Counting
Counting
by Mezzy
TITLE: Counting
AUTHOR: Mezzy
EMAIL: mezzy34@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Drama, Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4; Sequel to "Adversity"
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, character death, male/female relationship
SUMMARY: Sequel to "Adversity"
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, as I always say, I love comments, so please e-mail them to me. No flames though please. Appreciated muchly! Thanks folks!
Just so you know, I wrote this because quite a number of people suggested I should, and when I thought about it, I thought it was a good idea, so that's why I wrote this. I wasn't going to, but I realised that everyone who e-mailed me saying, "you should write a sequel to Adversity!" was right. And just so you know, it's not a happy story, so you might want some Kleenex if you're the emotional sort. Just wanted to warn you all.
They sat in the store room for what felt like an eternity. In silence. What more could either of them say? He had a brain tumour. Sam couldn't get over that fact. Fact. It was a fact. It was real. It was happening. Truth was, she didn't want to believe it. Who would want to believe that someone they love had something like a brain tumour? She hadn't thought of asking if he knew how long he had, but she didn't really want to think about questions like that. They were too depressing. After a few more minutes, Netru came into the store room and saw them sitting on the floor together.
"Here you are. I have been searching. Are you both well?" He asked, almost fearfully. Sam nodded mildly.
"We're ok." She knew what a lie it was, but it would make no difference to him if he knew, so she thought she wouldn't say anything.
"That is good. I have not found a way to duplicate the chemical of which your body lacks, but I have however found these." Daniel and Teal'c and walked into the store room. They stared for at Sam and Jack for a moment, but they didn't move, so Daniel didn't say anything. Netru left. Daniel closed the door.
"Have you been here all this time?" He asked. Sam nodded.
"Not in this room, but in this place, yes. Netru and Hinek did some tests on us to see if they could find a way to duplicate or synthesize the chemical in their bodies which ... "
"Yeah, I know. They explained it all to us when we explained that we came here with you. They seem really nice," Daniel interrupted. Sam nodded again. An statement never once appeared on her face. She remained impassive. Daniel wondered why.
"They are nice. But that doesn't change the fact that we're still stuck on this planet and have no way of getting home," Sam said. Daniel nodded.
"I know. But maybe they know how to get the Gate working. Have you asked?" Sam shook her head, and continued to comb her fingers through Jack's hair. Daniel was confused.
"What happened here?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" Sam replied.
"Well, for one, what's with you two? And two, why are you so sombre?" Sam frowned. She didn't want to bring up the subject again. She wanted to let it die, so she and Jack wouldn't have to think about it. Mostly for his sake. She knew it was hard to deal with. She knew they would have to find out though. She took Daniel and Teal'c away and told them quietly.
"Oh God. Is it, well .... you know?"
"If you mean is it killing him, I don't know. I hope not. He's coping fairly well at the moment, but it's hard for him. Listen Daniel, I love him and I'm not going to make this any harder than it already is, so I'd appreciate it if you two didn't say anything to him about it. This is hard enough for him to deal with, without us going around talking about it. Act as though nothing is different. Just be fairly easy on him for me, ok?" Daniel and Teal'c took in the whole situation and the fact that Sam had just told them she loved him, and then both nodded.
"Won't say a word. My lips are sealed."
"I shall remain silent also."
"Good. Now, can you go and ask Hinek and Netru if they can get the Gate working? I really don't think we want to be stuck here that much longer, do we?" They shook their heads and headed off to question Netru and Hinek. Sam went back in the store room.
"Jack. Daniel and Teal'c are going to ask Hinek and Netru if they know how to work the Gate and if they would open it for us to go back home. Do you wanna come?" He nodded.
"Yeah."
"Ok. Come on," Sam said, holding out her hand to him. He took it and stood up. Before they left the store room, they took each other in their arms and hugged one another warmly.
"Thanks Sam."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They walked out to the labs where they had first met Hinek and Netru, and there they were again. Daniel and Teal'c were talking to them. They said they knew the piece of the Gate which was missing, but they had never bothered to replace it. As soon as they said it, Sam realised she hadn't checked that part and was angry with herself. Netru took them up to the surface and showed them where the missing piece was and where to put it, although Sam already knew that part. Both Netru and Hinek waited while SG1 packed up their gear and then waited in front of the Gate while Sam replaced the missing piece. A few minutes later, the Gate was dialled, and SG1 were ready head to back to Earth. Home. Hinek and Netru stood behind the DHD. Sam thought it was best she say the thanks. Her CO wasn't really up to it.
"Netru, Hinek. What can I say? I'm sorry that the chemical you found you couldn't synthesize, but I hope in time you will find a way to. If you do and you ever want to see us or you ever want our help, don't hesitate to come through the Gate. We'll send a GDO through to you and teach you how to use it so that you can contact us whenever you want to and the Iris on our Stargate won't be closed. Thankyou for helping us. We are very grateful." Hinek and Netru smiled and watched SG1 walk up the dais to the Gate and walk through the Event Horizon.
Walking through on the other side was a break for the team. They all sighed a deep sigh of relief and then the General requested that the de-briefing be straight away, and they all trudged up to the de-briefing room and commenced it. Hours later, and they were finally finished. Sam went to talk to Janet about the brain tumour, and she found that it was true. It was the horrible truth. And to her horror, it was slowly killing him. Janet confirmed that he didn't have all that long. A few months. Six at the most. Sam was horrified, and depressed. She didn't know what to do. Or say. Or think. It all seemed so unreal. Like it wasn't really happening to him. It was someone else, but not him. It couldn't be him. Not him. Not Jack.
The tumour slowly weakened him. Sam hated to see it, but it happened, and it happened without noticing at first. The first notion of change was when he passed out suddenly one day. Janet did some tests and confirmed it was the tumour. It had started to eat away at his system. Sam was scared. Two weeks after they got back from Varlias they didn't waste any time. They were married. Nothing was out of the ordinary then, so she was confident, and positive he would be fine. Another two weeks later was when he passed out suddenly. That was when Sam first realised that he wasn't going to be fine. It was going to happen whether or not she believed it. It didn't matter what she thought it was going to happen. It was happening.
Four Months Later
The tumour was working overtime. Sam thought it was trying to take him from her quicker. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. That was a stupid saying, Sam told herself. It was one of those stupid things people say when someone complains about something insignificant, but when things like brain tumours happen, no one says those stupid things to you. She wondered who thought up all those stupid sayings, because that was exactly what they were. Stupid. As if anyone would say that to her now. 'Yeah. Well Sam, life isn't fair'. She knew no one would say it to her, and why would they? It wasn't really something you would say to someone whose husband was dying of a brain tumour. The more Sam thought of it, the more she wanted to cry. He'd been getting weaker and weaker so quickly it seemed. He had taken himself off active duty in the third month. How could he go on missions when he now could hardly walk sometimes? That wasn't all the time, but when he had a bad spell, he'd hardly be able to speak. Everything was hard. Walking. Talking. Thinking. Breathing. Everything. But that was only in the bad spells, and he'd only had three of those. Thank God. Janet predicted that he wouldn't get the six months. She thought that Sam knew that deep down anyway, but she thought she should say it to her, just so she knew. For sure. Sam had taken it badly. She'd cried for days. She hadn't got the will to tell Jack, so she told Janet to. He knew anyway. She knew he knew, but she thought it only fair that she told him anyway. Daniel wasn't coping either. Teal'c was stoic as always, but they assumed he was keeping his emotions private as he always did. Even Janet was having a hard time dealing with the concept that he was counting down the days until he died. Counting. Sam wondered how he seemed so impervious by it all now. Didn't show that he was worried or scared of dying. Or that he knew that he didn't have very long left to live. She knew if it were her, she would be practically crying everyday. Trying to find the answers to why it was her, but now she was doing almost that exact same thing, except for Jack. She couldn't understand why this had to be him. Why this tumour had chosen to infect him. Effectively ending his life. She knew it wasn't fair, and now he could feel the sensation of the end coming. The end to breathing. The end to being able to love. The end to everything. The end.
They were at home. Sam had decided to stay at home for that last few weeks. If it ended up being that long. The last weeks of her husband's life. The end of a man she had loved for so long. Would love for centuries to come, but wouldn't be alive to love for much longer. He didn't want to spend his time in the Infirmary, and Sam understood that. She knew it would be no fun to lay in a bed and wait for the time to end, when you could still be out doing things. Not much, granted, but at least be at home. At home with the one you love would be a better last memory than a hospital bed, he told himself. Sam was so wonderful too. She was always there. She couldn't get over how pale and weak he was. How almost frail. He sat in a lounge chair. Sam came out to sit with him. She wanted all the time possible with him.
"You want anything?" She asked. He shook his head.
"No thanks," he said softly. Another thing that had weakened was his voice. It survived, but it was quiet. Soft. Sam sat down next to him on the three-seater. She rested her hand on his.
"Jack, can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah."
"Are you ... are you scared?" Sam was almost afraid of asking, but she wanted to know how he felt. She wanted all of it to go away, but because it wasn't going to, she just wanted to know how he felt.
"Scared? Of dying?" He asked her gently. His voice steady and calm. She nodded, in tears at his calmness. She would miss that. She would miss everything so much.
"I don't know. I guess so."
"But ... but knowing. Knowing how long you have. Isn't it awful?" Sam asked, in more tears, and increasing. He nodded.
"It's horrible. But there's nothing I can do about it." Sam cried so hard she thought she would scream. How could he say that? He couldn't do anything about it. It was true. No one could. Not even doctors, but the thing was, she couldn't handle hearing him say it. She cried harder, until she thought the tears would surely run dry. But they didn't.
"Oh Jack, don't leave. Don't leave me. Stay with me," she begged. She hugged him. She felt that if she didn't let him go, then maybe he wouldn't be able to get away. Maybe he wouldn't be able to leave. Wouldn't be able to die. Maybe just holding him would stop all that. She knew it wasn't true, but she wished it was.
"Please Jack. Please don't leave me. Don't go away and leave me all alone. Don't leave me to live without you. Don't do that to me. Please stay. Don't leave!" Sam continued to say the words over and over. Pleading with him not to leave. Begging him to stay. He didn't know what to say, and so he just hugged her and tried to make it better. He didn't tell her then, but he *was* scared of dying. Who wouldn't be? He was terrified of it. Of knowing that he had only a few days left. He knew it wouldn't be weeks, so he gave himself a few days, and if he was wrong all well and good. But if he was right, then there was nothing to say to that. He was just right. Sam wanted to make him stay. She basically wanted to jump up and say, "Bibity bobity boo!" And the tumour would be gone. She wished it was that simple. He did too. He didn't want to leave her. He didn't want to never see her again. How it had happened, no one could say. That seemed to be the worst part. Janet had taken one look, and practically said, "You can't remove it. It's too dangerous. You're going to die. It's going to kill you." Although she hadn't said anything like that, that was what it felt like. It was like he had been handed his death sentence.
Jack O'Neill.
To die in less than six months of a brain tumour.
Source: Unknown
Removal Of Tumour: Not possible
Final Result: Death
Probably as stupid as it sounded, that was how he felt. Sam just felt as though someone had come and kicked her in the guts about a thousand times, and then just kept going. She'd thrown up countless times, and had so many broken bones and a broken heart but the person just kept on kicking. The one man she loved, and he was being taken away from her. And so soon after they had gotten together. It wasn't fair and she knew it.
Another week went by. It was more than Jack had anticipated, but he knew then that he didn't have long at all. If he'd made it that far, he knew that he surely didn't have much longer. Sam was hoping that somehow the tumour had forgotten about killing him, and maybe he would be fine. Maybe it was a big mistake and he'd be ok. But then she remembered how weak he'd gotten and how he'd passed out those times. Surely that wasn't in her imagination, she thought. And it wasn't. It wasn't imagined. It was real. Too real.
It was early in the morning, and Sam had woken up early. She turned over in bed and saw Jack was still asleep, as she had expected. It was so early, she knew she shouldn't be awake either, and she didn't know why she was, but she was. She wasn't about to wake Jack up, so she got up and closed the bed room door. She went and made a coffee, and sat down in the lounge room. Contemplating. Nothing in particular, but contemplating. Contemplating everything that had been going on in the past months. She knew that was a lot to reflect on, but she felt as though she had the time. After about a full hour of reflection, she decided to go into the bedroom and see if her husband was awake. She opened the door quietly in case he wasn't and then sat on the side of the bed. She almost didn't want to wake him up, but thought he wouldn't mind.
"Jack?" She said softly. Resting a hand on his shoulder, he turned over and smiled. He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw her.
"Morning. Sorry to wake you."
"Hey. Why did you get up so early?"
"How do you know I got up early?"
"Well, you're dressed, and you're not in bed. I just assumed."
"Oh. Clever. Sleep well?"
"Not bad." Sam mentally frowned. He looked like he was in pain and he looked weaker.
"Are you feeling ok?"
"Pretty sore actually." Sam took his hand.
"Is that all?" He frowned.
"No. Sam, I'm always sore. I'd say it's nothing to worry about, but that'd be lying. I don't want to be remembered as a liar." Sam felt tears again. They trailed down her cheeks slowly. Remembered.
"Don't say that. Don't say things like that," she said seriously.
"Oh. I'm sorry. It's ok Sam. Everything's ... fine."
"Why did you say it like that?" Sam asked, worried. He lifted his hand to her cheek and wiped away the tears. Time was up. He knew.
"Take care of yourself for me Sam. Look after yourself. Be careful."
"What? No. Oh, no! NO!"
"Look after yourself. Promise me."
"Oh God. No. Oh, I promise, but no! No, don't leave me!"
"Thank you. I love you Sam. Never forget. I love you." He rested his head back on the pillows and closed his eyes. Sam cried endlessly.
"I won't. I'll never forget. I love you too. I love you Jack. Please don't leave me! Please!"
"I love you Sam." Sam held his hand and kissed it.
"NO! Jack! I love you too. I'll never forget. Goodbye Jack."
~~~End~~~
I told you it was sad. Please e-mail with you comments though. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. J
~*Mzzy*~
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