Heart Door
Heart Door
by Tropical
TITLE: Heart Door
AUTHOR: Tropical
EMAIL: Charlizecarter77@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: not that I can think of
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Jack needs to talk and Sam's there for him.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first 'romance' story. I always do action/adventure I know, but let me know what you think. I have a few others in store! Feedback is always appreaciated!
Jack's been sitting alone in the locker room for the past hour and still hasn't made a move to go yet. SG-1 was put on downtime for a few days, since Daniel broke his arm on their latest mission.
Jack sighed and looked around the empty locker room. He was starting to think of it again. *It* was his life. A lot has happened during his life, he loved and lost, killed and saved, things come as it went. Everything was bottled up inside of him and he felt like a time bomb, and his fear was that it could explode at any moment, on any person and he was hoping it wouldn't be on his team.
Suddenly, he heard the locker room door open, sending light into the dark room. Then a voice was heard and he immediately knew who it was. Major Carter.
"sir, I thought you'd be home by now?" she asked, walking towards her locker. He nod but said nothing. Sam frown and approached him slowly "are you ok, sir?"
"I'm fine, major" he said a little harsh. Sam nod, not believing him and went back to her locker, taking her bags to be ready to go home.
Jack rubbed his face and lifted his head to look at her. She had her back to him and was packing the last piece of clothing in her pack. He felt the urge to say something, anything, just to talk to her.
"Carter?" he found himself saying. Sam slowly turned around to look at him, with a curious expression on her face.
"sir?"
Jack scratched his head nervously, and patted on the bench next to him "take a seat" Sam nod, starting to get nervous herself and sat next to him.
"remember when you said.. if I ever needed to talk, you and the others would be.. there for that?"
Sam was now nervous, this wasn't like him, he never asked to talk about anything.
"of course I remember"
"I think.. I think that now would be.. a good time for that"
"is everything ok?" she asked concerned.
"if I say yes, it would be a lie" he finally had the courage to look at her and she was surprised to see an expression she had never seen on him before. He looked lost and confused, and that worried her.
"do you want me to call Daniel or..." he cut her off as he shook his head "no" he said and looked back down to his hands "if it doesn't bother you, I would like to talk only to you?"
Sam was surprised to hear that, this wasn't what she'd expected "ok, that's ok" she said, softly.
Jack forced a smile and look at her "not here though, my place at 1900, is that ok?" she nod in agreement and they stood up.
"if you ever change your mind, I won't blame you, I'll understand. I never really talked about *it* so I don't know how I'll react to certain.. aspect"
Sam smiled and nod "don't worry about me, I'm level 3 advanced, remember?" she joked. He chuckled and smiled "yeah, I better be prepared"
Sam turned more serious and look at him in the eyes "tonight at 1900, I'll be there!" he nod, relieved and left the locker room and went to his house.
Jack parked at his house, took a shower and put some comfortable clothes on, a pair of sweat pants and a short sleeve dark green shirt. He walked around his house, cleaned up here and there and waited for night to come.
Sam knocked on his door right on time, she was rarely late when it came to appointments, another thing he liked about her. Jack answered and let her in.
"I'm glad you came" he said, nervously. Sam smiled "I told you I was coming, I keep my promises"
"have you already eaten?" he asked her and led her to the couch. She shook her head and sat down "no, I wasn't very hungry at the time"
"perhaps later we'll call for a pizza"
"yeah, perhaps"
They fell in an uncomfortable silence and neither of them knew how to start. Sam didn't want to sound pushy or anything like that, but had to make a first step or he'll never make it to the finish line.
"so, why are you so down lately?"
Jack sighed and sat more comfortably in his couch "well, I was thinking a lot lately.. about my life"
Sam was surprised to hear this but said nothing, leaving him the space he wanted and the time he needed.
"I don't know if I'm satisfied with it.. don't get me wrong! I love the work and my team, people I work with and all, but it wasn't like this I planned to finish my life.."
He stopped, taking his time and choosing his words properly "there is a lot of things I loved about my life, which are now gone. At the time he was... alive, he was my everything, my life but then he left and it took it all away..." his voice faded and he starred at the floor.
Sam knew who is was talking about, his son. She didn't know what to do, she knew he needed space but still she never thought she'd be here listening to this.
Jack felt trapped within himself, his feelings kept him from talking about it, like it was a barrier and he hated when he felt like that. It didn't care to who he was talking to, it was just happening naturally. He needed to overcome this feeling, but didn't know how.
"you wanna take a walk?" Sam's voice brought him back to reality and look up at her. She raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
"yeah, that'd be good" he said softly and they exited the house.
Jack felt already better, walking out of the house was a good idea. They walked in silence, there was no destination, just the thought of taking fresh air and relax.
"it's been awhile since I took a walk" he admitted, braking the silence.
"I like it, it's refreshing" she replied.
"yes it is, it's better when you have some company though" he said, looking at her. Sam kept looking forward "not all the time, it's good to be alone once and awhile, it makes you feel good"
"I don't think I'll walk alone though, it would look stupid"
"colonel, you're worrying way too much about what other people think, you should stop that because it makes you feel like you can't do everything you want. You're living your life and they're living theirs, otherwise you'll feel trapped all the time and you won't know what freedom really is"
Jack stayed silent for a moment, she had touched something serious here, because one of his problems was 'what other people might think of him if he might do that' attitude.
"I always were like that"
"doesn't mean you have to be like that"
"you can't change these things it's just... in you"
"of course not, you can change everything you want, there's no limit to nothing. I'm sure you would like to change it but you are a bit afraid of what might happened at the end"
"I wouldn't be afraid!" he defended himself.
"I didn't mean to make you angry, sir, but I think you are. Doesn't mean you are a USAF colonel, you won't be afraid of anything because everyone is afraid of something. Being afraid isn't bad, you just have to fight it sometimes"
"I'm strong, I can deal with these things" he said, still on his defending tone.
"with all due respect, you aren't as strong as you look. You don't have to be defending yourself with me, colonel, I'm just saying that's all. And apparently you can't deal with these things otherwise you would be talking easily about it. You are strong outside but inside is the opposite. Why do you think you are using sarcasm and jokes all the time, because you know that you aren't strong enough on the inside"
Jack stayed quiet for awhile, she was right and he had to admit it, everything she said was right. It was a lot to take in, it was the first time someone had ever told him these things. Some people tried, but when they found out he wouldn't cooperate, they just dropped the subject as if they were scared to continue. But she wasn't, she said what was on her mind and continued even if he was on the defensive, and knowing she was trusting him with everything she got, made him feel stronger.
Without knowing, it was already starting to be dark outside and they decided to turn around and head on back to his place. Sam wasn't talking if he didn't gave a subject or comment, she wasn't here to give her POV on him, just to listen because he needed to talk. He found himself lucky for all a sudden, he had a lot of friends family and a lot of them didn't went this far with him. He was lucky, lucky to have her as a friend, as 2IC and maybe...
They finally arrived at his house and walked in. The air was humid and it was hot inside, very uncomfortable. After hesitating several times, he turned to face her.
"what do you say if we get on the roof?"
"the roof?" she echoed, confused. Jack nod and smiled "yeah, get up and I'll be there in a sec"
Sam nod and walked outside only to see a ladder that led to the roof. She climbed up and saw a telescope, she decided to sit near it and waited for him to come up.
Jack walked to the kitchen and took two beers from the fridge and made his way to the roof. He found Sam looking through his telescope, at the stars.
"hey" he said softly, not to startle her. Sam look away and smiled shyly at him "hey, you have a nice view from here" she said, indicating the stars.
"yeah, I do. That's why I love this place so much" he sat next to her and gave her a beer.
"thanks" she smiled at him and took a sip of her beer.
"you know what you said earlier, it made me think for awhile.."
"sir, if I said something I shouldn't have..." she started apologizing, obviously nervous.
"no, what you said was right and.. and it's true. I have problems with self esteem, that's why I'm always joking around, keeping my weakness away just to replace it for something that you couldn't even describe as strong. I never could'd really deal with all this, it started a long time ago and stayed with me during years"
"when did it start?" she ask softly.
".. high school, I always thought I was dumb and I was failing miserably. I was always fighting with friends as I couldn't deal with them being better than me. That's why I hated scientists and teachers, they were all better than me and it looked like they were laughing in my face just to make me see I was dumb. I finally finished high school, didn't went to my graduation party. I didn't bother going to college because I knew I would fail and I can't see that happening. I was 18 and quickly went in the military, I found my place there and could be respected"
Jack stopped and drank another sip of his beer, cooling him off a little bit. He never went this far and felt like he had no protection whatsoever.
"there is no way I am going to laugh at you because you think you are dumb, colonel. Actually, as a scientist, I know people who are dumb and you are not one of them. Doesn't mean I know things you don't, makes you dumb. You know things that I don't know, you like hockey and I don't, you like golfing and I never played in my life. Your fascination with the stars, you know a lot of things about stars and constellations that a dumb man wouldn't. Remember when you asked me and Hammond that it took two stargates to create a stable wormhole and that you were right, you were proud of yourself because you had it right. I'm sorry, but a dumb man wouldn't be listening to me and remembering something like that"
Jack found himself for the first time at a lost for word "so, you don't think I'm dumb, huh?!" he said, a bit surprised. Sam smiled to herself "no, sir, I know you aren't"
"well, that's nice to know.. thanks" he said and looked at her. He really meant it and he was serious. She smiled "you're welcome" and took a sip of her beer.
They fell in a silence. Each of them were lost in their own thoughts. Jack was actually feeling a little better than earlier today. Whether it was just to talk about it, the person to whom he talked to or just talk with *that* person helped, he really didn't know.
He look at Sam beside him, she was looking at the sky, lost in her thoughts. He smiled to himself. It was the very first time they spent a night alone since their confession. It was hard, for him anyway, but he enjoyed her presence anyhow. It wasn't everyday you would meet someone, who were much like you. She was in the military which was a both a good and a bad thing. She was a great soldier but the bad thing he loved her but couldn't nothing about it.
He frown and look away from her 'love?' the word rang in his mind. Since when was he using that word to describe her? Shaking his head, he cleared his throat "thanks for being here tonight, Carter" Sam turned her head to look at him and smiled "you're welcome"
Unprepared for that feeling, they got lost in each other's eyes. Blue met brown, love met love. Everything was perfect except one thing. Against regulation.
Sam look away quickly and a little embarrass. They couldn't cross the line over yet, work meant too much for the both of them.
Jack admitted to himself he was rather a little disappointed she broke the contact right away. He didn't blame her though, that was the last thing in his mind. He saw her standing up and look up.
"I'm gonna go, it's getting late"
Jack nod, breathing heavily after the eye contact. He stood up and led her to the front door.
"thanks for coming again, Carter" he tried to show his disappointment. He didn't really ask her to come today to talk about those kinda things. Of course it helped but he wanted to tell her what was really missing in his life so he could die a happy man. He couldn't have told her though. Because it was her.
"you're welcome, sir. Call me if you ever need to talk again" she smiled softly. She was sincere about that offer. She had a feeling he didn't told her everything or had too much to say in so little time. She smiled one last time before walking out of the door. She noticed his disappointment when they broke contact and when she informed him she would have to leave. But it was for the best, right?
She stopped a little further from his door step and turned around. He was still at the door entrance, a thoughtful look on his face. Hesitating, she walk up to him and kissed him softly on the lips, not letting him enough time to react to the kiss, she pulled away and smiled before walking to her car and driving off to her house.
Jack was still standing in his door way, shocked. Did she just kissed him or was it his wildest dream playing tricks on him again? Still feeling her warm lips against his, he decided to have a very *very* cold shower if he wanted to sleep tonight.
Before closing all lights and locking all doors, he smiled to himself. He came to conclusion that he really could describe her as the love of his life.
- Tropical -
So? My very first 'romance' story! I know some fans wanted for me to write one of those just for the kick of it. Well, this is it! I have a couple of them in store but I need your feedback to tell me where I'm going with all this. Thanks everyone who keeps sending me feedbacks for all my previous fics. I'm glad people appreaciate them;)
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Tropical
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