Realize
By Crystal Pittman-Scott
Sam Carter sat on the dock, knees pulled to her chest, thinking. It really was beautiful up here at his cabin. She hadn't been able to sleep so she finally pulled her Air Force sweatshirt over her head and slipped her shoes on and came out here to reflect. So much had happened in the last couple weeks, her head was spinning. She listened to the serene sound of nature at night, the water rippeling just so, the moon shining through the trees, the hoot of an owl every now and again. She could see why the General loved it up here so much.
Her thoughts shifted to him. God help her, she didn't know what to do anymore. Jacob had told her not to let the rules get in her way of her happiness and that's what she thought she was accomplishing by marrying Pete. She truly had thought Pete would be enough for her and she was only greatful that she had figured it out before it was too late. *Yeah, like a few days before your wedding isn't "too late"!* She pulled her legs tighter to her, dropping her head to her knees. She had barely dodged that bullet. Now she wasn't sure what was going to happen. She was fairly certain of how he felt about her, but while they were still in the same line of command, nothing could come of it.
"Carter?"
She jumped at the sudden realization that she wasn't alone anymore. The General walked down to the dock, standing next to her, a questioning look in his eyes. "I'm fine, Sir."
"Its freezing out here."
"It feels good."
"Can I join you?" he asked and when she conceeded, he slowly sat next to her, not quite touching, but close enough. He pulled his coat tighter around him, letting out the breath he'd been holding. "Whatcha thinking about?"
"This and that." She turned her head to look at him, still resting it on her knees. He kept looking out across the pond and she took the opportunity to study his face. The years had definately added the stress lines to his face, but at the same time, it only made him look more distingushed. Before she could turn her gaze away, he turned and caught her eyes. *Damn it, I hate it when he looks at me like that!* She sighed and faced away from him before continuing. "Sir, do you ever feel like there is something more than where you're currently at in life?"
"Loaded question, Carter."
"Actually, Sir, I ment it to be rhetorical." She crossed her arms over her knees to better rest her head before she continued. "These last two years have been hard. Between losing Janet, everything with Pete, my dad dying, I keep asking myself if its worth it anymore. Is it time yet for me to have what I *want*?"
"What do you want?" he asks, turning to look at her. The moonlight is hitting her face just right, highlighting her features in a serene way, a mask of sorts to her true emotions.
"Loaded question, Sir," she replies with a smile, still looking out over the pond.
"Try me, Sam." That got her attention and she quickly looked back to him, meeting his gaze again. "It may not be as loaded as it seems."
"I don't think this is the place, Sir."
"Now's as good as any." He gently reached out and tucked the strand of hair behind her ear and she leaned into his hand as he held it there for a second. "I'm not going anywhere. We have no inturruptions. In my opinion, its time."
"What about Kerry?"
He laughed slightly at her question before answering. "She dumped me."
"I'm sorry."
"You want to know why?" he asked her quietly. When she nodded, he continued, never once taking his eyes from hers. "She said I have too many issues. One big one in particular."
His hand slowly ran down her arm, searching for her hand, lacing their fingers together. "What's the issue?"
"You."
Her eyes widened and even in the dark, she knew he had seen the response. "How am I an issue?", she asked feebily.
He groaned, and rubbed his face with his other hand. "I think we both know what it means."
"Sir...Jack, nothing has changed." Her mind was racing at his answer. She had always suspected that he still habored feelings for her, as she did him. "Its even more complicated now than it was even a year ago. You're the base commander and I'm second in command."
He mumbled something really fast that she didn't catch. "What did you just say?"
"I said: 'Not for long.'"
"What do you mean, 'not for long'?" He wouldn't look at her, but still held her hand. She gripped his hand just a bit tighter to catch his attention and look back to her. "Jack?"
"I've been reassigned."
"To where?"
"I have to report to D.C. in two weeks. I'm the new head of Homeworld Security."
She let out the breath she had been holding and refocused her gaze to the pond. *Could it finally be?* She was certain she had been lost in her own thoughts for quite some time because Jack tugged her hand to get her attention. She turned back to him, their eyes holding a conversation just as they had done numerous times over the last almost nine years. "When were you going to tell me?"
"After your wedding. I've known for awhile now."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"You had too much else going on, first your wedding and then with your dad. I didn't want to drop this on you then."
She sighed again, absently rubbing her thumb over his fingers. "Who's taking over command at SGC?"
"Actually, an old buddy of mine, Gen. Hank Landry." He reached out again to tuck the errant strand of her hair back behind her ear. "I think you'll like him. He's a good guy, Sam."
She nodded and pulled her hand from his, wrapping her arms around her body as she shivered. Jack noticed and decided to take a chance. He moved back a bit and then put one of his legs on the other side of her. He gently grabbed her shoulders and eased her back against his chest, his arms wrapping around her knees. He rested his chin on her shoulder, breathing in her scent.
"Things will work out, Sam. Hank's a great leader." he quietly said. He felt her nod against him. He held her tightly, both of them unconcisosly rocking back and forth at a slow pace. They sat like that for some time before he spoke again. "I'm ready, Sam."
She turned her face to look at him and he moved back slightly so she could. In his eyes, she saw everything that had been there for the last almost nine years and more and she was certain her eyes reflected the same. "Dad said I shouldn't let the rules stand in my way anymore."
"Smart man, that Jacob Carter." he said smiling a small, sad smile.
"He sure was." She felt her saddness creeping back up and turned so that she was now leaning against his chest, her arms wrapped around his middle, her face buried in his neck. Finally finding the comfort she'd been seeking for the last couple weeks, she let the tears fall once more. "I miss him, Jack, so much."
He lifted her so that she now sat in his lap and tightened his arms around her, rocking her gently. "Let it all out, Sam. I'm here for you, always." They stayed that way, drawing comfort from each other for some time. Jack finally felt her tears stop, but he didn't let up on his hold. He felt her cling to him, tighter. He pressed his nose into her hair, breathing her in. Her fingers were gently tracing circles over the part of his chest that was exposed and damn it if it didn't feel good, right. Before he knew it, she was placing light kisses at the junction where his neck and shoulder met. "God, Sam.", he groaned. He reveled in the feeling for a moment more before he pulled back to look into her eyes.
"I'm ready too, Jack. I'm tired of waiting. Its our turn now." She was surprised at the conviction in her voice, but it was true. They had sacrificed so much over the last few years and she was tired of giving. She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand, loving the feel of the day old stubble against her smooth palm. Finally after what felt like an eternity, Jack leaned down and gently kissed her lips. It was a very chaste kiss, a test of sorts. He wouldn't rush her, especially now, in her more vulnerable state. She pulled away after a moment, a smile forming across her face. "That was nice."
He grinned at her. "Just 'nice' huh?" He dipped her down to the side, looking like he was going to pounce. "I'll show you 'nice'." He kissed her again, only this time he didn't hold anything back. Sam ran her hands up into his hair, pulling him closer if that was at all possible. His tongue danced with hers, expressing the pent up love and passion they had felt for the last few years. They finally broke apart, both grinning like a couple of fools.
"Okay, that was better than nice," she told him. "Its cold, Jack. Lets go back to bed." They stood up and before they walked away, Jack pulled her close for one more embrace. She held him tightly, inhaling the scent that was purely Jack O'Neill. He rested his cheek on the top of her blonde head, rubbing her back.
"You know I love you, right?" he murmered.
"I know. I love you too." With that, she broke from his hold and took his hand. They walked silently back to the cabin, both nervous and calm at the same time. They slipped their shoes and coats off once inside and Jack moved to kiss her softly. He had insisted when they got here that she take his room since the guys had the spare room and he would sleep on the couch, giving her more privacy. He wasn't about to make any assumptions, but when she pulled him behind her, he followed and shut the bedroom door quietly. She moved to the bed while he stood by the door, not sure what he should do.
"Jack?" she asked quietly. He caught her gaze and smiled. "I need you to hold me tonight."
That was all the invite he needed and he quickly removed his jeans and t-shirt. He crawled into the bed behind Sam, laying on his side facing her. He wrapped his arms around her middle and kissed her. "Goodnight Samantha. I love you."
"Goodnight Jack. I love you too." They held each other all through the night, both finally content and for once at peace with their world. They knew there was still much more to work out, but both had the faith that they'd make it through.
~Fin~