Alisa shivered as she listened to Radek explain what had happened to her father. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, her arms tight around herself and she swallowed hard.
“Radek,” her voice sounded small and childlike to her ears, “What…I mean how…I…”
“Colonel Sheppard is working on a way to rescue them,” Radek assured her, “I am working out where he is. Don’t worry Alisa, he’ll be home soon.”
With a quick squeeze of her shoulder, Radek left her to continue working. Alisa curled tighter into a ball, wondering why she hadn’t taken up Kirsty’s Mom’s offer to stay with them. She’d be on Earth at College, not having to deal with this and the selfishness of that thought made her ill. Grabbing her pillow she curled around it, her tears streaming along her cheeks.
Rodney stared at the woman in front of him who he knew was on Earth, not to mention he’d been alone in here since Griffin’s sacrifice, “How did you…how…how are you…” he trailed off completely bemused.
“It's good to see you too, McKay,” Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter smiled at him.
Rodney shook his head turning away and shaking his head, “Oh, I have lost it. I have completely lost it.”
“No, you haven't,” Sam told him.
Rodney dropped down onto the bench, putting the tablet beside him. He pointed at Sam while closing his eyes. “You're not real. You are not real. You are not real,” he repeated covering his eyes with his hands.
Sam gave a soft laugh, “Of course I'm not real.”
Rodney glanced up at her, his brow crinkled in confusion, “I’m sorry?”
“I'm three million light years away with problems of my own,” she reminded him as she sat across from him.
“Yeah,” Rodney agreed, still trying to work out what was happening, “Well, so what are you doing here?”
“You're hallucinating,” Sam told him matter of factly.
“Oh,” Rodney replied, “And how am I doing that, hmm?”
Sam indicated the head wound he’d received; Rodney gently reached up and touched the wound, wincing as sharp pain shot through his temple.
“Oh, right. Is it that bad?” he asked, watching as she shrugged.
“The way I see it, you're scared,” Sam started to explain, “You're a little panicked, you're a lot lonely. You knew you could use some help, so your subconscious is manifesting the one person you know is smarter than you.”
“Oh, I don't think so!” Rodney snapped back, he stood up to look down her.
Sam rolled her eyes, “Oh, don't start with me, McKay.”
“You are very clever, “Rodney told her, “I will even give you brilliant; but there is brilliant and then there's me.”
“Every time we've worked together, you've been wrong and I've been right,” Sam reminded him.
Rodney laughed indignantly, “Even if that were true and no-one is saying that it is, the fact that you could assert that…”
“Why else would I be here?” Sam cut him off.
“Because life isn’t kind enough for me to hallucinate someone I want to see,” Rodney snapped at her. He stopped suddenly and stared at her in horror, “What else am I hallucinating?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked confused.
“Well, if you're not real, what is?” he asked, worry in his eyes, “I mean, how-how-how do I tell the difference? How do I know that any of these readings I've been taking are correct?”
Sam rolled her eyes at him, “You're not that far gone.”
“No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no,” he smiled suddenly, “I…I am unconscious in the Infirmary. I…I'm fine, and this is just a…a…a post-traumatic nightmare, hmm? My daughter is sitting at my side waiting for me to wake up. So come on,” he pinched his arm, “Wake up, wake up, wake up.” He slapped himself around the face, then cried out in pain and pressed his hand to his injured head, crying out in pain, “Ooh! Ooh!”
“No, no, no,” Sam told him, shaking her head, “See, you really are in the back of a sinking Jumper. Your readings are correct. You knew you could use some help, and you've got a pretty bad concussion, so…”
He stared at Sam with realisation in his eyes, “So, here you are.”
Sam smiled sweetly at him, “Here I am.”
“I suppose that's comforting…” Rodney mused with a grimace, “In a terrifying mental health kind of way.”
Rodney stared at her, trying to sort out in his mind what to believe, she glanced up at him then turned away,
“Why don't you show me what you've done so far?” she asked.
*********************************************
John felt someone standing at his side as he went over the final preparations he needed for taking the Jumper underwater.
“Alisa,” he frowned seeing how scared the girl looked, how young, “What are you doing here?”
“Radek told me you’re going after him,” Alisa stated softly, John could hear the tremble in her voice she was desperately trying to control.
“Yeah,” John reached out and rubbed her arm in comfort, “We’re going to get him back, kiddo. I promise.”
“I want to come,” she stated, her arms folding across her chest and John winced. He knew that expression; he’d seen it so many times on the senior version.
“Alisa,” he hoped to stop this argument before it even began, “You know…”
“Colonel,” Alisa’s voice was sharp, her blue eyes dark and she suddenly didn’t look so young any more, “I’m coming. And if you try to stop me, I’ll find a way to come anyway.”
John stared at her; it occurred to him suddenly that they’d been far too lenient and easy going in dealing with this kid. She knew exactly what she could get away with, as well as how to manipulate them all when they tried to say no.
“Alright,” he gave in, “I don’t have the time to argue with you just now.”
Alisa nodded and took the seat that would normally be occupied by her father, Radek stepped into the Jumper and despite looking annoyed when he saw Alisa, simply moved to his station.
“Let us go and rescue Rodney,” Radek said, “If we don’t get there soon he’ll complain we don’t care enough.”
The water almost completely filled the Jumper by now. Rodney was barely managing to keep his head above the water as his hallucination continued to float near him. A loud clang came from outside and he jerked awake.
“What the hell was that?” Rodney gasped, swallowing a little water in the process.
Sam smiled at him, “Help.”
“McKay,” John’s voice came over the radio, “Griffin. D'you copy?”
Rodney hit his radio; “Sheppard?” astonishment filled his voice.
“Hey, buddy,” John’s voice sounded again in his ear, “What say you lower your door?”
“That's-that's probably a bad idea,” Rodney replied.
“Listen,” John said over the radio, “Long story short, we've converted the cloak into a shield and extended it around your Jumper. I'm standing outside right now.”
Rodney heard a bang on the door, “What?”
“All you have to do is open your door and walk to my Jumper,” John told him.
Rodney turned to his hallucination who smiled at him, “I told you they'd come up with something.”
Rodney made his way through the water to the release mechanism for the rear door. He reached up, his hands shaking with the cold and pulled down the hatch over the mechanism, he hesitated and turned to Sam.
“What?” Sam asked.
Rodney stared at her worriedly, “What if it's not Sheppard?”
Sam frowned, confused, “What do you mean?”
“What if it's another one of my hallucinations?” Rodney asked, his voice shaking with the cold and fear, “What if it's…it's the pessimist in me just wants it all over with?”
“You heard the shield come on,” Sam reminded him.
“Yeah, but I hear you,” he argued.
“McKay?” John’s voice came again, sounding a little bit annoyed, “What's the hold-up? We need to do this sooner rather than later. This shield ain't gonna hold forever.”
“You're minutes away from hypothermia,” Sam reminded him.
Rodney pressed his hand to his eyes, “I can't tell what's real and what's not.”
“Rodney,” a new voice but one familiar said from his side.
He opened his eyes and stared as his wife was suddenly beside him. Her hair was wet and plastered to her face and she was wearing the exact same outfit as Sam. Rodney suddenly realised where he’d seen that outfit before. It was similar to what his wife had worn on their first date.
“Lis,” he stared at her.
“You need me now,” she smiled at him, her hand gently brushing against his cheek.
“What do I do?” he begged her, “I’ve seen Sam, I’m seeing you. How do I know John is real? How do I…”
“Shh,” Lis soothed, cutting him off, “Rodney, you have to trust in yourself.”
“Rodney, what’s the hold up?” John called again.
“Come on, Dad,” Alisa’s voice came over the radio from somewhere in the background, “Come on.”
“Trust in that,” Lis told him, “You wouldn’t bring Lissa here in your mind. She’s real. Our daughter is real. Trust that.”
Rodney stared at her for a moment then nodded, “Okay,” he turned to the release mechanism then hit his radio, “Better stand back, we've taken on a lot of water.”
His hands were shaking as he reached up and pulled the release mechanism. Lis looked around to the door but nothing happened. Rodney stared at it in horror, “No!!”
Lis caught his face in her hands, “Is there some other way?”
“Secondary release,” Rodney told her.
“You can do this,” Lis told him.
Rodney took a deep breath readying himself to go under the water but stopped and stared into her deep blue eyes, “I still miss you.”
His wife smiled at him, “I know. I miss you too. You’ve done a wonderful job with our daughter but she still needs you.”
Rodney took another deep breath and dived down under the freezing cold water. He swam across to the panel under the bench and tugged the cover off. He pulled the handle inside and held on as the rear hatch opened allowing the water to pour out of the Jumper. He lay on the floor trying to catch his breath, hearing the sound of boots entering the Jumper.
“Rodney!!”
John and Radek pulled him to his feet and helped him into the Jumper where Alisa was waiting with a blanket. She wrapped it around him tightly the moment he reached her. Rodney wrapped one arm around his daughter as John and Radek started them back home. As the hatch closed on the Jumper, Rodney glanced over to the other Jumper and saw Sam wave goodbye to him. She stepped back and Lis stood there, smiling as she looked upon Rodney and Alisa together. Just before she disappeared from view, she blew him a kiss and Rodney smiled.
*********************************************
“Get away from me,” Rodney snapped at his daughter, annoyed at her hovering while he was forced to stay in the infirmary.
Alisa folded her arms across her chest, stubbornness filling her eyes, “Carson said that you’re not allowed to be left alone with that concussion.”
“I am perfectly capable of looking…stop that,” he snapped as she rolled her eyes and mimicked him talking with her hand, “Alisa, go away.”
“Dad,” the teenager moved her seat slightly closer to his bed, “Just relax, okay. You’ve been through a lot today and…you need to relax.”
Rodney saw how scared she’d been in her eyes and caught her hand and squeezed it tightly.
“You know you remind me of your Mom more and more these days,” Rodney told her, he smiled at the way she blushed.
“Really?” Alisa asked.
Yeah,” he grinned at her, “She couldn’t leave me alone either.”
Alisa laughed, “Dad, you’re lucky you’re injured.”
Rodney smiled before he became serious again, “I’m sorry, Lissa.”
“For what?” Alisa asked, confused by his sudden change in demeanour.
Rodney shook his head, “I shouldn’t have brought you here, I shouldn’t…”
“Dad,” Alisa cut him off, “Look at me. If I was home I wouldn’t have had as much practical experience in my chosen field, I wouldn’t be…” she took a breath, “Do you remember how I used to be around people I didn’t know?”
Rodney nodded, “I know but the danger here…”
“It’s not like Earth isn’t dangerous,” Alisa reminded him, “The whole Ori thing, not to mention the death rate that has nothing to do with the Stargate.”
Rodney stared at her, “You’re still not getting the ATA gene.”
“And this should surprise me why?” Alisa laughed at him, “I doubt you’d let me learn to drive if we were home,” she stood up and kissed his cheek, “I love you, Dad.”
“Where are you going?” Rodney demanded as she started to walk away.
“Carson’s coming back,” she smiled, “I’m going to dig us up something to eat.”
Alisa arrived back in the infirmary with food for both her and Rodney, frowning to find him asleep.
“He needs to rest,” Carson came over to her, “I think that overcame his need to eat.”
“Oh,” Alisa sighed, “I just…”
Carson squeezed her shoulder, “You know I haven’t eaten yet.”
Alisa smiled at him and followed him to his office, taking the spare seat as Carson sat at his desk and took the plate from the teenager. It had been a while since they’d sat and ate together. Alisa had spent a lot of time in his company when they were first here in Atlantis, Rodney had got her to help him out in setting up the infirmary to keep her out of trouble during those first few weeks and while Alisa thought of the senior staff on Atlantis as aunts and uncles, Carson was her favourite.
“There are times when you amaze me, Alisa,” Carson spoke up suddenly.
She looked at him confused, “I don’t know what you mean?”
Carson sighed, leaning forward so he was looking in her eyes, “You are around so much that no one your age should have to deal with. The constant danger to your father and the people you are close to, yet you shrug it off. You go back to your work, with seemingly no trouble.”
Alisa shook her head, “No, I don’t,” she sighed, dropping her fork and leaning back against the chair, “Carson, I spend so much time terrified that one day he or someone else I love is not going to come back, I guess I’ve learned to live with it.”
“You know,” he said, “If you need to talk about anything, I am always here for you.”
Alisa smiled at him fondly, “I know. And I appreciate that but…” she laughed, “Neither of us would ever get anything done.”
Carson laughed gently, “Look, he’s going to sleep for a while. You get some rest as well and I won’t kick you out tomorrow when you outstay your welcome.”
Alisa nodded, she was exhausted. The excess adrenaline over what had happened had kept her going up until this moment.
Carson stood up and pulled her to her feet, “Come on, I’ll walk you to your room.”
*********************************************
Rodney sat on the balcony staring out across the ocean, frowning as he felt someone hovering nearby.
“Stop it,” he snapped, “I’m fine, stop hovering.”
“Do you want me to leave?” a voice he wasn’t expecting said to him.
Rodney spun, “Lis?” he breathed as he stared at her, “I’m hallucinating again.”
Lis shook her head, a gentle smile on her face, “No, Rodney. This is a dream.”
“Oh,” was all he could think of, “A dream?”
Lis took a seat at his side, “Dr Beckett has given you some strong painkillers.”
Rodney nodded at that, it was logical that the strong drugs would play with his mind. But it was good to see her again.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his hand coming up to touch her cheek.
Lis smiled at him, “For what, Rodney?”
“Persuading me to open the door,” he slipped his hand up to gently finger her hair, “I couldn’t think, I couldn’t believe in my own senses.”
Lis leaned closer to him, her forehead resting against his, “I was your sense, Rodney. You knew everything already; you just needed someone to tell you.”
Rodney closed his eyes as she continued to caress his cheek, it didn’t matter that this was just a dream, it felt completely real and so comforting. Even though it had been over seventeen years since her death, Rodney had never found anyone he could care for like Lis. Her love and support had always astonished him, he’d never believed himself worthy of it but Lis had always laughed at him when he mentioned it.
Rodney sighed softly as Lis gently kissed him, her fingers slipping through his hair. He opened his eyes as she moved away, “Lis?”
“Time to wake up, Rodney,” she told him, “Go back to our daughter and remember how much I love you.”
“Love you too,” he sighed, everything became hazy and Rodney blinked. A familiar figure sitting at his side came into view.
“Lissa?” he murmured.
Alisa looked up from her laptop, “Dad,” she smiled at him, “How’re you feeling?”
His hand slipped out from underneath the sheets and took hers, “I’m fine, Lissa,” he took a deep breath, they’d come for him, “I’m just fine.”
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Fortune\'s Favor by Offworlder FAM
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
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