Adversity
Adversity
by Mezzy
TITLE: Adversity
AUTHOR: Mezzy
EMAIL: mezzy34@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Point Of View
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, male/female relationship
SUMMARY: The Stargate's malfunctioned, and now SG1 are stuck on a planet all alone, or are they?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I would LOVE and comment you have. SO, please e-mail them to me. PLEASE!!! Thanks.
"There's just no rhyme or reason,
Only this sense of completion,
And in your eyes,
I see the missing pieces,
I'm searching for,
I think I've found my way home.
I know that it might sound more than a little, crazy,
But I believe,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life,"
'I Knew I Loved You' By Savage Garden.
"So. What have we got here?"
"Well Colonel, I'm not sure."
"Oh."
"Oh. Wow."
"What is it you have discovered Daniel Jackson?"
"I don't know yet, but it looks very interesting."
"It does?" Sam giggled under her breath at the comment from her CO.
"What is it Daniel?" she asked.
"Some sort of artifact."
"And?"
"And, I think we should take it back to the SGC and look at it closer."
"Oh, well, let's ship out everyone. Daniel has found something he thinks is interesting. Thus, we must all depart on his count," Jack said sarcastically. Daniel grunted at his mockery.
"I didn't mean right now," he muttered.
"Oh, by all means Dr. Jackson. If you believe it is wise for us to go now, then we shall," O'Neill continued to deride light heartedly.
"Ok then," Daniel agreed.
"Then, let us be off. Major. Dial the Stargate for the man. He seems rather busy with his own devices at the moment."
"Yes sir," Sam smiled at his ridicule of Daniel, although he deserved it. She began dialling the Gate. Jack stood with her while awaiting Daniel and Teal'c to come with the infamous 'artifact'. Sam smiled at him again. She enjoyed listening to his childish mockeries of Daniel. She pushed her hand into the center of the DHD, only for the chevrons' colour to die and the Stargate not to engage. She looked perplexed.
"What's up Carter?"
"I, uh ... well, I don't know. I dialled the right address and ... I'll try again," she explained. Thinking nothing of it at first, she dialled Earth's address again, and the same thing happened all over again. She narrowed her eyes towards the Gate questioningly.
"Sam? Well?"
"I don't know Daniel. It ... it won't dial."
"What do you mean it won't dial?"
"You saw it Daniel. It won't dial," she repeated.
"Try again."
"Yeah. Once more." Sam dialled it again, slower, checking that she did, in fact, dial the correct address. The same picture repeated itself for a third time. "Great," Sam sighed. Two days before Christmas, and they had a mission. That was bad enough. And now, they were stuck. It couldn't get any worse.
"How's it going Sam?"
"It's not going Daniel. I don't know what's wrong with it. I've tried everything."
"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll figure it all out."
"I don't think so Daniel. I've tried everything. It just refuses to work," Sam sighed. Looking around the planet they were now officially stuck on, she saw for miles and miles on end, a forest of trees. Nothing else. Or at least that's all the naked eye could see. The SGC would contact them soon. Or so they all hoped. But what good would it do? They were still stuck there. If the Gate wouldn't work, it was no good to them. It wasn't overly hot, or cold, so they should be safe from the elements. Sam walked back to her team-mates and slumped down against a tree near the rest of them. Teal'c sat up against a fallen tree. Daniel leaned against a tree trunk like her. Jack sat a little further away from the rest of them, leaning on his pack. Sam watched him. They all sat in companionable silence until Daniel and Teal'c began one of those 'Teal'c and Daniel endless conversations' and wandered off discussing the purpose of Video Games. A topic of which Sam had no idea how they conjured. She continued to watch her Commanding Officer. He looked distant. Staring aimlessly into the barrage of trees that seemed to dominate most surfaces of planets they visited. His hands clasped around the canteen of water from his pack, he put it down on the uneven ground next to him and it toppled over, it contents drained quickly and spread across the ground within moments. He cursed and picked up the empty canteen, only to drop it again and stand irately. He paced for a moment and then wandered into the onslaught of trees, until Sam could no longer see him. Something seemed to be weighing on his mind. Sam sensed that much, but had no idea of what the topic was, if she was right and there was one at all. She thought maybe it was Charlie. It was almost Christmas, after all. A time for kids. She got up. Momentarily debating with herself as to whether or not to follow him and talk to him. She finally reached a conclusion and set off in search of him.
After searching for a while, she saw him slumped against a thick tree trunk, one knee raised, his arms around his leg. Sam wandered quietly over to him, contemplating what her opening words would be. She silently sat down next to him, against the tree. Its trunk was thick and well weathered. He didn't bother to look at her.
"What's up Carter?" he spoke first.
"I could ask you the same question," she countered.
"Yeah."
"And?"
"And what?"
"And what would your answer be?"
"Nothing."
"Oh."
"You were expecting there to be something?"
"Well, I guess so."
"Why?"
"Because you look like there's something on your mind. Mind if I ask what it is?"
"Maybe."
"Oh. Sorry sir. I didn't mean to pry."
"It's ok. There's nothing wrong. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"Thanks."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah."
"Well? Talk to me."
"Why?"
"Because I care about you. I want to know what's bothering you."
"Nothing. I'd bore you to death. I'm fine."
"You're not convincing."
"I wasn't trying to be."
"Please tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing. I'm ok." He got up and walked further into the forest, leaving Sam alone against the old, weathered tree trunk. She sighed. She had at least tried.
"Sam. Where's Jack?" Daniel questioned as she returned to them, hours later, and almost completely dark.
"I don't know. I thought he'd be back by now," she replied worriedly.
"Have you observed that O'Neill appears to be bothered by something?" Teal'c questioned them both.
"Yeah, actually, I have. Do you know what's bothering him Sam?" Daniel asked. She shook her head.
"No. I tried talking to him earlier, but he said nothing was wrong. I don't believe him though."
"No. Well, should we start a fire? There's plenty of wood, and it's getting pretty cold," Daniel stated.
"Yeah. I'll get some. You get out the cooking gear and start cooking. You need to brush up on your cooking skills, don't you Daniel?" Sam smiled.
"Thanks Sam. I'd rather getting firewood," she heard him mutter as she headed off in search of some already fallen wood. Upon returning, she found Teal'c and Daniel, again engaged in another endless conversation, awaiting her to return. Thankfully, they gave up on the topic as Sam started the fire and they started cooking dinner for them all. Half hour later, and the so-called 'dinner' was ready and there was still no sign of Jack.
"I think I should go and see where the Colonel is. You got a flashlight?"
"Yeah. Here." Daniel handed her the flashlight. She switched it on and before leaving, told them to save her and Jack some of the food on the fire. She headed out into the forest with the flashlight as her guide to not tripping over fallen logs and branches off trees.
"Colonel?" She called as she continued to slowly proceed through the forest. Finally, the light landed on something that didn't seem to blend with the rest of the forest. Her CO's back. He saw the light flash around him, but chose to ignore it. Sam sat next to him. His both knees raised to his chest and his chin resting in the groove of them both. To Sam, he looked so sad. So depressed and agonizing over something. Something he obviously had to do. Maybe a decision he had to make and wished he didn't.
"Colonel. We were worried. Daniel and Teal'c cooked dinner. They're waiting for us," Sam told him. He didn't even appear to hear her. "Colonel?" she said, resting a hand gently on his arm. "Is everything ok?" she asked concernedly.
"Everything's fine," he whispered. Sam pulled lightly on his arm, beckoning him to turn to her. He didn't. She pulled harder, until he was forced to. Opening his mouth to question her actions, she stopped him. Raising a finger, she pressed it softly against his lips.
"Shhh," she told him. She shifted her hand to his cheek and placed it on him softly. She moved her thumb lightly across his cheek. "Oh Jack. You don't have to say anything," she said. She didn't know what was wrong, but she didn't need to. She knew it was something, and for her, that was enough. She smiled. He raised a hand to hers and broke it from his cheek. Without words, the touch of their hands made everything seem clear. They had feelings they knew they shouldn't have for each other. In the moment their hands joined, everything they wanted to, but knew they couldn't say, was said. All barriers were broken down. And all rules were broken. Sam leaned in closer to kiss him. He stood suddenly and took her hand, motioning her to stand with him. Avoiding what he knew she was going to do. It seemed to her, the perfect moment. If there ever was one, she thought that was it. He seemed afraid. Not afraid maybe, but perhaps unsure about doing anything. There seemed to be something there stopping him. A wall of uncertainty blocking him. Taking his instincts away, and telling him it was wrong before he even started. It confused him completely. He wanted to do what she wanted to do, so much, but those walls, seemed to appear before him and stop him from doing anything. As though he might regret it. Even though he knew he wouldn't, and neither would she. She looked puzzled and stood with him.
"Didn't you say Daniel and Teal'c were waiting?"
"Yeah."
"Then, we should probably head back," Jack said and he began to walk on ahead in the dark. Sam shook her head.
"No. He didn't just do that. He didn't just stop me from kissing him. No. It was just my imagination," Sam whispered to herself as he continued forward. She shook her head and ran on ahead to catch up with him. After all, she had the flashlight. She caught up with him and shone the light in front of their path so they could see where they were going. They walked in silence back to their small camp. Suddenly, the section of ground they walked on, fell in from underneath them. The flashlight fell to the ground in front of them as they plummeted down. They fell a fairly long way down in the dark, until they reached the bottom of the pit-like hole they had fallen into. Obviously, it was a trap. And clearly, the planet was populated. They hit the ground hard and both passed out.
Both wincing and sitting up, hours later, they were enclosed in a relatively small cage together, like animals. Like experiments.
"You ok?" Jack asked.
"I think so. How about you?" Sam questioned.
"Yeah." They looked around the room they were held captive in. Almost like a lab. White room. The people here, they assumed, must be fairly advanced, and seemed to be quite human. If they didn't know that they were on another planet, they would have presumed they were on Earth. Everything around them looked like Earth. The cage was too small for them to stand, so they were forced to remain sitting. Suddenly, a door opened and a man and woman walked into the room.
"Good to see you awake. Are you both well?" The woman asked kindly.
"Yeah. We're fine," Jack answered.
"Who are you?" Sam asked.
"Ah yes. I am Netru," the man said.
"And I am Hinek," the woman said.
"Oh."
"And you are?"
"That's for us to know and you to find out," Jack said defensively.
"Fear not. We shall," Netru said before they both left. Jack and Sam sat in silence for a while, until Sam had to say something.
"Sir. I ... I'm sorry ... about before."
"What about before?"
"When, well ... forget about it."
"Carter."
"When I ... " she stopped. What could she say? Sorry about trying to kiss you? She wasn't sorry. Still, she felt as though she kind of needed to apologise. Because of the fact that she shouldn't have even thought of doing it, and because he seemed unsure. Worried. Almost afraid. She still didn't understand why. But she knew she had feelings for him, which were a little too deep to be just friends. She had been thinking about him constantly for the past few months. Considering telling him about how she felt. She had been watching him. Mesmerized by his every move. Captivated by his voice. Lost in his eyes. God, how she had wished and dreamed of touching him. She dreamed of him every night. Kissing him. Everything she couldn't do. She currently looked away from his penetrating brown eyes that she knew were watching her. She turned back to him. "I'm sorry about trying to kiss you. It was way out of line. I shouldn't have even considered," Sam apologised. He didn't want her to have to feel like she needed to apologise to him. She was just trying to comfort him. He knew that. He wanted her comfort. He certainly didn't want to knock it back. She said she cared about him, and he believed her. He cared about her too. But he knew it was more than just caring as a friend. He wished for more. He didn't know if she felt the same, but he knew he did.
"It's ok," he said softly. Not sounding too convincing, but meaning it. He looked around awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. Sam didn't know what else to do. She knew she still wanted to kiss him. She placed her hand on his again. He turned to her.
"What's ok?"
"Everything."
"Everything?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because if everything is ok, then I can try again, can't I?" Sam asked, but didn't intend on letting him answer. She leaned in closer to him again, and kissed him softly. He, amazingly, didn't dispute. She was surprised, but that didn't make her hold back anymore. She slid closer to him, and snaked her arm around his neck, pulling him in closer to her. He went with her willingly. Suddenly, the barriers were assembled again, and the voices in his head again telling him he was wrong, and condemning him. He pulled back from her suddenly. She was unprepared and almost fell forward; she was leaning into him so freely. "What?" she asked.
"I don't know why. I'm sorry," he explained. She was confused, but nodded. She knew there was something stopping him. Something dragging him back, even though he didn't want to go.
"Is it because of regs?" Sam asked assumingly.
"No."
"Then what is it? You don't have feelings for me ... "
"No. It's not that. I do. I really do. I ... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say to you."
"What do you think happened to them?" Daniel queried Teal'c early the next morning.
"I do not know. Perhaps they were captured," he responded.
"Yeah. I thought of that. But I didn't think there was any life on this planet. But then again, where would that artifact have come from if there was no one here to make it?" Daniel questioned himself.
"I do not know."
"It was a rhetorical question Teal'c. I was just thinking out loud. We'd better start looking for them then, don't you think?"
"Yes. I believe that would be wise."
"Ok then. I'll go that way, and you can go that way," Daniel directed Teal'c in the direction opposite of his. They both headed off on their route and began searching for their team-mates.
"We shall begin testing you as of now. You shall come with me," Hinek said to Sam. The cage was opened and she helped Sam out. Not forcefully, not roughly. Fairly gently, almost caringly. It just seemed as though, they just wanted to experiment with them, not hurt them. Netru came and took Jack to another white room, much the same as the one they were both in to start with. The machines used, looked almost the same to some Earth technology also.
"Where are you from?" Sam asked Hinek. She smiled.
"Here," she replied.
"What is 'here', called?"
"Varlias. Netru and I are the only ones here. We have seen your world before. The Goa'uld have shown us. It looked much like Varlias. Am I correct?"
"Yeah, I guess. You've met the Goa'uld?"
"Yes. They are an unpleasant race."
"Yeah."
"You have met them also?"
"Oh yeah."
"Yet you live to tell the tale."
"So do you."
"Yes. They could not use us as hosts, although they wished to. Because of our close resemblance to your race, they were prepared to send us to your world to destroy your people and your planet. But when they tried to make us hosts and the Goa'uld died within us, they no longer wanted us. They sent us here, to Varlias. We are to remain here eternally. They banished us here. It bothers neither Netru nor myself. We are happy here together."
"How come your body rejects the Goa'uld?"
"All the rest of our race before us have had the same thing. It is a sort of chemical in our bodies, which kills the parasite. I am unsure of what it is. That is why we set up the trap of which you fell into. We hoped your people would come here so that we could experiment on you and find out what your body is missing, but that we have. Seeing as we are the only ones here, it is no point experimenting on each other, because we are of the same race, so our bodies would have the same chemicals. We presumed that one day your people would find this world, and we could find out which chemical your body lacks, and we could create one for which your people could use so that you were all immune to the Goa'uld, and needn't fear them so greatly. Now that you have come, we are able to find out what it is and hopefully help you and your race," Hinek explained. Sam smiled. They were friendly. And they didn't want to hurt them. They were actually doing the opposite and trying to help them and the rest of the Earth. But it would be no good to them if the Stargate wouldn't work. Then how would they get back to use this chemical? Hinek finished her experiments and declared she discovered the chemicals of which Sam's body lacked and that her own contained. She told Sam that she and Jack could wander the facility freely while Netru and her deciphered exactly how to duplicate this specific chemical.
Sam decided to do what they had said she could. She looked around the facility. Interesting. Big. She walked into a small room and saw her Colonel sitting on the ground beside the door. She smiled at him and sat down with him.
"Hi Colonel. What are you doing in here all alone?" she asked him.
"Just some thinking."
"Oh yeah? Mind if I ask what about?"
"Do you have a few hours," he joked.
"Yeah," Sam replied.
"Oh. That was the answer." Now it was Sam's turn to feel like an idiot, but she didn't. She knew what he meant by the statement. But she wanted to talk to him. When she had used the same reply only a few months before when the alternate reality Sam and Kawalsky came through the Quantum Mirror, Jack had felt like an idiot when replying to a question that wasn't even a question. She supposed he expected her to feel the same feeling about now, but she didn't.
"Colonel. I know it's all against regs and everything, but that doesn't change my mind. I don't care about regs anymore. I want you so bad. And I don't want to have to pretend anymore. I don't want to have to hide my feelings either. It's not fair. I'm in love with you Colonel. I have been for a while. I can't hide it anymore. And truth is I don't want to. I want to help you. Let me see your soul. Please. I so badly want to help you. And I want you. Please," Sam told him all at once. He shook his head.
"You don't want me."
"Yes I do. What's wrong with that? Why don't you believe me?"
"I'm sorry Carter. I just, can't."
"Why? What's stopping you? Something's holding you back. I can see there is, I just don't know what. Tell me. Talk to me. I won't bite. Promise. Oh, open up to me Jack. Please."
"Sam, I'm in love with you. I shouldn't be. I could get us both Court-Martialled. It'd ruin your career. I don't want to ruin your career. I don't care about mine, but I don't want to ruin yours. You don't want me. It can't happen anyway. Regs are always going to be in the back of my mind, and yours too. Whether you know it or not. Just forget about me. Please."
"I will never forget about you. It's not that easy. I'm in love with you. You're in love with me. I don't care if it's wrong. I just want you. And if you feel the same way ... then what's stopping us?"
"Everything."
"Like what? Regs? Just regs? I'm sorry, but that's not good enough. If you're going to think up excuses about why we can't have each other, at least make them good."
"Just forget about it Sam. It'll never work. Forget it."
"I can't. And I won't. For starters, I don't want to forget about how I feel about you. Secondly, I don't give a damn about regs. And thirdly, I will not ever forget aboutyou. No matter what happens to either of us, I'll never forget about you. Ever. Got it?"
"Yes you will. You'll forget about me in a heart beat and go on and find some other guy. Sam, there's probably millions of guys out there that would kill for you. Why me?"
"Because, I love you. The moment I walked through that door, I knew I loved you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
"I don't know."
"Then what's stopping us for having each other? What?" Sam asked as she moved closer to him. He moved away. She followed him, this time holding his arm. "I won't let you get away Jack. I want you."
"Why?"
"I don't need a reason. And in any case, there isn't one," she responded, kissing him passionately. She wasn't going to let him get away this time. She wanted him, and he was going to be hers either way, as far as she was concerned. He didn't argue with her now. He responded to her fervor without restraint, even in knowing it was wrong. She leaned into him, craving them to be closer. He leaned in closer to her, sharing her need to be close. She pushed her hands under his jacket. Up and under the shoulders of it. He shifted slightly, again unsure. "Don't make me stop now," she told him. He didn't. She pushed the jacket off his shoulders and down his arms. Throwing it to an unknown location as she pulled it off him completely. She took her hands and placed them on his. Moving his hands up her body, she pushed them onto her shoulders, motioning him to do the same for her. He began to shift his hands, but she grabbed them before he could. "No. Stay," she instructed.
"Sam ... " he began to dispute.
"No Jack. Don't argue with me," she commanded. Her lips never leaving his. She helped him by sliding her jacket down her arms and off, joining his somewhere on the floor. She continued to kiss him, but realised he still seemed uncomfortable somehow. "Jack, why are you scared?"
"I'm not."
"Yes ... yes you are. I can tell. Something's bothering you. You have to tell me. I don't want to do this if you don't want to, or you're not sure about it. Please talk to me," Sam told him, after taking her mouth of his. He leant back on the wall. "Talk Jack. Tell me. Please."
"There's nothing to tell."
"I know that's not true. What's wrong? Something happened? Something to do with your family or something? What? God, tell me," Sam begged. They sat in silence for a while. Sam watched Jack. She didn't know if he was going to tell her, or just sit there in front of her and not say anything at all. Finally, the silence was broken.
"You remember ... about a week ago ... when I came back from a mission with SG4 and ... I went and had a full med exam with Doc?"
"Yeah. I remember." Sam was worried now. She was worried before, but now she worried more. To her, it looked as though he was leading on into something a little more serious than she had first thought. "What is it Jack? What happened?"
"After the exam ... Doc came back with the results and ... she uh ... she found something."
"What? What did she find?"
"She, uh ... I have a brain tumor." And then there was silence. Sam said nothing, and Jack could say no more. She looked at him closely and found tears welling in her eyes, ready to cascade down her face at any moment. She sniffed, and that triggered it. A few at first, and then a rampage of tears tumbled down her cheeks.
"A ... are you sure?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."
"But ... but how? I mean ... why didn't she know sooner?"
"I don't know."
"Oh God, I'm so sorry Jack."
"You don't have to be."
"Of course I do. Why didn't you just tell me? You knew I'd understand. I could tell there was something wrong. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know that either. Scared, I guess. Sorry."
"No. Don't be sorry. Why were you scared?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore!"
"Hey. It's ok. I'm here for you. You know that, right?" Sam asked softly as she shifted until she was next to him with her arms wrapped comfortingly around his shoulders.
"Yeah. Thanks. I really appreciate it. And I do love you."
"Thank you. I love you too."
"I know."
"You'll get through this. Ok? You'll get through it, and you'll be ok. No one is going to take you away from me. Got it?"
"Yeah."
"Good. I'm staying with you. Always." She pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Always."
(((((END)))))
~*Mzzy*~
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