Cinderella (SG-1 style)
Cinderella (SG-1 style)
by Lexi
TITLE: Cinderella (SG-1 style)
AUTHOR: Lexi
EMAIL: alexchaseling@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Humor, Romance, Crossover (Cinderella)
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: 3
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: the stargate command get together for a little acting.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Characters and no money has been made. This was just for fun!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please Please Please give me feed back!! I live on it!!
Daniel: Narrator
Sam: Cinderella
Jack: Prince charming
Teal'c: Fairy god mother
Janet: Step mother
Martouf/Lantesh: Ugly step sister 1
Anise/Freya: Ugly step sister 2
General Hammond: King and narrator
Apophis: Father
Okay, so here we go, there was this girl.......
Jack: Wait a second! That's not how you start fairy tales!
What! I thought it was pretty good
Jack: You have to start them with 'once apon a time'
Why?!
Jack: Cuz it's always done that way!
Well I don't see that it makes a difference...... But if you insist.
Jack: I do
Good
Jack: Fine
Right
Sam: Will you to just get on with it!! Geez!.
Anywayz, Once apon a time.......
Jack: That's better
There lived a beautiful young girl named Cinderella
Sam: That's me! Hi everyone
She lived with her father in a top secret base as her mother had died when she was 14.
Sam: Hey, I want a rewrite! Why the hell does this say that Apophis is my dad?!? You do know I'd rather die don't you?
Well we ran out of people. But don't worry, he dies anyway.
Jack: How can we be sure he dies? I mean how many times have we killed him? He just keeps comin back.
Look guys, he has signed a contract that says he won't destroy the world while the play is being made. Plus he has the flew and can't concentrate enough to use his hand device.
Jack: (whispers) Now I've heard it all (louder) We aren't all going to catch this intergalactic flew are we?
Apophis: No (cough cough) As much as I wish it was, this flew is not contagious.
Guys! Can we get on with story. I want Apophis dead as soon as possible.
Sam: Be my guest.
Right, so Cinderella lived her dad and she loved him more than anything in the world, and he love her too
Sam: (gags)
C'mon Sam. Just say the line
Sam: But I can't. It is physically impossible!
Apophis: Say the line so I can say mine and I can get back to my plans for destroying the first world, you Tauri scum!!!
Sam: Did your mother ever teach you manners?
Apophis: I never had a mother!
Sam: Oh.........right
Jack: Can we get on with this? I really don't like the idea of Apophis hanging around
Sam: how do you think I feel? He's my father!
Jack: kinda like Star Wars huh. (Darth Vader voice) "Carter, I am your father"
Teal'c: What is a Star Wars?
BANG!!!!
Jack: Hey! Where the hell did toaster come from!?!
That's just a taste of what you will get if you don't let me finish!
Jack: Someone needs a nap
POOF!!!
Jack: Hey get this off me!!
Sam: I don't know. You look kinda cute in a dress
She's right, you do. And pink is your colour. It goes with your eyes
Jack: not funny
Fine, but let me get on with the story
Jack: Okay, I'll be good.
Right, now where was I? Oh yeah. Sam say the line
Sam: (dull tone) Oh Father, I love you so much.
Say it and mean it Sam or I will turn you into a rat or something!
Sam: Okay Okay.................... Father I love you so much!!
Apophis: I love you too........................Muffin? It customary for the Tauri to call their offspring Muffin?
Ummmmmm, sometimes.
Teal'c: What is a muffin?
Anyway, they loved each other very much, but one day Cinderella's Father got very sick and died.
Sam: YESSSSS!!!!!! Oops, I mean no father come back.
But before he died, he had married again so Cinderella lived with her mean step mother and two ugly step sisters
Jack: Hold up! What are the Tokra doing here?
Well like I said, we couldn't find enough people so Martouf and Anise volunteered. And Sam's dad of course.
Jack: Oh For cryin out loud!!
Janet: Hey Sam
Sam: Hey Janet, are you one of my sisters?
Janet: Nup, I am your step mum.
Sam: Really? Cool
Martouf: Greetings Samantha
Sam: Hey Martouf, but it's Not Sam, it's Cinderella
Martouf: Oh sorry
Jack: Hey Marty, wow you look great in a dress!
Jack be nice, if you tease him, we will only have one ugly sister.
Jack: but it is so easy.
POOF!!!!
Martouf: You also look admirable in a dress Colonel
Jack: Hey Daniel! That's unfair!
Well you asked for it. Right..... Back to the story. Cinderella's step mother worked her very har........
Jack: Hold up!! Get me outa this dress!
Not until you can prove that you will behave
Martouf: yes, not until you pro......(BANG!!!)
Martouf: That is it! If you will not treat me with respect, I am leaving!! ( dials up the stargate and walks through)
Now see what you have done, we only have one ugly sister! For that you will have to wear the dress until the play is over!
Jack: for cryin out loud! Danny please! I'll be good.
No, and don't call me Danny. Anyway Cinderella's step mother worked her very hard and always scheduled her for medical check ups that she didn't need
Jack: sounds like the Doc through and through
Janet: Yep, I'm liking this play. Do I actually get to do the check ups?
No, it's just pretend
Janet: Oh well.
The mean step mother was always ordering her to invent particle beam generators and do experiments on naquador reactors.
Sam: But I like doing those things, she sounds like a great mum.
Just pretend that you don't....... Plus, she won't let you have a boyfriend!
Sam: The Bitch!!! Sorry Janet
Janet: That's ok, I'd have to agree with you
Then one day, an invitation came around to every family, inviting them to the royal ball where Prince Jack would choose a bride. Cinderella's step mother and ugly step sister were very exited and started to get ready straight away, but they didn't want Cinderella to go.
Sam: Yay, a royal ball. I want to meet the prince, he's really cute.
Anise: I do not understand what I am supposed to do
Sam: you are supposed to say your lines
Anise: Oh, perhaps it would be better if you said your line again to I can understand more
Sam: Kay..........Yay, a royal ball. I want to meet the Prince, he's really cute.
Anise: (She reads as if she is explaining something) Yes he is. I am going to marry him.
Jack: Maybe you should give the snake a break and let Freya read. She might know more about acting that Anise.
Good idea. Anise, do you mind if Freya takes control for the play.
Anise: Not at all, it will be more interesting to watch. (She blinks and Freya comes up)
Jack: You never get used to that two beings in one body thing. How did you ever cope Carter?
Sam: Well I didn't have much choice did I?
Guys, can we let Freya say her line so we can get on with the story.
Freya: Yes he is, I'm going to marry him, he will see me and choose me as his bride
Sam: No he won't
Freya: will too
Who would have guessed it, Sam and Freya, fighting over Jack. Kind of ironic really. Anyway Cinderella's step mum said...
Janet: you can go to the ball if you, do all your chores make ten naquadore reactors, come to as many check up as I want and behave until then.
Sam: Ten!!!!
Janet: don't complain!
Sam: I will bloody well complain if I want to! Cinderella did all her chores and made the reactors, went to the check ups and was good until the night of the ball. She was so exited, and she got dressed in her favourite blue dress that matched her eyes. She was all ready to go to the ball......until she ran into her step mum.
Janet: Where do you think you are going?
Sam: To the ball. You said I could go.
Janet: But I changed my mind. Your results from the last check up where not good enough. Now If you will excuse me, Freya and I have a ball to go to.
Cinderella was devastated! She wanted to go so much, but there was nothing she could do. So she ran into her Lab crying. Meanwhile, the king and Prince were watching all the people arrive at the ball.
General Hammond: Well son, look at all the beautiful women arriving. There will surly be one fit to be your bride.
Jack: This is really freaky
Jack, just say your line will you?
Jack: Alright..............here we go...........are you ready
POOF!!!!
Jack: All right I think that the make up is too much. Get rid of it please.
All right, but you better say your line. Actually General, could you say yours again?
General Hammond: All right son..................Well, look at all the beautiful women arriving. There surly be one fit to be your bride.
Jack:.......................Ya think!
Jack!!!!!The real line please or I will do something worse than make up and a dress.
Jack: Fine. Oh Father, you can't fall in love when you have just met someone.
General Hammond: Yes you can. Don't underestimate the power of love.............ahh Dr Jackson, why do I have to say the mushy stuff. I have been looking through my lines and almost every time I open my mouth I say gooey mushy things.
Well you are the King. It is his character.
General Hammond: Well can't I be something else?
The only other part was the father and he died, plus I don't think that the part of the King would suit Apophis...................apart from the having all the power over people thing that Kings have.
General Hammond: Right, well I will remember this next time I sent SG-1 on a mission.
Please just say your lines sir.
General Hammond: I can't, It the Colonel's turn.
Oh Sorry. Jack we're waiting.
Jack:
Jack:
Jack:
Where's Jack?
Sam: he was getting bored so he went to watch the hockey match on TV
Oh man, will this ever be over? Who's idea was this anyway?
Teal'c: I believe it was yours Daniel Jackson
Right.......thanks Teal'c
Teal'c: You are welcome
Sam: He's here now.
Good. Jack it's your line
Jack: I am just nervous father.
General Hammond: I understand. I just don't want to die before I meet my grandchildren.
Sam: Don't you already have grandchildren sir?
General Hammond: Well so did I, but I guess I don't.
Geez....... How many times do I have to tell you guys that this is just pretend. You do have grandchildren Sir, two granddaughters, remember? Anyway, lets get back to it. Cinderella was in her lab balling her eyes out when suddenly her fairy godmother appeared
Teal'c: Hello Major Carter I am your fairy godmother
It's Cinderella Teal'c, and how come you are dressed in a frog suit!?!
Teal'c: Well the fairy godmother costume didn't fit and this was the only outfit that did in the whole base. Colonel said I looked very handsome and that if I see a princess to give her a kiss.
Of course he did. Well I guess that will have to do. Lets skip to Sam's line
Sam: Why are you here?
Teal'c: I am here to send you to the ball
Sam: But I am not going to the ball
Teal'c: The script clearly states that Cinderella goes to the ball and dances with the Prince. Why would it say that if you did not.
Sam: I was just reading my lines. I know that I go to the ball. Just read your lines kay?
Teal'c: As you wish. Oh but you are for I will give you a dress and a carriage made out of rocks.
OK who was the smart alec who crossed out artifacts and put Rocks in bright red pen? JACK!!!
POOF!!!
Jack: Now the bikini is definitely too much. Get rid of it!
As long as you promise to always say artifacts notrocks
Jack: Fine what ever, just get it off. Carter stop laughing at me!!
Sam: Sorry sir, couldn't help it. If you could only see yourself in a mirror.
Jack: no thanks.
Anyway, getting back on track. Teal'c the fairy godmother proceeded to give Cinderella everything she needed to get to the ball. As she was about to leave her fairy godmother reminded her.......
Teal'c: Do not forget that the spell only lasts until ten o'clock, after that everything will return to normal.
Sam: What!! Ten, the real Cinderella got till twelve!
Well Sam, you are only an amateur Cinderella. When you get older I will think about changing your curfew, but for now...........
Sam: You sound like my dad.
So Sam went to the ball in another beautiful blue dress that matched here eyes and was wearing glass army boots.
Sam: Glass Army Boots!!!!!! What the.....
Yes glass army boots. Anyway she got to the ball and it had already started.
Sam: I hope they don't think I am a gate crasher.
There was music and people were dancing. Cinderella noticed the Prince dancing. There was a long line of ladies in beautiful gowns waiting to dance with him. Cinderella thought that it was best she joined the line if she was ever going to dance with him before ten.
Sam: I still think that the curfew sucks!
Stop complaining! I can do stuff to you as well as Jack you know.
Sam: Fine. Just leave me how I am.
I will.
Sam: Hey there's Janet. Hey Janet!
Sam! Will you shut up! You are supposed to loathe her. You don't go around waving and yelling out to her at royal balls.
Sam: Whatever, but I would like everyone to know that this party sucks! They don't have any good music and these people don't know how to dance. And where's the food.
There is food. See there are a whole three tables of it.
Sam: I mean real food. You couldn't feed that to a sparrow! And will someone please tell the DJ to get some real music!
Jack: How do you think I feel. I have to dance with a bunch of women that I have never met and they are all making googly eyes at me!
Will you two shut up! You aren't even supposed to know each other! Jack keep dancing until the script tell you to look up and notice Cinderella, and Sam, the script is telling you to walk towards the line of women!
Jack: The script can talk? Did you know the script can talk Carter? I didn't.
Sam: Me neither. Teal'c have you ever heard of talking scripts?
Teal'c: I have not Major Carter.
Sam: Has anyone else?
Janet: I haven't
Apophis: I haven't even heard of a script.
Jack: Hey! Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Apophis: I was, but it gets boring, so I decided that I would try and dance with the prince.
Jack: For cryin out loud! Yuk!! I am not dancing with a goua'ould.
Sam: Are you sure the script can talk Daniel?
Guys........Guys..........GUYS!!!!!!Will you all Shut Up!!! If we don't finish this play by tonight, I will turn you all into frogs or something and make you finish it like that,
Jack: Frogs! How unstylish.
Janet: Wow Daniel, I thought you had more taste that that.
Sam: Frogs, yuk! I don't think I wanna be a frog, now a snake, that is another thing..............
Teal'c: What is a frog? I do not believe I have ever seen one.
SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!
Jack: All you had to do was ask, no need to go yelling.
You know what, I don't think I am cut out for this. General, would you take over please? I think I will go out back and pass out. Bye
(General Hammond is now the narrator)
OK, now if anyone disobeys me they will get ten weeks of paper work. And if that is not enough I will send them to doctor Frasier for some tests. Am I clear?
Everyone: Yes sir!
Jack: (whispers) well this sucks even more.
Now where were we? Ahh yes. Major. You are walking towards Colonel O'Neil. I will star reading from there.
Cinderella started to walk towards the line when she noticed that the prince was dancing with non other than her ugly sister. She kept on walking, and the prince looked up and noticed her. A look of shock passed over his face.
NO NO NO! A look of shock and wonder at the beautiful sight, not a look of shock and horror Colonel!
Jack: Well with all due respect sir, you should be more specific.
I will pretend I didn't hear that Colonel.
Jack: thank you sir.
Anyway a look of shock and wonder passed over his face and he pushed away Anise the ugly sister and started to walk towards Cinderella. When she noticed that he was coming toward her, her heart started to flutter. As he reached her, he took her in his arms and started to dance to the music.
Jack: Wow, I can be romantic, can't I?
They danced all night without saying a word, until the click struck ten.
Sam: That still sucks!
Cinderella gasped. 'It can't be ten already' she thought.
Jack: Sir, may I say that you do a very good girly voice.
Colonel O'Neil, you're pushing it! Anyway where was I? Oh yes. She started to head for the door, but the Prince pulled her back.
Sam: I have to go!
Jack: But you can't! I don't even know your name
Sam: Scully......Dana Scully. Call me.
Jack: Sounds good to me
Janet: Wait! Now I may not know many fairy tales, but I do know Cinderella, and I know that she runs of without him knowing her name and she definitely does not say 'call me'!
Jack: Fine! Be boring! We were just trying to jazz this up a little.
No, the doctor is right
Janet: As always
We should stick to the story. So Cinderella runs off without the prince knowing her name. But she leaves her glass army boot behind.
Jack: Yada yada yada........ He finds it, he searches for her, he finds her they live happily ever after, the end. Anyone for a game of hockey?
Colonel! One more muck up for you and I will leave in the doc's hands, you hear?
Jack: yes sir.
But we can skip to the end a bit. What about the part where the hero kisses the fair maiden? That's my favourite part.
Sam: NO!!! I am not kissing anyone!
Yes you are! You're Cinderella. You have to. So Colonel, go down there and kiss her! Or this will never end!
Jack: Do I really have to kiss Carter?
Yes
Jack: Fine! But only a peck on the cheek.
If you wish.
***Kiss***
See, that wasn't so bad. Now you can live happily ever after.
Jack: Finally! Carter, shall we go and live happily ever after with a game of hockey?
Sam: Sounds good to me.
THE END!!!
Epilogue
Sam and Jack lived happily ever after with their game of hockey (Sam won!!!), Daniel remained passed out for the rest of the day, Apophis went back to his ship and continued planning to destroy the world, and everyone else spent the week running from Teal'c who was trying to find answers to all the questions that he had from the play.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Lexi
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Cinderella (SG-1 Style)
by LexiSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis