All the King's Men ...
All the King's Men ...
by Annika
TITLE: All the King's Men ...
AUTHOR: Annika
E-MAIL: annika_rj@yahoo.com
STATUS : complete
CATEGORY : drama
PAIRINGS : S/J
SPOILERS: small one for Divide and Conquer
SEASON: none really
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: major character death
SUMMARY: Some of Sam's thoughts after something terrible happened
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe them, never will, but wish I would.
NOTES: This one was up for publishing at some point, but I never got word back. So after almost 6 months, I thought I might as well post it on the list. Sorry if I'm breaking any copyright rights now.
ALL THE KING'S MEN ...
You can do absolutely everything when you are not aware of your own mortality. There isn't anything or anyone in this world, or outside it, that could stop you, simply because you are unstoppable, untouchable ... immortal. You are bigger than life, and you know that no matter what, you'll always be the one riding into the sunset. You can get away with anything; you will never be caught breaking the rules, no matter how many times you break them. And even if you get caught, no one would ever dare punish you, because they all know just how untouchable and irreplaceable you are. There is no one like you, not because you are the best, or the brightest, but simply because you are you. And protected since you were born by something or someone you cannot define, but know is there. Everything that ever happened to you was to make you stronger, fitter, but you never failed. You never broke. You were always there, alive and well, no matter what. And if you would ever die, the entire world would die with you - my world. Because you are simply too precious and we - I - would not be able to carry on without your guidance, support and presence. You will live forever ...
But you never did. And can't come back from where you went to. Not ever. I remember you telling me one time that you'll only have one regret if you have to go, and that is dying. I closed my eyes and laid my head on your chest, telling you I would have no regrets. I lied; I lied to you and to myself, because at the time I would have had ... one. But who cared about me or my petty little feelings, when you had to go out there - save the world - and play God.
Often times fate plays funny tricks on people ... And now that I try to recall what happened, I can almost feel my own near death, looming like a shadow behind my back, and waiting ...
"So Major ... what do you think? Are ya coming?" he looked at her through the tubes and wires and Samantha Carter couldn't help remembering the first time he had asked her to come fishing with him. She looked up, smiling.
"There are no fish in that lake of yours ... sir" she added quickly, hoping he didn't pick up on her hesitation. This was just so wrong and he knew it, just like she did. Maybe even more so ... After what he'd said back there in that room, she just couldn't - shouldn't - trust him ... Trust herself for that matter. So, better safe than sorry, she thought then leaned over the naquada reactor she'd been fiddling with for some time, trying to look busy while keeping an eye on her superior officer. "No chance sir" she added just to make sure he got the message.
"C'mon Carter ... I know you wanna come. Clean air ... air ... the lake, me, fish ... did I mention I'll be there?" he bent over looking in her eyes, and grinned evilly. "C'mon ... "
She glanced back at him smiling. This is bad. This is really bad ... I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't go for that ... no way ... no way in hell I'm going with him to that fishless lake. It was wrong for all the reasons she could think of, and for the ones she couldn't think of as well, but she wanted to go. She wanted to see his fishless lake, and the cabin he had been bragging about.
"Okay!" she snapped at him as naturally as she could. He stumbled a few inches back, shocked statement on his face, which was still terribly close to hers. Oh my God ... oh my God ... I said yes! She thought, not wanting to believe it herself. Carter, you are out of your mind ... out of it ... completely ... that's the shortest way to court martial ... oh definitely ... court martial, here we come ...
"Good!" he said starting to leave the room. "I'll pick you up at 7am" he announced proudly then turned. "And make sure you're all set till then ... you know I hate waiting."
"What the hell did you just do?" she called out loudly hoping he was far enough away not to hear her.
The lake and the cabin were everything Samantha Carter had imagined and more. Jack had every reason to be proud. Maybe a bit too far away from civilization, but great nevertheless. Rustic, a bit unkempt, and so ... Jack ... she felt she was looking into his soul.
Which was not good, but felt great. The trip had been wonderful as well. They'd talked all the way through, about the Tok'ra Treaty, Jacob and Selmac, and Daniel falling again through the Gate and hitting the ramp so hard Doc Fraiser had kept him in the infirmary under observation for the rest of the week. Which was reason enough for their short leave.
She had been afraid of coming here ... ever ... but as she looked around, saw no reasons to be. The trees rose high along the lake, leaving only a couple of yards between their trunks and the water. It looked like a beach of some sort, with fine-grained sand, and she felt like running barefoot along the shore. But that wasn't appropriate. Jack didn't seem to have changed though. She had been afraid that once outside Colorado Springs - and their uniforms - he might bring up the issue. That issue. But he never did. He asked her how she was holding up with Martouf's death, but never inquired further. That's nice of him, she thought looking at him over the small cozy dinner table they had laid out.
They slept in separate rooms. Which was good. He insisted she got the bed in the bedroom, the big and soft one, and he fell asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace. She suggested they switched the next day, but he just smiled and told her to go to sleep. The fish are always up early. Of course, she never asked whether he had fishing gear for her as well, but she was sure he had it all figured out somehow.
She couldn't fall asleep right away. The Moon was in its second quarter, looking ethereal through the trees casting a dim light into the room and across her bed and sheets. She turned, hoping she'd fall asleep if the light stayed out of her eyes, but she didn't. Hugging the pillow tightly, she wondered why on Earth she felt so good here, when she shouldn't have. She knew it was wrong, for all the reasons in the world, but it didn't feel so, despite what her mind was telling her. Instead, it felt like the best thing she'd ever done in her life ... With her life ... For her life. No ... nothing should happen of course ... ever ... or at
least while she was under his direct command. But she'd found peace here, and couldn't deny herself that. She smiled, closing her eyes, then fell asleep. The fish were always up early ...
Jack was up early ... way to early ... He'd even made breakfast, which was remarkable; at least that's what she thought. But the surprising part was that it was actually edible. They talked about little stupid things over breakfast, like elections, Cassie's boyfriend, and Daniel's perpetual encounter with the ramp, or other solid objects for that matter, but it felt like the best conversation she had had in ages. She didn't know how or why, but he seemed to know what she thought, and felt, and anticipated everything she was going to say, making her cry out to him and tell him to stop doing that. Then he'd just grin and say he knew she was going to say that. It was silly, childish at best, but it had somehow more depth and substance than everything she ever saw or experienced in her life. More reality than the Goa'uld, the Gate, and all those things she saw out there in that big Universe, and found herself wondering why did people, and herself, look for wonders and happiness outside this world, when all it took to be happy was someone who could make you feel special, make you laugh ... and watch over you ...
They went out fishing that morning. Jack wearing funny looking shorts, with pockets all over and a fisherman's hat, and she some old jeans and a T-shirt. They sat there on the pier all day long, eating sandwiches out of a basket and continued to talk about those small silly things. He told her he used to play hockey in school, and she told him she never was a cheerleader. He smiled adding she would have made a pretty one, and she pointed out that she would have dated him if he were the captain of the team. He laughed so hard it made her feel sorry she said anything, but he laughed even harder at that.
The sun set with no fish caught. Jack made a funny comment about that, and explained that the fun was not in catching the fish, but in fishing itself. She nodded and smiled sarcastically as he opened the door for her to go inside, and told him she would have let the fish back in the water anyway. He laughed then closed the door behind them. It was getting cold and there was no reason to let all the warmth out. The fire in the fireplace cast surreal dancing shadows on the walls and ceiling. She gazed at the walls, then back at the table. They'd finished dinner, and she felt like cleaning up. Jack rose from the chair, telling her he wanted to help, but she refused. It was something she wanted to do not to feel like a GI Jane anymore, but like ... a normal person ... woman, having dinner with someone. He didn't insist. He just walked over to her, watching her clean the plates, and in the most natural tone possible told her he loved her. She stopped for a second, almost dropping the plate. That wasn't part of the plan ... Not at all ... it was ... right ... so perfect of him to say that, if only they hadn't been who they were, but just two people, two nobodies, in a lonely cabin up in Minnesota. She didn't glance up, but continued to scrub the plates. He told her he loved her more than he could say, that it was something mature, and responsible, not a crush, or flirt, but he wasn't going to do anything about it until she was okay with it. Until she could acknowledge and accept his feelings. She finished washing the plates, and placing them on the drier, moved on to cleaning the forks and knives. He told her about the regulations, about how law is one thing and the right thing to do another. He said he believed in the latter, and didn't want to compromise the team, so he'd wait. She put the forks and the knives away, and washing her hands placed them on the sink, looking down and waiting for him to finish. He said that all he wanted from her was a sign, and he would retire. If push comes to shove, he could even work as a consultant for the Stargate Project. It didn't matter. He loved her, and that was all he could say.
She finally managed to look at his face. Tears were flooding her eyes, threatening to burst out in any second. She extended her hand, and trembling, touched his face. Whispering he told him he shouldn't have said anything. He looked down at her, and slowly pulled her into a hug, caressing her hair as she started to cry. She held on to his shirt tighter than to anything in her life, afraid that if she'd let go he might disappear somehow. But he didn't, and although she was crying, she felt something warm and cozy growing in her heart, something she could trust, something she could cherish.
They sat on that couch in front of the fireplace all night long, barely talking, just holding each other tight. There was no need for more.
They fell asleep there, only to be awakened by the USAF chopper landing on the small patch of grass outside the cabin. Hammond had sent for Jack ... and herself. Apophis sent a mother ship and had attacked P3C-474. Jacob was there, undercover ... the SG1 was needed back ...
"I'd like a word with you and the Major as soon as you get back" General Hammond whispered to Jack O'Neill as they stood at the base of the ramp watching the MALP go through the event horizon. Samantha Carter could hear him from where she was behind him, and couldn't help thinking he was not at all happy to have found the Colonel and herself up there in Minnesota when she was supposedly visiting her brother. She had to tell them something, couldn't just disappear. My God ... what is he going to do about it? After all, we did nothing ... she sighed ... we did nothing at all ... But somehow that wasn't comfort enough. Something was about to happen and she could feel it. My dad is out there ... she suddenly realized as the MALP started to send back images. Up there, behind the glass windows, Siller was telling them the MALP found nothing.
Maybe there is nothing wrong and the Tok'ra were misinformed. It wouldn't be the first time they screw up. She started fidgeting with her machine gun. What will her father say when he finds out his daughter's going to be court martialed ... God ... this is just so wrong ... She looked at Jack realizing that it wasn't wrong after all. They were not wrong, the world was wrong ... somehow ... to set them apart right now, when they needed time the most. To sort things out. To talk, to find a way to make it all work. Damn it ... This is just so unfair!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Let's move out campers!" Jack called out and she found herself following him. Daniel was on her right and Teal'c right behind them, holding proudly his staff weapon. Two other SG teams were right behind them, ready to protect their backs. Jack looked at her, and barely moving his lips signaled her it was going to be all right. Is it we who are going to be okay? Does the General owe him anything which could change his mind about reporting us both? Or is my father okay ... Why do you always have to be like that Jack? So self assured and secure. Why can't I be more like you? She thought silently and smiled back at him as he stepped through the Gate. She swallowed hard, exhaled, and stepped though the event horizon herself. It was colder than she remembered it somehow, and it felt odd. Something's not right ...
There was nothing on the other side of the Gate .... Trees trees and more trees. Jack was not happy and she could see that. "Spread out kids ... " he signaled the other teams as he started to move toward the closest bulk of vegetation. "Let's check this place out then report back to Hammond ... " He stopped and turned. "Carter, Jackson, Teal'c ... you're with me. Davis, take the other teams and head in that direction ... If you see any snake-heads or Guards, let us know. According to the Tok'ra this place was leveled yesterday, and as I know those guys they aren't going to leave that soon."
She nodded then followed, with Teal'c and Daniel on her heels.
It happened quickly ... She didn't even have the time to think, or say anything ... They were hiding in the bushes somewhere, and jumped out as soon as they were close enough and with no place to hide, except some boulders scattered around the clearing. There were many of them. So damn many she couldn't even start to count. Jack turned back and signaled them all to head back to the Gate and dial out as soon as possible. It had been a trap ... she knew it now ... she should have felt them all around her but she didn't. Davis on the other side of the Gate had the same problems. Dozens of Serpent Guards were coming out of the forest, surrounding them from all the places. There was nowhere to go. They started to fire, and the blast of their weapons missed her and the rest of the team by inches. Everyone started firing their machine guns and staff weapons, ducking the best they could behind the boulders and rocks, and in only a couple of seconds the world was gone. She found herself running toward the Gate, with Daniel on her heels. She fell, and Danny helped her up ... They continued to run until they almost reached the DHD. The other two teams were heading the same way as well. Jack and Teal'c tried to keep the Guards at a reasonable distance, but there were just so damn many of them. Teal'c took out a grenade and threw it, but it took out only about 4 of them and many more kept on coming from God only knows where.
"Colonel ... we have to dial out now!" she found herself calling out to him as if he didn't know what they had to do.
"Do it Major ... Teal'c and I are covering your backs out here ... Just hurry for cryin' out loud!" he turned back to fire at the sons of bitches coming out from everywhere ...
She was getting closer to the Gate, but she saw three of them already standing near the DHD. How the hell did they get there? "We are cut off. They are guarding the DHD!" she called back and started running toward him. They were circled and there was nowhere to go. "We're trapped!" Jack knew it, and she wondered why did she have to say it. It felt as if it made things only worse.
"Move toward them and try to take out as many as possible. We gotta get back to the Gate, and that's the only way we can!" Jack called and she started moving backwards, signaling Daniel to come with her. They were both running toward the Gate, machine-gunning everything in the way. From the other side Davis was doing the same thing. Teal'c and Jack were following, she could see that well. Teal'c had been hurt, and so were several other people on the other side. But we have to get through to the Gate. The Guards were moving away, toward them, and she saw there came no more from the forest. So these are all there is. About 50 she counted quickly as she ducked behind a boulder she found accidentally. Damn you Apophis ... she muttered, not daring to think what had happened to her father.
And then, turning to see where Jack and Teal'c were, she saw him hit ... One of the blasts hit him. It hit Jack ... it hit him fully, sending him stumbling backwards then falling down, onto the cold grass. No ... no ... this cannot be happening ... She crawled out from behind her rock and ran toward him as fast as she could ... Teal'c was on his way to the Gate, limping heavily ... She had to get Jack out of there ... Reaching him she fell down, and grabbed his BDU. It was full of blood, and she could very well see he wasn't there anymore ...
She looked up ... Daniel had reached the Gate and Davis' team took out the Serpent Guards around the DHD. Daniel was dialing out ... The fire had stopped and the Guards were regrouping. We lucky ... c'mon Jack ... we're moving outta here. The Guards will be coming again in no time ...
She held his head in her lap, trying to stop the bleeding in his chest wound ... C'mon ... you can do it ... we're gating out of here in minutes. Daniel's at the DHD already ...
"Jack ... Jack do you hear me ... Jack ... !" he didn't move ... didn't say anything ... eyes closed and blood all over his face. "Jack don't do this to me ... this is not funny ... this is really not funny ... !" she started wiping the blood of his face with a corner of her uniform ...
They started firing again. They ignored her completely and concentrated on the rest of the team. Daniel was screaming at her from the top of his lungs move. The Gate was open ... home and safety only a few yards away ... She started calling out to him ...
"Daniel ... help me ... please ... he is hurt ... !" he was telling her to let him go, to come along, but she couldn't. "SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE ... !"
She woke up ... on the other side of the Gate ... on the wrong side of the Gate ... in the Infirmary. Janet was there, Daniel was there, Hammond too ...
"What happened to him ... where's the Colonel?" Daniel's face talked millions. He didn't make it. He wasn't there with the rest of them ... with her ... not anymore ... not ever ...
I don't believe there can be anything more pathetic than to loose even what you do not posses. People loose loved ones everyday. It is a fact of life. But not many people loose the ones they did not have. I did that day ... I was told there was nothing I could have done to save him. I was told it was a terrible accident, but an accident nevertheless. I was even told that was the will of God. I do not know what it was, or why. The more I live the less meaning I find, when in fact it should be the other way around. The more things I see the more I have the feeling someone is messing with my mind, and I am having a terrible nightmare. I do not know what is the truth anymore. I do not know if I even care.
We believe we are immortals, until something happens and shows us just how fragile we all are. Just how easily we can be destroyed. He wasn't immortal, and neither was I ... but there's something magical that makes you believe you are when you share your life with someone you love. There's that moment that encompasses and eternity, and even if your life would end soon after that eternity you wouldn't care, because you had it all ...
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Annika
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