You Can't Lose What You Never Had
Angelheart
Title: You Can't Lose What You Never Had
Author: Angelheart
Email: angelheartsgc@hotmail.com
Category: Romance, AU, Drama
Pairing: Daniel/Sam, Jack/other
Spoilers: Into the Fire
Season: 3
This story is a sequel to: Embrace the Future and Operation Zero Tolerance
Series: Benton Trilogy
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: angst, au, m/f relationship
Status: Completed
Summary: Chris and Jack finally realise that they have feelings for each another but would that be enough to overcome the obstacles they have in between them? Including fear of rejection
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of ShowTime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gecko Productions. I have written this story for Entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright Infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary: the Settings and original characters are fictitious and not intended to represent specific places or Living persons. Not to be archived without permission of the author.
Author's notes: This is the final in the Benton Series. I guess I could write more but right now 'cos of exams and everything I'm not sure when I can start. Depending on the response I get about the character 'Christine Benton', I will write more about her or maybe I'll go with the Sam and Daniel or even Jack and Sam fics.
This fanfic is dedicated to one very special person. I can never say this to him directly because we're not on a talking basis. And even if he doesn't know that this piece of writing is dedicated to him I just wanted to say this. I was inconsiderate and selfish in my actions that I hurt him, maybe a lot maybe a little, but I still can't help but feel bad about it when I see him on a practical daily basis. So I'll say it. I'm sorry Eddie, sorry that I acted like a complete idiot. Maybe we can still be friends, we used to be, good ones.
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Ph she was good as she was fair
None -none on earth above her
As pure in thought as angels are
To know her was to love her.
Jacqueline 1814 By S Rogers
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A week had passed since OPERATION ZERO TOLERANCE was executed and accomplished. When Chris and Jack came back the entire SGC greeted them with a hero's welcome and Jack could still remember the look of surprise from Chris's face as she walked down the ramp. Her beautiful face had soon relaxed and changed into one of pride. Not one of arrogance but one of quiet self-satisfaction. But what's more the base grapevine had buzzed into life as they found out the truth about Chris' relationship with Makepeace along with the news of Daniel's engagement to Sam.
Ever since Jack afraid of going near Chris. The kiss they shared on Vorash was not disputed of because neither of them spoke of it. Although they did say hi to each other and maintained the balance in the team they could no longer be described as best friends. They late beer parties and the pizza nights were no longer on, the kick boxing sessions were never spoken of and both of them stayed away from the chatroom 'prodigy'. But that was easy to avoid because they never really talked to each another anyway. For a whole week they avoided being alone with each another as if their lives depended on it. The truth was, without the close contact they could forget easier, especially when masked by the formalities of their military rank.
For Chris and Makepeace it was whole different ball game now. Apparently they were tighter than ever even with the problem they encountered during Makepeace's time of trial. After all Chris was quick to forgive, perhaps not to forget but Chris believed Makepeace when he apologised for sleeping with Anise. Anise had died two weeks earlier, brutally murdered and Makepeace had been accused of it. However with Chris's ingeniousness and her expertise as a crime investigator the crime was resolved and the alliance between the Tok'ra and Earth became stronger than ever. The whole ordeal had taken a lot out of Chris and she had been truly upset with Robert Makepeace but she was not the kind of person who held grudges. For that matter Robert was a guy who knew when to apologise for his wrongs. For a week they both walked on eggshells trying not to damage each another in the emotional state but at the end of the day they were both Special Forces trained brutes. And the rough rides they had together before OPERATION ZERO TOLERANCE served quite a bit as well. They knew each another well and they also knew each another's secrets, actually Chris knew a whole lot more about Makepeace than he did her but it wasn't a big deal. The truth was they were both strong people who had been at fault but overcame it. They were soldiers who played rough but needed someone to hold at night so that the monsters didn't come. The results are a follow; they were often seen in the parking lot of the base making out among other places such as the mess hall and the infirmary. It was very rarely that they were caught being Special Forces and everything but when they did get discovered they brushed it aside and acted like nothing happened. They were true professionals.
Whenever Jack heard stories about Chris and Makepeace he felt jealousy overwhelm him. Sometimes he wished that he could hate Chris. Sometimes he wished that he never met her. But most of the times he just wanted to hug her tightly and never let her go. After all he loved her, he knew her better than anyone else in the world, hell even better than Makepeace did. It was unfair. But hey what's new?
"So what will it be Major? Your own team or SG-1?"
Jack gulped as he heard the question that the General was throwing at Chris. They were all sitting in the briefing room now, talking about the events of OPERATION ZERO TOLERANCE and the future of Chris's career. She had two choices. She could either have a new team of Doctors or make Colonel under 3 or 4 years or she could choose to stay in SG 1 longer, making her less liable for a promotion. It was a difficult position for anybody. A part of Jack screamed, 'Stay Chris. I don't want to lose you!' and a part of him just wanted her to go. Maybe it'd hurt less when he didn't see her; maybe it was for the best.
Chris looked around at her surroundings. The General had asked her one vital question she could not afford to ignore. She wanted to get a promotion, she wanted a team of her own and concentrates on forensics but then she realised that too many things would be missing in her life. Like Daniel for instance, all the trouble he gets himself into, Teal'c and his reassuring silence, and of course Jack. Her best friend and CO. Well at least the last time she checked. She took a breath and answered the General after making eye contact with Daniel, Teal'c and Jack as well, although he tried avoiding it.
"I choose SG -1 Sir. I have to, I can't abandon this."
General Hammond smiled.
"I thought you might say that. I just wanted to give you a choice. I know it's unusual that a SG unit contains two ranking officers on base but right now that's how it's going to be. Major Benton; there will be a ceremony in two to three days for your immediate promotion. The Joint Chief of Staff is going to present it to you. "
Chris felt elated. She had not only got a promotion but she was able to stay on SG -1. Although she had not executed OPERATION ZERO TOLERANCE for a promotion it sure felt good.
"So I don't get it, you and Colonel O'Neil met each other before you joined the Stargate programme?"
Sam asked her friend who was busy typing up a report.
"No, I never met him, I just spoke with him in a chat room. We never knew who the opposite person was until Jack went into my inbox and read the mail that he sent to 'SmartDoc'."
"That's what you're called? SmartDoc?"
Sam giggled hysterically and Chris gave a death glare.
"Yes, Major Carter. So what?"
"It's just a little you know..."
"No I don't know."
"Forget about it. So did you and Stargazer, or should I say the Colonel have cyber sex? Is that why there's so much tension in the air?"
"Sam that's disgraceful! Me? Cyber sex? That's disgusting, me and Jack?"
Sam smiled this time. The good doctor major (soon to be lieutenant colonel) had slipped.
"Jack is it?"
"He's my best friend, I call him that sometimes. It's only natural. How many 'r's are there in this stupid word. I really do hate astrophysics... The English is a whole new language in this god forsaken academia.""
Chris tried to brush the subject aside but failed miserably.
"Don't change the subject and just so that you know, there's two 'r's in aberration."
With a slight frown Chris pretended to concentrate on her report but Samantha Carter was just too good.
"Come on, tell me. What happened between you two that you won't even look at one another."
"I do look at him, in briefings, in missions and debriefings."
"You can do better than that. There's so much tension between you two, what's the big deal?"
"We kissed."
Chris continued with her report leaving Sam baffled.
"What! Oh my God, you kissed?"
"What's the big deal?"
"What's the big deal? Chris you kissed him. You finally surrendered to your feelings."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You do, God, I knew it. You two would make a brilliant couple."
Sam sighed, happy for her friend. Then Chris turned a shade of red and stood up abruptly from her workstation.
"Sam, you listen you me. There are three reasons you shouldn't be happy for me. Number one, I'm with Robert. I want to be with him. Number two the regulations. You know that the military will never let me get together with Colonel O'Neill. And number three, maybe the most important one out of them all. The Colonel and I have no feelings for each another. So if number three is right then there's no point worrying about number one and two is there?"
Major Carter was still standing in the office when Chris stormed out, with her computer still switched on. Then Sam shook her head, Chris had spelt aberration with only one r. the Microsoft word even had been kind enough to point it out with a red line but Chris had not noticed. Chris cared that much Sam could tell. A whole lot more than she let on.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Major Christine Benton, I here by bestow upon you the rank, the respect and the authority of a Lieutenant Colonel."
The Joint Chief of Staff, General Myers even through his busy schedule had made it to the SGC especially to promote Major Benton. And for the commendation of other officers as well. Most of the officers in the SGC were standing in the embarkation room and the control room to watch the ceremony. Including Makepeace.
"I'm only sorry that the president was not able to present the commendations. Thanks to you and your team the alliance between the Tok'ra and earth has become stronger. Your competent actions reflect great pride on the United States Airforce."
The JCS saluted and Chris saluted back.
"Now, Colonel O'Neill, who has been decorated and supervisor for Lieutenant Colonel Benton would like to say a few words."
Jack stepped forward, not losing his eye contact with his newly promoted 2IC.
"You all know what happened the last time I did this. I got zapped up. Let's hope that doesn't happen again."
Everyone gave a small chuckle but retained their solid posture.
"Well, you all know who Lieutenant Colonel Benton is. You all know what kind of work she does and what kind of contribution she makes to the SGC. It's hard to believe that I only met her 9 months ago. However during those 9 months she has become someone very special to us, to SG-1 and to me."
Chris tore her eyes away from him. The weights of his words were a burden to her.
"She's the best 2IC a man can hope for. After my previous 2IC got reassigned, I never thought that SG-1 could be that special again. She proved me wrong. Her spirit, her ability and her friendship revived SG-1. I just want to say you were one hell of a major and that I know that you'll be one hell of a Lieutenant Colonel."
Everyone put their hands together and clapped, the loud applaud filing the modestly decorated gate room. On his way down the ramp from the Stargate Jack saluted at her.
"Well done Colonel."
He whispered.
"Thank you sir."
Chris smiled genuinely for the first time since they came back from Vorash.
Chris sat and stared at the mirror in the locker room area. She was going to get changed for the party in Denver Hilton Hotel. She was still in her dress blues amazed at the silver leaf that marked her rank. Lieutenant Colonel. When she came back to the military she never expected this. A colonelcy and a commendation. She felt so lucky. But if she was so lucky why were there tears streaming down her face?
"She has become someone very special to us, to SG-1 and me."
Jack's words from the ceremony rang in her head. It echoed a thousand times. What if he did have feelings for her? What if she had feelings for him that she didn't know she had? Was she losing an opportunity?
She sighed, She had moved in with Robert a day before the ceremony, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c had helped her. And of course jack had an excuse something about meeting an old friend that Chris did not buy.
"Chris are you almost ready baby?"
Makepeace shouted outside and Chris was startled.
"I'll be out in a minute or two"
Chris stared at the mirror once more before wiping her tears, applying make up and changing into a different set of clothes.
Daniel looked around the huge room. Everyone was dressed like a shining penny. He himself wore a black suit with a dark blue tie and a lighter coloured shirt his fiancee Major Samantha Carter had picked it out for him. He cleared throat and asked attention from everyone in the room.
"So here, I propose a toast to Lieutenant Colonel Christine Benton and her team involved Operation Zero Tolerance."
"Here here."
The Champaign glassed chimed in unison. The party was all very formal, General Hammond being the one to organise it. It wasn't like the last party they had where it was a rowdy bar but a classy hotel, with all the bells and whistles. Jack stared at Chris who was sitting so very close to Makepeace. She looked absolutely gorgeous with a long silky lilac gown on. She had pearl earrings, bracelets and necklace all of them courtesy of Makepeace. Her long dark hair was nicely pinned up with what suspicious resembled plastic chopsticks and showed off her long, slender neck. Sam and Janet looked fantastic as well but Jack was paying too much attention to Chris, to notice anyone else.
"So Daniel are you gonna give us a song?"
Jack asked as he walked closer to the group.
"Yeah why not. I'll sing one for Sam."
Samantha blushed, slapping her fiance lightly on the shoulder.
"Really? I think you should. And how about you Lieutenant Colonel? You gonna give us one or not had enough screw drivers yet?"
Jack teased and Chris turned a shade of reds as well burying her face in Makepeace's neck giggling. Teasing one another were one of the few ways that Jack communicated with Chris. Makepeace in his full marine uniform had his arms firmly around Chris.
"Tell you what if I sing will you promise to do the same after me?"
Sam looked utterly shocked, as did Chris. They both knew how much me hated singing in front of people. After having known Jack O'Neill for 3 years Sam and Daniel had never heard jack sing.
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope, really I'm going to do it."
"Fine, you do your bit sir and I'll do mine."
Jack smiled at all the gang and loosened his tie a little. He climbed onto the stage and using the microphone seeking attention from everyone.
"I'm gonna sing now for Colonel Benton especially. If anyone dares to laugh I'll shoot them with my P90 is that clear?"
There was delightful laughter and Jack signalled to the guy at the music system.
Baby you're so beautiful
And when I'm near you I can't breathe.
A girl like you gets who she wants when she wants it
You're so out of my league
I show you no emotion
Don't let me see what you're doing to me
Imagine the two of us together
But I've been living in reality
Chris sat stunned by the beautiful melody. She had heard the song many times but the combined effect of Jacks voice and the situation she was cornered in further fuelled the sensation. Everyone was listening but Chris the only one with tears in her eyes. She tightened her arms around Makepeace willing herself to stop feeling such emotions but deep inside she knew, it was unstoppable.
Fear of rejection kept my love inside
But time is running out
So damm my foolish pride
Jack sang as he remembered Daniel telling him about Chris moving in with Robert Makepeace. It was a tremendous shock although he should have expected nothing less. He had lost hope then; it was going to be impossible to tell her he loved her, not in a direct way anyway.
I don't care if you think I'm crazy
Doesn't matter if it turns out bad
'Cos I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
Rules are made to be broken
Nothing ventured nothing gained
Ill be no worse off than I am right now
And I might never get the chance again
Chris thought of the obstacles they had in between them. The regulations. They would never be allowed to continue to serve in SG-1 together. It was highly unlikely. And Robert. She had deep feelings for him. It wasn't fair to him. She would not betray Robert after all they had been through together.
Tried to fight it but it cannot be denied
Told my heart I don't want you but I lied
Now I'm gonna confess that I love you
I been keeping it inside feeling I could die
Now if you turn me away then that's Okay
At least we'll have a moment before
You say goodbye
Here on the outside looking in
Don't wanna stay dreaming about
What I could have been
I need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down
Chris couldn't bare it any longer, as quietly as possible she left the he room. Clicking her heels she walked away from the scene, the song and Jack.
Jack noticed that Chris had left but he had to keep going. He figured he had pissed her off it was not a good sign.
"Chris honey, what's wrong?"
Robert came running after her
"Nothing I just wanted to get some fresh air. It's awfully hot in there."
"Yeah, I know, but O'Neil he was singing. For you. I had drinking binges with him and never had I heard him sing. I don't think Carter or Jackson has either. He's singing his inside out. Come on let's go back in. you gotta tease him about it in the morning. How may people in the universe heard Jack O'Neill sing?"
"I have."
Chris said as a matter of faculty, quietly.
"He used to sing tunes from the radio all the time. He's favourite band is Stereophonic and his favourite single is 'All Rise' by Blues and he loves to dance to Nat King Coles old love songs around midnight, when everything's dark and quiet."
"What?"
Robert looked confused, his expression blank.
"It doesn't matter. I was babbling. Let's go inside."
Holding onto Robert's arm Chris entered the party room again. The song had finished and everyone was cheering. Jack pretended to smile but when he met her eyes even his forced smile faded.
"So you gonna sing one Chris? You made a deal with Jack. Come on, you're an old pro. Go on."
Everyone ushered her onto the stage, no one noticing the bitter smile that Chris wore. No one except Jack.
Chris walked up to the stage. She could see everyone. Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, Robert but most importantly Jack. She indicated what track she was going to sing and as the music began Chris swayed sensually to the music. Taking Jack's breath away (correction: the male audience's breath away.)
Opened my eyes today
And I knew there's something different
Saw you in a brand new way
Like the clouds has some how lifted yeah
And if yesterday I heard myself saying these words
I would swear it was a lie
I don't know why
But suddenly I am falling
Why was I so blind?
I was loving you all the time.
Now I'm hopelessly addicted
Hopelessly attracted
And I'm hopelessly addicted
Hopelessly attracted
Chemically reacted
I'll make a wish this day
And I'll send it to the heavens
That we will always stay
Entwined like this forever
And though the world may change
Coz nothing stays the same
I know we will survive.
A huge cheer was heard all through the room. Even the General looked thoroughly impressed by the Lt Colonel's talent. Two men just sat there in their own reverie. Jack O'Neill and Robert Makepeace. Two of the bests in the two departments had fallen for the same talented woman.
Chris cam down from the stage with the tingling sensation of adrenaline pumping through her veins. This cheered her up a bit. She still didn't have a clue why she chose the particular song. It was done unconsciously. With all things said she couldn't remember her own performance. She was so engrossed in her thoughts and the words to her tune that she forgot to enjoy herself. However the aftermath was enjoyable enough.
The diner was perfect; Chris was sitting beside Sam and Daniel, heavily digging in on the creme Boulee. Chris looked genuinely happy now, with a little sugar in her system.
"Lieutenant Colonel Benton may I have this dance?"
General Hammond asked the newly promoted, with a gracious smile on his face.
"Okay, of course General."
Chris stood up willing and a little flushed by the sudden proposition.
Jack and Robert were sitting together having a drink. Robert was concentrating on Chris who was now dancing with the General.
"I heard Benton moved in with you the other day."
Jack said causally wondering just how much Robert knew about his feelings for Chris.
"Yeah, I asked her. Thought it was about time if she was ready. I don't know why I'm so lucky, O'Neill. I don't deserve her but at the same time I need her."
Swallowing his drink Jack grinned at Makepeace. Yet another forced smile.
"Well, I think that too. What would I do without her?"
It was strange to admit his feelings so freely to Chris's boyfriend although Robert was clueless.
"I mean, I hurt her. I hurt her bad but she came back to me. She forgave me. She's amazing."
Jack nodded in agreement/
"I'm afraid incase the General falls in love with her. I better go and have a dance myself."
Jack chuckled lowly at Makepeace's lame joke. He wasn't far away from the truth. So what was the truth? The truth was he; the CO of Lieutenant Colonel Chris Benton was madly falling in love with her without any say in the matter.
"General may I cut in?"
Robert gave an innocent gesture and Hammond was much happy to oblige.
"Of course colonel, she's all yours."
Chris blushed at the General comment then took Robert's hand.
"You know I was afraid if I left you alone with any man for long enough you'd make them fall in love with you."
"Thanks, now I'm a seducing witch. Am I?"
"It worked for me."
Chris stared as she danced to the slow rhythm. Makepeace was one good-looking man, fit and muscular some would even find him charming. He was quick to think positive and joke, not like Jack but in an amusing way. Robert was everything a girl could hope for, a great personality, oh did she mention the body? If he was everything then why did a part of her long for something else. Chris mentally slapped herself, what on Earth was she thinking about. Then the song ended but Chris just held on, leaning on him enjoying the support, however she still couldn't get rid of the thoughts in the mind.
"Would you like to dance with me this time?"
The lilac dressed Lieutenant Colonel was startled by the voice from behind her. It was Jack, He had his warm hands on her shoulder and she felt as if she would go up in flames even with such an innocent gesture.
"Sure."
Makepeace led Chris into Jack's arms smiling at her genuinely as Chris found herself wrapped around Jack this time. Oh God it was different. With Robert it was so gentle, so comforting now in Jack's arms it felt like she was going to explode. It wasn't right, she knew. Jack was the best friend and Makepeace was the boyfriend. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
The music started and it caught her off guard. It was new and different from the last, a whole different piece. Now it wasn't just the sweet melody but some enchanting voice and clear words started to flood the dance floor.
For I can stand a thousand trials
The strong who never fall
Jack thought of his many battles, both won and lost but had he ever experience such need or desires before.
But watching stars without you
My Soul Cries
When he lost Charlie and Sara he thought he could never love someone so passionately, devoting his time to stargazing and less of human contact. It had changed ever since he joined the SGC, ever since he met Chris.
Living hard is full of pain
Oh the aching
'Cos I'm kissing you now
Oh kissing you now
Upon hearing those words Jack wanted to kiss her. No needed to kiss her. The sweet oblivion he had experience only once before with Chris was willing him to do it again, Sink in to the dark pit of sin loosing all control.
Touch me dear
Pure and true
Gift to me forever.
Jack leaned in as the music continued to play softly. Chris knew what would happen if he got any closer. They would end up kissing in the middle of the party, hurting themselves and everyone else around them. It just wasn't meant to be. So purposefully but not obviously she pulled away. Fighting back the tears that threaten to fall. Chris avoided his lips so tempting and leaned on his shoulder. Burying her face in the blue airforce jacket, that made him look al the more dashing. She gently nuzzled at his neck but they both knew that was far as they would ever be allowed to go.
Separating from jack was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. It was simply a pain to pull away from his addictive embrace. She excused herself to the ladies room composing herself once again the way she was expected to. She soon exited the ladies room walking towards Makepeace who was now talking to his own 2IC.
"Robert I think I wanna go home."
Chris tugged at his uniform like a helpless child. Although she had been promoted Lieutenant Colonel of the USAF the same day Chris felt like dirt. Nothing seemed entertaining right now. She wanted to get out of people's sight and forget about everything including Jack O'Neill.
"Are you going already Colonel?"
Sam asked Robert Makepeace as he walked out of the cloakroom with Chris's coat.
"Yeah, she wants to go. She says she's tired and wants to get some sleep. She won't admit it but I don't she feels too hot."
Sam knew what that meant. Chris had obviously been affected by the words of Jack's solo piece and their dance together. Sam sighed knowing well what would happen if Chris went home with Robert. She'd sleep with him and pretend nothing was wrong and at least that would help her forget. It was wrong but Sam didn't feel that she had enough courage to tell Chris what she thought. She'd probably get a good beating.
"Let's go. I'm ready if you are."
Chris came up to them, grabbing her coat from the Marine Colonel.
"Sure thing, come one let's get you home."
Jack saw Chris leaving, holding hands with Makepeace. He guessed he really didn't do much good with singing the stupid song. He had only hurt her maybe pushed her away more.
Chris was now feeling better. Everything that happened in the party was completely forgotten. She felt anew with the hot bath she'd had earlier. In her silk velvety nightgown she lay in bed, listening to the shower in the bathroom and trying to read her Forensic Science magazine. She smiled as she skimmed thorough the columns, the author of the article although an amateur really knew his stuff. How many people knew the chemical/ionic formula for formalin? The chemical used in forensic science to preserve human tissue. Robert had complained about her forensics book lying on his bedside table proudly displaying it's contents but he would have to suffer. It was one of the disadvantages of having to live with a doctor who dealt with dead bodies. Chris turned her head as she heard the door swing open. Robert had come in blindly searching for a pair of boxer. He was dripping wet from the shower with only a towel around him. A wicked smile creased along her lips as she stared. Upon noticing that he was being watched Robert turned his head.
"What's so amusing Lieutenant Colonel?"
He asked playfully.
"Nothing much sir."
Chris teased him in return. Then out of no where she said,
"That's a Jack O'Neill thing. Undressing before he finds his clothes. I always end up having to throw a pair of shorts in."
Robert's playfulness ceased and so did hers. Where in the hell did that come from? What had caused her to say such a thing? Talk about a mood killer. Chris buried her face in the sheets
"I'm sorry Robert I have no idea why I said that."
Robert sighed a little but he didn't sound angry. Chris could only stare at his perfect body as he got closer to her, sitting on the edge of their bed.
"Christine, I want you to go."
The words were abrupt and to Chris it didn't make much sense.
"Where? What are you talking about?"
"I want you to go to him."
Again the word came out of nowhere, too sudden for Chris to comprehend.
"I don't understand. Who's him?"
Chris questioned with a hint of hurt in her voice.
"Jack, I want you to go to him. I can't keep you here."
Chris felt a pang of anger rising inside of her.
"What are you talking about? Just because his name came up it doesn't mean that I want to move in with him! I'm here because you asked me to be here. I'm here because I want to be here!"
"No you don't really want to be here."
Robert grimaced. This was going to be harder than he figured. It was going to take a whole lot more effort than he had expected.
"Chris who are you trying to fool? I know you, for that matter I know you inside out. I'm only sorry that I didn't notice it before."
"Notice what?"
Chris was still in a fit of denial.
"That you're in love with someone else!"
Robert shouted a little too loud causing Chris to jump.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you. Look, don't try to deny it. You know your own feelings better than anybody else does. Maybe you should act on them. Just do what your heart tells you."
Tears blurred her vision as she listened to his selfless words. It meant so much for her to hear him say that. She looked away at first trying to hide the tears but she lost that battle. For the first time she let her tears flow freely before Makepeace. She then looked into his green eyes and felt a surge of affection and want. She slid her cool finger onto his chest gently stoking her way down. Makepeace was stiff and his muscles were tense, she wanted to relax him.
"Chris stop! If you start this then I won't be able to stop and this whole discussion will be pointless."
Chris looked away this time not to hide the tears but to hide the shame. Makepeace really did know her too well.
"I can't. As much as I care for you I can't do this when I know that you're n love with someone else. I don't want to be second best."
Robert was serious in the truest sense of the word. He didn't look angry but Chris could readily detect the traces of hurt in his expression and voice.
"I can see the pain in your eyes Chris, and I know how hard you try. You deserve to have so much more. I don't want to let you down like I did before, I don't want to lead you on. But truthfully I don't want to hold you back from where to you might belong."
Chris was crying and Robert stood up from the bed. Pacing around the room searching for the right words.
"Don't ask me why my heart is so disguised. I just can't live a lie anymore. I would rather hurt myself than see you cry. Christine you deserve a chance at the love I'm not sure I'm capable of. Losing you is going to be painful but like I said I don't want to be in your way. There's nothing left to say but goodbye.
"Robert don't do this. I was just starting to...."
"What? Fall in love with me? I don't think that's possible. I'm sure in some way you care for me deeply but not in the way you care for your lover. I'll always be your friend, don't think that you'll lose me. I wish you everything Chris. Joy and happiness but most of all love."
Chris was lost for words. What could she possibly say to that?
"Robert, I know that you don't want to lose me and I don't really want to hurt you."
Chris held him tightly without warning. Robert was tense at the beginning but soon relaxed under the hug.
"You can't lose what you never had.."
He whispered.
Jack continuously clicked on the buttons on his remote control until he realised that everyone and everything around him reminded him of Christine, his former best friend and 2IC. First of all CSI turned out to be a big disappointment, Crime scene investigation. The whole forensic science stuff only made him think about Chris's field of work. Then was Xena Warrior princess. Who'd known that Chris would have such resemblance to the all-powerful Xena. Nope that channel was not going to keep his mind off things.
"Put your hands on me Jack."
Uhghh! Kate Winslet's exclamation to Leonardo Di Caprio. How sad. The next channel.
"I'm Captain Catherine Janeway of the Starship Voyager."
Nope. Independent and strong willed women of any sort reminded him of Chris. Not a good thing to be thinking about.
"Welcome to the Jerry Spinger show. Today's topic is office romances."
Jacked unintentionally groaned out loud at the irritating voice.
"And we have number 11 who skilfully snatched the hockey puck from the opponent. These guys from Minnesota are kicking some serious butt!!"
The excited tone of the commentator captured Jack's attention as he began to concentrate on the game. Then disturbing Jack from the peace was a knock at the door. Probably Carter or Daniel, just making sure he was okay.
"Carter, Daniel! Who ever it is I'm okay, I'm completely over it!"
Jack shouted from the top of his lungs making sure that he was heard. The knockings continued and Jack became annoyed. He looked out through the window. It was dark, and raining probably freezing as well. Feeling something that was close to sympathy for the poor soul who was standing outside on his porch he grumbled, he would have to open the door. Jack was thoroughly shocked when he saw not Carter or Daniel but Chris. A soaked Chris.
"Benton! What are you doing here? Are you crazy? It's pouring you'll catch pneumonia or something!"
A part of Jack was so glad to see her but still he had to tell her off about doing something stupid.
"I wanted to talk. I had nowhere else to go."
Jack stared at the woman standing before him. She was not the same person who was promoted by the JCS, nor the lady in the lilac evening gown. She was simply a woman. No one more no one less. She did not look confident and composed like she always did nor did she look upright and through. He could tell that she was ready to fall apart, so fragile that he was scared to touch her.
"Come on in. Let's get you dry. God! Where's your car?"
Jack looked out as he pulled her in by her denim Jacket.
"It's at Robert's. I needed to think. Walking was really appealing."
Chris shrugged her shoulders as if she was pre occupied in more important thoughts.
"You walked? It takes almost 40 minutes from his house to mine at jogging pace. Gees Chris you don't know when to give up do you?"
Jack tried to smile at her but none came. It was just too difficult in their situation. Instead of engaging himself in more uncomfortable positions he led her into his warm and cosy living room.
"Here sit down. And I'll get you stuff."
Chris was not paying attention to Jack's words. Only getting led. Jack stared at his lost and dazed Lieutenant Colonel and rushed to get the items he needed.
"Here's a towel. Let's get that wet hair dry and uh I got you some of my clothes. They're probably a little too big but it's better than staying wet."
Jack gently tugged at her socked denim jacket. Without a word she obliged. He didn't think it was a good time to be asking questions but none the less he felt the need to.
"So what happened that you came rushing over here?"
Jack asked casually as he tugged at her jeans. He was acting when he said this. Him? Be casual when he was undressing his 2IC, his best friend (at least before he ruined it), and the woman he secretly fell in love with. It was difficult but he knew that she needed him as someone to turn to.
"I don't know."
Chris said. Her voice no longer focused or clear. Just a low mumble came from her lips.
Jack after taking her jeans of reached for her T- shirt. He gently pulled it over her head. He tried to keep his eyes from drifting but her body was perfect. He couldn't help but stare at her. Then pushing his dirty thoughts aside he curtained the beauty with his one of his old USAF T-shirts. It was way too big for her and fell to her knees. Jack smiled at her as he dried her long hair with a towel.
"I meant what I said on that podium earlier today Chris. You mean a lot to me."
Chris suddenly came to attention.
"Really? Is that why you wouldn't talk to me for a week after OPERATION ZERO TOLERANCE?"
Jack couldn't even begin to tell her his reasons. However he looked at it was inexcusable.
"I'm truly sorry Chris if I gave you the wrong idea. It's jut after that kiss we shared on Vorash I couldn't think straight."
"I thought we figured that out there. I thought we dealt with it. It as because we were tired and not thinking straight right?"
Chris looked wild. She wore a confused look on her face but her voice passionate.
"That isn't completely true."
Jack looked at Chris still close, kneeling on the floor looking up at her.
"What do you mean?"
Chris now looked pissed. Jack couldn't blame her if he wasn't honest with her then their friendship might as well have gone down the drain.
"I... I was unsure.. I really didn't know what to say. I was afraid incase you would hate me. That you'd feel uncomfortable."
Jack squirmed under her intensive gaze.
"What are you saying Colonel?"
She sharply rebuked the man kneeling in front of her.
"I have feelings that I can't describe Chris."
Jack admitted intoxicated by the effect of her presence. Having had quite a few drinks earlier on in the evening also added to the stimulus.
"You lied to me!"
Chris looked outraged.
"What choice did I have? Far as you were concerned we were best friends, Commanding officer and subordinate and what's more you were with someone. You still are!"
Jack shouted equally frustrated by the situation. Life was tough for soldiers.
"I'm not anymore."
Chris whispered looking away, avoiding jack's eyes. His brown eyes would just hurt her more. They were so full of emotions, so beautiful so goddamned beautiful.
"What did you say? What happened Chris?"
"He told me to go. That he didn't want to be with me,"
Jack sighed. He should have known that Makepeace would hurt her again. Now he was ready to go and shoot him. It didn't matter if he'd get a court martial he just wanted to make sure that nobody hurt Chris again when she went through so much all her life.
"The bastard. I should have known that he'd hurt you again. But I don't get it. Why can't he be satisfied with what he has now? He's not even half the person you'd be. He looked genuinely in love with you I don't see why he would...."
"He wanted me to go because he knew that I was in love with another. He didn't betray me Colonel, I betrayed him."
Jack's mind was full of questions but it didn't matter. He only knew that there was another. Another man and he would lose her all over again.
"Well, if you love him you have to go to him. Don't settle for second best Chris."
He didn't mean any of it but that's what a good friend says in a situation like this right? And as far was soap operas told him that was the line he was supposed to use. He wasn't the kind of person who did everything that was on TV but he couldn't react in any other way because he didn't know what to think not with so much hurt.
"That's what he told me."
Chris stared outside into the darkness. Then getting no response she turned her head and searched for a reaction in the eyes of her CO. She could only detect hurt, anger and feelings of jealousy in his eyes. And was that a tear forming in his eyes?
"What's wrong?"
She asked softly.
"I just don't wan to lose you all over again. I had just got used to the idea of you with Makepeace and this different guy... I'm sorry I know I should be happy for you."
Jack refused to look at her now.
"Colonel Are you thick?"
Jack still refused to look into her intelligent hazel eyes
"You're the one he thought I was in love with. He thought that I was so madly in love with you."
Jack was shocked. Chris in love with him? Maybe little affection for her best friend and maybe even lust having been so close but love? Never had that thought crossed his mind although it was part of his fantasy.
"And are you?"
Jack questioned, eagerly.
"I do. I tried to deny it but I can't. I just.. I know that you being my CO and all we shouldn't even be best friends but I can't help but have these flooding emotions. Its pointless to deny them now."
Jack suddenly jumped and hugged her fiercely. Droplet of tears escaping him as the euphoria sank in.
"I love you too Chris. I was just so scared. Scared of rejection. I tried to tell you but it was too hard."
They both sunk down onto the floor, still tightly holding each another. Chris felt warm and secure in the most wonderful arms she could imagine. He whispered words of love in her ears as he kissed her. She did the same in return. It was the most wonderful night they had since meeting each other.
"You know, if you spend the night with me then we'd be committing a court martial offence."
Jack said thoughtfully just enjoying the feel of Chris in his arms. Finally his.
"Nothing ventured nothing gained. Rules were made to be broken. Was that not your words Colonel?"
Chris whispered and Jack smiled.
"Yes Senator. I understand sir. I'm starting to get that idea."
General Hammond sighed as he put down his red phone. Politics were so depressingly annoying.
"General, you said you wanted to see us."
Jack spoke carefully as he entered the General's office with his 2IC, also his secret lover. They had been sneaking around for the weekend after the party and had not left each another's side. They had not made their final decision about what to do making them all the more nervous when the General called them into his office unexpectedly.
"Have a seat Colonels."
They both sat down and straightened their composure, General Hammond stared observantly at his two officers. Indeed they were the few good ones the Airforce had. He could no longer imagine Chris Benton anywhere else but SGC. She made such a valuable contribution in the SGC that General thanked Carter for recruiting her again and again, as did Colonel O'Neill. Shoving other thought aside George Hammond cleared his throat.
"Colonel Benton, Colonel O'Neill. I just received 7 phone calls for NID, the senator of Virginia, congressman Realtman, the former governor of Virginia, the director a NSA and other political powers. They were all about the two of you. They have made it a personal favour for me to suspend the fraternisation regulation on the two of you suggest you start explaining yourselves."
Jack stared at Chris. It wasn't possible, Chris would not have used her political power in Washington to stay with him. She would fight but she would do it her way not the politician's way.
"I'm afraid I don't know what this is all about General."
Chris said denying the general's accusations.
"Answer me this. Are you and Colonel O'Neill having a relationship of any sort?"
"Yes, we're best friends sir."
Chris coolly answered and Jack did not dare to speak. he would let the clever medical examiner do the talking.
"I mean romantic relationship Lieutenant Colonel."
General Hammond said with full force and Chris answered back at him
"Yes, sir!"
Jack stared at his newly found lover with surprise. She was jeopardising her career and making it harder for both of them.
"I'm glad that you didn't lie to me Colonel."
General Hammond now turned to question the superior of the two.
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since the party sir. Her promotion party."
Jack said in admittance.
"I thought you were with Colonel Makepeace, Lieutenant Colonel Benton?"
Chris felt a pang of hurt as she heard that name. Then it came to her.
"Sir, did they tell you that I called?"
Chris asked and totally out of context. General Hammond looked a little confused but none the less answered.
"No they didn't but they knew exactly what was going on. Who else would know besides the two of you? And they all said that they owed you things Colonel Benton."
General Hammond glared at Chris who was thinking so fast that she herself could not account all her thoughts.
"Robert...."
, was the quiet exclamation from her blank expression.
"What? "
"Robert knew all about my political ties, resources I had, in fact I had all their numbers in my computer. Stored away, using the SGC security programme."
Jack now had a clear picture of what was going on and decided to help her out in solving the great mystery.
"But those security systems are for officers and any ranking officers can override the system."
"I can't believe he would do something like that. I don't understand."
Chris looked at the floor still trying to make sense of t all.
"I love you that's why I did it."
All of the three officers the general included turned to see a dark figure standing on the doorway of the office.
"Permission to join the meeting General."
Makepeace formally requested.
"Have a seat Colonel."
General Hammond pointed to another chair at the far end of his office which Robert brought closer to the group.
"Want to explain all of this Colonel Makepeace?"
General Hammond gestured.
"It's simple. I called every one of those sichophants in Washington and got them t call you. I had dirt on a couple of figures as well so I thought what the hell I'll give them a call as well."
Robert looked completely relaxed.
"Robert why did you think that you should have got the fraternisation regulation breached for me?"
Chris questioned him, calling hi by his first name and thereby forgetting that he was a Colonel, her superior.
"Because I didn't think that you two could be stopped with a stupid regulation. I wanted to see you happy Chris even if I wasn't the one to make you happy. I would have moved a mountain for you."
Chris' eyes began to well up but she refused to cry in front of the three men, after all she did have a reputation.
"Thank you Robert."
She got closer to him and held his hand. Jack looked appreciatively at Makepeace as well. The guy had honours after all.
"I still haven't made my decision people."
General Hammond notified the three officers with a stern remark.
"What ever happens, Lieutenant Benton and Colonel O'Neill are in the same team and has the relationship of CO and a 2IC. I can't let you have a relationship legally even with all that political pressure."
"Yes you can sir. You have to understand these two here are the best you're gonna get. They are true officers in every sense of the word. If they can't do it no one can. And would you risk loosing either of them? Okay let's say for a minuet that both of them stays in the SGC but not in the same unit? Can you imagine what would become of SG-1?"
Robert looked at the general who looked as if he had a mighty headache, then he continued.
"Sam Carter leaving the team was different. She wanted to have her own command and it was inevitable that she got one because of the special line of work she does."
General Hammond who was dying to say a word found a weak spot in the Colonel's argument.
"So does Colonel Benton. She's a forensic scientist. I could gather up the medical experts and get her to have a research team. I have more reason to give her a command since she outranks Major Carter."
Robert shook his head.
"Begging the general's pardon. This is a completely different thing. Colonel Benton is not interested in a command, or a scientific team. Don't you think that she made it clear when she threw your proposition out the window earlier? She's a scientist but more a field officer. She liked the missions that SG-1 handles not just scientific research. Why do you think she chose a career in the police and criminology when she could have joined some firm that she could practice in? She can't leave SG-1, not now. And talking of SG -1 in general they can't lose Benton. They only went through a transitional period like 9 months ago. Splitting it up now would mean disaster. You were lucky in finding Chris this time but during the course of that time how many officers were kicked out with a black record because of Colonel O'Neill's high standards?"
General Hammond sighed and looked at the other two officers. What Robert Makepeace had said was right. Every word of it. They were the best and they could take care of things. After all they were mature adults. Well at least one of them was. He took another deep breath and told them his decision.
"I'll put both of you on a trial. You have the next 4 weeks to show me how you can perform. If you dissatisfy me in any and if your work suffers I'm going to charge both of you. I don't care what someone in Washington says."
They all grinned. Jack looked happier than ever and that scared Hammond to death. He'll probably act like a love-besought fool for, well forever.
"Another thing Colonels, all three of you. If you pull something like this off again without letting me know first then I'll shoot all of you personally. Especially you Colonel Makepeace I may have over looked your connections with the NID this time but if you ever call politicians before you talk to me first then, well you'll find out the hard way,"
No one really took it seriously because General Hammond's voice was laced with humour but they knew better than to push their luck. They exited the office quickly.
"Thank you so much Robert. I.. I really don't know what to say."
Chris said as she hugged him.
"Just be happy."
Roberts smiled letting her go. Then it was Jack. Jack gave Robert a firm handshake and gave a grateful smile.
"Well thanks. Nice rescue."
They chuckled together thinking of the first time Jack had said that on Hathor's planet.
"You're welcome. But if you ever hurt her I'll come after you."
The marine colonel said with great sincerity and Jack knew that Robert loved her.
"Are you gonna get over it?"
"Yeah, I think I will. It's just gonna take a little while. You don't mind if I borrowed her and had a drink or anything do you?"
Robert joked but Jack could sense pain in his humorous voice.
"Any time Robert, any time."
It was Chris' turn to smile. They were true friends ands she was so glad that she didn't come between them. She and Robert would both take time to heal but she would heal faster, with Jack's help. She just wished that Robert had someone as well. A certain Doctor from the infirmary came into mind and she smiled a naughty smiled. It was going to be fun. With Sam's help not impossible either.
Epilogue
Daniel and Sam got married in the gate room with lots of important guest including the JCS, Tok'ra representatives and the secretary of defence himself. Jack and Teal'c were the best man plus Janet and Cassandra were bride maids. Chris was the maid of honour. Makepeace kept on sending glances at Janet all through the wedding.
Chris and Jack got engaged 6 months after they got together and Chris remained in SG-1 as a lieutenant Colonel.
Sooooo... What do you think? The whole Benton Trilogy? I know it still needs a lot of work but please let me know what you thought of it. I've got my GCSE exams in January so I won't be able to take them out to play but I'd love to hear from all of you people. Correction; FEEDBACK IS COMPULSORY
And if some of you are wondering 'angelheart@stargatesg-1.com' is a REAL e mail address. Just saying coz one of my friends didn't believe me.
I want to babble on but I can't.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Angelheart
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