Distractions 1: Problems
Distractions 1: Problems
by Becc Carter
TITLE: Distractions 1: Problems
AUTHOR: Becc Carter
E-MAIL: Sesheta@paradise.net.nz
http://www.geocities.com/talitha_1013/
RATED: PG
PAIRING: Sam/Daniel
CATEGORY: R
KEYWORDS: Sam/Daniel Romance
SPOILERS: 'The Curse', 'Broca Divide'
ARCHIVE: Seshat, nz_sg1, anywhere else just let me know where you're putting it and keep all my details attached.
SUMMARY: "I should have listened to Jack."
DISCLAIMER: Nothing SG-1 related belongs to me, I'm making no money from this, yadda yadda yadda..
DISTRACTIONS
PART ONE: PROBLEMS
By Becc Carter
"I should have listened to Jack."
I glance over to where Daniel is slouching on the couch. He's tired. We're all tired. It's been one of those weeks. Not helping matters is the fact we've been put up in an airport hotel for the night due to our flight home being delayed thanks to some unwelcome engine problems. We'd graciously allowed Janet the use of the lone bed and she'd retired to it some hours earlier. The flight to Cairo had been awful and things had only become worse. I'd later had the privilege of being thrown around in the back of the jeep during the drive to the temple. I have bruises in places I can't even see. But I can feel them. Ohmygod everytime I sit down can I feel them. Upon arriving at the temple both Janet and myself had been slammed against the brick wall by a rather ill-tempered Osiris wielding a Goa'uld energy device. So sleeping on my back tonight is out of the question. Infact sleeping, period, is no longer an option. Daniel, my colleague, my friend, is suffering more than physical pain right now and if my being there with him helps to soothe that pain, then that's all that matters and I can always sleep on the flight home. Still, if I'd collapsed on the floor, my bedding for the night, upon arriving at the hotel as Janet had done with the bed, I could be sleeping right now. Not to sound uncaring and selfish but I wonder if I blinked and forgot to open my eyes again, would Daniel mind? Would he notice? Oh the temptation.... But I don't. Instead, I glance over at him through blood-shot eyes and ask, "Why?"
Elbows resting on his knees, hands holding his head up, he stares straight ahead and begins to speak.
"It's funny, with all this talk of curses recently, it's only now I see the truth. I'm the curse."
I open my mouth to interrupt but he stops me with a wave of his hand.
"My parents. Sha're. Sarah. It seems that everyone I ever cared about has left me. And I always seem to be present when it happens."
This is breaking my heart. I can't let him continue. "Daniel," I begin softly. "Sarah isn't dead. We could still..."
"No, Sam." he interrupts. "The Sarah I knew is dead. And you know as well as I do that the chances of getting her back are almost non-existent." He pauses to take a deep breath.
He's collecting himself for whatever's coming next. I admit, I'm scared.
"As soon as we return I'm asking for reassignment."
"What?"
"Jack once said to me 'She's not yours to care about.' I should have listened earlier. Sam, I'm scared. I do care about you. You're my friend. And I don't want to stand by and watch as you become a host to Sekhmet or Anubis or some other Goa'uld parasite. The Jolinar incident was bad enough. You scared the hell out of us all. We were certain we'd lost you. I can't go through that again. I can't stop caring about you, that's not an option. So I must leave."
I'm in shock.
"Daniel..."
"Wait, Sam. I'm sorry but I need to get this out into the open right now or I never will. And as much as I know I shouldn't, I need to tell you..."
"Don't you dare leave," I blurt out suddenly.
His eyes lock onto mine as he says determinedly, "I have to. I love you, Sam. And not just as a friend. I know I shouldn't have these feelings for you," he pauses and I wonder which one of us will begin to cry first. "But I do." he finishes softly.
I turn away from him, unable to keep the penetrating eye contact up any longer. "You can't leave," I murmur.
I feel his hand come to rest under my chin and he gently turns my face so I have no choice but to look at him. He's smiling but it's a sad smile and it's enough to free the tears my eyes had been hoarding since earlier that evening.
"Why can't I leave, Sam? Give me one good reason to stay. No wait, let me give _you_ one good reason why I should leave. If I stay you'll die and it will be my fault."
"That's not true and you know it, Daniel."
"I'm waiting for my one reason, Sam."
"One reason? Fine. Like I said, it isn't true. You are _not_ a curse! Dammit Daniel if you're a curse then so am I. I lost a mother. Jolinar died within me. I killed Martouf. Would you like me to continue?"
"You weren't present for all those deaths, it isn't the same." He pauses and then adds, "And that wasn't a reason."
"I wasn't present for my mother's death, no. But I was still present for two significant losses in my life. And that was your reason, Daniel. If you're a curse then so am I and if you're leaving then I'll have to leave also. I can't risk losing the colonel and Teal'c."
Daniel's in pain. He's torn between needing to stay with SG1 - his family - and needing to leave to protect us. To protect me.
I move to embrace him. My arms envelope him in a warm hug and I softly kiss his neck reassuringly.
"You can't leave us, Daniel," I murmur against his hair.
I feel his arms snake around my waist and he pulls my body closer to his own and holds me tightly.
"You can't leave."
His voice breaks as he says, "Give me one more reason, Sam."
"Because," I whisper.
"Because why?" he asks desperately.
"Because I love you too."
Daniel pulls away and gazes at me in wonder. "Did you just...?"
"Yes."
He opens his mouth in an attempt to form words and I can't help but laugh at the goldfish in front of me.
"If you leave you'll break my heart and you don't want to break my heart now do you, Daniel?" I ask and smile brightly at him. I guess my smile is infectious because a grin soon appears on his face. "Never."
I want nothing more right now than to lean in and claim his lips in a possessive kiss. But I don't do it. Taking his face in my hands instead, I say, "We have to take this slow Daniel. And we can't tell the colonel..."
He nods his head and as his unshaven face rubs against my palms I find my control fading.
"I agree."
"Promise me one last thing."
"What's that?" he asks, his face still in my hands.
"You wont leave SG-1."
"I wont."
"And you know you're not a curse?" I ask.
He chuckles softly and gently removes my hands from his face. Kissing my palms softly, he then clasps my hands between his own and says, "Ma'am, yes Ma'am."
I extract my hands from between his and playfully swipe at his arm.
"We should get some sleep," I tell him seriously. "We have a long flight in the morning."
Daniel nods and tosses me an extra pillow. "Night, Sam."
"Night, Daniel."
"Night you two," Janet's voice calls from the bedroom.
Daniel and I both stare at eachother in shock. It's obvious we're both thinking the same thing.
'Shit'
TBC...
sesheta@paradise.net.nz
April 11 2001
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