Fallout Part 1
Fallout Part 1
by Queen Annae
Title: Fallout Part 1
Author: Queen Annae
Email: QueenAn_nae@hotmail.com
Category: Angst, MissingScene/Epilogue, Series, Thoughts
Episode related: 420 Entity
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: violence
Summary: Sam's still in the Infirmary and worried about Jack after she's returned to her body in Entity. She sends Daniel(poor guy)to see how the Colonel's doing.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Colonel Jack O'Neill sat in front of his computer trying to make sense of this last disaster in his life and put it into a report. He stared blankly at the monitor as if it wasn't there. Nothing had prepared him for the gut wrenching experience of having to kill the woman he loved. Oh, yeah...the woman he loved. There was no denying it now. Granted, she wasn't dead, not that it was the result of anything he had done.
Why hadn't he just shut Daniel and Sam up? He had done it before when they had gotten too enthusiastic about something that he just knew was too dangerous to mess with. Why couldn't they trust his judgment?
He leaned over the keyboard, elbows on the desk, and his face in his hands. Had he been able to cry; he would have. However, Jack O'Neill doesn't cry. He gets angry. He demands alien entities to leave. He does what comes naturally. He kills. That cold steel feeling had resurfaced when he thought he had lost her. The cold, numb feeling that says I don't give a damn about anything but what I have to do. I will do whatever it takes to make you suffer as much as I am or sacrifice as much as I have if you don't give me what I want.
He hadn't noticed Daniel peering into his office. Daniel knew enough to know that although Sam was alive and would recover; Jack's recovery wasn't as sure a bet.
God, Jack looks like crap. Not that any of us except Teal'c looks much better. I wish there was something I could do or say to help Jack. Nope...nothing that can be done. Only Sam can help that healing and it will be a couple of days before she can rattle the Colonel's cage enough to get him to see the truth.
Daniel Jackson moved on towards the Infirmary to spend some time with Sam. Jack hadn't been around much and Sam was worried about him. She had sent him to check on the Colonel. Damn, when are these two going to figure out what is going on between them? Most of the base knows they love each other. General Hammond certainly does. Still they keep denying it. The cling to the regs as if there was no way they could handle their feelings if they were suddenly unleashed.
Daniel wondered what he was going to tell Sam. He needn't have worried. One look at his face told her what she needed to know.
Damn him! He did what he had to do. She knew that no matter how it had ended that there would be more than her pain to be dealt with by everyone. Jack.... damn you, how dare you think I would blame you? Couldn't you see past it? Couldn't you hear me screaming at you? I was screaming that I understood. I was screaming that I wanted you to do what had to be done. Well.... I would have preferred for it to have been someone else.... but I knew you were the only one you trusted to wait until the last possible moment. I saw you hesitate even when you knew what had to be done. I screamed again. Shoot, Jack! Damn it, I don't count. We don't count if the world we love is at danger.
As I told Daniel, I don't remember anything after the first shot. Daniel said that my eyes became filled with anger and hatred. That wasn't me. God, Jack...don't believe I could ever look at you like that. I told General Hammond what I could remember. I went from watching Jack aim and fire the first shot from the Zat gun to finding myself devoid of all sensations. It took me a minute for my mind to reach out and find a way to communicate. Once I realized that I was back in the MALP room, I knew that there was a monitor and an interface to the rest of the base. I could see the Claymore's and the men setting them. I had to find a way to communicate. I fired up the program. The Sgt just about jumped out of his skin.
I needed to send a message...not just in the MALP room, but also on every computer in the command. I had to let Jack know where I was. Not that I expected Jack to find a way back for me. Maybe I did. Maybe I rely on him as he does on me. I don't know. Suddenly I knew what message to send. God, I hoped they would understand.
I AM HERE.
I repeated it over and over. I filled all the screens at SGC with it.
Daniel says that Jack was slow to believe. You think? Thank goodness, Daniel kept push plausibility at Jack. Daniel says that it took a bit but finally Jack grabbed the lifeline that Danny was dangling. I know Jack. As scared and alone as I felt in that mainframe, he was just as scared and alone.
Now I lay here in bed with monitors all around me. I think Janet believes that I am going to crash on her. I might. No. That isn't going to happen. I have to get out of this Infirmary and get to Jack. Sending Daniel to see him was an act of desperation. I needed to have someone see Jack. I have always been good at reading people. Daniel's face said volumes when he returned. I don't think he said anything to the Colonel. In the mood Jack's most likely in I pity the first person that crosses him.
I saw the look in his eyes when he threatened the Entity's home world. Maybe that was the Jack of Black Ops days. That Jack could kill and not think twice about it. No. Maybe that was true once but not now. He could still threaten. He could use his file as a weapon to scare but he wouldn't have sent the probes even if the General had let him. He has learned to use that he was to influence the outcome of events without reverting to that man.
Who am I deluding? Jack is capable of that. I just don't want to accept that part of him. He is the result of his training, the horror of his Iraqi imprisonment, the death of Charlie and other things I can't begin to understand. Nevertheless, he is also influenced by his time with SG-1. He's changed since coming back from retirement, though I believe that Daniel had helped with the healing on that very first mission through the Stargate.
In my heart, I know that Jack O'Neill is capable of whatever has to be done. At times, that scares me. At other times, it's what gives me the strength to survive. I think it scares Jack at times, too.
I can't wait until Janet lets me out of bed and I can go find the Colonel. I have no intention to let him wallow in his guilt. Heck, I should be feeling guilty for what I have put him and the rest of SGC through in my attempt to contact the Entity.
Have to watch how I do that though. Don't want too much of that guilt splashing back on Daniel. Teal'c told me what he had said to Daniel. Not sure that Daniel is ready to deal with both Teal'c and Jack's recriminations of fault.
I need to rest. I have to face the bear in his den when I get out of the Infirmary. I don't look forward to it. But if the bear won't come to Sam.... then Sam will go to the bear.
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