For All Time
For All Time
by Lucy Maria Elmer
TITLE: For All Time
AUTHOR: Lucy Maria Elmer
EMAIL: sweetshipper@yahoo.co.uk
STATUS: 2/2
CATEGORY: D/J thoughts, drama, romance and a hell of a lot of angst.
RATING: PG-13.
SEASON/SEQUEL INFO: Set in season fours episode 2010. This is the second story of the pair, the first being Dannys point of view and called For Better Or Worse.
SPOILERS: 2010, Singularity and probably a few more.
SUMMARY: As Janet looks at the man she adores for the last time she remembers the path their lives have taken together and the effect the Aschen race have had on them and their friends.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized character and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
AUTHORS NOTE: For Ali, a great lady and an irreplaceable friend.
Just how much she would be giving up she didn't want to think about. What if this plan worked and they never found love because of their doing it? He had made her so happy, in a way no other man ever had done and standing here, looking up at him, knowing that if they were successful the eight wonderful years they had spent together as husband and wife would be erased, or might never happen broke her heart.
The last day had been one of the worst, and in a way the best days of her life. Her whole life had been shattered because of one race and one stupid anti-aging vaccine whose consequences meant that a part of her that she held so dear, that they both did had been stolen away. Most of the past two days had passed in a haze, from the moment she broke the news to Sam that she couldn't have children and had been lied to by the Aschen, to the point where she did the same scan on herself and discovered the same irreversible and heart-stopping damage had been done to her. She could never have children because of them, and when she looked at that screen and saw what the anti-aging vaccine had done to her, all she wanted to do was fall into his arms and cry until no more tears would come. She had done that of course, as soon as they all met up for dinner that evening. She had found him before everybody else except Teal'c had arrived, and he, after being around her for so long when they were at the SGC knew to leave the pair alone. If she thought about it she didn't even know how she had made her way to that restaurant. She had barely been able to see straight through all the tears she had shed that afternoon, tears for herself and the incredible loss she was feeling, tears for Sam after she had been lied to for so long, and tears for every other person who had taken that anti-aging vaccine given to the human race by the Aschen in order to end it.
She had wanted children for such a long time and she knew that he had too. They'd had names picked out for the last eight years. If they ever had a girl they decided on the name Samantha-Rose after Sam, and if they ever had a boy they had decided on Nicholas after Daniels grandfather who she adored. Of course these children were never going to exist, not unless they went through with this plan, and even then she didn't know if they'd find love if events were changed. After Cassandra came into her life she knew that children would be a priority sometime in the future even though she was in the Air Force. It was as if having a child in the house had made her life more complete in some way and given her a clearer focus in her life. Even though there was always music playing loudly and the phone line was always tied up in her house she couldn't imagine it any other way. Of course Cass was all grown up now but she still played a major part in Janet's life, and Daniels. They'd always wanted their own children however, children that had been created through the truly underestimated love they held for one another. Now knowing it wasn't ever going to be able to happen tore her apart. It was all she could do just to deal with the fact, and she didn't know how she was doing it. She did know however that Daniel was one of the reasons why she was. She felt empty, as if a part of her had been stolen away from inside of her, and this was a part she couldn't get back.
She found herself resting her hand on her stomach as if to deal with the fact there was never going to be a child growing in there, or to in some way hold onto something which wasn't even there. She couldn't help it. Now seeing his face, the tears in his eyes as she sat there trying to register just what had happened, to struggle with the pain she was feeling while trying to relieve him of his own was unbearable. Those blue eyes that had been shining as he received his award were now filled with unshed tears, and concern for her. She knew how worried he was, how upset he was just by looking at him. All the time they sat at that table, she and Sam explaining what they had found out and barely able to form the words. He sat there next to her... one hand entwined in her own. She couldn't bear reliving it over and over again. It had been as if every time they told them what they had discovered she was reliving the moment she looked at that scan and had known. She just wanted to run away, to run away and forget it all, but she knew she would never be able to. She was so angry, and so sad... and she needed him so much. She had never needed him as much. All she knew was she was being tormented inside, a torment she wouldn't wish on anyone, but the human race was suffering the same as she was, all because of that one race. At least she had him. Throughout all the heartache in the past ten years she had him, and she knew he would never leave her. All she could do now was cling on to the memories as she left and put on a brave face. The same brave face she had fought to keep for the past two days as she sat at that table and they worked out that plan, and now as she left through the Stargate, knowing they may never find that happiness and that if the plan failed she'd lost him for good.
Out of all the people she had encountered in her time on this earth she never believed that Daniel would have ended up the love of her life. For such a long time she had held feelings for him, but had remained ever convinced that even in death Shau'ri was the woman that held his heart and always would. She never wanted to push him into anything, and she never did. She was a friend from the sidelines providing him with comfort when he needed it and company when he needed to talk. It wasn't until she was taken captive by the Goa'uld that she had discovered he felt the same way about her. That was a day that was burnt into her mind forever because of the pain and the joy this experience had brought to her. It had started off as a normal mission. She had gone with SG-1 because members of a previous team had been injured and hadn't been able to get back through the Stargate. Then while trekking through a forest, she had found herself separate from the team. The Goa'uld found her soon after that and took her to Apophis who promptly decided she would be his new queen to spite the people he despised. However, before he could put the larvae inside her SG-1 arrived. She didn't know how she would have lived if she had one of those things inside her, just imagining facing her friends, hurting them...hurting him was enough to torture her even now, but they came... he came. All she could think of while she had been captured was how she didn't want to hurt him, and how much she wanted him to hold her and tell her things would be all right. It was all she had ever wanted for a long time when things got bad, and when they still were. Her dreams came true of course, he did come. She found out later many had died to save her from the clutches of Apophis and that Daniel had been adamant that he was going to be on the team that brought her home. When they found her and stopped Apophis he was the one to run to her. He just took her up into his strong arms and kissed her so hard and for so long that she found herself running out of breath. She hadn't cared though, she hadn't cared who saw...and to see his beautiful face and the amazement on it as she kissed him back...she just knew from that moment that he loved her more than anything and that he would never leave her.
They had been inseparable after that. It had come along so unexpectedly, and the feelings become so strong that it tore each of them apart to be away from each other. When she wasn't needed in the Infirmary she was in his lab, when he wasn't needed he was in the Infirmary. She remembered once how he had found her asleep in her office and carried her all the way through the base to his quarters, tenderly tucking her in and then for the whole night had watched her sleep. She woke up to find him fast asleep in a chair still in his fatigues and remembered thinking how his back must've killed him that whole day after sitting there just watching her sleep. She had often done that with him for a long time before they were a couple. He was in the infirmary so often that when he wasn't there it was like there was an emptiness, or like something was missing. Many times when he had been injured she had sat there by him until he was well and he had never known. She had just sat there and watched him take breaths as he slept, occasionally stroking hair back off his fevered forehead. If she was honest, she found it comforting. He was so adorable when he was asleep, so vulnerable. That was how she felt now leaving him behind and just how she felt when she discovered what the Aschen had taken away from her. She had cried so many tears during the last ten years for various reasons, but through all the bad times he had been a constant, the one whom she drew strength from. She wasn't a weak person, far from it, but they had both been through so much together. She was just so proud that he had been there at her side with so much love and so much support when she needed it. She just hoped she had been there for him too, and seeing the look in his eyes she knew she had.
It hadn't taken them long to decide to get married. He had become the centre of her world, and she and Cassandra the centre of his. Watching the pair of them together was something which warmed her heart. When she had told Cassandra about her and Daniel, the young woman had been so happy for them both, she hadn't stopped grinning for days and then when he moved in with them every morning for about a month Cass had brought them breakfast in bed. They were a family, a sometimes dysfunctional one, but a family none the less and she loved that feeling. Just waking up next to him with her body entwined with his was the most beautiful thing she had experienced in her life and never had she wanted that to end. Their relationship to her was so intense and there was so much love there that at times she wanted to pinch herself just to see if it was real. Not until Cassandra had come into her life had she been amazed at the incredible amount of love she could feel towards a person, and that was also true with Daniel. No-one had expected it to happen, not Sam or Jack, no-one, but every time she touched him she felt as if a spark shot through her and touched the core of her being, and she knew he felt it too, from the look in his eyes. She remembered all those times there had been merely a touch between them, a smile or a concerned glance when one noticed that there was something wrong with the other. It was as if their love was so deeply rooted that the other could just sense by one tiny little signal that something wasn't right. These touches reaffirmed anything they felt, reassuring each other that this incredible love did exist and that each felt it. When times were bad, they knew they had each other just through a tiny motion or movement. She loved this silent communication that they held between them, a communication that was taking place even now...Daniel's eyes saying so much to her even though he stood so far away.
She could remember the day he proposed as clear as anything, the thought of it still brought tears of joy to her eyes. She had a really hard day at work, and he had been wheeled into the infirmary with the rest of SG-1 after being attacked on a mission. He was hurt pretty badly and was almost unconscious when he was wheeled in as were the rest of the team and never had she felt so scared...well except for now. She was so tired, and so worried for his life, all she could think of was how she didn't want to lose him. He had slipped into a coma during surgery he had needed in order to save his life and that time had been one of the worst she had ever had to endure. She had watched him sleep before, but then she had known he was going to wake up. At that moment though she hadn't known, and as tired as she was, and as much as she wanted to give up she hadn't. She had barely left his side in the three days that he had been in a coma, and she had known this was how he must've felt when she had been captured by the Goa'uld. She was in a position to help but nothing she was doing appeared to be doing any good and because of this she felt so helpless. She had ended up being ordered to her quarters to rest by a concerned General Hammond and after much protesting she had gone, Sam who had fully recovered keeping watch over her as she rested, and Jack keeping watch over Daniel. She didn't know how long she had actually slept, it felt like weeks, but she woke up to something she had never thought she was going to see again. As soon as she awoke, she knew there was another presence on the bed, someone sitting there stroking hair tenderly back off her flushed face. She had known who it was straight away, then turning the light on she saw him. She had felt him long before her brain had actually registered his being there, felt a tender touch she had grown used to and sensed the love that radiated from every breath. The only reason she had turned the light on was to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She knew his touch straight away and felt no concern. Just waking up to have him there, all she felt was peace, knowing that he was there and he was okay. When she turned the light on she was greeted with a smile, even though his face was bruised and battered. The concern he had for her was so clear even though he himself was in pain. She had ordered him back to the infirmary straight away, concerned for his well-being but he hadn't gone. Instead he had slowly knelt on the floor, took her hand in his and pulled a diamond engagement ring out from behind him. The next thing she knew he was proposing and she had been unable to see through tears of joy. She had accepted of course and there and then he slipped the ring on her finger telling her he would love her forever and she reassuring him that she would do the same. She had loved him long before he had proposed to her, and he had loved her too. She was so proud of him at that moment and so proud that she had been the woman he had chosen to spend his life with. She loved Daniel Jackson, and that made her proud, as did the fact that even though he was injured he had made his way to her, concerned over her own welfare even though his own welfare was in jeopardy. She had told him off of course for leaving the infirmary and made sure he went back but that didn't stop her loving him...nothing ever would.
The day they had got married was the most special day of her life. It was a private ceremony, only their closest friends there, and that had made it even more special. No-one had expected what they felt to last, or to be as strong as it had actually turned out to be, they were included in that, but in each other they had found something so profound and so untouchable that to give it up would have torn them both apart. Seeing his face light up as she walked down the aisle and standing there at his side as they took their vows was something so beautiful for her. He looked so handsome. She would never forget how proud she felt walking down that aisle and how happy she was inside. She also remembered being petrified. The first time she had been married it had ended in a divorce and she didn't want that to happen here. Standing in front of her, in a dark suit, with the biggest smile on his face that she had ever seen there was the man she wanted to truly spend the rest of her life with and she wanted nothing to get in the way of that. General Hammond had been so proud to give her away, she never forgot the look on his face as he prepared to walk her down the aisle. She would never forget the look on Cass' face either, the massive grin as she walked down the aisle behind her mother, loving her duty as bridesmaid and the couple who she was doing it for. She remembered the tears that streamed down her face as they were pronounced husband and wife and the tender touches of Daniels lips as he kissed those tears away even though he too was crying. She remembered stroking those tears away from his handsome face which looked so scared at that moment and so vulnerable. Scared that he would hurt her, or that he would lose her like he had done Shau'ri. She also remembered seeing the joy reflected in his blue eyes, and the joy that she felt deep in her heart that she was his wife, and that she, Daniel and Cassandra were a family. Theirs was a love so unexpected, so profound and deep that it was as if they were bound to each other in heart and soul. They had much pain during their marriage, not because of each other, not for lack of love but for many reasons, and throughout it all Daniel had been her constant, her solace. Whenever she was down every time he took her in his arms and kissed her she knew she would be okay. She knew that she would have him whatever happened and she had, even on the most painful day of both of their lives. He had loved her, and she him, and the wedding bands that each wore around a chain on their necks signified that love. They wore them that way because it felt more sacred, more personal, closer to their hearts, and as she walked up the ramp looking up at those eyes, her hand over her heart and over that ring she could feel her heart breaking. Breaking because the man who was the love of her life was now facing death, and she was leaving him to face it, and breaking in case the version of herself she saved never found the love that had made her so happy.
She remembered the day she found out she was pregnant the first time. She'd had to go through the Stargate to give medical aid to members of a race SG-1 had come across on a mission. The race weren't primitive, but believed in herbal remedies rather than using any medication. In the end however many had become too sick and there was no other means to cure the illness but by medical intervention. Janet had gone to administer the treatment to one of the older members of the race who had been confined to bed by the illness. She was an old woman with a gentle face, and eyes that seemed to look inside a persons soul, and for Janet that day they did. The woman, who was named Teia, was very weak and after treating her Janet had sat down on the bed, being overcome with a wave of nausea that she put down to coming through the Stargate. She had thought the old woman was asleep, and taking a deep breath and trying to regain her composure she shut her eyes, opening them as she felt a gentle hand on her stomach. Looking at that woman she was mesmerized, her blue eyes shining deeply as she told Janet she was carrying a little boy and from that moment she knew she was pregnant...she knew that the woman was telling the truth. She remembered shaking so much, and being so shocked that for a while she had just sat there, Daniel eventually coming to look for her having grown worried for her. Seeing her sit there the way she had he had become scared, she could tell by his eyes when he knelt down in front of her and took her hand in his own. She hadn't known how to tell him, for the first couple of hours after she had found out she had carried on treating people in a daze, always under Daniel's watchful eye. Eventually after finishing her job and pausing before going through the Stargate for fear of what gate travel would do to their unborn child she had broken down and told a stunned Daniel and SG-1 what she had found out. When she was back at the base and had been checked out by Dr Warner and the pregnancy had been confirmed it had been one of the happiest moments of their married life. It felt so natural to be carrying Daniel's child, and both were so thrilled at the prospect of becoming parents. Daniel was so protective of her, he always had been but now he was even more so and she felt complete, more than she ever had done. The pregnancy however wasn't meant to be and after sixteen weeks Janet had started to bleed and miscarried the child. That had torn her apart, to lose a baby that was so wanted wasn't something that neither of them could just get over. Cassandra and Sam had been hit pretty hard by it too, Cassandra being at home with Janet when she had collapsed in agony and Sam being the one that she had called to come over when her mother tearfully told her that she had lost the child. Daniel had been torn apart when he arrived at the hospital to see her laying there so quietly, her eyes full of unshed tears. Sam had called him at the base where he was helping another team translate an artifact that they had found on a mission, and he doubted that anyone had seen him run as fast as he did that day when he found out that the woman he adored had gone through something so heart breaking. What hurt him most was that he hadn't been there when she was going through it, Janet knew that he was hurting as soon as she saw him. Going through what she had really had broke her heart. Even though the pregnancy was still in its early stages the arrival of that child had been eagerly anticipated by everyone, the SGC included and now that it had been cruelly taken away Janet felt empty...like part of her womanhood had been taken away...like there was something wrong with her that could never be fixed. As soon as she felt the searing pain go through her abdomen and saw the blood she knew that their little boy wasn't meant to be. She wanted so badly for everything to be all right again...she wanted so badly for this pregnancy to progress normally so that in a few months she and Daniel would have a new life to take care of... a little person that both of them had created to look after and love for the rest of their lives. She also new that that wasn't going to happen and she felt so terrible... terrible over the loss and guilty that maybe there was something she had done to make this happen. Seeing Sam's face when she had arrived had broken her heart, as another maternal person seeing Janet in that state had obviously hit her hard as it would any woman. Cassandra was in tears. Daniel's face was the worst. In the hospital she had felt so lost. She had felt like no amount of tears could ever express what she was feeling inside, the emptiness that she felt as the life which had been blossoming inside her was now not there. Daniel had found her laying there with one hand tenderly over her stomach as if trying to register the loss, he too had obviously been crying and seeing those gentle eyes which she adored now filled with so much pain and concern made the sadness even greater. As soon as she felt his presence she had burst into tears, him immediately rushing to her side and cradling her in his arms tenderly rocking her as both wept over their lost child. Having him there made things seem easier somehow, just being there in his arms made her feel safe. Together they had gotten through that ordeal... together they had helped Cass through it and together they had coaxed Sam to turn to Jack, the only man who could truly help her get over the pain she too was feeling over this lost child. This hadn't been the only lost child they had laid to rest in their time together. Six months after the loss of their first baby, a much wanted and much loved baby girl had been miscarried. They had named her Rose. Rose Cassandra Jackson, and though times had been hard and the relationship had strained under the pressure that both had put on them the bod they shared remained forever strong...and still did to this very day that she was leaving behind the man she loved.
Dealing with the loss of one child had been hard enough for Janet to bear. It had made her feel less of a woman...like there was something in her which was causing this loss...this pain and this heartache. She had loved those children, had loved their tiny forms even when they were just beginning to blossom within her, Daniel had too and she knew it. They used to sit under the stars discussing names, both lying on a blanket, her with her head on Daniels strong chest listening to his heartbeat, Daniel with a protective hand on her stomach. They used to lay there until the early hours, so wrapped up in each other and the thought of the child they had created that nothing else registered. Sometimes they were just totally ridiculous, other times discussion was serious. All the time they knew that each wanted this as much as the other and drew comfort from the fact that neither had to be scared alone. Memories like that kept her warm as she walked to that gate, memories of the tiny people that were created in a love so profound by herself and the man she loved. People who would not be on earth for a very long time, and yet who blessed the presence of those whose lives they had touched.
When the Aschen came all believed that things would be better, at least at the start. With them they had brought an anti-aging vaccine and an anti-cancer drug and somewhere within them both a hope glimmered that somehow the child they wanted so much would find its way into the world...into the loving arms of herself and Daniel. Remembering this Janet shuddered. The Aschen were the reason they were here, were the reason that Janet was standing in front of a Stargate leaving her beloved husband to face death as all undertook a task to change history, and with it possibly undo any chance of the happiness that he and she had shared in this world. While the Aschen appeared saviours, a race so advanced that all lived long and rarely became ill, they were far from it. Instead of prolonging lives, instead of helping humanity overcome disease and illness and prosper as a race they were slowly ripping it apart at its seams. Taking away a womans ability to conceive, something held so precious. Of course that they didn't know, nor did Sam and Joe who Janet and Daniel had kept their torment quiet from for a long time. Shortly after their arrival Janet did become pregnant again, hope flourishing inside that this race had helped her, yet her unborn child faced the same fate as its brother and sister and too was not meant to be. Then there were no more...no more children to bless their lives however short their time on this earth was. After that Janet took the vaccinations, all of SG-1 did as did most of the population and Janets distrust of the Aschen began to grow. She began to feel redundant, like they had taken away everything that she had worked for and though Daniel had tried so hard to convince her otherwise...that she was needed...that people did still need a human doctor, she couldn't be convinced. Round about this time Jack had given up on them all together. He had warned since the arrival of the Aschen that they were not to be trusted, and all of them dismissed this as Jack being Jack, paranoid and bitter. They were wrong to do this, she knew that now...he could have saved them long ago, but that was a path not taken and what was left was the only choice.
Throughout this battle with the Aschen, so many times Janet had felt like giving up, felt like there was no more fight left within her. They had both been through so much, with the loss of their children and with the arrival of the Aschen, Janet particularly had been finding life hard. Daniel had been her constant throughout and for him she had battled, for him she always had a smile because she knew that he loved her, she knew that inside her he saw something beautiful as she did with him. She didn't know what she would do without him, and knowing that she was leaving him now, leaving him to die she felt like running back to him and never letting go. Instead she smiled and waved, a smile holding back the tears of which she didn't think she had any more left. She had cried herself dry, and yet standing here she felt so vulnerable, wanting to be comforted by him as tears did indeed fall. He was the man she loved and she never wanted to let him go.
That afternoon when she met him at the restaurant she had never felt as empty inside, and she doubted Sam had either. She could feel hot tears burning her eyes as she held them back for Daniels sake, tears that she had been shedding all afternoon because of the incredible loss the Aschen had bestowed upon the human race. After finding out what they had done at the lab she had wanted to stay and comfort Sam, wanted to tell her friend that things would be okay. She knew they never would. For so long Sam had wanted children and for so long herself and Daniel had tried. Sometimes she thought Sam had it so much easier, because though she was fighting a battle of her own she had never carried a child and then lost it. For feeling that way Janet felt guilty, and for quickly leaving Sam alone in that lab she felt guilty too, but as soon as they had discovered that the ageing vaccine had caused their infertility, as soon as they discovered the Aschen had violated them Janet knew that she could never have children and at that moment she just wanted to run for fear that she would break down and never recover. She had been walking all afternoon just thinking. She had visited Cass and chatted to her, but she didn't want to worry her, and though she knew that the visit had unsettled her daughter and that her quietness had caused her to worry, she had found herself feeling better just being around the woman who she had raised. Cass had been affected by the vaccine too. She and her husband Josh had been trying to conceive for a few years also to no avail, but she couldn't find it in her heart to explain to Cass why, and knowing that they were going ahead with a plan which could prevent this tragedy from ever happening she was glad she hadn't worried her. She walked in to that restaurant just wanting Daniel to take her into his arms, her hand resting on her stomach as did Sam's as if trying to register the loss she had felt, as if trying to protect what had already been taken away. It took all of her self control, and she knew Sams too not to break down as they explained what had happened....as they explained the terrible truth they had found out. The truth being that the Aschen had cruelly stolen away a part of themselves that every woman held dear, that they had used an anti aging vaccine that while prolonging their lives, also slowly took a part of it away leaving a hole that Janet, Sam and even Cassandra felt weighing them down like stone. As she explained she saw those beautiful blue eyes of her husbands filling with anger, but most of all an incredible sadness. She could see he was finding it hard to stay calm, and that the only reason he was staying calm was for her sake. She felt so angry inside, and she knew he did too and that he sensed it within her. That was a gift Daniel had always possessed. He had always been able to look within her and know exactly what she was feeling, exactly what she was going through and that afternoon was no exception. She could see him aching inside to hold her as she was him, she could see the worry filling his face as he willed for her to let out what she was bottling up, but she knew she had to be strong, that there would be time for her to let go later and she knew that she would let go...that they both would together. That didn't stop her from wanting to run away, from wanting to forget. Nor did it stop her from blaming herself over not believing Jack, a guilt that all at that table were feeling. He could have saved them and none had believed him and for that all felt terrible. Like the loss was their very own fault. She felt so torn, and she knew Daniel did too, it was as if her heart was breaking inside and every second she spent at that table she could feel the pain running deeper within her. The suggestion of a plan to go back into their past, warning themselves not to became involved with the Aschen was the only saving grace, the only thing that kept all focused and strong no matter how hard that was becoming to do and all the time there remained that one tender hand on her belly the other firmly in Daniels drawing strength from his being. She could see the admiration for her in his eyes, admiration for the strength she held, but that strength was drawn from him...it was for him as was all the love she held in her heart. It wasn't until all had parted ways that both had broke down in each others arms and she knew that Daniel had never seen her as upset as she was at that time. She had never seen him like that either, crying so hard that his whole body shook against hers, finding solace in the fact that neither were going through this alone. Sam had gone to find Jack at this point and Janet felt so bad for her friend. If only she'd trusted Jack, followed her own heart and shared with him the love that she so obviously felt they would never be here....or at least that was what Janet knew Sam was feeling. Her friend was just as torn as her and Janet knew that this visit to Jack would be one of the hardest moments of her life. Now though it was her and Daniels time, a time where there was nothing to think about but themselves. They needed this time., had done since the very moment Janet had walked into the restaurant Daniel immediately sensing that something was wrong, but never in his life expecting this, and as both stood there, Daniel falling to his knees and Janet comforting him like a child she knew that he too was finding this almost too much to bear.
They had found themselves sitting by a tiny lake, Janet having broken down in sobs after leaving the restaurant, her head on his shoulder and her body held tightly in his arms. She had slid down to the ground just as Daniel had earlier, him too racked by sobs as was she. Neither knew how long they had sat there, just holding each other tight not caring what people thought as they walked past. At that moment they were the only ones that existed and that was all that mattered. All Janet could see was that the man who was the centre of her world was in so much pain that his normally strong body was shaking, and all she wanted to do was comfort him, no matter what pain she was feeling inside. She wanted him to know that whatever hurt she was feeling she was there to help him with his. She cared for him more than any person on this earth and that she wanted him to know, as she did the fact that he wasn't the only one going through this. Neither was going to let the other go through this alone and they didn't. They sat there until both felt ready to move, oblivious to the world going on around them, ready to spend possibly the last few hours of their lives together and those last few hours would stay in Janets memory forever.
The lake that they lay by was beautiful, the sun shining off the surface and lighting it up like glass. They lay there all afternoon until it was time to start the plan. They had found their way there, hands entwined and now lay there, Janet with her head on Daniels chest, positioned so she could stare into those deep blue, and now pained eyes that she had fallen in love with. She lay there drawing strength from him and looking within him for some sort of reassurance that things would be all right. She had never needed him as much as she had that moment, nor him her and they both knew it, felt it to the very depths of their souls. Both had suffered a loss which for many would be unimaginable and Janet felt that loss so deeply within her that she knew Daniel must be feeling it ten times worse. She was the one going through it, but he had always tried to protect her, and in this instance he hadn't and for that she knew he must feel terrible. It wasn't his fault, she wanted him to know that, and she told him without words. They just lay there all afternoon, looking up at the blue sky, silently reaffirming the love that both held within themselves, a love that would never break or just stop flowing between them. All they needed was each other, the strength that emanated from both of them seeping into the other, making them feel stronger in this time of need. All the time they knew that these were their last few hours together but neither was willing to let the other go before they had to but that didn't mean that they had stopped feeling the pain. Janet's womanhood had been cruelly snatched away from her and it was a feeling she would never get over. She knew that it was something Daniel would never get over either, but now she truly was all cried out and knowing what was ahead of them only served to make her feel maybe there was hope, hope for herself and Daniel and the children they should of had. Daniel was all cried out too, both knowing what had to be done, and so the afternoon passed, each making every moment that passed one that counted. Not a breath passed without a tender declaration of love and care.
Now Janet was looking up at her husbands face as she was getting ready to leave, and as he was getting ready to play his part in a plan that could stop the torture herself, Sam and many other women had been going through. Daniel Jackson truly was her life. He had given her so much love and joy in the years they had shared, even though it had been intermingled with a pain so severe that it tore her apart to even think back on those times. She had been preparing herself for this moment all afternoon, both had, but it didn't stop the pain. It didn't stop her from wanting to run back to him and hold on for dear life. That however wasn't their destiny, what was their destiny was to prevent this future from ever happening. So she walked, walked towards the gate, walked away from her life here and the man she adored not being able to do anything but that very thing. She knew this was for her own good, it was part of the plan that they all had carefully constructed. That didn't stop it from hurting, it didn't stop her heart breaking into tiny pieces as she looked back at the face which she had woken up to every morning and saw the pain she felt reflected back at her. All Daniel could manage was a little wave and as hard as she tried to turn away from those beautiful eyes that said so much she couldn't. Those eyes said so much, communicating the love that he so obviously felt for her and understanding over the roles each of them were to play. She only hoped her eyes were communicating the same thing, and from the tiny, but solemn smile he gave her she knew they were. She had loved Daniel Jackson, he had married her and she was so proud for that. She had loved him for so long that knowing that he had chosen her was a feeling so special and which meant so much to her that she couldn't explain it with words. Now she had to say goodbye and after blowing him a tender kiss Janet Fraiser-Jackson walked through the Stargate as her husband did his duty, praying with all her heart that their past selves would now know not to trust the Aschen and that she and Daniel would ultimately follow the path that had brought them together here, and find the happiness that they truly deserved for all time.
Fini.
Copyright (c) Lucy Maria Elmer 2001.
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