Hope For The Impossible.
Hope For The Impossible.
by Adi
TITLE: Hope For The Impossible.
AUTHOR: Adi
EMAIL: dr_bev_crasher@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Romance, Angst
PAIRING: Sam/Teal'c
SPOILERS: 100 Days, Bloodlines.
SEASON / SEQUEL: 3
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual situations
SUMMARY: Sam's thoughts about her relationship with Teal'c.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have decided to write Sam with the most improbable relationships. Next stop George Hammond! *Would you stop it with the rotten tomatos already!!!*
He was just so big. No, not in that sense, well yeah in that sense but that's not what I'm talking about, right now at least. His arms were just so large. After, when we would lie in bed breathing hard, sweat cooling on our skin and I would shiver, he would pull me in his arms and I would feel so safe, so warm.
I loved the way his dark skin looked next to mine. And I loved the way we fit together when we slept. I loved the sound of his breathing next to me. I loved the way I could always, always hear his heartbeat when he was near me. I loved the way he would call me Samantha when were alone, his low voice making my whole body vibrate. I loved the way he would smile with his eyes. I loved knowing he loved me.
I hated the thing within him, even though until after Jolinar I barely gave it a thought. I hated the way he was so good at hiding his feelings that, when there were other people around, I was afraid that I had imagined our whole relationship. I hated seeing him leave, or watching him as I left. I hated sleeping when he wasn't there to keep me warm, keep me safe. And I hate the fact that every time I leave I start thinking of what we have in past tense, as if it's already over.
I know he has a family off world. A wife he loves and a son he adores. Is it wrong to be thankful to a system lord for making it impossible for Teal'c to be with his wife so that I can have him just a little bit longer? I know I'm being selfish and I know I should have never, ever have gotten into this . . . this . . . whatever you want to call it. But I want him. I know I'll never have him. Not in the 'to have and to hold til death do us part' way, but that's all right. I know I'll have to give him to his wife, I really do. Whenever we have a long down time he goes to her. Her not me. I'm OK with that, really I am.
I don't really remember how it happened. It was after we saved his son. I remember that because I knew he had a family he would never really leave. I remember I was lonely. Not depressed or anything like that. Just lonely. I decided to stay on base, didn't really feel like going home alone. Jack and Daniel had already left. Sometimes I wonder if they had stayed whether any of this would have happened. I went to wish him good night. I think we were standing next to each other, I think he put his hands on my arms, I think I leaned into him. Just for a moment, I swear, I just wanted to feel his warm skin against mine. I just wanted . . . I don't remember what I wanted. I know what I needed, he knew it too. I don't know how but he knew.
It felt so good, he was so gentle. I felt like I was swimming in the very essence of him. And I wasn't lonely anymore. It hurt so much to see him act as if nothing had happened the day after, but I did it too so I guess I can't blame him. But that night he came to me, and the next I came to him.
It's hard for me to say that it was . . . that it is, love. In a way it was, in a way it wasn't. It kept us going. And when Jack was stuck on Edora, Teal'c was the only one who could get me to rest. He literally picked me out of my chair and put me to bed. I thought he was crazy at the time that everyone would find out, but when Jack returned and I could look around me and see the world again, I realized that most of the people thought that Daniel had asked him to. Daniel just thought that Teal'c was being a good friend. They didn't know what happened behind the closed doors of Teal'c quarters. That's where he took me, his bed was bigger. They never knew about the bruises on his chest, shaped like my fists. Didn't know about the torn blankets or the ripped pillows. He let me rant and rave and scream in exhausted frustration until I would collapse on him or near him, confident that he would be there to catch me.
Then I succeeded and Teal'c went to get him. I was so tired, but I didn't dare go to sleep. I waited for him, waited for both of them. The night we brought Jack back I did something I had never done before. I went to Teal'c quarters and lit all the candles and waited for him. He didn't seem surprised to see me, pleased yes, relieved defiantly. We were both so tired that night we didn't do anything. Teal'c went into Kel'no'reem and I just watched him until I feel asleep. I slept for almost a whole day. When I woke up I was curled up into a fetal position, my forehead was resting on his chest and he was curled up around me, his arms resting on my back making me feel like I was floating in a warm pool of Teal'c. I wanted to stay there forever. It was the only time I wished he wasn't married.
I know when the project is over he'll go home to his wife and child. I know he won't look back. Or worse, he'll die and I'll have to return his body to his wife, and I won't be allowed to grieve like I would want to. Either way I won't be able to keep him. I know it's too much to hope for a happy ending, that it would be hoping for the impossible. But if you're going to hope for the impossible, you might as well make it really good.
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