Close
Close
by AngelQueen
Summary: Janet knows that she's too close. But perhaps it's worth it.
Category: Angst, Missing Scene/Epilogue, Thoughts
Episode Related: 420 Entity
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/10/03
So close. Too close. Close enough.
Those words kept echoing through Janet Frasier's exhausted mind, repeating themselves over and over. She'd gotten home late and was sitting at her kitchen table, staring blankly into space. She knew that she should try to get some sleep, as she was adamant about getting back to the base early the next morning, but when she'd walked in and put her handbag down, she'd just... collapsed into the chair.
The SGC had nearly lost of its brightest stars. SG-1 had nearly obtained its first casualty. All because of a damn computer bug.
Janet shuddered, remembering the entity staring out at them from Sam's blue eyes. Those orbs, normally sparkling with mirth or excitement, had been so harsh, so unfeeling... They'd been so close to losing her for good.
And though the entity had finally allowed itself to be destroyed, they had thought that they would have to kill Sam along with it. And Colonel O'Neill had been the one to do it.
She closed her eyes. She could still see his face as she looked up at him after examining Sam. His eyes were filled with horror. Horror at what he'd had to do. And how that horror had been replaced with guilt and self-hate. He didn't let her out of his sight after that. He stayed with her, looking as though he'd made the decision to end the world. He had stared blankly at her, and yet with some small flicker of hope, as though he were pleading with her to perform one last miracle, to come back.
Even Daniel and Teal'c had not dared to speak with him directly in those terrible hours. Janet imagined that the Colonel wouldn't have cared if the Goa'uld had invaded at that moment. He refused all offers to relieve him in sitting with Sam, to give him a chance to rest. He just stayed and stared at her, waiting. Perhaps he even prayed to a God that he had stated to have stopped believing in long ago.
The sound of nails clicking on the tiled floor brought Janet out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Carter staring at her with those puppy dog eyes of his. She shook her head. Sam hadn't been able to talk Cassie out of naming her dog after her. The Colonel had found it extremely amusing. Whenever all of SG-1 had come over to visit Cassie, he would turn to Sam and say, "Carter!" Every time, without fail, Sam would look up and Carter would bark, recognizing his name. The Colonel and Cassie would nearly fall over laughing about it, while Sam glared at them. Daniel and she would just smile and shake their heads, while Teal'c would raise his eyebrow as he watched.
Reaching down, Janet pet him absently on the head. Yet another reminder of what they'd almost lost. And how she'd have to tell Cassie that Sam probably wouldn't be over for a while, due to what she'd been through.
Cassie would understand, she knew. But the question was just how much to tell the girl. Should she tell her that it was the Colonel who had been the one to pull the trigger that nearly been the end of Sam, but in the end had saved her? Or should she just say that Sam had had a really close call and needed some time? Either way, Cassie would probably want to see Sam, to try and help her, just as she did during the whole Jolinar mess.
Janet fought urge to shiver yet again, barely noticing that Carter was licking her hand. She needed to get upstairs, she decided. She needed to rest before she totally shut down. Her room wasn't very far away, just a quick march up the steps and to the first door on the left...
So close.
Carefully, Janet pushed herself away from the table. The images of what had occured were still flitting about in her mind. No doubt she'd be having nightmares for the next few days, if not weeks. But that wasn't unusual. She dreamed of just about every horrifying incident that happened in that mountain. But she knew how to handle it. She wasn't even near the edge.
Slowly she started up the steps, hearing Carter following her quietly. She entered her bedroom and stumbled straight towards the bed, not even bothering to throw off her clothes and struggle into her night shirt and shorts. She climbed into the bed, trying not to think about what had happened, trying to block it all out. At least for one night. Settling onto her back, she absently waved her hand and, like clockwork, Carter jumped up next to her and quickly lay his head on her stomach. Gotta love the dog, she thought idly, her eyes drifting shut. He always knew when she needed some company.
Maybe he'd keep the nightmares from getting too close. Nightmares of Sam really dying, visions of the Colonel, hating himself for what he'd had to do.
Janet grimaced. She was too close. She wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.
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