Isolation
Isolation
by Meloko
TITLE: Isolation
AUTHOR: Meloko
EMAIL: faithz_angel@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Angst, death, Thoughts
PAIRING: Daniel/Sam
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: future
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: character death
SUMMARY: Sam has to cope with the loss of her team.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This continued my recent death fics collection, and was just a different perspective and how I think Sam would handle the situation. I really would appreciate feedback.
I looked at the four white washed walls alternatively, the simplicity sweeping through me. The room was spinning and I kept on pivoting round, going from one wall to the next faster, faster. Falling to the floor in a heap. I looked up and I had a flash of the Goa'uld looking down on me, and I was cowering in fear. I closed me eyes and opened them again as the room was coming back into normal focus.
I still felt dizzy so I lay back down and then I saw it. The image that continues to haunt me: my eyes fluttered but soon I can see the reality: my friends dead around me. I caught the sight of a Jaffa patrolling in front of me. My eyes closed for the sake of my survival......... I blacked out after it; either the shock or a head injury had sent me into the condition they found me in. From what I heard a day later, I was the only survivor.........tears fell down my face and their dead bodies flood through my mind again.......... "No" I cry desperately in attempt to forget. I throw myself up onto my feet and bang my fists against the wall but they take away nothing. "Maybe my head will" that's my first instinct. Anything to take the pain away................
Suddenly Janet was beside me holding a needle and a guard has hold of my arms. I struggled but his grip was too strong. The needle punctured my body and the sedative entered my system and the white took over.......................
I wake up shivering but I dare not pull the covers over. I look down at the woollen cloth and cry. I can't stop remembering seeing their faces covered in the cloth, maybe I shouldn't have gone but I had to. I had to know that it wasn't a dream but reality. The truth was my best friends are dead and now I have no one. My lover is dead; his face was the nearest one to me. I can't help but murmur his name. "Daniel" his name rolls gently off my tongue and it almost seems to comfort me. I see his adorable face in my eye line and I can still feel the warmth of his kiss. A sweet soft kiss that sent was like a drug to my now needing body. Even his touch was like an electric shock. A single tear falls down my face as I remember him, for once a smile on my face.
You don't tend to have happy moments while being haunted by the death of your friends, lover and family. The attack had even taken my father away from me; I guess I was lucky to have him even for a short time. I only had him because of the Tok'ra. He would have died years ago of cancer if they hadn't saved him.
The funny thing is I never got to say the words I wanted to say. I hope they all died knowing I cared, that the words needn't be said when I showed them through actions.
I remained silent at the funerals a walking ghost I heard a stranger mutter. How can I be more than a ghost when my whole world has been taken from me? I guess I could still carry on, in their memory like Daniel had with Sha're............
I can longer obtain a happy image of Daniel, the way he should be remembered all I can see is his lifeless body next to mine. I could do nothing; I couldn't even reach out to check he had even the slightest of a pulse. Had I not played dead, I laugh at that, played dead, it makes it sound as if it's a theatrical role; I would be another one of those bodies. Bodies; that's all they are now. The life once, now all that remains was a body, a machine. We tend to protect our body ore, when our spirit is often the one that's more damaged. Our spirit is who we are, which is why I can't understand prejudice against the outside. Our bodies are different but they still form the same function. It is just a body........
My body's nearly mended it's been weeks since it happened and I imagine the base is still carrying on the way it always did. Only every once in a while one of them will stop, or General Hammond will look out and remember SG1. The team he claimed to be the best. I had laughed at that remark on several occasions, we did no more work than any other team, but still we got the glory. We did however kill several of the Goa'uld system lords; that I can smile about. We may not have been together more than a few years but as Jack would say "we kicked their butts!" Yes, maybe we did have the ability, but we were just humans with a job to do.
I miss it, obviously not as much as them, but I can't help it. The adrenalin rush it secretly experienced every time we got in a life-threatening situation. The buzz I got every time I solved a problem a world posed us with. Every bomb, every equation, I loved it, and now I miss it.
However much I loved it, they were my team it was bad enough going on a mission without Daniel as he was on an archaeological dig, let alone with a totally separate team. No, I'm retired.
I hate every day that passes by; I dread each passing minute as most of them bring tears to my eyes. I can't stop thinking about them, recapping in my mind, almost replaying their last moments and waking up to find myself alone. Back on Earth, faced with a life of solitude, well if you can call it a life. I can't even face to go out into the world. I haven't since...........
You see I understand, now that I'm calm that I'm not ready, that I might be tempted to end my life, if they let me out. I don't want to go out there, I can't till I get my own head sorted out. Its like I can't increase any more space till I figure out the one I'm in. Perhaps the four walls aren't so bad after all. I lift myself up and just sit on the hard floor staring, just staring at a wall .....................
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