Slipping Through My Fingers
Slipping Through My Fingers
by Altia
TITLE: Slipping Through My Fingers
AUTHOR: Altia
EMAIL: altia1223@netscapeonline.co.uk
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: None
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: Jack regrets letting something slip through his fingers
STATUS: Complete, but a sequel is promised.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I can't believe that I'm sitting back here in the back row when it should have been me up there with her instead of HIM. I don't like the guy, there is something that make me uneasy when he's around, I think that she is making a mistake but I'll never tell her that. God why did I let her slip through my fingers?
I sit back here wallowing in my misery remembering all the fun we had, the time on the Shavidii planet when she was dressed in that bewitching blue dress, man did she look good in that dress. I was sure she noticed the way that I just kept staring at her intensly. I can feel a smile beging to form but then reality crashes back down and the smile is gone almost as if it hadn't appear. Why did I let her slip through my fingers?
I know that down in the front row there is a seat for me, but I couldn't sit there knowimg that she wasn't marrying ME. I know that I couldn't face it, he was marrying MY Captain. The misery and despair rises again, I almost wept this time. WHY, why did I let her slip through my fingers?
When Daniel came back through the star gate after being in that alternate universe I couldn't believe that she was engaged to me. It gave me hope that there was a future for me and my Captain, but the he came along and took her away from me. Despair and anguish rises up again but this time it was tempered by hatred. I DON'T TRUST HIM. I tell you this he had better be good to her or there would be Hell to pay.
I make the mistake of looking at her, she's beautiful. So beautiful in that dress that shows her curves. Despair well up again and I can feel the tears beginning to form. Oh God Sam, I shouldn't have let you slip through my fingers!!!
I know that I got to get out of here and quick, so I sneak out of the door quietly. I guess all that training I got as special forces paid off. I snort, yeah to seek out of wedding some use for the training. I'm glad for the bitter wind outside I can blame the tears in my eyes on that instead of the real reason. I make my way to the cematry across the street, I fell the need to tell Charlie about my problems, I miss him so much. I sit down on the grass regardless of the fact that it is still damp and cold and I beginning to speak.
I tell him about Sam, all the fun we had, how I felt about her, at this point I sense another presence there beside me. I turn around and come face to face with Daniel and Teal'c.
Daniel speaks up. "why didn't you tell her how you feel about her?"
I reply harshly. "Because I'm a coward and because it's against military rules a superior officer cannot become romantically involved with an officer under his or her command." I turn away to hide my grief.
"She would have understood that nothing could have happened when you were working together..."
I cut him off. "Yeah, well it's to late now, she's married." My voice breaks and I turn away to my son's grave as the tears begin to fall heavily. I hear Daniel ask if I am going to the reception I just shake my head no. I don't trust my voice right now. I hear them walk away and I feel the sobs rising in my chest. I ask out loud: "Sam. why oh why did I let you slip through my fingers?"
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The next day I was in SGC acting like I was happy for them. I saw the looks of compassion I got from Daniel and Teal'c, and I know that if I ever need to talk to them about this that they would listen. I feel grateful for this but not ready to talk to anyone just yet, if ever.
I throw myself into my work to forget that Sam will never be mine.
The days pass in a flurry and I know the day that I have been dreading has came. Sam is coming back after her honeymoon tomorrow. I feel the despair rising again, it's like an old friend, I know it so intimately. I have put in for leave and the General, thank god has, given me it without asking any questions. It starts tomorrow. I think I'll go and get drunk and the hide in my house and not answer the door or the telephone. Yeah I think that sounds like a great idea.
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I know that she has rung me on the telephone because I hear her begging me to answer, but at this point in time I can't seem to bring myself to answer. I know as well that it is only a matter of time before she comes here to see me, so I grab my car keys, mobile and wallet and start to drive I have no idea where I am going but anywhere is better than here.
I return the night before I am due back on duty.
That night I hardly slept a wink but I really don't care at this moment in time all I can think about is that Sam has married some other guy. I walk down the halls of SGC dreading running into Sam.
I walk into the locker room only to be told by Daniel that General Hammond wants to see us in his office. As I make my way to the General's Office I am aware of Daniel beside me and I am grateful for his support, as I walk through the door I see her. She looks so radiant.
I see her husband there beside her and my heart sinks lower if that is possible. He is standing so close to her any closer and he will be inside her uniform I grouse.
I decide to take my seat and I am conscious of Daniel and Teal'C taking the seats next to me. I am grateful to them for this and I know that I don't need to thank them for doing this for me.
I hear Sam asking where I was the last week. I feel both Daniel and Teal'c's eyes on me I mumbled something about going to see a sick relative of mine in another state, a weak excuse I know but I didn't have a lot of time to come up with something better and anyway I don't care at this point. General Hammond comes in and the meeting starts. The first bit of business is to tell Captain Carter that she has been given a promotion to Major and to be given the command of the newly commissioned SG10.
I can feel both Daniel and Teal'c move in there seats as her husband gives her a hug and a kiss to congratulate her on her new promotion. I watch in a morbid fascination that doesn't quite reach my face another use of the special forces training. I decide to make some discrete calls on him see what he is like. Believe me I know the people who know everything about you, hell I was one of them for a while before I got called on the Star Gate project so if he has a dodgy past I WILL find out about it. I mumble my congratulations and leave as soon as possible.
I know that she is following me but I know this base better than she does so I easily lose her. I make my way towards the very lowest levels of the base and into a little room that I know is not on any map. When I reach there i can finally give vent to all my emotions. Rage is first as I recall him kissing her and I start to throw things about the place. Then despair settles in as I remember all the dreams I had if only she could get a command of her own. By a cruel twist of fate she did but by this time she was already married, I almost wept at this realisation. How could I have let her slip through my fingers?
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