark on his soul that signaled her presence without need of mere sight and sound.

He never expected to fall in love. It was the furthest thing from his mind when he joined this expedition. Yet there was just something about Elizabeth Weir that had quietly taken hold of his heart until she held it in the palm of her hand. He didn't know if she was aware of what she held in her possession, but he hoped she would never let it go.

Weir watched Sheppard as he quietly contemplated the early evening sky. As she moved towards him, he spoke without turning.

"How are you really doing?"

Weir walked up and stood beside him at the railing. "I'm fine now, thanks to you. I don't want to think about how this day could have ended if you hadn't been here."

"I don't think those who died today would thank me. Neither would their families." Sheppard replied ruefully.

"John, you did what you had to do. If you didn't, more lives would have been lost, and the city would now be in the hands of the Genii. If you hadn't killed Koyla, I would probably be dead."

Sheppard felt sick to his stomach remembering Koyla holding Elizabeth hostage. Remembering how his heart stopped when he rushed into the control room to see Koyla holding the gun to her head. How he tried not to think of possibly losing her again as he took aim. Tried not to see the look of fear in her eyes as he fired.

"I could have killed you. If I had missed Koyla, I could have been the one that killed you, not him." Sheppard's voice wavered slightly as he remembered how close the bullet that struck the Genii commander had come to hitting Elizabeth instead.

Weir heard the tremor in his voice, saw his jaw tighten with the memory of her held hostage, knew the raw emotions he finally allowed to surface were threatening to drown him. Gone for the moment was the cocky flyboy with the boyish grin and irreverent sense of humor. Here was a man still trying to reconcile the emotional extremes he experienced during the day. The fear, the grief, the sorrow, the anger, and finally the joyous relief.

Weir reached out and gripped his arm, forcing him to face her as she spoke. "I am alive because of you. I owe you my life. And I am glad you did what you did."

Looking at the hazel eyes gazing so intently up at him, Sheppard saw the concern mirrored in their depths, heard the intensity in her voice, and saw she too was still shaken by her brush with death. He allowed her words to wash over him, knowing they could never completely erase the guilt and pain from seeing her suffer.

"I should have never taken that chance with your life. It was bad enough when I thought Koyla had killed you, but if you had gotten injured or killed because of my actions, I don't know how I would have lived with myself for having hurt you." Sheppard's final words trailed off in a whisper as he turned back to look over the surrounding sea.

He looked shaken and tired. Weir knew what he was going through. She herself remembered how she upset she had been when the major was trapped in the stargate with that life-sucking wraith-bug clinging to his neck. She still had nightmares about his still and pale form lying in the jumper while Dr. Beckett worked feverishly to restart his heart. As worried as she had been for every team member almost lost that day, it was the near death of John Sheppard that had frightened her most.

Every time he went on a mission, she felt she could not breathe easily until he returned safe and sound. When he came back wounded, she waited outside the infirmary, her heart heavy and and filled with dread until she got word that he would be okay. Yes, she knew how he felt, because she felt it too.

She never planned on falling in love. From the first time she saw him sit in the Ancient's chair, she knew he was special. Even if he didn't have the gene that allowed him to control the Ancient technology with such natural finesse, she could still see something special about him.

She sensed from the beginning there were many hidden layers to the wise-cracking pilot with a distrust of authority. Layers that went beyond the irresistible charm, and wildly appealing looks. Even beyond the quiet confidence and courage under fire she discovered over the past months. Like still waters, the essence of John Sheppard lay deep under the surface. As her friendship with him grew, she peeled back the layers and found a sharp intelligence, lively wit, fierce loyalty, keen perception, and extraordinary compassion. All these qualities made up the man before her, the man she cared about more than her position of diplomat and expedition leader normally allowed.

Standing next to him, she leaned her arms on the balcony rail and watched him as he was backlit by the setting sun. The last vestiges of daylight played across his face, illuminating the fatigue etched on his features. She did not know how he was still standing. He looked ready to drop where he stood. The adrenaline rush that fueled him during the clash of wills with Koyla had long since gone. Now only exhaustion was left in its place.

Weir looked up into his pained green eyes once again. "Yes, John, I was frightened." His jaw again clenched when he heard her admission of fear. She softened her expression and touched his cheek as she continued. "But not that you would hit me instead of Koyla. I was afraid that Koyla would shoot first, and I would never have the chance to let you know how I feel. To tell you how much you mean to me. Not just on a professional level, but a personal one."

Her words took him by surprise. He knew Elizabeth enjoyed their playful banter, their late night chats over coffee, their informal meetings on the balcony after a mission, even their occasional disagreements, but he assumed she wanted nothing more than friendship. She had yet to show that she had succumbed to his boyish charm, regardless of how much she flirted back when they were alone.

Until now, she had kept their relationship on a strictly professional level. Whenever they came close to acknowledging their true feelings, she retreated behind the sense of propriety created by the regulations and responsibilities that governed her as leader of Atlantis. At those times, the gap separating boss and subordinate, civilian scientist and military soldier seemed too wide to bridge. But today changed all that. Today they had to face the possibility of losing each other, making each of them realize their relationship should be treasured not denied.

She watched the look of anguish fade, replaced with an expression of hope as some of the tension eased from his face. His spirit uplifted by the knowledge she was safe and truly his. A small grin creased his mouth and a glimmer of his usual sense of humor resurfaced. "So that knight in shining armor routine really worked? If I had known that's all it took for you to admit your undying devotion for me, Liz, I would have played the hero a long time ago."

"I have to admit a dramatic rescue does hold a certain appeal...but I'd rather you'd give me a heads up the next time you try a stunt like that." She smiled back and nudged him playfully in the arm, glad to see a measure of happiness return to his eyes.

"Yes ma'am. Duly noted." A hint of the familiar smile she loved so well played across his face. "As long as you stay out of trouble, I won't have to pull any more stunts like that."

"Look who's talking about staying out of trouble. You certainly find enough of it on every mission. I really wish you would put yourself in danger less often. Every time you walk through the gate, I worry that you may not come back."

"I promise to always come back. I have to...because you're here. And that's where I want to be." He spoke the last part softly as he wrapped his arm around his waist, holding her close. Quietly embracing, together they watched the evening stars come out and shine down upon them.

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Still Waters von Espiritu

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