My name is Alisa Jennifer McKay. I am seventeen years old and I live in the Pegasus Galaxy, in the fabled lost city of Atlantis. I know how crazy this sounds, but believe me since I arrived in the city, this is actually not that insane.
Trust me, I know crazy.
I’ve spent two years watching people switching lights on and off just by thinking about them, life-sucking aliens, nano-viruses that kill people without a specific gene and that’s just in a few weeks.
I love this city, despite the insanity.
It’s mandatory for every member of the expedition to have a counselling session once a year and, unlike last year, I am now actually a member of the expedition and not just the daughter of the Chief Scientist and I had no way out of it.
Anyway, Dr Heightmeyer has decided that I’ve to keep a journal for the next week, so this is mine.
Every day she’s going to send me a prompt for me to discuss in this wonderful little diary. We will then discuss them at my next session. In all honesty, I kinda like the idea of doing it.
So here goes
Day One: - Your Earliest Memory.
My earliest memory is of, big surprise, my Dad.
I’m not sure how old I was but I couldn’t have been more than three. I was being looked after by my Gran and Granddad while he was at work. It was summer. I know this because I remember jumping into the sun spots coming through the dining room windows when he came home.
He entered the house and called my name. I ran from whatever childish pursuit I was engaged in and jumped into his arms for a hug. He always smelled faintly of mint, which I know now was because he always had a packet on him to help keep his blood sugar level up but back then it was Dad’s smell.
After a big hug and a kiss on the top of my head, Dad sat down on the couch with me in his arms and asked me about my day. I rambled on about going to the park and playing with my grandparents before I asked him about his day.
I gained my love of science from him, he would tell me about experiments, his assistants and the things they did wrong. All the while I could smell my Gran making cookies. Well, not so much making as burning. The woman could not cook at all and I spent many years cutting round the burnt bits and trying not to hurt her feelings. Trust me; compared to Gran, Dad is Masterchef.
Even now, when I’m practically considered an adult, a hug from my Dad always makes me feel safe.
Alisa dropped her pen and scanned her entry. Personally, she would have preferred to use a computer to do this but Kate had been very specific that this should be handwritten.
As she scanned her words, the door opened and her father leaned in.
“There you are,” Rodney huffed slightly, “I’ve been looking for you. Are you coming or not?”
“The meteor shower,” Alisa grinned; leaning over the back of the couch, she snagged her jacket off the chair she’d flung it on earlier, “I’m coming.”
She dropped her notebook on the couch and joined her father, heading to the pier Radek had set up the equipment.
“How did your session go with Kate?” Rodney asked, as they strolled along the corridors together towards the nearest transporter.
Alisa shrugged, “Not bad. I’m not burning myself out as some people seem to think,” she threw him a smug look, “But she has got me doing this journal thing. I’ve got to answer a question she sends me each day.”
Rodney raised a quizzical eyebrow, “And you’re actually doing this?”
Alisa gave another shrug, “It didn’t seem too weird and I still like to write so…I thought I’d do it.”
Rodney rested his hand on her shoulder, smiling proudly for a second before rolling his eyes when she looked up at him.
“Finally,” Radek said, when they walked onto the pier, “I thought I was doing this alone tonight.”
“Just finding this one,” Rodney told his friend, “Session with the shrink today, you know.”
“Ah,” Radek picked up the teasing, “So where we right? Is she crazy?”
“I must be,” Alisa retorted, “For putting up with you two.”
Radek laughed and patted her shoulder, “The shower will start soon. Rodney, have you set up the lasers?”
“No, Radek,” Rodney replied sarcastically, “I thought I’d let you get all this up and running and not have put the laser on the moon.”
“Boys,” Alisa scolded mockingly, “Play nice.”
Rodney and Radek both frowned at her; Alisa simply smirked and took a seat ready to watch the meteor shower.
“Who’s bringing snacks?” she asked after she scanned the area.
“That would be me,” Laura announced her presence, “Since this is my last night here, I thought I’d celebrate and spend it with some of the people I’ll miss.”
Alisa laughed and grabbed some of the chocolate from her friend. The four of them grabbed a seat close enough to the computers so they watch their readings.
“I thought the rest of the team were coming?” Alisa noted, “And yet, no sign of them.”
Rodney glanced at Radek, “They’ve got some things to do.”
Alisa looked confused, “I thought Carson would be here for Laura’s last night on Atlantis?”
Laura playfully shoved her friend with her shoulder, “We’ve already said goodbye. I’m here to say goodbye to you, Lissa.”
Confused, Alisa grimaced as the small group fell into silence and watched the natural light show above them.
Day Two:- Your Closest Friend.
This is a tricky one.
Back on Earth and growing up, my best friend was Kirsty. We met on our first day at school. Dad and her Mom, Diane talked that day as well and we gained a surrogate family.
Kirsty and I were more like sisters after such a long time, when Dad went out of the country or out of town I stayed with her and I was just treated as one of the family, including getting punished when I messed up.
Here on Atlantis, my best friend is Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Actually was, she is leaving today to go back to Earth and possibly may not come back again. Originally she was supposed to have left several months ago, for some reason she stayed around until last week she told me she had to leave.
Now I’ve lived around the military for coming up on two years and I know that people move around but I had been hoping she’d get to stay. Laura wasn't just my friend; she had been dating Carson – who I’ll admit is my favourite surrogate uncle, not to mention she and Dad were getting to a place where they could have actual normal discussions as well as the usual arguments. In some ways she had taken the place of a surrogate mother.
She’s actually the only other person anywhere who calls me Lissa. It’s been my nickname since I was born. From what Dad told me, Mom called me Lissa first and from then on so did he and my grandparents. No one else ever has, until Laura.
And I’m going to miss her.
Alisa glanced at the clock and realised it was almost time for Laura to leave, dropping her pen; she grabbed her jacket and ran out of the room. As she skidded round the corner and stopped finding Laura and her father standing there. Stepping just slightly to the side, she stood where she could hear them but they couldn’t see her.
“I didn’t think you’d come say goodbye to me, Rodney,” Laura goaded; she didn’t have much time left to do that.
Rodney returned her smirk, “I just wanted to make sure you actually left this time.”
“Admit it,” Laura rested her hands on her hips, “You’ll miss me.”
“Of course I will,” Rodney retorted, “I’ll miss having to listen to you annoy and argue with me.”
Laura laughed.
“Lissa will miss you,” Rodney said suddenly, “And I’ll miss knowing she has someone here she can turn to for anything.”
Laura dropped her eyes for a second, licking her lips nervously before she looked up at him again.
“That’s why I stayed last time, Rodney,” she confessed, “Lissa was still shaken after you overdosing and nearly dying. I knew she needed me here, you both did. That’s why I asked Colonel Sheppard to allow me to stay in Atlantis.”
She saw the surprise fill his eyes and waited for the scornful remark, shocked as she felt him gently kiss her cheek.
“Thank you,” was all he said.
Unknown to either of them Alisa was nearby, smiling. She waited for a few seconds before going to join them to say goodbye to her friend.
“Hey,” Alisa let them know she was there, “Almost time to go.”
Laura nodded, “The Gate will be opening in a few minutes.”
Alisa sighed and hugged her friend tightly, “I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” Laura whispered, “Both of you. So, just keep out of trouble so if I manage to persuade them to let me come back you’ll be fine.”
Promise,” Alisa laughed, “At least you’ve not got an eighteen days in a tin can before you get home.”
“Yeah, volunteering to carry the urgent reports back to Earth,” Rodney laughed, “That’s one way of avoiding Caldwell.”
Laura punched his shoulder, laughing at his cry of pain before she hugged him too.
“Stay out of trouble, McKay,” Laura told him.
She heard the sound of the Gate dialling and turned to see Elizabeth walk over to them. She handed Laura the reports for Landry before smiling at the other woman.
“Good luck, Lieutenant,” Elizabeth told Laura, “Hopefully, you will come back.”
Laura nodded, “I hope so too, Ma’am.”
As the Gate burst open and the signal was sent, Laura turned to them once more.
“Bye,” she sighed, turning and walking back to Earth.
Alisa leaned against her father, “I wish she could have stayed.”
“I know,” Rodney rubbed her shoulder, “Come on, we’ll get some lunch before I go back to work.”
“Want to join us, Dr Weir?” Alisa asked the woman standing there.
Elizabeth shook her head, “I’m afraid I have work to do. Rodney, I need to see you after lunch.”
Rodney let out an annoyed sigh, “The project. Fine, I won’t be long.”
He wrapped his arms around his daughter’s shoulders, led her out of the Gateroom and to the mess.
“What project?” Alisa asked, once they were seated with their lunch.
Rodney shook his head, “Nothing you need to concern yourself with. It’s something the senior staff is working on.”
“Is that why Carson wasn’t here to say goodbye to Laura?” Alisa asked pointedly.
Rodney shrugged, “I know they talked earlier. Probably didn’t want to say goodbye in public.”
“Dad,” Alisa started.
“It’s none of your business, Lissa,” Rodney cut her off, “Eat your lunch.”
Day Three: - Favourite Person (Not related to you or your best friend)
I love the guys in my Dad’s team and a few of the scientists. But in all honesty, my favourite person here on Atlantis is Dr Carson Beckett.
I adore Carson, when I first arrived in the SGC before we headed to Atlantis he was the person who talked to me most. I was pretty shocked to find out he knew about me. Anyway, during the first few weeks in the city, I helped out in the infirmary a lot and we talked. He’s actually Dad’s closest friend and was my appointed guardian if something were to happen to Dad.
If I have a problem, I can’t talk to Dad about or if Dad’s off on a mission, Carson is always the one I’ll go to.
Alisa frowned; it seemed odd that she couldn’t write more about her surrogate uncle. Leaning back against the couch, she tried to remember the last time she’d actually seen Carson for more than a few minutes. It was bizarre, so completely unusual that Carson hadn’t been around lately and Alisa missed him.
She decided she’d go see him in the infirmary, just to say hi, and remind him that non-sick people actually existed.
“Alisa?” Carson looked at her surprised when she walked onto his office; he hit a button on his laptop quickly, closing whatever he was working on before she saw it, “What are you doing here?”
Alisa shrugged, “I just thought I’d come say hi, since I’ve not seen you in a week or so.”
Carson smiled tiredly, “I’ve been busy.”
“I know,” Alisa replied, “Dad told me you’ve got some project going on, though for once I’m not getting the gory details.”
To Alisa’s surprise, Carson jumped slightly in horror at her words.
“Alisa, you do not know everything that goes on in Atlantis,” he said sharply.
“I didn’t mean…” she stammered, astonished at the tone of his voice.
Carson sighed, rubbing his hand across his eyes tiredly, “I’m sorry,” he reached out and squeezed her shoulder.
“You look really tired,” Alisa broached, quiet and less confident than she’d been when she’d entered the office, “Why don’t you get some rest?”
Carson shook his head, “I’ve got a lot to do.”
“Then,” Alisa looked at him with hopeful big eyes, “Why don’t you come and have some lunch?”
Carson hesitated for a few seconds, but gave in to the look in his adopted niece’s eyes.
“A quick lunch,” he told her, shutting down his computer and motioning her out.
Day Four: - Most Humiliating Moment
I’m not one for being humiliated much; I was usually the one doing the humiliating in school. I was a member of the geek squad at school, except for the fact no one member of the ‘popular’ crowd dared insult or belittle me. From early on in my school career, I was known as somebody not to mess with. Anyone who dared try ended up with something going wrong.
Good example of this is when a new kid arrived; it was actually not long after Dad went to Antarctica. He was a jock from the neighbouring school and when he arrived was sure he would be popular, which he was. Being computer whiz, science girl and all round geek, I became his first target for humiliation.
It was during gym class, I will admit not one of my favourite things to do. I enjoyed running with Aiden when he was here but back then I hated it.
He started trying to make fun of me, a few people tried to get him to stop. Not out of any concern for my feelings, but because they knew exactly what I was like. I hate to admit it sometimes, but I am my father’s daughter and I can tear strips off someone when I get pushed.
He was standing staring at me by the time I’d finished and walked away, this wasn't the end as I was mad. Especially since he’d decided to mention that Dad was away and I was living with my best friends’ family. No one went after my family and survived.
I won’t go into too much detail, except to say that his car was filled with crazy foam, his locker refused to open no matter what anyone tried and I changed his grades so that he couldn’t play in the big game that Friday – I did fix that after a few days, I did have some school spirit.
Alisa wandered through the corridors of the city, confused at seeing the marines with some guy she didn’t recognise.
“Alisa,” Ronan’s rumble from above her brought her out of her thoughts, “What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” she replied, the sarcasm in her voice automatic especially after thinking of her school days.
Ronan frowned at her.
“Who’s that?” Alisa ignored his dark glare.
“No one,” Ronan replied sharply, he took a hold of her shoulder and steered her the opposite way from the man, “Listen to me, stay away from him.”
“Why?” Alisa asked, confused by the way he was acting.
Ronan folded his arms across his chest, “I’m telling you to stay away from him.”
“Hold on,” Alisa snapped, “You do not tell me what to do, Caveman.”
She turned and walked away from him, a little shocked when he grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her to face him.
“Listen to me,” Ronan growled, holding her shoulders and making her look at him, “I am looking out for you, Alisa. Trust me, he is trouble and I do not want anything to happen to you.”
Alisa stared at him, confused and finally she nodded mutely. Ronan wrapped an arm around her neck and for the first time, he hugged her. When he released her, Alisa gave him a small smile before heading off to the lab her mind going over and over what he had said to her.
Something was going on around here.
Day Five: - Biggest Fear
That I’m going to lose my Dad, or I am going to lose the people we’ve come to call family.
Alisa sat in her lab, brooding.
She couldn’t believe what had happened over the past few days, she had been furious when she found out what they had been doing. She couldn’t believe that Carson, Carson of all people had done something like this. Alisa knew that Carson was a geneticist and that he’d developed something that could separate the Iratus bug DNA from the Wraith but she never thought that they would do this.
Then they’d almost lost Teyla to ‘Michael’ who was now sure to bring Wraith knocking on their door.
“Lissa?”
She turned to see her father standing in the doorway, looking worried.
“What?” she turned back to her work.
Rodney sat beside her, his hand resting on her neck, “We’ll get through this.”
Alisa sighed, “I…”
“What?” Rodney asked this time.
“I never thought Carson could do something like this,” Alisa told him, “I never thought he’d use his knowledge to do something like…like that.”
Rodney hugged her, resting his chin on her head as she leaned against him.
“Lissa,” Rodney soothed, “You have to remember that this is a war. They will kill us the moment they get the chance, you know this. We have to find ways to protect ourselves.
“Dad…”
“I built nuclear weapons to stop them,” Rodney reminded her, “Look kiddo, Carson and Elizabeth know what the stakes are in this. Lissa, I would do anything, anything to protect you. So would anyone of the team.”
“Dad…”
Rodney sighed and kissed the top of her head, “I’m sorry, Lissa. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this any longer. I wish I could.”
Alisa stayed in her father’s embrace, not wanting to move. To pretend she was just a little girl again who, only knew the safety and protection he gave her.
Day Six: - Ambition
Not like this will be a big surprise to anyone. I intend to have my Dad’s job one day and he knows it. Hell, he’s training me for it. I know the systems on Atlantis better than the people who actually have their degrees.
Dad isn’t the only one training me though, my tutor and mentor Radek has my ‘coursework’ designed to ensure I learn everything about the city.
So I don’t think it’s my ambition, more like my destiny.
“Alisa,” Radek’s shadow loomed over her computer screen, “What are you still doing here? It is almost midnight.”
“Just trying to finish some work,” she replied, without looking up at him.
Radek smiled, “Alisa, I am sure we have had this conversation about you working too hard.”
Alisa sighed, “Radek, I have work I want to get done.”
She went back to work, several minutes later looking back up, “What?”
“Alisa, out now,” Radek ordered.
“No,” she argued.
Radek’s eyebrow rose warningly but Alisa ignored him and continued to type.
“Miss McKay,” the sharp voice made her wince slightly, “If you do not do as I have told you now, I am banning you for the next month.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Alisa snapped, her eyes flashing.
Radek leaned forward, “Try me.”
“Fine,” Alisa growled, she shut down everything she was doing, obviously wanting to slam the lid of the laptop down but she didn’t.
Radek watched her stomp out, smiling to himself.
“She can’t understand this,” Rodney joined Radek in the lab, “In a way I’m glad of that.”
Radek sighed, “You tried to shield her from the experiment as long as you could. You had no way to stop her from finding out.”
Rodney sat down; he opened the cupboard beside him and found Alisa’s stash of chocolate bars. Snagging one, Rodney tossed it to Radek before stealing one for himself.
“I think the worse thing about this,” Rodney noted, munching on the chocolate, “Is she no longer sees Carson the way she did.”
Radek nodded, “I know. Rodney, she is a wonderful, bright girl. Alisa will get through this and be stronger in the end for it.”
Rodney sighed; he finished the chocolate and tossed the wrapper in the bin.
“We should both turn in,” Rodney told his friend, “The Wraith are probably coming. We should at least get some sleep before they coming knocking.”
Radek watched Rodney leave, seeing the sad slump of his shoulders. He finished the chocolate before heading to his own room to get some rest.
Day Seven: -Greatest Wish
This time last week, this would have been the easiest question to answer. The one thing I’ve wished for, almost all my life, is that my Mom was still alive and with us. I know how happy it would make Dad.
But today, I have a different wish.
After everything that happened this week, after finding out what the people I love are capable of, I wish I didn’t know. I wish I could go back to being completely ignorant of it, to just be the kid I was when I got here. To not know. Just now, that’s all I wish for.
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