What's with all the computers?
What's with all the computers?
by Vireyda Blade
Summary: Jack, Sam, Teal'c, Daniel, Hathor, Ra, and Apophis enter a chat room. GOOD LORD! OH THE HORROR! And to quote the title. Computers? In the afterlife!
Category: Humor, Romance
Episode Related: 113 Hathor
Season: Season 1
Pairing: Jack/Sam, UST
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 07/10/03
The Book of Technology
Screen Names:
ICEMAN --- Jack
EgyptianSpec --- Daniel
ASTROGIRL --- Sam
WeLuvtheLord--- Hathor
Jaffa101 --- Teal'c
IRuleAll --- Apophis
EYEOFPOWER --- Ra
-EgyptianSpec enters chat-
-ICEMAN enters chat-
-DNAshifter enters chat-
-IRuleAll enters chat-
ICEMAN: Woo hoo! We beat everybody! Party At the base! Daniel, you bring the beer.
EgyptianSpec: I will do nothing of the sort.
ICEMAN: You ruin all my fun.
WeLuvthelord: We think O'Neill's onto something here.
EgyptianSpec: You would.
-EYEOFPOWER enters chat-
IRuleAll: Why is no one speaking to us? Do you Not realize who we are? We hold infinite power that You're puny Minds could not even possibly conceive.
WeLuvtheLord: And yet you're dead.
EYEOFPOWER: Hey, you're not exactly real big In the land of the living yourself.
WeLuvthelord: Must you remind us?
-Jaffa101 enters chat-
-ASTROGIRL enters chat-
ICEMAN: Hey babe.
ASTROGIRL: If you are speaking to me I must say That your referral to me as "babe" is really quite insulting.
ICEMAN: She wants me.
EgyptianSpec: Of course. That explains the pure hatred.
ICEMAN: Hate is such a strong word...
EYEOFPOWER: Maybe she wants me.
Renald101: tries to control insane laughter
IRuleAll: If anyone cares, our opinion is that---
Jaffa101: Trust me, no one cares.
ASTROGIRL: still trying to gain control of the laughter
EYEOFPOWER: I would be insulted... if I had any pride left.
ICEMAN: Teal'c, you're awfully quiet...
Jaffa101: I prefer to sit back and listen while You all prove to me what big idiots you are.
ICEMAN: Ah. Okay.
Jaffa101: I was not aware they had computers in The afterlife.
WeLuvtheLord: How did you think Apophis, Ra and I Got here, Einstein?
Jaffa101: Einstein? I'm afraid I do not Understand.
EgyptianSpec: I'll explain later. Anyway ignore her. She's a bigger idiot than Jack is.
WeLuvtheLord: I'll have you know I'm an evil genius.
EYEOFPOWER: Yeah, an evil genius that ended up Just as dead as the rest of us.
ICEMAN: Hey! I am not an idiot!
ICEMAN: Oooh! Cat fight!
EgyptianSpec: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Jaffa101: I believe you are mistaken Daniel Jackson.
ASTROGIRL: Hey!
EygptianSpec: Oh, sorry. I'm surrounded by a few idiots.
IRuleAll: We got the closest to beating them.
ASTROGIRL: How about we say you all got equally close?
ICEMAN: But we still kicked ass!
ASTROGIRL: Jack, you're such a child.
ICEMAN: That's not what you said that time in my bedroom.
DNAshifter: I think I'm going to be sick.
Jaffa101: Junior and I are barfing as I speak.
EgyptianSpec: Jack, how about no more references To your sex life, okay?
ICEMAN: You know you all think I'm hot.
Jaffa101: Actually, if I'm not mistaken, I Believe Hathor has always been rather partial to Daniel Jackson.
EgyptianSpec: blushes
WeLuvtheLord: grins evilly
ICEMAN: Yeah Daniel. You thought she whisked you off to another planet so that she could kill you, but she actually wanted to savagely rape you.
Jaffa101: And I had just stopped throwing up. Thanks for that image, O'Neill.
WeLuvtheLord: Yay! My cookies are done!
ICEMAN: Okay, I am now afraid.
IRuleAll: You give a bad name to bad guys everywhere, Hathor.
Jaffa101: You are bad guys. You already have a bad name. Duh!
EgyptianSpec: Did Teal'c just say duh?
DNAshifter: Oh no! Jack's is rubbing off on him.
ICEMAN: Hey, you're the one who bakes cookies. And just so you know, I never say duh.
WeLuvtheLord: What's wrong with baking cookies? It's a hobby. I also knit.
EYEOFPOWER: Wow, really? I knit, too!
ICEMAN: runs screaming from the room
EgyptianSpec: Hey guys, we finally got rid of him.
ICEMAN: I heard that.
EYEOFPOWER: He's back.
IRuleAll: Damn it.
ICEMAN: Fine. None of you are invited to the party at the base.
EgyptianSpec: Sorry Jack but nobody wanted to go to your party.
WeLuvtheLord: I kinda did.
IRuleAll: Like we said earlier, Hathor, you're an embarrassment to bad guys everywhere.
WeLuvtheLord: Hey, he said there would be beer.
EYEOFPOWER: Hmmm...
IRuleAll: On second thought...
ICEMAN: Apophis, Ra, and Nirrti, you're invited. Sticks tongue out at Teal'c, Sam, and Daniel.
ASTROGIRL: Raise your hand if you think Jack'll grow up to be an alcoholic! raises hand
WeLuvtheLord: raises hands
Jaffa101: *raises hand
EGyptianSpec: raises hand
IRuleAll: raises hands
ICEMAN: raises hand
ETEOFPOWER: raises hands
ASTROGIRL: Jack, you have problems.
IICEMAN: That's not what you told me that time in the closet.
EgyptianSpec: Jack, what'd I say about the references to your sex life?
Jaffa101: barfing again
IRuleAll: Okay, we're leaving. We can no longer take the humiliation of seeing what our slaves of have become. You disgust us. Goodbye.
-IRuleAll exits chat-
ASTROGIRL: And we're all so sad.
ICEMAN: I hope they remember about the party.
EgyptianSpec: How are they going to go to your party if they're dead?
ICEMAN: If they're so all powerful, they'll find a way.
Jaffa101: Indeed, I've had enough, I'm leaving too. By the way O'Neill, Junior says to tell you you're a evil bastard.
-jaffa101 exits chat-
ICEMAN: Junior loves me, too. It's just that he, like the rest of you, is unable to fully understand his feelings for me.
ASTROGIRL: I have a sudden urge to bore you to death.
ICEMAN: That's not what you said that time---
EgyptianSpec: Okay, I'm leaving.
WeLuvtheLord: Me, too. I've had all I can take. By the way, see you again tonight, Dr. Jackson. blows a kiss
EygptianSpec: blushes
* EygptianSpec exits chat--DNAShifter exits chat-
ICEMAN: I'm not even going to ask.
ASTROGIRL: Maybe next time we should invite the Tollan and the Tokrah to chat.
ICEMAN: How would they type? They can't write English!
ASTROGIRL: True. Hey everyone's gone!
ICEMAN: Yeah, okay. Well I'd say it's definitely time to go.
ASTROGIRL: Yeah.
-ICEMAN exits chat-
ASTROGIRL: Jack...damn it, right when I get up the courage to tell him...ah forget it.
-ASTROGIRL exits chat-
THE END
I am so evil. And I have no life. Thanx for reading. Maybe I'll write another with different baddies and so on. FEED BACK PEOPLE! FEEDBACK!
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Vireyda Blade
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