Last Resort
Last Resort
by Becca
TITLE: Last Resort
AUTHOR: Becca
EMAIL: yuna_ezri@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: S/J, angst
SPOILERS: 100 Days...you need to know basically what went on
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season...3. Sequel...maybe...depends If I decide to leave you guys on a cliffhanger for the rest of your lives or not :)
RATING:
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, thought's of suicide, some language, male/female realationship
SUMMARY: Sam's thoughts after 100 Days.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
SONG WORDS: Last Resort (the song) is By Papa Roach.
"Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm
Bleeding
Would it be wrong would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothings's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I never realised I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungary, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downwards spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love from another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way"
On with the show :)
Last Resort by Becca.
"Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort"
Funny isn't it, how certain songs can be so right. Like they were written for you.
"Suffocation
No Breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm
Bleeding"
I worked myself to exhaustion for three long months.
Working to get him home. But he didn't want to come home.
Oh no...he wanted to stay on that planet with that bitch Laira.
"Would it be wrong would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might"
I rewrote the laws of physics to get him home and what do I get? A thank you? A well done, Carter? A thanks for saving my butt again? No. I get nothing except him walking away from me and hugging Laira.
"Mutilation out of sight.
And I'm contemplating suicide"
I wish it was me in his arms. But as Daniel once said:
"He's placed you on a pedestal and the woman of the week
is in his arms. You can do anything in his eyes."
But just for once, just for bloody once, why can't it be me?
"Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine"
I watch the clock flick over to 12.01 am. Another sleepless night in a long line of many.
I look over my lab wondering if there is anything to do there. It's cleaner then it has been in a long time.
Nothing to do anywhere.
"I'm running and I'm crying
I never realised I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within"
I should go to sleep. Go home and fall into my nice, soft bed. But I know I'll just dream about him, with her in his arms.
He's been so distant since we got back. He doesn't seem to fit in here anymore.
"Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin.
Downwards spiral, where do I begin"
I wonder when I started loving this man? I can't seem to remember. Or maybe it's just that I don't know.
"It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love from another
Searching for a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils"
But why did I have to fall in love with someone I can never be with? I'd call it forbidden love but that just places it in the category of trashy romance novels and it's nothing like that. We were meant to be, but can't ever be together forever.
"Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine"
Why, why, why. The eternal question. The one that almost never gets answered. Our lives are full of why questions.
"Nothings alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way"
"...and that was Papa Roach with 'Last Resort' and coming up next we have..."
I glance down at the bottle of sleeping pills Janet gave me. Just in case she said. Sleep. I think I've forgotten how to sleep.
My mind wanders again and I find myself contemplating just how many pills it would take to kill me. 5? 10? A quick painless death. That's what I need. To put me out of my misery.
I slowly open the bottle and count how many pills are inside. 20. That should be enough to ensure a quick death.
I take a deep breath, grab a glass of water and contemplate my options.
***
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