Stop upsetting me !!!
Stop upsetting me !!!
by Audrey Niort
TITLE: Stop upsetting me !!!
AUTHOR: Audrey Niort
EMAIL: Audreyniort@aol.com
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, humor
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 3
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: SG-1 is on a mission in P3H-246 and they have little problems...
STATUS: Part 1 of a series
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope that you'll love this story. That's a humoristic story (I guess...) and I hope that you'll send me feedback. Thank you for reading the story.
P3H-246. The sun was shining. This planet was a succession of hills and plains, it was beautiful. This land reminded them Simarka's landscape.
"Hey campers, another beautiful planet with a lot vegetation, a lot of trees and nobody to welcome us. It's going to be really interesting !!"
"Colonel, there is a trail here. We should take it."
"Oh, yeah ! Sure Dorothy, let's go and follow the "Yellow Brick Road" !!!" She ignored him and she lead the way, followed by Jack, Daniel and Teal'c.
"Hey !! Maybe we are going to find "The Emerald City" and maybe we are going to see 'The Wizard of Oz" !!!" Sam just turned her head and sent him a dirty look.
"Oh for crying out loud Jack !! There's always something which is boring you !!"
"Danny???"
"You're always complaining about something. That sucks !!" shouted Daniel. Sam smiled softly after Daniel's line.
"Oh yeah !!! Mister "I Love the ROCKS !!"
"Hey, here we go again. We had this conversation a hundred times, they are not ROCKS, they are ARTIFACTS Jack !!"
"It's the same thing."
"For you maybe, but there is a difference..." Sam cut him in the middle of his sentence.
"Hey you guys. Stop that right now !! Okay ?"
"Tell that to 'Mister ARTIFACTS' !!"
"and 'I Know Everything About Fairy Tales' !!" Daniel became red and spoke again.
"What did you just say? Go to hell Jack !!! It's Mythology, basics of every civilizations, Jack. They are not 'Fairy Tales', that's reality." Jack opened his mouth to speak again, but Sam interrupted him.
"Oh, that's enough !! Shut up !!!" She regretted immediately her latest words, when she saw Jack's face. "Major ???" He asked.
"Sam ???" Daniel asked. She looked at them, and then turned to Teal'c who was speaking now.
"The Major is right. You should stop that. You act like when you were sick on PJ2-445, because of the plants' sounds."
"Okay. Right. But we were just discussing about things, and we have not exactly the same opinion, about....these things. That's all Teal'c." Answered Jack.
"Oh, we have always this kind of arguments, Jack !!" Sam glared at him.
"Daniel, please !!!! We should better leave and find a cover for the night. I think there's going to be a big storm soon. So let's go. " She achieved and then started to walk through the garden. Teal'c followed her, and behind them, Jack gestured Daniel to go first. So he followed Teal'c who was now a few meters away from him. Jack stayed behind them for a few seconds thinking of what just happened. 'Shut up !!!' rang in his head like a bell.
"She is incredible !!!" He said softly to himself with an evil grin. He jumped and finally caught them. They passed the garden and stood in front of a river.
"Want to take a bath?" Asked the Colonel with a big smile on his face. Sam and Daniel exchanged glances and replied both in the same time "Not really !!"
"I don't understand why we should cross this river to find a cover because after that, we are going to be wet and totally frost???"
"Daniel, are you complaining??" Asked Jack with an evil smile. Sam laughed after his remark and Daniel looked at him with a fake smile.
"So if nobody objects." He cut himself to take a to look Daniel who nodded and with a look of semi-approval he talked again.
"Good ! So let's go Campers, there is no bridge here. We are not in Brooklyn. Let's go and take this 'cold' bath !!" He started to move towards the river and turned his head to look at his team members.
"Oh, please don't tell me that you have forgotten your bath-suit !!!!" He sent them a dirty look when Teal'c approached him and began to walk in the water.
"Colonel O'Neill, I'm waiting for you." Said Teal'c.
"Thank you Teal'c ! Daniel, Carter, let's go, now !" He came back to them and grabbed Daniel's arm.
"Danny boy, stop acting like a child !! Carter, let's go !!" He gestured her to go first. She moved quickly towards Teal'c and turned to take a look to Daniel and Jack.
"What?" Asked O'Neill. "Oh, I was just wondering how many times, you guys, are you going to take to come here?" She caught up with Teal'c. The water was cold and she was petrified. Jack started to push Daniel towards the river and glanced at Sam.
"Hum, Danny boy. I guess we should rejoin Sam and Teal'c quickly before they start to froze !!"
"Yes sure, we should. I always dreamt about a cold bath, Jack !!"
"Sam, Teal'c go ahead, we arrived, Danny is more reasonable, now !!" Jack smiled at Daniel with an evil smile and entered in the cold water. Teal'c and Sam were already in the other side of the river. They were totally frozen and they were shivering.
"Damnit, Jack !! The water is very cold !!! We are going to catch a pneumonia !!!" Shouted Daniel.
"Daniel, forget it and speed up the pace, "Mister I'm afraid by everything all around the world, and I'm doing my puppy dog eyes' face" !!"
"What????" Sam and Teal'c glanced at each other and Sam let escape a gasp. She turned her head to see Daniel and Jack in the cold water stopping abruptly. 'And here we go, they do that again. Stupid guys !!!!' She thought.
"So, you want to stay in the cold water for ages arguing like two idiots and really catch a pneumonia, or you want to act like adults and rejoin us???" Said Sam furiously.
"Major, what did you just say to me???" Asked Jack with a sarcastic smile on the lips.
"Said to us !!" Added Daniel.
"That you act like two idiots, sir !! We arrived here for three hours now, and you and Daniel never stopped arguing about your...stupid things. So that's enough !! You stop it and you come here right now. Or Teal'c and I are going to search you and kick your ass !!!" She cried out after them.
"Is it a request or an order Major???"
"I think that's an order sir."
"Major, remind me something. Who gives the orders here???"
"I know that Colonel, but look at you. Since we left the base you act such as a kid !! What the hell is going on between you two guys??" Her voice calmed down at the end of her sentence. "I'm agree with Major Carter. You should come here quickly and stop your argument or we are going to search you." Simply added Teal'c. "So it's okay, come here and rescue us !!!" Said O'Neill in a sarcastic tone. Daniel didn't move, even an eyelid.
"Heu, Jack. I think we should rejoin us, because I'm really cold and....that's all." Tried Daniel.
"Okay Danny boy, you are a milksop !!!"
"Oh that's it !! I stay. If you want us, come here yourself !!"
"Yeah !!! Want another bath Major??"
"Teal'c??" Sam asked.
"I follow you, Major." They came on the cold water for the second time. They caught Jack and Daniel who were laughing loudly after them.
"What is so funny, Colonel??" Asked Sam.
"It's just that you came back here, in this damn cold water to rescue us. And It makes me laugh. That's all, Major."
"No, sir. We came back here to kick your big ass !!" Sam frowned. Teal'c grabbed Daniel's arm and started to drag him out of the water. Sam and Jack were still in there, now arguing.
"My big ass??"
"Yes, your big big ass, sir !!! So come on. Let's go and move away from this cold water !!" On the coast, Teal'c and Daniel looked at them with puzzled looks in their faces.
"Major?? My big ass??" He asked her desperately. She turned her face to look at him in his eyes and spoke softly.
"Forget it, sir. Your have a cute little ass. Now let's go." She said playfully. He watched her and smiled sharply. And then he started to laugh loudly this time.
"Okay, so what's so funny, now??" She asked in an upset voice.
"I have a 'cute little ass' !! I'm really proud to know that, Sam. You don't mind if I call you Sam??" She just sent him a dirty look and patted him on the shoulder. So he lost his balance and start to fell on the cold water. Sam tried to stop his fall but he just draw her with him in the cold water. They finally emerged from the water, and they looked like if they wanted to kill each other. Daniel and Teal'c looked at them in amazement. But Daniel finally burnt into a huge laugh.
"Daniel, do you want to rejoin us??" Asked a really upset Colonel with a killer look in his eyes. He paused just for a second and talked again.
"Oh for crying out loud, Carter !! What's wrong with you?? Are you nuts??"
"I'm sorry sir. I didn't want to push you in the water. By the way, I ignored that you were so fragile !!!"
"Carter don't do that !!"
"What sir??"
"Upsetting me."
"Oh, I hit a sensitive nerve, sir."
"What? What do you mean by that?"
"You act such as a macho man !!" She shouted.
"Ohhhhh !! I act such as a macho man?? I acted like a kid two minutes ago and now I act like a macho man?? You know Carter, you should be agree with yourself for once !! "Miss I'm a Rocket Scientist" !!"
"What?? "Miss Rocket Scientist" !!! Look at you "Mister I know it all" !!"
"Yeah "Miss I have a Big Big Brain" !!"
"Yeah, sure. But my "Big Big Brain" saved your "Big Big Ass" a lot of time, Colonel Smartass !!!" Daniel and Teal'c looked at each other and then Daniel turned to look at his two cold friends shouted louder.
"Heu, I hate interrupting you like that, but you should better..."
"Shut up, Daniel !!!" Screamed both Sam and Jack.
"Okay. So you're agree for once..." Added Daniel.
"Carter I thought that I had a 'cute little ass'?? "Miss I'm way smarter than you" !!!"
"Maybe I was wrong, "Flyboy"!!"
"You think??"
"Yes !! Yes !! Yes !!"
"Perfect "Miss I'm a guy like you, guys !!!"
"Oh !! No !!! That's enough !! Shut up !!!" Screamed Daniel. "Shut up !!! Who is playing kids now, Sam??? And you Jack stop it, you are ridiculous !!!! So stop it and come here, NOW !!!!!!!!!!!" He shouted loudly. Sam and Jack shared a quick glance and finally moved away from the water. Jack offered her his hand and Sam accepted it with a big smile.
"Thank you, Colonel." She simply replied.
"Anytime, Sam. Is it better for you, Danny?? Do you like our attitude, now??"
"Drop it Jack !! We should better search a village or a cave and find something to warm us, don't you think??"
"Yep Danny! I'm a little chilly !!" He turned now to Carter and asked her softly.
"Carter are you okay??"
"Yes sir. I'm a little cold, but it's okay. Thank you."
"Good." He paused and spoke again.
"So let's go Campers !!!" They were walking through a forest when they heard some human noises. When they arrived at the end of the forest, they stopped to look at the small village down the hill.
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