Sam Carter and the Not so Short Dwarfs
Sam Carter and the Not so Short Dwarfs
by Major Sarah
Title: Sam Carter and the Not so Short Dwarfs
Author: Major Sarah
Email: bite_me3500@hotmail.com
Category: Humor, Action/Adventure, AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, POV, Romance
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: Snow White (maybe)
Season: any
This story is a sequel to: none
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: angst, au, language, mfrelationship, none, violence,
Summary: Sam and some of the other from the SGC are in the fariy tale SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS. Not telling any more!!
Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's Notes: My third Story! this is my most violante one, but who cares I just wanted it done. other stories written by me are:
1)Don't shoot the Messenger!
2)No where to run
Have fun reading.
Cast:
Sam Carter - Herself
Jack O'Neill - Thecharming, cunning, strong, wise, handsome, and dashingPrince
Jack have you been messing around with the script?
"Now why would I do that?"
I had to cross out the charming, cunning, strong, wise, handsome, and dashing stuff. PLEASE keep off my script and do your little doodles on your own script!
"OK, OK, OK, jeez don't have a hernia. I just wanted to make an improvement, that's all."
OK, getting back to the cast:
The King - Jacob
Stepmother - Hathor
Huntsman - Graham Simmons
Dwarfs
In-charge - General Hammond
Docy - Janet Fraiser
Jaffie - Teal'c
Too-smart-for-her-own-good - Anise/Freya
Teenage - Cassie
Baddie - Apopis
Ettie - Ferretti
Extra's
Mirror - Urgo
Tree - AU Kawalsky
Buck - Makepeace
Doe - An Airman
Chipmunk - A Jaffa
Bird - Bar'tac
"Danny boy, did you write this story?"
Yeah, why?
"Oh, I think the Tree, the Buck, the Doe, the Chipmunk, and the Bird are all going to kill you or hurt you very much after this is done."
No they won't. I am the Narrator. I have the script and I can make them what ever I want them to be.
"OK, nice knowing ya."
Lets get on with the play, please! We don't have all day!
"Who died and made you Narrator?"
"Sir, I think he killed Kenny. Wasn't Kenny the old Narrator?"
"Carter, you are smart. Makepeace you own me 500 dollars!"
"Why?!"
"Why? Cause I bet that Danny was the one who killed Kenny, so pay up."
"Um, Jack."
"What, Makepeace?"
"I am a Buck right now so can you wait till I have some pants at least?"
"Well, if you have a buck right now, you still owe me 499 dollars left, but you keep that dollar. I rather have clean money."
"Ha, ha, ha, can't we get this over with, PLEASE!"
All right here it goes:
Once upon a time...
"Do we ALWAYS have to have 'Once upon a time' come on who wrote this for cryin out loud!?"
Jack you complained about NOT having 'Once upon a time' so will you shut up and let me get on with the story!
Once upon a time there lived a king and queen who were blessed with a young baby girl.
"Hey! I know who that young baby girl is! That's me!"
Yes, but babies don't talk! Say what's written on the script!
"I am that's what is said!"
Jack why are you trying to hide that pen?
"Pen? What pen?"
Jack, give me the pen and you won't get hurt!
"No, I bought this pen on my own."
Jack!
"Fine, here is my pen."
Thank you. Now Sam, will you please act like a baby now?
"Googoo! Gaagaa!"
Ah, thanks. Anyway. When the young princess was only three, her mother passed away. The Father didn't want his Daughter to grow up without a mother so he remarried...
"*Scream!!!!!* NOOOOOO. PLEASE NOOOOO. NOT HER, PLEASE!"
"Carter, what's wrong?!"
"I don't want Hathor to be my stepmother!"
"WHAT!! I thought she was dead!"
Um, she survived.
"Ya think!"
Jack, your not suppose to be here yet! Now get out of the picture!
"We are your Stepmother and you will do what ever we say! Now start cleaning. This place is a mess."
"Let me at her! Let me at her! I swear she won't be able to see any mess after I'm done!"
Anyway! Soon the King Jacob died and Sam was left alone with her evil Stepmother Hathor. One day Hathor stood in front of her magic mirror and said the magic words"
"Mirror, Mirror on the Wall,
Who is the Fairest of them all?"
'Um, If I told you, you would kill them, so you would be the fairest of them all.'
"Urgo!"
"How did you get here and how are you able to be seen by everyone?"
'I'm in a magic mirror! Do I need to say something more?'
Everyone shut up we need to keep going!
"We would not kill them. We just want to know who it is."
'Well, in that case, its: Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...'
"SHUT UP!!! We command you tell us now or you shale suffer!"
'OK, OK, well the fairest one of all is...Do you want to play Hind and Go Seek? It's a really fun game. I promise I won't cheat...'
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!! Tell me who she is or I will kill all the female of this world!"
'Alright jeez. You're no fun. The fairest of all is the young princess Sam Carter. Even in rags she is the most beautiful.'
"We must destroy her!"
'Hey! Now don't be going off and killing her she's a nice woman when you get to know her.'
"Silence! We need to make the plans to kill her."
Later on the day, The Evil Queen called for her huntsman, Graham Simmons.
"You called?"
"Yes. We need you to take Samantha Carter out into the woods and let her pick some flowers. There you will KILL her!"
"I can't do that! You see I kind of have this crush on her and if I kill her I will have no chance at going out with her."
"You will do as we ask your it is your life that will be taken!"
"Ah, yes, your highness."
While The Evil Queen was ordering Simmons to do her bidding. The young and beautiful Princess Samantha Carter was working in her rag clothes and humming softly.
"This is no fair! I should be living better than this! I do wish that someone would take me away from here!"
"Can I be of service than?"
"Who...who are you?"
"Me? Why I am Prince Jack O'Neill and you are...?"
"I am Princess Samantha Carter."
"Well, no offence, but if you're a princess than why are you dressed in rags?"
"Cause my Stepmother Hathor will only allow this!"
"Princess! Come we need to leave now. Good dayPrinceJack O'Neill."
"Huntsman, where are you taking me?"
"Into the forest so you can get some nice flowers."
"Oh, than why did you need a knife?"
"For you're protection."
"Oh, ok."
In the woods...
"Wow! Look at these plants there so, so big."
"Yeah, why don't you start picking."
"Alright."
The huntsman takes out his knife ready to stab her in the back. Suddenly Sam turns around and Graham quickly hinds the knife behind his back.
"Huntsman what are you doing?"
"I am watching you so you don't get into any trouble."
"Oh, ok. Keep up the good work."
"Oh GOD!! I can't do it you're too nice and sweet to kill. Sam listen to me. Run as fast as you can into the woods and never come back. Your stepmother is after you and will do any thing to kill you."
"Well, da! I knew she would try and kill me one day."
"Well than RUN!"
Without looking back Sam ran as fast as she could though the forest. Soon, Sam came to a clearing and animals looked at her.
"Well, I guess it's our turn to be smart asses."
"Kawalsky?"
"Yeah. Who did you think it would be, Tarzan?"
"Ha, ha. I thought you were dead."
"I'm not. I am an AU Kawalsky I'm not from your universe."
"Shame. So I'm talking to a talking tree. I must be going crazy."
"Hey! I wouldn't be a talking tree if it hadn't been Daniel's crazy ancient mind thinking I would look good as a talking tree. I didn't pick the part anyway."
"Oh, should I fell sorry for you, you talking tree! I should get a woodpecker and have it start pecking at your bark!"
"Why are you so mean?"
"Cause I'm in a dress that looks like what I had to wear with the Shavadai and I really would like to get this stupid play done!"
It's not a play!
"Than what the hell is it?!"
It's a...it's a...it's a FAIRY TALE!!!
"Fine! I want to get this STUPIDFAIRY TALEover with! I mean I'm talking to a tree! What next a chipmunk?!"
Just than a chipmunk came from behind Sam and started to talk.
"JAFFA! KREE! Put your hands up so I can se them. And turn around slowly."
"Daniel! You didn't!"
I did
"Great! A chipmunk thinks he can scare me with a...Daniel is that what I think it is?"
Ah, yeah.
"Great! I'm being held hostage by a Jaffa chipmunk with a stick! Could this day get any worse!?"
Makepeace you and the airman can come out?
"What are they? Chip and Dale?"
No, Makepeace is a, well he's a buck, and the airman is a doe.
"Buck as in money or as buck deer?"
Buck as in deer.
"Great! Just what I need! Soon Bar'tac is going to come and he'll be a mouse!'
Actually he is a bird.
"A bird! I am SOOO going to hurt you!!!'
"Hey! I'm the bird here!"
"Well after this we can both kill him."
"What about the rest of us?"
"Makepeace, you and the rest of the clowns can get him after us."
Hey! No one can team up against the Narrator! Anyway, Sam, with the help of the talking animals found a small cottage.
"This place is a total disaster! Who can live like this?"
Well the women have a problem with it, but four guys against three women is an unfair family, but with a guy with the name In-Charge he is, well in charge. Well lets move on. The Evil Queen found Sam and made some poison chocolate. Sam fell into a deep, deep coma. Docy could do nothing, so all the women cried and all the guys, well they don't want me to say this, but they too cried. Prince Jack O'Neill found her and I'll let them say it.
"I Think I will kiss her to wake her up."
A kiss on the lips, and the eyelids start to open.
"Yuck! What did you have for dinner?"
"What? I was eating some sheep eyes, some brains, and some other stuff. Why?"
"Cause your breath is totally disgusting! You could kill a ocean of fish with that breath!"
"Well sorry, next time I'll just leave you to sleep!"
Well before things can get any worse they all lives happy ever after Jack and Sam got together after Jack got some breath mints and the Narrator live happy ever after too, and got police to look after him so no one could hurt him.
The End.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Major Sarah
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