Lingerings

by

Title: Lingerings
Author: antisocial (or Mac of SG-9)
Email: evilsnakes@stargatesg-1.com
Category: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: beneath the surface, jolinar's memories, and a hundred days
Season: 4
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: adult themes, angst, language, mf relationship, minor character death,sexual situations
Status: Completed
Summary: i don't want to spoil it, but the team goes on a mission (one that i made up) and find death and destruction...
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is the property of Showtime, Gekko, MGM, Double Secret, or whoever the heck owns it.no $$$ exchanged hands although i wish it had so i could buy the stargate soundtrack...for entertainment purposes only...blah blah blah...Characters do not belong to me (i wish they were so i would actually have some cash) don't sue me 'cause all you would get is a pair of fuzzy slippers and a bad cold/bronchitis.;)
Author's notes: thanks to Aneas67 for actually giving me the incentive to write, Claire MacKenzie, Jen-jen for inspiring me, my "stargate mom" Paula, and all my mis-matched beta readers, you know who you are!:) feedback would be appreciated!!! this is my first try so don't hate my American self, ok? wow.

Major Samantha Carter was bothered and confused. This nagging doubt walled her in, controlled her thoughts and kept her preoccupied all through out the breifing.

"Major, are you listening to me? Major!"

"Huh? Oh! I'm so sorry, General! What were you saying?"

Daniel snickered. Sam was obviously embarrassed. She lowered her gaze and cleared her throat.

"We were discussing the mission to PX133L38, Major," stated the general flatly. He was getting tired of dealing with certain team members occassional spaz outs. "Did you have any thoughts on this particular subject?"

Sam's eyes brightened. She had lots of thoughts, just not any that she would care to share with the rest of the group. "Oh. Yes, sir. I do, sir."

As Sam talked about the natural resources of their latest mission, Colonel Jack O'Neil tried his very best to keep his eyes away from her. He felt something. Some times he wondered why, but he knew why. He knew he couldn't quite admit it. Not even to himself; it just wasn't right. Even if she did feel the same, colonels were definitely not supposed to feel what he felt towards their majors. He could cost them their jobs, and lose his position as the leader of the best friggin' stargate team this planet had to offer. He winced at the very thought. D***. Why do things have to be so hard? His head was beginning to hurt. You need to stop thinking too hard, Jack.

Teal'c's eyebrows arched at the colonel. He didn't understand how O'Neil could flinch at the mere mentioning of an atmosphere full of nitrates and potassium deposits. Who would? Sometimes he didn't quite get the colonel's disposition, let's face it, the colonel was very moody; but one thing the big jaffa-deffect did know was there was more to O'Neil and Carter's relationship than meets the eye. He was quite sure that they were hiding something, if not from the rest of the team, then from each other. He wasn't sure if he could put his finger on it, but he was positive it had to do with the mannerisms the colonel had of late occupied himself with portraying.

Dr. Daniel Jackson listened to Carter's remarks and threw in his own ideas also. Sam just looked at him like he was the one from another world. Who was he fooling? Astrophysiology and Physics weren't exactly his feilds. Now studying people, artifacts, and coffee, that was another story. He had a time trying to figure out Jack. Jack was definitely not a rock. Nor an artifact. Nor was he a delectable coffee miscellanea for that matter. Sometimes the colonel liked to throw him for a loop just for the fun of seeing him squirm. He glanced at Jack. 'Lost in his own world again.' he thought to himself.' Oh well. At least I don't know where his mind is. I hope, for his sake, that it's on the mission at hand. General Hammond is not looking too pleased right now. I'd hate to get a glimpse of the clutter in that premodial soup. It's probably filled with blood and gore, or some sicko fantasy.' Daniel shrugged and rolled his eyes. He suddenly wished he had some tissues for his stuffy nose. Business as usual.

"All right.With the old things cleared up, let's move on to the business at hand," the General stated. "The tech team has found a new mission for you all. I know you're chomping at the bit and ready to go. They found some signs of life, a smallish civilization, but they don't know if they're friendlies or not.Would anyone else like to say anything? Colonel?" The team shook their heads. "Good. Be prepared to leave at oh-nine-hundred hours. You're dissmissed."

O'Neill had a releived look on his face, like a caged animal finally let loose. Daniel took off for his office for some sinus medicine and tissues.Teal'c went to see Dr. Frasier about some tests she wantd done about his symbiote. Both were trying to escape leaving the other two team members with a deserted feeling. The Colonel and his Major walked in silence down the almost sacredly quiet corridor.

The colonel's mind reeled. He desperately tried to keep his mind on where he was going. S***. Where was he going? D***, Carter. You're too close. He loved the way she smelled. She always had a clear head and the right thing to say.

"Penny for your thoughts, sir?"she asked looking straight at him. He turned his head, stared at her, and kept walking. 'Why does he always look so gruff like I've intuded into his mind?' she asked herself.

"You don't want to know." In truth her sudden question caught the colonel off guard and left him with nothing to say. Besides, it was the truth. She really wouldn't want to know.

His reply shocked her; he had waited so long to answer her she didn't think he would.

"Sir, I wouldn't ask unless I wanted to know." she asked with a smile."You looked so deep in thought, like you were concentrating on problem and trying to find the answer that wouldn't come. Are you okay, sir?"

He turned and looked at her. Why did she have to do this? He had half a mind to stop and... That was the last straw. "Stop it! Okay? Jeez! You don't want to know. I said it and I meant it! Why are you always anylizing me? You're not Dr. Mac Kinsey. Not that I would talk to you if you were. You can't solve my problems so don't even try!" because you are my problem, he thought. He stopped and closed his eyes. He admitted it. Albeit it was in his head, but he still admitted it. She had stopped walking and was staring at him in disbelief. Shoot, he wasn't believing himself right now. Why on earth had he just said that?

"I'm sorry , colonel. I didn't mean anything..." she turned her head obviously hurt and started for her office in the next corridor over. If she stayed there any longer her temper would explode.

"Whoa! Carter! Come back! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, sh**. Carter!" He took off down the hall after her and grabbed her arm. "Major, follow me please."he ordered. Poor Sam. Her blue eyes must be as wide as sauce pans, he thought as he escorted her to her office and shut the door rather soundly behind them. Sam was obviously shaken as she looked at her commanding officer like a scared rabbit. A scared rabbit that was trapped... in her own hole!

"Hey, look I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you." Jack inwardly cursed himself because she was still staring at him funny. "What's the matter, soldier?"

"You're still gripping my arm, sir." Sam flinched. Jack flinched.

"Oh, sorry." he muttered sheepishly. He let go of her arm looked at her, imploring her to say something, anything, just so he would hear her voice and know that everything was forgiven.

Sam sighed. "It's okay," she mumbled trying not to look in his dark brown eyes. They stood like that for several moments, each not wanting the other to notice, but both wanting to prolong the feeling of excitement of having the other so close that they could feel one another's breathing. Sam felt like crying. What for? she wondered.

Suddenly, Jack leaned forward and kissed her. He kissed with such a passion it jarred her innermost being. She tried to protest, but lost her senses instead. She was taken totally unaware of her surroundings; her head started swimming with the long held back emotion. She started to kiss back when he, just as suddenly, ended the kiss. "He**," he muttered, and abruptly opened the door to leave.

"Wait! Jack..."

He turned and looked at her. She saw the sorrow in his eyes lift, but only to be replaced with an expression of quiery, as if nothing had just happened. "You didn't call me sir..."His voice almost broke with emotion. He decided he definitely liked hearing his name being called by her voice. He was getting tired of just "sir."

Just then, the phone on her neat and tidy desk rang, making Sam jump. Jack shook his head and said rather definitely, "Well?"

"Well what, sir?"

"Aren't you going to answer it?" and quickly left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Nice escape plan, Colonel, she thought and reached for the phone.

Colonel Jack O'Neil looked at the faces of his team members. Carter was ready, Daniel was eager, and Teal'c was, well, Teal'c. After yesterday's events in Carter's office, Jack was eager to be on another mission. He almost kicked himself for bugging out, if not for the fact of...

The billowing blue tidal wave forced it's way out of the stone circle then suddenly, sucked itself back into it's vortex. He looked at his CO, General Hammond, who nodded his 'go ahead'.

"Let's go!" He waved his arm to emphasize as the team sloshed into the gate.

The wormhole was its usual cold self. It always reminded Jack of a roller coaster at Six Flags... what was it called? Oh, yeah, "The Boss." Charlie had loved it...

He stepped through the gate and stopped short. Teal'c practically bowled him over. Carter came through next. O'Neil immediately wished she hadn't. Then Daniel came through, sneezed, then tripped over his boot laces, and fell... right onto a body! Carter stepped around the colonel and the gigantic Teal'c, awstruck at the abominable sight. Masses and masses of bodies were laying haphazard all over the countryside.

"You okay, Danny boy?" O'Neil and Teal'c lifted him up onto his feet. He had blood splattered all over his green BDU jacket.

"Yeah," he replied grimly.

"This is the after effects of the goua'ould," Teal'c stated. "They have staff weapon burns on their bodies."

O'Neil nodded bleakly, watching his 2IC pick her way through the patchwork of bodies.

"Didn't you say you had been here before? When you were a jaffa?" Daniel asked.

"That is correct, Daniel Jackson. This civilization was not as advanced as the Tau'ri, but they possesed weapons and fought back the last time they were harvested. Apophis became-"

"Angry?" that was an understatement...

"Affirmative. He promised to....discipline them. He finally took time to do so it seems."

Discipline them? The bas***! O'Neil looked around for Carter. He didn't see her until he looked out into the thick of the bodies. Her features were stony, in a stoic expression. He walked toward her.

"It's alright, Major." She nodded. "Okay team, move out!" Daniel and Teal'c followed after their grim leader in the direct location the reported settlement was to be found. Carter took her usual place beside O'Neil.

After a few minutes, they came to the smoking, charred ruins of what used to be a small town. The waste of human life was appalling. Or semi-human, anyways. Carter walked towards the well in the center of the "town square." Dead bodies of women lay strewn about, broken water jugs were scattered in the mud. She suddenly stopped.

"Sir! I see movement!"

O'Neil and the "gang" rushed over to where she knelt, craddling a small, bloody boy in her arms. He couldn't have been more than five. "Holy sh**!" The boy looked up at them with wide, pain-stricken brown eyes. He spotted Teal'c and started to struggle within Major Carter's grasp. The ex-jaffa saw the reaction and backed off slowly. The boy's bruised and broken body relaxed. ** Cassie. This is how we found Cassie.** Sam was all of a sudden sick to her stomach. She swallowed the ariseing bile in her throat, forcing it back down. Not now, Sam.

"Let's get him back through the gate." O'Neil tried failingly to hide his raging anger. He swore inwardly that he would kill the son of a b**ch that would even think of causing this.

Major Carter handed the boy to her CO and stood up. Daniel touched his hand to her shoulder trying to send a message of comfort to his friend. Looking around, he wanted so bad to kill the next parasytical snake he came across. Teal'c remained stoic, but it would take a deep state of Kel'no 'reem to rid the sick images from his already tortured mind. He remembered the last time he set foot on this world....

The team started moving back down the trail from which they came; all lost in their own thoughts and plans for revenge.

"In coming travelers, sir. It's SG-1."

"Open the iris," the general commanded. He didn't even wait for the leuitenant's reply before he headed to the gateroom. What were they doing back so soon? Usually they were gone at least the whole day or more.The gate swooshed out and in as normal.

"What happened, colonel?"

"Get the medics here ASAP! You know that civilization the tech team told us about? Yeah, well they're all dead."

"ALL dead? What the H*** happened? What's that in your arms?"

"A special delivery for Doc Fraiser," the colonel said as he handed the boy over to the head medic.

"He's the last living survivor of his people,'' spoke up Dr. Jackson. He sneezed, then pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"And what happened to you, doctor?" the general asked as if just now noticing the scientist.

"I, uh, tripped... and landed, er on a body." O'Neil noted the shade of purple General Hammond's face was now turning. He spoke calmly, but Jack knew the CO was boiling hot. He was definitely going to have a "nice" chat with the president.

Sam hadn't said a word since finding the boy, and she now wore a clouded look on her face. Jack wanted to reach out and comfort her, but didn't dare.

"Teal'c told us he had been there before, with Apophis." The general looked at the big jaffa, who in turn nodded his head in reply.

"All right. Have Dr. Fraiser check you all out and clean yourselves up. Debreifing at eleven hundred hours."

The boy's breathing was troubled and raspy. Sam could tell there was fluid in his small lungs. He had been cleaned of all the caked blood, but he was still a pale and ghastly sight. She gently caressed his sandy-blonde hair in a maternal fashion. The boy feverishly opened his eyes and looked sadly up at her. She wanted to tell him everything would be alright, but there was a laguage barrier. He wouldn't have understood. Daniel hadn't had time to try any communication form with the boy. She leaned forward and gingerly kissed his forhead, trying to comfort him as his mother might have. He looked at her one last time then, his eyes fluttered closed.

The high pitched beeps of the heart monitor suddenly stopped. Flatline....

"Janet! .... Janet!"

Dr. Janet Fraiser came running. She tried to revive him, but to no avail. Sam's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm so sorry, Sam." Janet gave her best friend a hug. "There wasn't much I could do. His chemical make-up prevented our medecines from working effectively." Sam nodded her head, eyes never leaving the lifeless body. She tried to put up a brave front,but failed. Miserably. She then took her leave of the infirmary.

Jack and Daniel ran in after hearing a commotion only to discover a tearful Dr. Fraiser busying herself with the tasks of taking down medical drips, i.v.'s, and turning off equipment.

"What happened?"

"He had three head traumas, broken ribs, internal bleeding from multiple punctures of his internal organs, and several broken bones and fractures. He was too badly beaten. I couldn't save him." She lowered her head and turned to leave. Suddenly, Daniel reached out and softly touched her arm.

"It's okay, Janet. You did all you could." She gave him a sad smile.

Jack left the two to check on Carter. He knew she couldn't be taking this too well.

Major Samantha Carter sat, wet head enfolded in her her hands, on a bench in the locker room. Not feeling, numb, dead to the world....

Why? Why the h*** couldn't it have been like when they found Cassie? Cassie had survived. Cassie was still alive. She was fitting in perfectly; Janet was the perfect mom. Well, almost. But still...

"Carter?" She glanced in the direction of his voice. O'Neil stood by her in his BDU cargos and a black tee as his customary appearance usually was. "Carter? Are you okay?"

She shook and nodded her head at the same time, Tears flooding her eyes. He sat down beside her and wrapped his muscular arms around her. She let out a ragged sigh. What was it about this man that could open her up, but then make her guard herself even more? She cried on his shoulder. He made a valient attempt at comforting her, he tried for words, but as usual, he never found them. They stayed locked in that position for several moments, Sam leaning on Jack's streangth, each comforting the other's sorrows.

"I'm really sorry about the boy; Doc did all she could..." Jack didn't tell her how much he wanted to kill that Bas***, Apophis, and send him to H***. He didn't have to. She already knew.

"I know." Sam's voice barely came out an audible whisper. "I'm so sorry, sir. I don't know why--, I've seen many battlefeilds before. I even flew a jet fighter in the gulf war...."

"But not innocent women and children. I understand. Don't think it doesn't shake me up too. Just because I spent all those months in that Iraqui jail, doesn't leave me hardened to things like that..." If my nightmares weren't already full, that woul be ammo enough for years to come, he thought.

"Thank you, sir."

"Jack. Call me Jack. As a friend." He smiled at her.

"Uh, thank you, -Jack."

"You're welcome."

He sighed and let her go. "It's gonna be okay, sport. I promise." Sport? Where'd that come from? "I'll ask General Hammond for a few day's R&R for the team." She nodded. "You need a ride home or something?"

She shook her head. "No I'm alright. I can drive." He knew she was desperately trying to avoid using his name. He sighed and let it go.

"See ya in a few." She nodded, her shaky hand grabbed her wallet out of the open locker, then closed the door. "See you, sir." She turned her body and exited out of the locker room, leaving Jack behind in his thoughts.

Jack alone with his thoughts. What a dangerous pair. He didn't want to think. He suddenly felt exhausted. Debreifing had been h***. He knew. He'd been there, no thanks to Sam's dad, Jacob Carter. D***. He desperately needed a distraction. His mind churned. There were too many issues. The answers were cluttered and foggy. He wished for another time, another place; a world where he could live his life the way he wanted, a place with no complications, where he could be. Just be. Kinda' like Edora, only instead of.... He cursed. You gotta stop thinkin' about stuff like that, Jack. Think about...fishing. Yeah, fishing. Were the fish biting in Minnisota? Maybe he should re-invite Carter. With a little luck they can forget about...it.

The kiss. He became restless again. What had he done? He had promised, or rather swore to himself that there would be no more of anything after that Thera and Jonah thing. Perhaps being a sweaty worker had it's upside... Stop it, Jack! Just stop it.

He got up and kicked a locker. He left a dent in it and a large scuff mark from his boots. D*** it, Jack. He needed time, she needed time, the whole friggin' team needed time. Maybe he'd put in for a week. H***, he knew they both couldn't stay away for a whole week. Maybe he could.... Forget it, Jack.

Teal'c walked in. He surveyed the scene. O"Neil stood, hands stuffed in pockets, Facing Major Carter's locker. There was a big dent in the jaffa's locker. The CO was scowling. The giant of a "man" cocked his head and lifted his brow. O'Neil's countanance sadly lightened as he looked at his bald and shiny headed friend. He could never figure out why the dark guy insisted on keeping his head shaved. That body shifting experience was scary enough when the jaffa was inside his body. Thank God he was able to stop him before he shaved his own head! The whole thing still confused him. Good thing the two smarty pants' were able to figure that one out. If it were up to him, they would have never gotten out of that mess. H***, they probably would have been dead long before that happened with all that had happened to the team.

"Hello, Teal'c."

"Indeed. Greetings, O'Neil." Jack squirmed under Teal'c's scrutinizing gaze.

"Why must you do that?"

Both brows lifted on this occassion. "I do not understand, Colonel O'Neil. What must I do?"

"Forget it.'' The jaffa gave him a puzzled look. "You wanna cup of Joe?"

"Joe? What is this 'Joe'?"

Jack sighed. He knew what was coming. "Coffee, Teal'c.

"If you meant coffee, why did you not say coffee?"

"It's just an expression. Java, joe, coffee." That brownish-black liquid Daniel was addicted to. "They all mean the same thing. Do you wanna cup?"

Teal'c nodded his head once and followed the colonel out the door.

Daniel sat nursing a supersized cup of extra caffeine at an empty table when the two walked in. He took one look at them and furrowed his brow. Teal'c lifted his in reply. They sat down with their styrofoam mugs. Silence. At least he wasn't alone. At least he had some distraction. If he were alone, he would just have more time to think.

Sam turned on the shower faucet and stripped from her clothes. It had been a few trying, if not confusing days at work and she was ready to take a hot shower to rid herself of the cares along with the grime from the days. Or was it weeks? She wasn't sure anymore. True she had taken a shower in the locker room before she left the base, but there was no shower like her own where she could linger...

She pulled back the curtain and stepped inside, shutting out the world. Sam sighed as she leaned against the shower wall, letting the water massage her neck and shoulders. She prayed that the relaxing cascade would numb her mind and senses as it now did her aches.

The tears came forth with a sudden turbidity, the sobs shook her body and soul.The release was overwhelming and made her feel a tiny bit better.

When she could see straight, she took out her loofa and soap. She washed twice, trying to rid herself of the terrible images that haunted her mind from their last mission.

"Sons of b***es," she muttered vehemently under her breath. The Gou'aould left such carnage. There were no natives left exept a small broken, frightened, dying boy. He was left there as a message for those who might follow. A warning. "D*** it."

The water turned icy as Carter scrambled to turn it off. She hadn't realized she had stayed so long under the stream of water. She sighed as she reached for her towel and rubbed herself dry. Running her fingers through her wet, tangled hair she looked around for her favorite robe. She found it and slipped it on, admiring the silver stars and moon. As she finished tying the belt, she started downstairs to the kitchen. 'Some hot tea and mind numbing t.v. might do the trick,' she thought. Carter clicked on the radio a she reached in the cubbard for the tea kettle.

"Never thought I'd be in this place,

Someone else's life I'm living,

Wish I were living a lie.... Choking on the words I didn't get to say,

I pray I get the chance one day..."

Sam listened to the words of the song. She remembered Jack, his kiss, and it made her shake. It seemed like forever ago he scared the bejeezins out of her in her office. In truth it was just yesterday, not an infinity. For some strange reason, she felt the tears brimming her eyes again. It's probably just the song, she thought, or did she just not want to admit the truth?

"I can hear you smile in the dark,

I can even feel your breathing,

Daylight chases the ghosts...

To those hints of you I'm clinging,

Now's when I need them the most,

I still run, I still swing open the door,

I still think you'll be there like before,

Doesn't everybody out there know to never come 'round,

Some things a heart won't listen to,

I'm still holding out for you"

The doorbell rang. Sam jumped and dropped her cup, and watched it shatter into a hundred ceramic pieces. She shook her head and sighed, turned off the radio and pushed the pieces out of the way with her bare foot. As she made her way out into the hall, the doorbell rang again.

"I'm coming!" she called out as she reached the door. She unlocked it and swung it open. She was shocked. not only was it raining but,...

"Hello, Carter." Jack smiled, then slightly embarrassed, looked away."Did I catcha' at a bad time? I can come back later..."

Sam smiled." Oh. No, sir. Come in."

He looked at her to make sure she was certain. Her eyes were misty. He moved forward, gave her a reassuring touch on her arm, and moved past her into the livingroom.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"Oh, I-uh just stopped by to check on you. You seemed kinda' um, rattled this time, and I-uh, in the locker room you, uhh...." He looked at her imploringly, searching for understanding in her eyes. She looked like she was going to cry. Oh, God, he thought, how , what am i supposed to do? It had nearly killed him to see her tormented with that Jolinar thing. He nearly beat the h*** out of Martouf for putting that memory thing on her. "Are you okay, Carter?"

She bit her lip and nodded. Giving him one of her smiles, (not the particular smile he wanted but...) putting on a brave front. He sighed and his hands in his pockets. Sam knew instinctively there was something on his mind. She hoped to God that it wasn't about the kiss; she didn't think she could handle it right now. Then again, now was as good a time as any to try and get things straight.

Jack had tried to tell her several times, but it never seemed to work out. Either that or he was a big cowardly chicken. He didn't understand how he could face a thousand jaffas as fearsome as Teal'c, and not stumble under the pressure of saving a world (if not their own), but he started shaking in his combat boots at the mere thought of trying to tell his 2IC what was in his heart. He intook his breath and let it out raggedly, deciding to go ahead and tell her.

" Do you remember what you asked me yesterday? When I first, um, well, you know...?" He inwardly kicked himself.

"No, sir, I don't," she lied.

"Oh, well that is, right before, I uh, er, kissed you... and well you asked me-"

"What your problem was. Yes, sir, I remember. What about it?"

"Well, I uh, I never answered you."

Sam chuckled.He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Oh. Well sir, you don't usually answer me."

"Oh." Jack kicked himself on the inside, knowing he looked like a fool, standing there in her livingroom stuttering like a particular scientist he knew. He tried really hard not to look at her. After all, all she was wearing was a baby-blue bathrobe that brought out her sexy eyes, her gentle curves, and her shape. Oh how he wanted to pull her into him right then and there. He inwardly cursed. Why did I have to remind myself? he thought.

"Hello, sir? Yes, this is Major Samantha Carter. Yes, well we were previously speaking and we were disconnected. I think there was an interruption in the line. You were saying?" Sam giggled and looked at the floor. O'Neil glared at her. Apperantly he doesn't like taking a dose of his own medicine, she thought. She grinned. "Sorry, sir. I couldn't resist."

Jack rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. But he smiled inwardly.

"Uh, so um, whatcha' been up to?"

Sam did a perfect eyebrow arch. Teal'c would have been proud. "I don't know sir, you're the one standing in my livingroom in front of me. I'm in a bathrobe, Col. Obvious. My hair's wet, I think I just got out of the shower, sir." O'Neil frowned and wrinkled his brow, disapprovingly. Sam turned her head so he wouldn't see her grinning like an idiot. "Sorry, sir."

"Yeah, do you wanna go change?I mean, uh, what I have to say, well uh, it just..."

"Might take awhile? Yes, sir. At the rate you're going it might take a lightyear."

She couldn't get enough, could she? She had to keep poking at him, didn't she? Well he'd get her back, he promised. How was it that she seemed to know exactly what he was thinking? They both noticed the change in their attidudes, both glad that they had once again managed to get themselves out of the oh so common deep funk. He cleared his throat. Obviously she was putting him in an ill-at-ease position. Sam thought she liked that. "Yes, sir, I'll be back in a minute. Make yourself comfortable. There's beer in the fridge."

Just what I need, he thought, to make my brain even more muddled. She already had an unfair advantage, seeing as she was way smarter than he was.She disappeared up the stairs.

As he entered the kitchen and looked around he noticed the mess. What happened in here? he thought. It's not like Carter to leave messes, judging by her neat and tidy office, that is. This was only the second time he had been inside her house. The first was for an SG-1 anniversary party. Jack chuckled at the fond memories of a drunk Teal'c after he had spiked the punch with vodka. Seeing the giant stumble around was pretty funny. Carter laughed even though she disapproved. Her laugh...

The kettle whistled on the stove drawing the colonel back to reality. He grabbed the handle and immediately let go. "D*** it!" His burnt hand was not exactly feeling well at this point. He grabbed an oven mitt and turned off the stove, picked up the kettle and sat it on the opposite burner. Quickly he explored the cupboards looking for cups, saucers, mugs, anything. Carter where do you keep them? he thought. He found a coffee mug in the dishwasher and put it on the counter. He found a box of orange and spice tea, opened a packet and stuck it in the mug.

He found the pantry and took out her broom and dustpan, his mind set upon cleaning up the broken shards. He swept and swept trying to make sure he got up all the pieces. He didn't want her cutting her bare foot on anything.

Hearing the knocks and bumps coming from her kitchen was not comforting to Major Carter's mind. What is he doing down there? She immidiately remembered the broken cup and tea miscellaneous, and figured he was doing something about it. That was Jack, she thought, gruff, but thoughtful. Jack? Why did she call him that? He was her CO and her friend, but it did not mean she could call him by his first name, even if he wanted her to. She pulled her shirt over her head and slipped her arms through the sleeves. She went to her closet.

O'Neil finished making her tea and set about finding a glass for some ice water. She appeared in the doorway but Jack had his back turned and didn't see her. She stood there a while watching him. He was wearing khakis and a black sweater. It still didn't hide his broad muscular back. Was he humming? Just then he turned around, saw her and smiled, one of his boyish dimpled ones, at her. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a green oversized flannel shirt over her gray air force tee. Her hair was pulled back in a messy pony tail, which amazed him seeing as her hair was so short.

"I finished making your tea," he said indicating the mug on the counter two feet away from her.

"Thank you, sir." She inclined her head motioning him to follow her into the next room. Jack looked around the den. There were pictures every where. Pictures of Mark, her mom and dad, Cassie and Janet, and of the whole SG-1 team in plain clothes at his house. He remembered that one. "Have a seat, sir." She pointed at the LAY-Z-Boy recliner by the sofa (which she inhabited, feet tucked underneath her, mug in hand.)

"Well?" her gaze followed him as he sat down.

"Well what?" came his reply.

"Aren't you going to finish up your lightyear?"

Jack cracked a smile. "Yep."

After Sam waited for a few moments more she decided to prod him along. "Go on."

His smile faded, he shifted his position and swallowed. That old familiar knot in his stomach welled-up again. "Okay Carter, since you're so smart,where was I?"

"You were just about to tell me what your problem is."

"Oh." Had he really gotten that far? "Yes. Well, um, you see... I, er, was...no, I mean am, wait...S***."

"It's okay, sir," she smiled. "You don't have to tell me..." but an explanation would be nice sometime this century, she thought. D***, her neck hurt.

"But I do, or rather I think it's nessissary." Nessisary? H*** if it wasn't. He'd kissed her. He shouldn't have done that. But she did kiss back...

"Sir?"

"H***." he muttered.

"What?" Her hand went up to massage her aching neck muscles.

He took a deep breath. "You're my problem. You have been since the first time we met." Sam didn't understand. Was he serious? "Don't play dumb, Carter. I can't stop thinking about you. You walk into my life and you turn it upside down, then you expect me not to react? I can't help myself, Carter...." He stopped and saw that she was ready to cry. He cursed himself over and over in his head, using every expletitive known to the Tau'ri. How long, Jack? How long are you gonna hurt her? he thought.

"Oh, Jack..." She stood up and went to him. She grabbed his hand and tugged, signalling him to stand. He complied. She wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him close. His chest heaved out as he took a sharp intake of air. He put his arms around her, rather awkwardly, and hugged her back. He was speechless. He had thought she would throw him out the door but, she hadn't. He doubted whether he would ever fully understand her. Unsure of himself, he kissed her forehead. D***, she smelled good. He rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of her neck, massaging....

They stood there like that for what seemed like an eternity, clinging to each other, not wanting the other to let go. The colonel's eyes stung. Not now, he thought. I will not, oh h***. A lone tear ran down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away.

"I gotta go," he said, his voice breaking.

"Don't." He looked at her. "Please don't, Jack." It thundered as the rain pelted hard against the windows. She was vulnerable. They both were. He had to go.

He studied her face. She felt she knew every inch of his. She reached up and caressed his face. He closed his eyes. He wanted her to stop, but it felt so good... He dropped his arms and stepped back. She gazed at him painfully and nodded, her eyes moved downcast. He reached over and tipped her chin. His mouth quickly pressed against hers; he touched her blonde hair one last time and left.

Sam waited until she heard his truck engine start up, and pull away. She sobbed and curled up on the couch.

O'Neil stopped at the stop sign. the rain jammered against his windsheild as he rested his head against the steering wheel.

"D***, what have I done?" Some one honked behind him. He made sure the road was clear and pulled away, agonizing in his thoughts.

"Oh my head!"Sam groaned.She reached in her desk drawer for a bottle of Tylenol. She stuck it in her BDU pocket and stood up from her desk. She walked to her office door and opened it.

"Oh! Colonel O'Neil. What are you doing here?" She definitely wanted an answer this time, for this was not the first time he had just shown up on her doorstep.

"I-uh-um..."

"Sir?" She looked at him with her wonderful blue eyes.

He cleared his throat. "Um, just coming for a visit, I guess." Jack inwardly kicked himself. At least he was there.

Sam cocked her head. "Uh, okay, sir. I was just going to the break room for a soda."

"Oh." He shifted his weight onto his other foot and looked around.

She arched her brow in a Teal'c-like fashion. "You're welcome to come along. It's still a free world isn't it?"

The colonel shrugged and started off. Sam shut the door and followed her commanding officer.

O'Neil opened the door to the break room and held it open for her. He couldn't help not getting a whiff of her scent. O'Neil shuddered.

"Thank-you, sir." O'Neil shut the door behind him. The room was deserted and made no sound except the on going hum from the Coke machine.

"So how are things going on planet Carter?" She smiled at his weak attempt at small talk. Things hadn't been the same between them since that day at her house... He had been trying to avoid her except when she refused to let him. She gave him a reassuring smile. He was looking at her like he expected an answer. "I-uh... fine, sir."She fumbled through her pocket. Change fell out and hit the floor. Simeltaineously, they bent down and reached for the coins, her hand on the quarters, his hand on hers. Sam looked up into his deep, brown, almost black eyes, too stunned to realize that his hand still hadn't moved from hers. Her heart raced; she discovered that it was suddenly a chore to breathe.

Jack's other hand came up and cupped her face, his thumb caressed her cheek. Her eyes closed and she sighed, leaning into his hand.

"Jack, I-I..."

"I know." Jack leaned in. "I know." he hoarsely whispered. His lips lightly brushed hers gently as he spoke. His eyes closed with longing. He kissed her, or rather he took utter control of her mouth. She whimpered and grabbed his neck pulling him into her with her free hand. She kissed him back hard, furiously stroking his tongue with hers. That did it. O'Neil just about lost control. He grabbed her up into his arms, almost picking her up off her knees, and pushed her up against the wall.

"MMMPH!"

Jack backed off. If he had hurt her he would... She came back at him, silently asking for more. He ravenged her mouth never taking his mouth off hers. Their breaths were coming in short gasps, their hands quickly exploring one anothers' bodies through their clothes. Again and again his mouth slanted over hers.

"Attention: SG-1, please report to the gateroom, immediately! I repeat, SG-1, please report to the gateroom immediately!"

The intercom broke their trance. Jack backed off and let his hand linger a moment longer on her cheek, then turned to leave. Carter shook her head to clear it, and followed her CO out the door, Tylenol, headache, and change on the floor forgotten.

As he strode down the corridor, taking a left, then a right, then another right, Major Carter tried desperately to keep up with his long-legged stride. Colonel O'Neil pressed the down button of the all-purpose elevator and waited, Carter by his side. She grabbed his hand with both of hers and gently pressed her lips to it. Off guard, the colonel turned his head sharply, not expecting this sudden show of affection from his 2IC. He studied her incrediously; her lips were rosy and swollen from his kisses. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was mussed from his hands. He swallowed hard.

"Carter, this...it can't happen..."

Her clear blue eyes hardened. "Oh, no! Not this time you don't, Jack. You are not going to keep doing this to me, or yourself. We are adults. Why don't you act like one? You can't just mess with a woman like that and expect things to go back to normal, whatever the h*** normal is anyways, whenever you find it time to be reclusive."

Jack was flooded with emotion. "I know," his voice broke. "I can't say what I want to say..." She had called him Jack...

The elevator dinged as the doors opened. Jack, seeing an escape route, occupied his mind with the task of pushing the button for the correct floor. As Sam walked in he pushed the close door button. She deliberately went to the opposite side of the rather small cubicle of space, trying to put distance between the estranged man that had just moments ago shared her personal space with his commanding, if not powerful, presence.

"I'm sorry, Sam." He winced at the sound his voice made in the tiny space. She just looked at him with a pained expression on her face, the clarity not hidden. He searched for something to say, to soothe, to calm, to seek forgiveness."D***," he muttered. "It's not easy, Carter."

"I know that,sir.Beleive me, if there's one thing that I know, it's the fact that it's hard, and it will be."

The colonel had been surprised that she had actually answered his weak attempt. He wanted to go to her and tell her...he shook his head. His heart felt so heavy.God, why? Why do I do what I do? Am I prone to live with the knowledge...?

The elevator stopped and the heavy metal doors opened wide, as if wanting to rid itself of its erematic componants. Sam was the first to leave.

She proceeded out with high bearing, but O'Neil knew she was not in a happy mood. (That was putting it mildly!) He lurched out behind her and checked the hall for occupants. Finding none, he slipped his hand into hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze; then let go.

"After the mission, we've got to talk."

"I know," he replied in a low tone as he pushed the heavy door open for his 2IC.

"Nice of you to join us, Major, Colonel." General Hammond studied the two. It wasn't unusual for the two to come in together, and it wasn't unusual for them to come in late. But this time something was different. He shook his head. Whatever it was, he sure as h*** didn't want to know.

Sam woke up. The dream felt too real. She sighed and looked at her alarm clock. 10:17 p.m. She closed the folder of lab reports and put them in her bedside table drawer. How could she have fallen asleep? She felt numb. No, that wasn't right. She felt something, conflicting emotions, antagonizing answers... she felt something. She wished she could make rash descisions. She wished she could do whatever the h*** she felt like without worring about consequences.

Too much risk. There was that again. Too much risk. Hadn't that been what Brenna had told her when Thera had presented her ideas about the automated shut-off valve? Too much risk. What had been Thera's attitude? Take the risk, of course. But one problem. She wasn't Thera anymore.

It had been everything for them then. Jonah and Thera, that is. Jack- he'd told her he felt feelingsfor her. No, he said he remembered feeling feelings toward her as Jack. Funny how memories like that tend to come to you when you're...D***. What was she? Sad? Depressed? Lonely? Anxious? She knew. She was all of the above. She felt sick to her stomach. She knew what she wanted, she just couldn't have him. It made her feel worse.

10:27. Sh**. She wanted to be with him. She remembered how awkward he had looked at her house that stormy afternoon. How much time had elapsed? She went over the past few days in her head. He had blown up at her,kissed her, and comforted her. He had told her she was his problem. He was wrong. He was her problem.

"Sh**. Forget this." She got up from her bed and went inside her bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and combed her hair. She stood, hands on her hips, staring at herself. This is it Sam. Time for some rash descision making. She threw on some shoes, ran down stairs, grabbed her keys, and locked the front door behind her.

O'Neil sat, nursing a beer, in front of the t.v. He received no satisfaction from the news. It was all irrelevent any ways. All exept for the fact that it was supposed to rain for the next three days. Any kind of fishing plans that might have half formed in his mind had flown out the widow. This sort of dreariness is not what he particularily needed at this time, but, h***, it's what he wanted.

He had dozed a little here and there. He vividly remembered dreaming; something about Sam Carter, the breakroom, and an awkward elevator ride. The details were a little fuzzy though. He tried not to think about it,or her, because he thought it was about them, well, you know, playing tonsil hockey or something. All's he knew was he had better stop this foolishness before it killed him.

He thought he heard a car door slam. He didn't flinch. H*** if he cared if burglars came and took the very chair his butt was plastered to. He was beyond caring at this point. Besides, it was probably just his imagination anyways.

The door bell rang. He blinked and looked at his watch. 11:19. Who the h*** could it be at this hour? He clicked off the idiot box and went to the door, unlatched it and pulled it open.

"Major?!" his eyebrows lifted almost to his hair line.

"Colonel. Can I come in?"

He speechlessly nodded his head and motioned for her to step in. He shut the door behind her. He stood there too astonished to realize that it started raining again.

Lightning flashed and illuminated her features. She lifted her hand and stroked his bare chest. Feeling, listening to his heart through her hand. She felt his breath catch. Was it her imagination or could she hear him smiling? She took pleasure at the fact that she could make him tremble.

He lifted her hand and kissed it. He kept kissing it over and over, working his way down her arm. He didn't want her mouth, not yet, he didn't want them to lose their senses, not until they were sure... She didn't realize she had stopped breathing until he heavily exhaled into her neck. She came forward and kissed the base of his throat, sweeping her hands over his bare and broad, muscular shoulders and chest; toying with his metallic dog tags. He drew her into him and she stumbled on something. He was shocked to discover they were still in the hallway.

"This-is--wrong." He finally got out all the words. She kissed his mouth. Thunder rattled the windows. His mind screamed.

"Screw the regulations," she muttered, and forcefully carressed his neck with her mouth."I asked you not to leave." Whatever the cosquences she'd deal with them in the morning.

( finis? or to be continued? you decide with your feedback :)