Crap, I'm Living a TV Show
Crap, I'm Living a TV Show
by AvivahDivah
Summary: Sam receives an email. Not big on Sam/Jack, just hinted at.
Category: Humor
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 07/04/03
Crap, I'm living a TV Show
A/N: There are several spoilers, but I don't think any of them are specific enough to give away anything that you wouldn't already know from reading fanfic. Anyway, it's short, read and enjoy.
Samantha Carter returned to her lab after her normal post-mission physical to finish some experiments before heading home that particular night. The mission had been basic. They had tested soil samples, found nothing significant, no natives, nothing. So they had headed home. The Colonel was grumpy, as he normally was when they went on a pointless mission. She and Daniel were happy that they hadn't been shot at, and Teal'c was, well, Teal'c.
She collapsed onto her stool, leaned on the desk, and relished the feeling of sitting down. She hadn't been able to most of the day, and was happy she would finally get the chance to just be a scientist. She started up her computer and began to turn on the various pieces of equipment that she needed for her experiment.
When her computer loaded, it informed her that she had email. She clicked the icon and loaded her email inbox. She found a letter from a friend she had while at the academy. They had both been interested in physics and shared a secret love for science fiction TV shows.
From: PhysicsFlyGirl02
To: PhysicsFlyGirl01
Subject: SciFi Physics
"Hey, Sam, it's been a while since we talked. You know, I never understood why you were PhysicsFlyGirl01 and I had to be 02. Well, anyway, a friend of mine sent this to me and I thought you might enjoy it.
"Laws of SciFi Physics
"1) No one with a name really dies: they will come back, be it alternate reality, time machine, alien device, evil twin, or morphing into another life form, they'll be back. All of this occurs after contract problems have been resolved."
Sam laughed out loud. All of that sounded oddly familiar, well, except for the contract problems thing. `Well, we saw Kawalsky twice after he died, once due to an alien device. The Colonel has seen his son. I've had an evil twin, as the Colonel put it, even though she wasn't really evil. Daniel morphed into another life form, and then he came back. Strange.'
"2) There will always be a time episode; you will always get a headache. Get over it and grab the Advil."
`I'm not the one that gets the headaches, that's the Colonel. I give the headaches,' Sam laughed to herself.
"3) All people, with names, can prevent themselves from being pulled out into space while two-ton crates are sucked out like dust into a Hoover."
`Isn't that how Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c avoided Simmons? How did they hang on? Oh, well, just be thankful they did.'
"4) There will always be someone who thinks you're primitive."
Sam laughed out loud and then quickly silenced herself thinking that someone in the hall may hear her and make her report to Fraiser. `Well, the Nox think we are primitive, so do the Tollan. Who wrote this, and how much do they know? Anyway...'
"5) People who think you're primitive have they're own problems, and they're a lot worse than yours.
"6) Races who believe themselves superior are always saved by your primitive methods."
`Yeah, that was definitely true about the Tollan. Even the Tok'ra think we are somewhat primitive, and yet we manage to save them. Odd.'
"7) Scifi characters never need to pee; thus they can be locked up without a toilet or stuck on a space ship with 1,000 other people and one bathroom, and be perfectly fine.
"8) Append #7: Scifi characters never need to pee, unless it provides a convenient excuse for someone to leave the immediate vicinity."
`That reminds me, where are the bathrooms on the `Prometheus'? Hey, wait a second, the Colonel did that to me when Orlin was here. That's not funny.'
"9) Main character's love interests always die."
`Wait, this is bad. Jonas, Orlin, Narim, Martouf, Joe, this is getting too weird.'
"10) The person in charge who you see the most WILL fall in love with someone under their command."
`Ahem, no comment.'
"11) Alien technology will force the admission of said feelings."
`Tell me about it. How do these people know these things?'
"12) All aliens speak English. I don't care what you say about a universal translator, their mouths move with the words!"
`I've always wondered about that. Have to talk to Daniel about it.'
"13) Harry Kim will never succeed in the world of love: a borg, a dead woman, a hologram, the wrong twin..."
`Finally, one that I don't relate to.'
And finally, "14) The protagonist's arch nemesis will always be easy to defeat, but they never really die."
`Can anyone say Apophis? Well, he wasn't easy to defeat, but he kept coming back! My gosh, this isn't funny anymore!'
"Crap, I'm living a TV show!" What Sam didn't notice was that an airman had just come around the corner.
"Major Carter, are you okay?" He asked with a confused look on his face.
"Nothing, airman, it's nothing," Sam said. She could feel her face starting to flush. The airman left after Sam started typing on her computer and got absorbed into her work.
`I've got to get a transfer, these people are crazy.' The airman thought to himself, walking off to go speak to Colonel O'Neill. `This is going to be a long day.'
A/N: I can relate almost every one of these rules to another show. It's not just Stargate that I wrote them about, although, some of them are more specific than others.
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