Forgiveness
Forgiveness
by Ali
TITLE: Forgiveness
AUTHOR: Ali
EMAIL: Ali_the_Animal@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Angst, Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: 100 days,
SEASON / SEQUEL: 1ststory in a three-parter sequel. "02 The dance" "03 Never say never"
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: Jack finds inner peace and forgiveness from an old aquaitence
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Teal'c watched the pair in silence. He had noticed subtle changes in their behaviour for quite some time now, more than, what had had Daniel Jackson called it? Flirting. He preferred the term courting. The Jaffa, standing board straight, as always, in front of the window in the control room and had a full view of the Stargate. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter sat on a stack of crates, which were there to be taken through the Stargate with SG-4 on a mission tomorrow. They were very high of the ground, and oblivious to their observer. They were sitting very close, thighs touching, shoulders brushing. Teal'c planted his hands behind his back. He was feeling glad. Ever since he had met the Colonel and his 2IC he had felt the mutual attraction. Yes, he decided. The emotion he was feeling was definitely happiness at seeing their closeness. The Jaffa turned to leave and made sure on his way out that no other soldiers was near to break his friends privacy, as it would have been most inconvenient for anyone to do so.
Jack leaned back against the wall. Sam was next to him. They were talking about their last mission to PX3..... Whatever, before that conversation had dried up. Anxious to keep her there he had started a totally different topic. The first that came into his head was cheese. After mentally kicking himself for a stupid comment about cheddar, he was amazed to find they had kept the rhythm of conversation, without those awkward pauses for 20 minutes on such a mundane subject.
His hand had accidentally touched hers about ten times. Those blue eyes, that could burn his skin when they looked at him, connected with his, holding the gaze he gave back, as many a time. The short blond hair she favoured kept falling forward and every moment or so pushed it back. It was driving him crazy not being able to touch her.
Carter's hair fell forward again. Without a second's hesitation Jack went to her face, returning the stray strands to their rightful place.
Sam's face coloured. She wished she could stop the redness burning her skin, but too late. He was touching her face. It wasn't just a playful touch or a dismissive one. Jack....
Those brown eyes, so closely guarded, held the key to seeing his heart. The real Jack O'Neill she had caught a glimpse of once, just once. The person the Colonel kept tucked away to her and everyone else. Sam longed to see him, and call him hers. My Jack. But she had only seen him once.
Carter's eyes began to cloud. HE was still touching her face. Time stood still. She shivered as his eyes like chocolate they were changed from deadly serious, to suddenly dancing. He was grinning, she realised. The Colonel's hand dropped. The moment, they had shared a moment, was over. Although she was disappointed, it was another step forward. She knew she was gradually breaking down the barriers that stood between friends, between a Colonel and his 2IC. There was that pesky one though that would not be easy, possibly impossible. The regs. A professional to the end, she daren't take the next move. It was up to him. If Jack took a move on her, she wouldn't stop him, NO WAY. She had to know whether it was flirting to him, or was it more? It felt like it was more. Just a question of time.
There was a dance coming up at the base. The General had called it a socialising event. Socialising event my ass, Carter thought. It was just an excuse for them all to get drunk. The trouble was it was kind or formal. Not black tie but a suit thing. Hammond had also insisted it was a boy/girl thing. You had to come with a partner. Having fewer women on base than men, she had already been asked six times. The General, spotting the problem had changed the rules, so you could bring boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands. Now the dance was being held in the nearby town at a hall. Soldiers had been asking her all day, but not him. Her CO. It was getting late. It was time to be drastic.
Jack tensed as she broke the silence that had enveloped them.
"So the dance huh?" He swallowed.
"Yeah..... You going with anyone?" Be casual, be cool.
"Well....."
"Come on Carter, an intelligent woman like you must have been asked hundreds of times." He noticed her blushing again.
"I'm waiting for the right person to ask me." She said quietly. Jack took a quick intake of breath. Was he wishing too hard or was that a hint? Oh Hell.
"Are you going with anyone Sir?"
"Not yet, but I was hoping you could help me with that." Her head swung round.
"Is that what you call an invitation?" Her heart stood still.
"Well..... Yeah, I spose." He stammered. He couldn't look at her. If her had, he would have seen how her face lit up with happiness, looked even more beautiful than normal. Why was it that Major Carter could always diminish him to a puddle of teenage hormones? At that moment a soldier walked smartly into the room. He saluted Jack, and stood waiting for permission to speak. O'Neill got up.
"At ease Soldier."
"Sir there's a woman at the gate." Jack chuckled.
"Yes."
"Well, Sir, she's claiming to be your wife." Jack froze. It felt like his blood had literally stopped pumping around his body. He distantly heard Carter stand up on the crates. It was high. He turned round and opened his arms to catch her. Sam's face registered surprise.
"I can make it Sir."
"Major, just accept help for once." His voice was much harsher than it intended to be. Annoyed at his tone, Sam immediately started to get down the stack on her own. Jack marched forward, grabbed her waist and gently pulled her down. As her feet hit the ground she was about to push away and deliver a hasty retort when she saw his face. Suddenly his skin was ashen. His eyes, almost black, ran so deep and emotion shot out of them, shocking her to the core. So sad, meaningful. And there he was. Not Colonel O'Neill, just Jack, for a brief moment asking her for help. The guard, a bit unsettled by their behaviour, asked uncertainly,
"Sir?"
"Come with me." Jack whispered to Sam. He held out his roughened hand. Silently she nodded and they left for the elevator, to travel 28 stories up, his hand grasping on to hers. Carter hardly remembered whom they were going to meet outside, her heart was stuck like a broken record since he had called her intelligent. It was a nice compliment from a man like Jack O'Neill.
Outside, there was a light wind. The bright sun blinded Jack for a moment. The soldier pointed a couple of yards away. It was then he saw her. Her hair was longer, like when they had first met. When the woman realised he was there; she walked slowly over and stopped about a metre away. She bit her lip. Dressed in a flimsy summer skirt that stopped, just below her knees and a white cardigan. Jack sopped himself from closing the gap; it was her that left him. She left him. In his head a voice shouted at him, "but you drove her to it." She was still as beautiful as he remembered.
Carter walked out into the air. Somewhere going to the top she had lost his hand. Then she saw the woman, and Sam looked at Jack. His jaw was tight and his brow was furrowed. A tension set up immediately between the pair. She could feel it crawling at the back of her neck. Sam was a bit uncertain who the woman was, but it was obvious Jack knew her. Silently Sam crossed over to them feeling slightly anxious, and just in time heard the woman say softly,
"Hello Jack." Her face was creased into tight frowns. She was nervous Sam realised. She smiled lightly when there was no answer. Moving awkwardly as if the body she was manoeuvring wasn't her own she reached out, and put her hands on Jack's shoulders and pecked him on the cheek with a small kiss. He didn't respond; his arms were set rigidly at his side. He wanted to do something, but his body wouldn't communicate with his brain. The woman noticed Sam, who had been watching the exchange with increasing sadness. Whoever the woman was, they had been involved.
In order to relieve the silence that had descended, the woman smiled at Sam and motioned to her.
"So.... You going to introduce me to your friend?" Jack tried to shake himself out what he had been telling himself was a dream. He had imagined her for such a long time. What he was going to say, he had had it all planned out. Now she was really here, he had so many questions. He started when she asked him about his friend. Oh boy this was real. He turned to see Sam smiling expectantly at him. 'Oh God, Ex wife, meet potential, intended to be wife.'
"Ughh...." Was all that came out for a while. "This is Major Samantha Carter, my second in command.....Carter this is my EX wife.... Sara." He put an emphasis on ex. He had to talk to Sam. The smile fell of her face flawless face. She felt dizzy. So this was Sara. 'I thought they weren't in touch anymore. I thought....' Her head swam. Jack wanted to scream. He could see the thoughts Carter was processing in her mind and he didn't like it one bit.
"Nice to meet you Major." She shook Sara's hand.
"Likewise, and it's Sam."
"Okay Sam."
"Look maybe I should leave you too alone." The Colonel and Sara both spoke at the same time. His "no, it's okay" and her "yes, please." She knew what she wanted to do and she did it. Ignoring Jack's pleading expression she nearly ran back to the elevator, to the safe environment of her lab, where she could think.
Inwardly sighing, his shoulders sagging, he turned back to Sara. It was no use now to go after Sam, he would have to explain later. Sara really had worse timing than Daniel did.
"You look good." Jack spoke stiffly.
"You look greyer." She said smiling again.
"So you noticed that too huh? I don't need to go for highlights, I have the natural kind." As usual in nervousness, he had returned to humour.
"Ahhh, the famous O'Neill sarcasm. Still alive and kicking I see." Jack's eyes flickered slightly. Alive. Charlie wasn't still alive. Yep, the general rule. Thinking or seeing Sara, he saw Charlie, and it twisted his arm to breaking point. Wasn't that why they had split up? It had hurt too much to look at each other, touch each other.
"There's no way not to put this bluntly. Why are you here?"
"I came to see you."
"Oh that explains everything I needed to know. Like how you knew I was here? How you know about this place."
"I've got a few friends that knew where you were." Jacks eyebrows raised to the skies. She must have friends in pretty high places, this was so highly classified. The conversation was abrupt. Jack felt like his internal organs were being removed, one by one, with a blunt instrument, like on that Braveheart movie.
"What did you come to see me about?" How long had it been since he had last seen her? How many years, months? He used to keep a record, but that had stopped after he had got over her. After he had been in the same room with Sam for an hour.
"Can't we go inside?"
"Civilians aren't even meant to know about this place, and your asking me to take you inside?"
"Jack, I know about the SGC. About the Stargate and SG-1. I know what you do here."
"Oh right." Then he realised what she was saying. "Hang on just a millisecond. Scuse the question, but what the hell is going on?"
"Jack I'm sure with your experience you can get me inside."
He thought a moment. Sara was here, she wanted to talk. They were being civil to each other. She had kissed him. They weren't shouting, and he wasn't making her cry.
"I guess I could sneak you in." He sounded like a little boy, hatching a plan. She imagined her ex husband in a sideways baseball cap and his cheeky grin. Sara laughed. Something Jack hadn't heard, or been able to induce for a very long time. It felt good.
Sara followed Jack down the corridor. Thankfully there was no one about as there was no missions scheduled until tomorrow and any one on base was probably in their quarters catching up on sleep. He opened the door to his office for her and locked it behind them. He closed the blinds at the window. Sara gracefully took a seat. Jack did the same, the desk separating them. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to soothe the headache that banged in his head.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"Do you want an aspirin?"
"I'll get one later."
"Okay."
"Sara. This is crazy. I haven't seen you for years, and then you turn up totally out of the blue. The last time we spoke.... It wasn't exactly pleasant. Some how you know about the SGC.
How the hell do you know about the SGC?" 'Hammond is not going to like this.' He thought.
"I came to talk. About you and me. US." She stopped when she heard him take a sudden breath. "What?"
"There hasn't been an us, for a long time." Jack felt drained. In the short space of half an hour, his safe world had been turned upside down. He tried to get his feelings in order so nothing would come out the wrong way. Sara had made the first move and he didn't want to stuff up the second.
"I know. Oh God Jack, I know, believe me. I'll tell you later, about everything, but first I have to say something more important, and it'll be hard, so bear with me okay?"
"Sure." When they had been married they used to stay up some nights and talk about anything. Jack found himself settling into the routine of conversation with her all too easily now, like he had only stopped seeing her yesterday. There was a lot to be said, mostly by him, that he had wanted to tell her after Charlie died, but couldn't.
"When Charlie left us, I.....I felt so alone. I was so angry with you, so annoyed with you. I couldn't think about anything else. I forgot how much I loved you for a while, but Jack," she shook her head, "I never stopped. Never." The Colonel wasn't surprised at her burst out. He had brushed aside all his feelings about Sara and the sorrow he felt about Charlie in the weeks after the funeral. He didn't find any help in alcohol; it just dulled his senses so he wouldn't have to confront his pain. It was still there, it expanded everyday, tormenting him; all he had to do was release it, but if he did he wouldn't feel like he was being punished anymore. Only when he was with Sam did it ease the emptiness. These wounds, the way he had treated Sara and the way she had treated him had a shallow layer of skin covering them, that hadn't formed properly and could easily break if he let them. Jack's eyes filled as her words sunk in.
"I thought you hated me."
"No, like I said, just angry, at me as well for not being able to look at you without regretting you. Jack, you of all people should know that love is an emotion you can't control, you can't just turn it off like a tap, or hide it away like you don't feel it anymore."
"I had a whole speech planned to say to you." He admitted.
"I can't remember any of mine now I'm here either." They giggled sadly.
"What happened to us?" There was pause.
"I've had a lot of time to think, about you and how I want you to know what I feel. I know what happened. We both pushed each other away instead of pulling together after Charlie. I wanted so badly for you to just put your arms around me and tell me we would be okay, and that you still loved me." Her voice was small, and she was fighting back the urge to cry.
"I wanted to." He bit out. Jack usually had trouble talking about his feelings, but he forced himself not to be a wimpy old man. Sara deserved that much from him.
"We both made mistakes. I admit I never read the manual of how to get over the death of your child. I wanted you to hold me, and at the same time I couldn't stand to see you or for you to touch me. I was so confused Jack. My baby wasn't meant to die before me. I wasn't prepared for that to happen."
"I'm sorry for letting it happen." He said slowly. Sara was crying freely now, her cheeks sodden, she didn't even care to brush them off her face.
"There you go again, putting everything on your shoulders."
"It was me that left the gun out and loaded Sara. I signed his death warrant." A single tear fell on his desk. It was overwhelming. Jack had always blamed himself for Charlie dying, he knew Sara blamed him to, but he had never admitted it out loud like that.
She sighed, and stared at him. Her ex husband looked so alone and tired. The strain of keeping the guilt in his heart and around with him and taken it's toll, she realised. She herself felt tremendously guilty for letting him get like that. Sara knew that she could at least break up the block that tortured him.
"Why? Why have you come now? After all this time?" He whispered.
"I'm starting again, Jack. I'm getting remarried." He felt like he had been slapped in the face.
"Congratulations." His head spun.
"Is all you're going to say?"
"What did you expect?"
"I don't know, a bit more maybe."
"What do you want from me?"
"I want to close the chapter, Jack. Forget the hurt that we caused each other. I had to clear it up, because I can't continue me life knowing how I affected you."
"How you affected me? I know what I did to you. I can't think of it without wishing I could make it better for you."
"I'm sorry. There I said it." She brushed her hands against his that were on the desk. "Wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."
"I'm sorry too. For everything." He had to let her know, just how much he regretted her, and what he had become after Charlie.
"And Jack, I forgive you." He froze again. She saw the change and saw him closing off again. She had just managed to start to get him again, get him to trust in her and now those three words had suddenly made him lock her out. "Jack? Jack what's wrong?" He snatched his hands back from hers forcibly.
"I don't want your forgiveness."
"What? That's why I came. So we could free ourselves of this cloud that covered the later of our marriage. I want to forgive you. I want us to be friends Jack. I've missed you, every day. I miss you Jack O'Neill." Sara shook her head and tried to reach for his hands again. She had to get him back to her.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness. I killed our child, and when he died, I saw a part of you die with him. Don't you understand? I didn't just kill Charlie; I killed the fire in you that I loved so much. I will never forgive myself, and you shouldn't either." Sara could hardly breathe. He covered his face in his hands, tears seeping through his fingers.
"Jack. Jack please." He got up from his chair and walked to the corner of his office. He hated crying, and showing his vulnerable side to anyone. He was a soldier, a Colonel in the United States Air Force. You didn't cry, you just didn't. But the grief wouldn't leave him.
"Sara, don't. Just don't. Too much has happened."
"Colonel Jack O'Neill, look at me right now. Jack!" He heard her sobbing. 'Anyone who said time lessened pain was talking bull.' He thought. Because here they were, years down the line, and it hadn't gone for either of them. They had changed, without each other, yet they shared the loss of Charlie forever.
"I can't." He said bitterly. Sara got up and marched over to him, spinning him round to face her. She grabbed his shoulders roughly and made him look at her.
"No you don't, don't you dare do it again. I will not let you shut up inside yourself. I know you Jack, I haven't forgotten anything." He tried to pull away. "No God damn it. Listen to me."
"I have listened to you, I can't anymore. I know what you're going to say."
"Do you? Jack, you might not want to hear it, but I'm going to say it, I need to." He stopped struggling and glared at her.
"Okay!"
"I forgive you...."
"No."
"Shut up Jack and let me finish. I forgive you for leaving the gun loaded. I forgive you for drinking. I forgive all the things you said to me, or didn't say. I will never regret the time we shared together, or the way you made me feel. I will always love you Jack, no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing. A part of me will always belong to you. The years we were married made me very happy, and that was all down to you."
"But I went away a lot. You hated that."
"Maybe, but I loved you more every time you came back." She loosened her grip on him. "Can you forgive me?"
"I forgave you a long time ago."
"I forgave you some time ago too."
"I forgive you for what you said to me, or what you didn't say. I forgive you for pushing me away. I understand how you felt confused, so did I. I love you, and a part of me always will. I will never regret the time we shared, I will only regret that I wasn't there more of that time." She smiled.
"I feel like a whole weight has been lifted of my shoulders."
"I feel like I don't deserve this."
"You do. I wish you could see that." With that she pulled him into her arms and held him. There was no awkwardness between them. It was over. He held her tight as the last of his tears fell on her shoulder, and the last of hers wetted his T-shirt. She whispered, "Heaven is a place nearby Jack. Charlie is very close to us still."
Samantha Carter stared at her computer screen without seeing the work she was supposed to be typing up. All she could think about was her CO. He had been in his office for at least two hours with her. His wife. Ex. She reminded herself. Visions of them getting back together entered her mind. Loosing him. 'You can't loose what you never had Sam' she chided herself. She had dealt with Laira on Edora, she had got over his affair with her. But this, this was like her intestines were being cut up in front of her eyes, like on that film Braveheart.
They had gone to see it together. Her, Jack, Teal'c and Daniel. She had sat next to the Colonel and hid her face when the Wallace guy had died. It had been instinct, to go to him for protection, or to hide when Mel Gibson's gorgeous body was being cut up. He had put his arm around her shoulders, laughing at her reaction. Sam Carter could stomach anything, but put her in front of that and she had dived to him. She felt helpless. Just when they were getting some where more that friends, Sara had turned up and ruined it all. The worst thing was, she appeared to be really nice. It would have been easier to hate her if she had been a hateable person. She should have told him, about how she felt towards him. Running her hands through her hair she tried to get grip.
Carter felt tears forming in her lids and told herself not to be so pathetic. It was just a guy, one who had hurt her a lot in the past year, and he didn't even realise the extent of the damage he had done. He hadn't even said sorry properly. But she hadn't stopped loving him.
"Damn you Jack O'Neill for making me feel so helpless." She cursed out loud.
"What's he done now?" She jumped.
"Oh God Daniel don't do that, you scared me." She patted her chest, to show how her heart reacted. She thought it had been Jack.
"What's up with you and Jack?"
"Oh, I'll tell you later. Have you asked Janet yet?" Daniel was trying to pluck up enough courage to ask Dr. Fraiser to the not so formal dance. 'The Dance.' She thought wistfully.
'I probably won't be going anymore. I'll have to return the dress to the shop. There's no use keeping it.' She wouldn't be going if Jack went with Sara. She hadn't officially answered him anyway. He had most likely forgotten their conversation now. Sam knew she wouldn't be able to bear seeing them together.
"No, not yet."
"Daniel." She said warningly.
"Yeah, yeah, she'll say yes to someone else soon, I know."
"I doubt it. She's waiting for you to ask her." It just slipped out, so easily. 'Oops, that had been a secret.'
"Really?"
"Well, uh...." Sam floundered. Janet was going to kill her.
"I'll go ask her now then." Daniel turned.
"Nooo! Wait. You didn't hear that from me okay?" He laughed.
"Sure Sam. Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye Daniel." He slauntered out, if Daniel could slaunter. 'Now Jack O'Neill was a man who could slaunter sexily.' She mused. Damn, back to thinking about the man who could never be hers. If the chances were slim before, she could say they were non-existent now. The computer screen was no more inviting that before. Usually Sam loved her work. Not today, her mind was torturing her on all the things they could be doing in there for so long.
They had sat down again. Jack was a little bit embarrassed at his behaviour a few minutes ago. After the tears had subsided they detached themselves from each other. Jack hadn't felt so totally balanced inside for a long time. When he and Sam were stranded on Antarctica and he lay dying with Sam curled next to him to keep him warm; he had called for Sara. He now knew why. There had been so much left unsaid and unresolved. He had wanted to tell her all they had admitted in the last few hours before he died.
"I feel different." She said.
"I've just remembered that you said you were going to get married again. Who's the extremely lucky man?"
"I don't know if you know him. He told me he knew you. He works here." Jack frowned slightly.
"What's his name?"
"Robert Makepeace." She said.
"Makepeace!" Jack shouted. "Bob Makepeace! Oh My God!"
"Jack!"
"Sara, you can't marry him."
"And why the hell not?"
"Because....."
"You have no reason at all."
"He's a marine?"
"That's not a proper reason. I married you."
"Exactly, and you didn't like me running off to places all the time. Anyway, Airforce is totally different. We're talking about other galaxies Sara. I mean Makepeace?"
"I know, and that's the third you've said his name. I know more than you think about your job." Jack sighed. This was a hell of a lot of information to take in. His ex wife, was marring his closet rival, who had had a thing with Sam making him even less popular with Jack.
"Then you know he broke all the laws and stole from our allies."
"But he was pretending Jack, just like you did."
"Whoa. I give up. You know too much." She chuckled.
"Has there been anyone else for you?" He looked at her.
"Maybe."
"Maybe Major Carter?"
"Oh for cryin' out loud Sara! Are you psychic?"
"She nearly fell on her knees when you introduced us. Does she know about me then?"
"Sam has been there for me. She puts up with my dense knowledge, my moods and she'll do anything I ask her. She's my best friend, along with Daniel."
"Jackson?"
"Yes, I'm not going to even ask how you know him. She's saved my ass, and doesn't expect anything in return. But we can't."
It felt odd talking to Sara on such personal terms again.
"Why not?"
"The regulations state that two officers, like me and Sam, can't become involved. I'm her commanding officer. It would be different if I wasn't."
"So get transferred."
"SG-1 is the best team on the base. No offence to Makepeace I still can't believe you're marring him We can't break it up."
"Oh, I see. Jack just bend the rules, you always do."
"I would, but I don't know if she wants to go any further. This feels strange. I never would have imagined talking to you about Sam."
"Do you love her?" She ignored his lame excuses.
"I don't know exactly." He sighed. "Yes I love her, very much. Sometimes I have to touch her, other times I just like watching her, knowing I know stuff about her that no one else does."
"Then Jack, don't give her up, not to anyone, because you will regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know." Their eyes connected. They both definitely knew what she meant.
"Speaking of, I really should see where Sam is. I need to talk to her, sort out the mess you've done in her head. I am not about to lose her again over my ex wife turning up back in my life. I spose you know about the Dance?"
"Yeah, I'm going." She smiled sweetly.
"See ya there then." With that, Jack kissed her on the cheek.
"I hope you will be happy Sara, that's all I ever wanted."
"I hope you will be happy Jack, that's all I ever wanted." She repeated.
He sneaked her off the base and watched her drive away. Then he leaned against a nearby car and rubbed his eyes. It felt like he had passed years that day. He checked his watch. It was 4'O'clock. Makepeace was the commanding officer of SG-3 and was currently off-world. Jack had a few words to say to him when he came back.
"Hey Carter."
"Sir." She looked up as Jack entered her lab. She had managed to get a small amount of work done, but it had been hard.
"What ya doing?" The air around them crackled with energy suddenly. She felt her heart thumping harder.
"I'm writing up the report for PX3...." He cut her off.
"Sam."
"Sir?" He looked very tired, she noticed.
"We need to talk." God, he'd had enough talking for one day, but he needed to get this straight. He didn't want Sam to feel threatened by Sara in any way.
"Sure." 'Here it comes', Sam thought. 'He's going to tell me that he's got back with his wife.' Ex. Bracing herself, and putting on her Major face, one that protected her most of the time, she switched the computer off, her heart in her mouth. This wasn't supposed to happen, but when did it ever turn out the right way?
He was going to invite her to coffee, but then he decided the mess hall would be less private than her lab.
"It's about Saturday." 'Oh God, he wants to go with her to the Dance instead of me.' She closed her eyes, not wishing him to see her disappointment. 'It's only a dance Sam!' She chanted.
"Sir I understand. I'm sure Daniel and Janet will let me tag along with them if I go at all. I mean, I totally get you would want to go with her and all." She started walking towards the door, pulling him with her.
"What? Major, what are you talking about?" She didn't want to hear him say it. Say that he wanted Sara more that her. Jack let her take him back.
"About us Sir. You don't have to go with me. It's not important."
"It isn't?" His eyes clouded.
"Of course not."
"Oh, I obviously got the wrong end of the stick." His face hardened. "I thought it was a more than friends date thing. But I see it's not like that for you." He was outside her door. With the parting shot, Jack turned smartly and walked briskly away. What had happened there?
Sam closed the door, her jaw on the floor. Slowly she closed her mouth. A more than friends date thing? He had wanted that? She closed her eyes. What had come over her? That's what she had been waiting for. The time when he came to her as Jack, wanted to talk to her as Jack. Not her CO, not the Colonel, and not as O'Neill. He had come, but she had pushed him away.
"Samantha Carter, you are an idiot." She yanked the door open and went in search of Jack. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, an excitement making her breathe faster. She couldn't find him in his quarters, the control room, the gate room, or the mess hall. Lastly she checked the car park. 'Great.' His car was no where to be seen. She headed home to sit down with a hot chocolate and sort out an excuse for her behaviour.
SG-1 had a week of downtime. Sam hadn't seen Jack for two days and he wasn't answering his phone. Teal'c was off world visiting his wife for the time and Daniel was spending most of his time with his new girlfriend, non other than the good Doctor Fraiser. Sam decided that if he didn't return her calls by that night she would do something drastic again and go round to his house and confess her undying love or something. She giggled at the thought. She hoped she hadn't driven him into the arms of Sara. She had opted to spend her downtime in her lab working on an artefact SG-2 had brought back from their travels. It kept her mind functioning, otherwise she would be at home watching day time soaps and moaning about the state of her personal life. There was knock on the door.
"Come in." She called. She heard the door open and close.
"Hi Maj- uh Sam." That voice. Sara walked further towards her.
"Sara. How did you get in here?" Her brow creased, this was the last person she wanted to see. She was wearing a summer dress this time, and looked pretty and feminine. Sam suddenly felt very boyish in her unflattering fatigues and shorter hair.
"I uh, had a little bit of help."
"Oh, I see." Sam lied.
"No, you don't, but you will soon, after we've talked."
"What can I help you with?" Carter's mind was whirring.
"It's Jack. I know how you feel about him."
"Excuse me?" Sam put on the whole 'I have no idea what you're talking about' routine, but it wasn't working or fooling the other woman.
"I know I have no right to do this, but I don't like seeing him like this."
"Like what?"
"Sam, We're not together. I came here for completely different reasons."
"You're not?"
"No."
"But I thought...."
"As soon as I turned up, he would forget about you and fall into my arms?"
"Something like that." She smiled sheepishly. "I guess I'm a bit insecure, and it's not like we're together or anything."
"But you love him don't you?" Sara asked softly.
"Yes." Carter's voice broke. "He doesn't know though. We're just friends, good, good friends. I don't want to damage our friendship. And then there's the regs. How did you know?"
"You had that look in your eye."
"What, a woman in love?" Sam laughed. She was beginning to really like Sara, she could see what Jack saw in her, had seen in her she corrected herself.
"A woman in love with Jack. I think it's called the O'Neill curse. A woman in close contact with him for a long time can't help but feel for him. Trust me I know." He eyes glinted. "I'm here now to warn you Sam." She said suddenly serious again. Carter was a bit taken aback by the change of atmosphere in the room.
"Warn me?"
"Don't let him go, because if you loose him, you will never forgive yourself, and you will spend the rest of your life paying for it."
"You're talking from personal experience." Sam commented quietly.
"Yes, but it's too late for Jack and I, too much has changed us and anyway, he's in love with someone else, so am I."
"You mean me." It slipped out before she knew what she had said. It was getting an annoying habit.
"I mean you. I know you've been hurt by him, but remember he's just a man Sam." She nodded.
Sam had some more questions to ask her. Sara, sensing this,
"Look, have you got time for a cup of coffee or something? We need to clear some stuff up."
"Yeah sure, I need a break anyway." The two women left in the direction of the mess hall.
An hour later, they had become firm friends. Sam understood what was going on, and she felt very foolish not to have trusted Jack or the vibes she had been getting off him. When Sara told her she had a inkling Jack returned her feelings, Sam's heart quickened again, her hair sticking up on the back of her neck. She had to see him. She had to sort this one out, because this was her chance before something like Edora happened again. But the question that played on her lips was:
Did Jack really return her love, or would he file a report for her transfer?
The end.
Read "02 The Dance", it's the sequel!!!
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