The Healing Part 3
by Laura Y
TITLE: The Healing Part 3
AUTHOR: Laura Y
EMAIL: mrdrdoc@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Series, AU, Angst, Drama
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: General Tok'ra/Jolinar spoilers
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4; Sequel to The Healing Part 2
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, au
SUMMARY: SG-1 returns to the planet to find out what happend to Sam, as she tries to adjust.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's done! But probably not for good. Before you ask, yesthere will be more, just not right now.
"Carter. Carter. Pssst, Carter. Wake up."
The insistent whisper was like an annoying insect, buzzing around Samantha Carter's ear. She tried to shut it out; it couldn't possibly be time to get up yet, could it? A sharp nudge in her ribs brought her fully awake, and she tried to sit up, gasping when a strong hand held her shoulder down.
"Shhh. Carter, quiet," Jack O'Neill whispered in her ear, so close she could feel his breath. She was struck by a strong sense of dj vu, and expected to be lying out in front of the Gate, disarmed, but when she looked around the surroundings were different.
Carter raised herself up on her elbows and looked around the room. It was small and square and entirely white. So white that she had to squint as she took in the other three beds lined up against the wall. O'Neill was crouched next to her bed, and two of the others were occupied by Daniel and Teal'c, both still unconscious. As she took in the bleak dcor, Sam also noticed the lack of any sort of door or window.
Carter sat up and shifted to one end of the bed and O'Neill sat beside her, so close that their thighs were touching, and she only had to lean slightly to rest her shoulder against his arm.
"What do you make of this place, Major?" The Colonel waved his hand absently around the room. "Do you remember encountering any aliens before we were knocked out? Again."
"No, sir. I don't remember much at all, just the same bright light and loud noise, and then nothing. This didn't happen last time, though, or maybe it did and we don't remember it, but I'm pretty sure we weren't dead this time. I don't see a door, have you checked the room, sir?"
"Yeah, before you woke up. There's nothing there, or it's really well hidden. And in case you hadn't noticed, we've been disarmed. Again. How's Jolly?"
"Actually, sir, I don't know. I think she's still unconscious."
"That's...weird."
"You're telling me." Carter paused and gestured towards Teal'c, who still lay silently. "Maybe that beam is harder on symbiotes than humans, knocks them out for longer."
A groan from across the room alerted both of them to Daniel's impending consciousness, and Jack called out to him.
"Daniel. Teal'c. Wakey, wakey."
"I am awake, O'Neill." In one fluid movement, the jaffa sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "What is this place?"
"Well, that's the question of the moment, isn't it? What do you two remember?"
"I remember nothing, O'Neill."
"Not much, Jack. How about you two?"
"Carter was hit first, I think. I saw a beam of light come out of the trees and she went down, then nothing. Carter, you got any idea what that was?" Although he wanted nothing more than to stay sitting next to Carter, O'Neill moved back to his own bed and sat on it, leaning against the wall and drawing his feet up.
"Some kind of focused energy beam, I guess. I didn't see it, sir, so I can't really say. Probably the same thing as last time."
"OK, then kids, how about we figure out a way to bust out of here?"
"Well, Jack, shouldn't we wait for a while?" Daniel leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
"For what, Daniel? The second coming?"
"Well, we were brought here by someone, there must be a reason we're in this room. They may be watching us," Daniel said, causing Carter and Teal'c to glance around the room for signs of monitoring devices. "These are probably the same aliens who knocked us out and healed us the first time. They're obviously advanced, let's give it a minute."
"Look, I've been awake for quite a while now, and no one has come to visit. I didn't find a camera or microphone, so they may not even..."
"Sir." Carter cut him off as she saw an opening begin to appear in the wall across from the beds. All four of SG-1 got to their feet and prepared to meet whoever, or whatever, was coming into the room.
"Welcome. I am Silara." The tall, slim woman was dressed entirely in white, and was unremarkable, with long, straight dark hair and fair skin. Unremarkable, except that her eyes had no colour; they were a filmy, milky white, almost as if she had cataracts.
As usual, Daniel was the first to respond to her greeting. "Hello. I'm Daniel Jackson. This is Major Sam Carter, um, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Teal'c. We're from Earth."
Facing each of them in turn, she smiled. "It's good to see you all awake and well. Please, come with me."
Daniel and Sam looked at O'Neill who just raised an eyebrow and gestured for them to follow their host, who had turned away and was leaving the room. They went out into a hall, as white as the room, and followed Silara as she walked directly down the centre of the hall, and turned into another room.
"She must not be blind, she navigates too well," Carter whispered to O'Neill as they followed the woman. "But did you see her eyes?"
"I saw." O'Neill glanced back to make sure that Teal'c was right behind them, and leaned down to Carter's ear as he slowed her with a hand on her arm. "We don't know what's going on here. Keep alert. And wake Jolly up, we may need her." He paused. "Don't mention her though, they may not know about her, or they may not have nice feelings towards the Gould."
"I...Yes, sir." Carter turned and followed Daniel into a cavernous room that looked a little like the conference room back at the SGC. There were four other people already there, each one dark haired like Silara, and each one with no visible irises in their eyes. They turned as the four visitors filed into the room, and the woman at the head of the table looked at Silara and smiled.
"Good, they're awake. How are they feeling?"
"I haven't asked them yet, Meila. I thought I'd wait until we could see them together." Silara stepped aside and motioned each of them to a seat around the table. They took places, Carter and O'Neill next to each other facing the door and Daniel and Teal'c across from them.
"My name is Meila. I'm sorry for any confusion you are feeling, but we'll do our best to explain what has happened to you. We're friends, you mustn't be concerned, Colonel O'Neill." Meila smiled at Jack as he was opening his mouth to speak. "We heard Daniel Jackson introduce you to Silara, don't worry, we are not reading your minds."
"Well, that's a relief." The sarcasm in Jack's voice was subtle, but both Sam and Daniel gave him a look, which he ignored. "Do your diplomat thing, Daniel."
"Um, yes, well...like I said earlier. We're explorers. From Earth. We came through the Stargate." Daniel paused, and when this information was greeted with nods rather then the common reactions of disbelief or hostility, he continued. "Ah, what can you tell us about what happened to us?"
"Yes, you must be confused. First, tell us how you are feeling, are you all well?"
"Um, yes, very well. Thank you."
"I am in good health."
"Yeah, fine."
The leader, Meila, looked at each of them in turn, smiling as they responded, and stopped with her gaze on Carter. "And yourself, Major Carter?"
"I'm...fine."
"And your symbiote?" Sam looked at Jack, silently asking if she should acknowledge Jolinar, and responded to Meila only at his slight nod.
"Ah...she'll be fine, too."
"You have been allowed to return only because of Major Carter. You may have noticed that you had problems reestablishing a connection between your world and ours."
"Yes, we couldn't establish a stable wormhole, and what we sent through in the first few seconds never rematerialized." Carter leaned forward with an intent look.
"We have developed a device that does not permit a...wormhole to be established more than once between our world and another, unless we specifically allow it. I will have someone demonstrate it to you, if you would like."
"Yes, I'd like that very much."
"Later."
Carter and Daniel turned to look at Jack.
"Sir..."
"Jack, this is..."
"I know. You'll get your chance, but later. First we'd like to know what happened to us, what you did to Major Carter...to all of us."
"Of course. Silara, if you wouldn't mind." Everyone at the table turned to look at the woman who had brought them in.
"In addition to the device Meila has mentioned, the Gateway...Stargate, you call it, has a forcefield around it which is activated when the Gateway is. This field temporarily incapacitates any travelers, and allows us to take steps to protect ourselves."
"Incapacitates?" Jack's interruption had the whole table turning towards him. "We weren't incapacitated, we were dead!"
"Actually, not all of you were dead. The Jaffa was simply unconscious, however the rest of you...that was an unexpected result. We apologize, it has never happened before. This time, we were expecting you, and so we reduced the intensity of the field. We see many species of travelers, and we have seen many of your species. However, in the past all of them have been bonded to a symbiote, either as your friend Teal'c is or as Major Carter is. They are much more resistant to the field, and as such the forcefield is very strong."
"Goa'uld? They come here?"
"Yes they do. Rarely, though, due to the effect of the forcefield and the other device. They do not like not being in control." She smiled slightly. "In fact, we have not seen a Goa'uld or Jaffa for many, many turns."
"Of course not." Everyone looked at Sam. She looked at Teal'c with raised eyebrows and nodded back when he acknowledged her unspoken question.
"Carter?"
"Sir, Jolinar is still unconscious. So is Teal'c's symbiote. Any Goa'uld who came through here would be risking losing control to the host for some time. And..."
"And?"
"And, with healing technology that advanced, I'd imagine that they also have the capability of separating the Goa'uld and the host." Sam turned back to Silara, who bowed her head.
"Yes, we do. And we give that option to the host while the symbiote is still unconscious." At her answer, Jack felt his heart leap, but almost instantlyremembered that Carter and Jolinar were not blended in the same manner as most hosts and symbiotes.
"Whoa. No wonder they don't come here. What about ships?" Daniel, who had been silent until now, was the first to ask the question that had occurred to all of them.
"We have a similar planetary defense system, we are not worried about ships."
"OK, this is all very interesting, but you still haven't explained what you did to Carter. You gave her a snake in her head without asking, and it looks like you botched it up pretty well."
"As I said, Major Carter and Jolinar are the reason you were permitted to return. We have never before encountered an individual who had previously been a host. By the time we realized that the symbiote was being healed as well, it was too late to prevent it. We do not normally bring anyone back from the dead, as the results are often not what were intended, as you have seen. You three were a special case as we were the ones who had killed you."
"Well, thank you for that. About Major Carter...?"
"I am afraid we have very few options. We could attempt another healing, however, we believe that as both Major Carter and Jolinar are in perfect health, nothing will come of it."
"Perfect health! What are you talking about? One of my people has a snake fused to her brainstem, and you call that perfect health?"
Daniel winced at Jack's outburst, but he knew that O'Neill was under a lot of stress, and had expected something like this. "Jack, this isn't the way..." He broke off in shockwhen Jack glared at him. He knew that Jack was upset, but the sheer fury in Jack's look and carefully controlled voice went far beyond worry over one of his team.
"Daniel, I don't really care about diplomacy right now, I just want to know if they can undo what they did to Carter." He turned back to the aliens, but stopped as Sam grabbed his arm.
"Sir. Daniel is right. Please, just let them explain." Her hand tightened on his arm, and he took a deep breath and tried to relax. He'd been so focused on finding a way to get Carter back to normal that he'd almost forgotten how difficult this had to be for her as well.
"I'm sorry, this has just been a little...go on." Jack realized that Sam had yet to let go of his arm, and he allowed himself a moment just to enjoy the feeling, to let the contact calm him down.
Silara nodded, and then one of the others spoke for the first time. "I am Dalani, one of the senior healers. I was the one who oversaw the procedures that were done on you during your last visit. Unfortunately, in this case we do not know if there is anything that can be done. Once you are healed, you are healed, there is no middle ground, and there is nowhere further to go. However, we would like to perform some tests on Major Carter and Jolinar to determine exactly what condition both of them are in, and then we will know more."
Daniel watched Jack pacing around the white room, lost in his thoughts, looking like an expectant father in a hospital waiting room. At the analogy, Daniel smiled to himself; it really wasn't a bad comparison, actually. Jack was worried about Sam. They were all worried about Sam, really, but Jack was on the edge of frantic. Daniel couldn't ever remember seeing his friend in this kind of distress, not even when Jolinar had first taken over Sam. Of course, back then they'd only known each other for just over a year.
Even during the incident with the entity that had possessed Sam's body Jack hadn't seemed to be this upset. Thinking back on it, though, Daniel realized that he probablyhadbeen this upset, but he'd been able to hide it from himself and the others under his concern for the base and the safety of the planet. This...well, this was just Sam. There were no military considerations, no threat to the planet or even the SGC. Just Sam.
As he watched Jack pacing he glanced at Teal'c, who was standing by the door, in his usual sentry-like pose, and their eyes met. The big man simply tilted his head, and Daniel knew that they were both thinking the same thoughts and he nodded back.
"Jack." The older man didn't even pause. "Jack.Jack." Daniel was about to get up and grab O'Neill's arm to stop him, when Jack's pace slowed, and finally he halted facing his friend.
"What, Daniel?"
"Look, Jack, we know you're worried. We're worried, too. But you've got to sit down, you're making me dizzy." At Jack's as-if-I-care-that-you're-dizzy look he sighed. "Jack, you're going to wear yourself out, and if you do that, you're not going to be any good to Sam at all." He almost smiled, he'd known that if nothing else made Jack sit down, that would.
"I'm not..." He stopped then, as if he knew that denying it, denying anything, wouldn't work, not with these two. "I can't do nothing, Daniel. This is...thiswaiting...I've never been good at waiting." He shrugged as he sat down on one of the free chairs.
Daniel tried to think up a topic of conversation that would get Jack's mind off of the present situation, but he didn't know if and topic in the universe could do that. Apparently Teal'c had been doing the same thing, and Daniel started slightly when he spoke up.
"O'Neill, what did Jacob Carter have to say to you last night?"
Daniel realized that he'd been wrong about there being no diverting topic when Jack's head whipped up to look at Teal'c. He almost laughed out loud at Jack's statement. It must have been a great conversation to cause Jack to react like that. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that room. He didn't realize he was grinning until Jack shot him a sour look, and tried to avoid the question.
"I wonder what's taking so long. Shouldn't they be done?" He almost got up to start pacing again, but caught himself with a quick look at Daniel.
"I'm sure they'll let us know, Jack. Now how about it?"
"How about what?"
"What did Jacob want to talk to you about? Or was it Selmak?"
"It was both," Jack replied before he even knew he was going to.
"Both?" Daniel asked as Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "So, what was it about?"
At Jack's nasty statement he laughed. "Ah, that's what it was. The Talk. Well, it's about time I guess."
"What are you going on about, Daniel?"
"Oh come on, Jack. Everyone knows..."
"Everyone knows...what, Daniel?" Suddenly Daniel wasn't as amused about the topic change as he had been. Okay, yes Jack's mind was off of the present, but when he got that still, serious look on his face it was never a good sign. It was that look that reminded him that Jack had once been Special Forces; he'd been a very different man than he was now. Capable of...well, who really knew.
"Um, well, you know." He looked at Jack, hoping that he'd just let it go. Jack just stared back, so Daniel looked at Teal'c and silently implored him for help.
"O'Neill, it is relatively common knowledge at the SGC that you and Major Carter mean a great deal to each other." At Teal'c's statement, both of the other men looked at him in amazement. Daniel hadn't actually been hoping for reinforcement on that front, just help in changing the topic again, but when he looked at Jack he was shocked at the stricken look on the other man's face.
"What do you mean, common knowledge?" Even more surprising to Daniel was the fact that Jack chose not to even attempt to deny it. Neither of the others answered, so he repeated himself, in that low, dangerous tone. "What do you mean,common knowledge?"
"Ah, well, you know. How we're all such good friends...um, how we all hang out together. You know." He could see that Jack wasn't buying it, and realized that he should just have left him to his pacing. This was going from bad to worse, very rapidly.
"Teal'c didn't say 'all of us', he said Major Carter and myself. Is there gossip?"
"Oh come on Jack! There's always been gossip about you two. Since day one, when she apparently challenged you to arm wrestle in the briefing room." Teal'c raised an eyebrow at that, he hadn't been there when Kawalski had been gleefully telling Daniel about it when they got to Abydos. "Kawalski bet me that night at dinner that something was going to happen with you two, and it hasn't toned down since. Of course, when you were both infected with the alien virus of the Cursed...well, talk about fuel on the fires of speculation."
Jack just sighed and put his hands over his face. Daniel almost didn't hear his next words.
"Is that it?"
He tried to stall, he really didn't want to answer the real question behind those words. "Is what it?"
"That. Just gossip like that?" They both knew that gossip was likely, hell, it was inevitable on a base like the SGC where everyone knew everyone else, and couldn't talk about it to outsiders. And with such a low ratio of women to men, and with Sam being such an attractive, intelligent and available woman...
They also both knew that wasn't what he was worried about. Gossip was gossip. It could be diffused, laughed off. Jack wanted to know...no, he needed to know if everyone knew how in love with Sam Carter he was. Daniel didn't even know if Jack knew himself how far gone he was, or how much Sam reciprocated his feelings, but unlike gossip, this was stuff that could get them in trouble. Daniel sighed, and realized that now was not the time to start lying to his friend.
"No, that's not it." He held up his hand before Jack could interrupt. "But it's not common knowledge. Not really. I mean, we're your friends, we all spend so much time together, more than any other SG team..." Daniel was trying to find a way to say what he had to without using the 'L' word, but was running out of prevarications when the door opened and Silara entered the room.
Jack shot to his feet and was about to accost her for information when he saw Sam standing behind her. He felt a tightness in his chest loosen as he saw that she was all right, but it came back worse when he caught a glimpse of the devastated statement on he face before she ducked her head.
He passed by Silara without a word and pulled Sam into his arms, not caring who was in the room. If the Joint Chiefs had been standing in the corner he wasn't sure he'd have been able to stop himself from wrapping his arms around her and pressing her head to his chest.
He bent his head to whisper in her ear. "Whatever it is, Carter, we'll get through it. Don't worry, you don't have to face this alone."
He felt her body relax and heard the small sob she couldn't keep in as her arms wrapped around his back and she cried, holding on to him as if he were the last person on Earth...or wherever they were. Neither of them paid any attention to the others in the room as their team members questioned the alien about the results of Sam's tests.
After a few moments, Carter gathered herself together and looked up at him with a small smile on her face. She didn't say a word, but just pulled away a little and brought her hands to his arms, wordlessly saying that she was fine now. He tightened his arms briefly and barely restrained himself from pressing a kiss to her temple before he let her go. He was going to have to get a serious grip on himself, or he was going to get both of them in huge trouble.
Sam was almost smiling when they turned to face the others in the room. She knew that the Colonel thought that something had gone wrong, that there would be some bad news. But her statement hadn't been because of bad news; it had been in anticipation of his reaction to the news. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as Silara explained that in fact everything was fine. Sam was fine, Jolinar was fine. She watched to see how he'd react when he found out the rest. That there was no way to separate them. They were going to be together forever.
One week after returning to Earth, SG-1 was still on stand-down, and almost everyone at the SGC was starting to wish that the brass would decide what to do with Major Carter so they could get back to work. The one person who was not looking forward to the final decision on Carter's status sat in his office, and looked out into the briefing room where he'd listened to so many unbelievable stories from his flagship team.
General Hammond sighed as he looked down at the latest missive from on high. These communiqus, designated more secret than top secret, were just whitewash. He wished he'd been able to conceal Major Carter's...condition for longer, but he'd received word that the news was about to get out. Realizing that 'public' recognition of this development would mean some safety in numbers, he'd put in an official report and gotten the bureaucratic red-tape machine rolling, thus hopefully preventing any surprise 'attack' from the secret sector.
Unfortunately, getting the brass involved meant that SG-1 could not remain active until the situation was resolved, which explained why everyone on base was getting so fed up with them. The members of SG-1 were never happier than when on a harrowing, life-threatening mission, as long as they were together. When stuck on base, Jackson and Carter invariably had work piled up that kept them occupied, and Teal'c was never a nuisance, although lately O'Neill had been teaching him about practical jokes. Jack O'Neill on the other hand...Hammond sighed again, and lifted his head as he heard a soft knock on his door.
"Speak of the devil." He couldn't help but smile as Jack stuck his head around the doorframe.
"Sir? Is Maybourne here?" Jack glanced around the empty office with a distasteful look on his face.
"No Jack, he's not." He didn't continue, knowing full well that Jack had known it was he the reference had been about.
"Ah, well, yes sir. I was wondering, has there been any news?" He didn't even have to specify what he was talking about, since he'd been in Hammond's office twice a day since they'd come back from P3X-4G4 the last time.
"No Colonel, there has been no news. I realize that you are used to having more to do, in fact I don't remember the last time that SG-1 went for an entire week without a mission. However, I also realize that you are concerned for Major Carter and your team's well being, and I will let you know when there is something to know."
"Yes sir, I know you will. It's just that we're all getting a little antsy, sir." At Hammond's questioning look, he amended, "I'm getting antsy, sir. And Teal'c is too; he just doesn't know how to express his antsy...ness...properly. Sir." Jack shifted and stuck his hands in his pockets. They both knew damn well that Jack's anxiety had much more to do with Sam Carter's fate than with any lack of action.
The General looked at his officer, one of the best with whom he'd served, and wished that he could say more. He wished that he could acknowledge Jack's fear and the deep feelings at its root. He wished that he could give this strong soldier some reassurance, some solace, some relief.
"If wishes were horses, we'd all be riding." He hadn't meant to say it aloud, but the pithy metaphor conveyed more to the younger man than he could say aloud. He saw that Jack understood, and in the way he nodded his head and quickly left the office, Hammond saw just how hard this was for him. He hoped for a swift resolution to this problem, but no matter what happened, it would be bittersweet.
The same thought was running through Jack's mind as he walked down the hallway, in no particular direction. He'd have gone to Carter's lab, but this past week she'd been so busy that he'd hardly spent a few minutes with her. As he walked aimlessly, he thought about what Hammond had said. If wishes were horses...yep, that was a good one. His mother's favourite had been 'if wishes were wings, pig's would fly'. He liked the 'horses' image better, and he found himself thinking about the last time he'd been riding. Janet and Carter had badgered him and Daniel and Teal'c into going riding, after they'd found out that one of Janet's nurses had a number of horses at a small farm outside of Colorado Springs.
He smiled to himself as he remembered Daniel's awkwardness, he'd thought that anyone who spent so much time in developing countries would know how to ride, but apparently Daniel had never had to learn. Thinking back, Jack realized that the only reason that they'd been able to convince Daniel at all had been because a certain brunette doctor had been doing the convincing.
The image of Teal'c riding should have been funny, but although he hadn't had a lot of experience, he had a natural ability, and since one of the horses had been a huge draft horse, he hadn't looked too strange.
Jack's smile faded as he pictured how Carter had looked on that day. He'd thought at the time that she'd look like something out of a fairy tale, a princess maybe, atop her graceful mount, but that image had been shattered as they soon found out that she was a better rider than the rest of them put together. The princess had become an avenging angel, and he smiled again, remembering how that had seemed to suit her much better.
His mind drifted to what he'd gone to see Hammond about. This was when his mood started to spiral down the drain. As far as he could see, there was no good solution. He didn't see the big kahunas allowing SG-1 to remain together. He knew that Hammond was almost all that had stood between their dismemberment before Jolinar had made her amazing recovery, and now with this in the mix...things were not looking good.
The General had been able to keep them together because of their outstanding track record. If they hadn't saved Earth from certain destruction or invasion on numerous occasions, his team would have been toast. There were far more General Bauers than Hammonds out there. And if they were split up, well, that was a worst case scenario. He couldn't protect her if they weren't together. Hell, he should probably be more worried that she wouldn't be able to protect him. After all, she'd saved his ass at least as many times as he'd saved hers. More, probably.
He knew that he should probably be worried about what they'd do to her, but Carter could take care of herself. Besides, he'd never let them take her without a fight. He was more worried about whatshe'ddo. None of them, including Daniel and Teal'c, would be happy if they were no longer part of SG-1. He and Carter were even more dependent on the team since they didn't really have anywhere to go outside the Air Force. Teal'c could go back to his family on Chulak, and Daniel could always go back to academia. He'd miss it sure, but he'd always liked working excavations on Earth.
He supposed that Carter could enter academia, too, and teach astrophysics, but he knew that she'd hate it. He didn't even have to pause, to think about it, he just knew. The soldier in her would wither and die, and she'd be incomplete. She'd probably adjust better than him, though. He'd tried retirement, twice, and both times he'd been bored out of his skull. He needed this, he needed something to do, people to protect, a planet to save. And now, more than that, he needed his team. He couldn't imagine not working with Carter every day. Daniel or Teal'c either, of course, but he couldn't kid himself that they were the same. In fact, the last week had been unbearable not because they were not out in the field, although that was part of it, but because he'd seen Sam exactly four times since they'd been back, and not at all in the last three days.
Although he'd been walking with no destination in mind, Jack was unsurprised when he looked up and found himself at Sam's lab. He was glad that they'd dispensed with the armed guard, and there was no one there to see him standing indecisively outside the closed door. He smiled derisively to himself. He'd found himself in this spot so many times in the last few days, he'd started to think that he should just camp out here.
He knew that Carter was either in her lab or her quarters: the armed guard may have been removed, but she still wasn't allowed to leave the base. The only problem was that she was too busy for him. Each time he'd seen her, she'd given him a little impersonal smile and hinted just strongly enough that he knew he wasn't welcome. Ordinarily that wouldn't have deterred him, but when it came to Carter, he just didn't know where he stood anymore. They'd gotten so much closer in the last little while, ever since Jolinar had returned. Jack never thought he'd be grateful to a Tok'ra, but in this case, he had to wonder if she was at least part of the reason that his relationship with Carter had changed. Maybe she was giving Carter advice. Who knew what was going on in her...their...head.
Then again, maybe their closeness hadn't been Jolinar. Maybe it had been because Sam had been overwhelmed and had needed someone just then. Maybe this distance was because of Jolinar. She seemed to like him, though, and Martouf had said that host and symbiote love as one...he felt his heart leap even as he killed that train of thought.
He turned to go, but hadn't taken two steps before he was back at the door with his hand raised to knock. He just couldn't figure out why Carter was pulling away from him. He wasn't very concerned about breaking fraternization rules at this point. His best friend was going through a difficult time, no one would deny that. He also realized that the chances of SG-1 remaining intact were slim to none, kind of making the regs...useless. Which brought him back to his original thoughts. There was no good way out of this. SG-1 would probably be split up, and he couldn't imagine going to work everyday without his team, much less leading another team through the Gate.
O'Neill sighed, and lowered his hand, glad that no one had come down the corridor to see him standing there like an idiot. He'd finally hit on why he wasn't happier that the fraternization regs would no longer apply to him and Carter. He'd always realized how important SG-1 was to both of them, but he'd never really thought about going on in the SGC without them. Although it sometimes felt like it, the world wouldn't end if SG-1 no longer existed. Hell, he'd expected them to be together until they finally ran out of their infamous luck. He knew they wouldn't go down one at a time, there was no way that they'd leave one of their own, and if it meant they'd all die, well, they'd pretty much proved to each other that that's what would happen.
Knowing that he couldn't stand to see her statement of polite dismissal aimed at him again, Jack turned to leave, and this time he kept going.
Sam Carter sat in her lab, her head in her hands, and her mind so far away from the reactor in front of her it could be measured in light years. She'd heard the footsteps outside her door, heard them pause, heard them leave.
*I can't stand this. What the hell happened to the soundproofing in this place?* Sam felt Jolinar's amusement at the same time that she realized that it wasn't the soundproofing getting worse, it was her hearing getting better. *Thanks, that's just what I needed. To hear every person who walks by my lab.*
*It's not 'every person' that is making you upset. Why are you doing this to yourself?*
Sam knew that to ask 'doing what?' would be a waste of time. Hiding anything from a being who shared your brain was next to impossible, and Sam wasn't even sure that she wanted to hide anything. She was beginning to realize that Jolinar knew an awful lot about an awful lot. Of course, the questions and not-so-subtle hints about the Colonel were beginning to get on her nerves.
She knew that Jolinar didn't understand why she was pulling away from Colonel O'Neill. Sometimes she felt that she didn't understand it herself, but she kept blaming that feeling on her symbiote and hadn't yet had to analyze it deeply. It had been a long time since she'd felt the need to run away from intense feelings. Since her mother had died, she'd pretty much shut herself off, but having her dad back in her life had allowed her to be more free with her emotions. She'd bonded very closely to the other members of SG-1, and considered them her family, not just friends.
The thought of SG-1, particularly their fearless leader, caused her to groan.
*I've explained how he feels about the Tok'ra. He considers you...us...just one short step up from the Goa'uld.*
*Has he said this to you?*
*Yes! Well, not in so many words...not since this has happened, but that's how he's always felt. And now...now one of 'them' has come in and for all intents and purposes destroyed SG-1. How could his opinion have changed for the better?*
*Have you asked?*
Sam shook her head. Jolinar knew perfectly well that she hadn't asked. And most of the time Jolinar understood why she wasn't going to ask. That moment...that was the moment she would die. That moment, whether she asked or not, that he realized, really realized, just what she had become. When he didn't have to protect her anymore, didn't have to comfort her anymore. That moment when he looked at her like one of them, and not as Carter. She'd seen that look, she knew what it meant. That instant when he wouldn't fully trust her, when he'd be wondering about her ulterior Tok'ra motives. In that second, she knew that her heart would just shrivel up and die. Her body would live on, in fact it would outlive everyone on the base barring any unforeseen circumstances, but she would be a shell.
Until they'd come back from P3X-4G4, she hadn't really thought about it that much. In retrospect, she'd maybe not thought about it a little too assiduously. This wasn't a surprising revelation, but she'd been so overwhelmed with...everything...and so glad to have his support that this truth would have undone her. However, once home, and with the knowledge that she and Jolinar were stuck with each other for good, she'd had no choice but to think about the future.
Carter knew that Hammond was fighting for her, fighting to keep SG-1 together. And although she wanted this more than anything else, she knew as well as anyone that it was highly unlikely. She'd be lucky if she wasn't shipped off somewhere to be studied by some secret government group. Sam smiled as she felt Jolinar's outrage at that thought, and agreed that they wouldn't let that happen...O'Neill would never let it happen.
She covered her mouth as a sob threatened to escape. Losing that part of her life would be unbearable. She'd always known that they'd come after her. Her team would never let her down, like she'd never let them down, that wasn't the way they worked. When they started looking at her like a Tok'ra, and not as Major Sam Carter of SG-1...Sam felt tears trickle down her cheeks, and she swiped at them angrily.
*What's with this? I don't cry. Carter's don't cry. You're making me into a girl.*
*Must you always blame me? Perhaps you just need to cry. Perhaps the loss of your team is the most devastating loss you've faced your entire adult life, and you are mourning. Perhaps it is even more than that?*
*Hey! No Tok'ra pop psychology. I know how important the guys are to me. I know...*
*Do you? He adores you. Do you think that I can't see that? He has you up on a pedestal. Maybe that's what you're afraid of, destroying his image of you. He sees you as a woman, but you are almost perfect to him, almost unattainable. And for the first time, he has had a chance to hold you, to treat you like his woman...*
*Hey! Quit it, all right! Fine, maybe you're right, maybe I don't want him to think any less of me. Why can't it just stay the way it is? Why can't we go back to how we were before?* Sam felt like she was shouting, even though the entire conversation was in her head. She did realize that they couldn't go back, and she felt Jolinar's sympathy. SG-1 would never be the same, and neither would she and the Colonel. It had to change.
*Remember dad's offer?* She felt more than heard a 'yes', and continued, *I think we should take him up on it.* Jolinar's surprise wasn't unexpected, but it was short-lived as she realized how determined Sam was.
*Will you tell him?*
*How can I? He'll see it as a betrayal, he'll see it as exactly what I'm trying to avoid. But since it's bound to happen anyway, it might as well be on our terms. Agreed?* After a short pause Jolinar agreed and they left her lab to speak with Hammond.
"Sir, I realize that this is a little bit of a surprise..." Sam stopped as the General held up his hand.
"Actually Major, this is likely the best thing you could do right now. We will maintain contact, and let you know how things are going here. We may just be able to head off any trouble this way." Hammond paused and was wondering how to broach the delicate topic when Carter saved him the trouble.
"Sir, could you tell the others for me? I'd kind of prefer to leave right away, with no fuss."
"Major, do you think that's the best way to handle the situation?"
"I..." Carter realized that to deny that any situation existed at this point was ridiculous. "Yes sir, I do. I don't know if I can..." He voice broke and she stopped.
"Very well Major. I will inform the rest of SG-1."
"Thank you sir." Carter felt like a huge weight was lifted from her chest as she left to make her arrangements for the next little while.
"What?!?!"
"You heard me, Jack. Major Carter is shipping out tomorrow at 0700 to spend an undetermined amount of time with the Tok'ra. She has decided that it would be in her best interests, and ours as well, if she was to properly learn what it means to be a Tok'ra." He cut Jack off his mouth opened to protest. "I agree with her, Colonel. Getting Jolinar off this base effectively removes her from the danger of various...undesirables on this planet."
"General, this isn't just Jolinar we're talking about, this is Carter! I know her dad's there, but she said that she doesn't want to be one of them. Is this her decision? Are they pressuring her in any way?"
Hammond would have smiled at Jack's need to protect his Major from any threats, but there was nothing humorous about this situation. "Jack. This is her choice. She ships out at 0700. There will be no more discussion. If you wouldn't mind sending Jackson and Teal'c in on your way out." With that he indicated that Jack should leave with a tilt of his head.
"Carter. Carter, I know you're in there. Carter! You'd better open up, or I'm going to keep banging on your door 'til you leave." He raised his fist to pound on the door again when it opened suddenly, causing him to stumble inside.
"Sir, I really wish you wouldn't, I need to get some sleep tonight." Carter moved back towards her bed which was slightly rumpled from her attempts to sleep.
Jack took in the room in one glance. It looked as if no one had ever lived there, all of Carter's pictures were gone, the closet was empty, and the only personal item in sight was her USAF issue duffle bag, sitting by the bed. He felt his heart constrict as it dawned on him that she was really leaving. She was actually leaving him...leaving the base for the Tok'ra. He wanted to be mad, he wanted to hate them for taking her, but all he could feel was an unbearable grief.
"Why?"
"I think it would be a good idea..." She glanced up in surprise at his harsh tone as he repeated, "Why? Really. Not the reason you gave Hammond. Not the reason you gave your dad. Tell me why, Carter."
Sam turned away from him and faced the table, devoid now of the framed pictures of her family. She'd known he'd come, but hoped somehow that he'd be too hurt to come in time. She was about to answer, say something, anything when she heard him ask again, "Sam, why?" His voice was so soft that she may not have heard him ordinarily, but she did hear him. She heard a wealth of pain and sadness in those two words. If she hadn't heard it, maybe she'd have been able to keep in control, but with her name, he broke down any walls she'd been building.
"I can't...I...oh god..." Silent sobs shook her shoulders as she tried so hard to maintain control, to put on a good military face.
Jack stood behind her, not knowing what to do. He realized now that this was as hard on her as it was on him. He'd thought that she was on the way to becoming an emotionless Tok'ra when all she was doing was trying to keep her feelings from overwhelming her. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. The sight of her tears felt like a knife in his heart, and he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. He held her as if he'd never let her go as she sobbed into his uniform front, and his tears soaked into her hair.
After a few minutes, she raised her head and looked at him with a sad smile on her face. "Sir, we're starting to make a habit of this. It can't look good."
O'Neill almost smiled, he'd been thinking the exact same thing, until he realized that her first words hadn't been 'I'll stay'. "Why, Carter? What do the Tok'ra have that we don't have? Can't dad visit us here for a while? Why are you running away from me?"
"I'm not...alright, I was running away from you. I thought that you'd start seeing me as a Tok'ra, I thought that you'd realize what I am now..." She trailed off.
"Carter, you know what your problem is?" He didn't even wait for her to answer. "You think too much." Her smile made the whole lousy day melt away as if it had never happened. "You're you, Carter. I know you, Sam. We all do. No one here, least of all me, is going to think that you're any different, even though you are...but anyhow, it doesn't matter." She looked skeptical, like he was saying it just to make her feel better. He huffed out a breath and shook her gently. "Don't you get it? We love you. You, Sam, not..." It was Jack's turn to trail off as he realized what he'd said. He held his breath as he waited for her to respond.
Sam felt joy blossom in her chest as she heard his words. Of course he didn't mean thatheloved her, he meant everyone, but still...to hear him say it, to see that he meant it...it was going to be OK. She lifted her hands to his face and replied seriously, "And we love you too." Her voice then deepened to Jolinar's as she continued, "Both of us." Then, shocking the two humans in the room, Jolinar lifted up on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to Jack's lips.
He knew the instant Sam was back in control and she flushed bright red and started to stammer, "She...I...we...ah, alien influence, sir..." She couldn't form a sentence, and he could tell that Jolly was getting a few choice phrases thrown at her.
"I guess I don't have to ask what Jolly thinks about all this?" Jack managed after he cleared his throat and was able to talk again.
Sam replied with a grin, her blush fading slightly, "Jollywanted us to have this conversation from the get-go. She's in an I-told-you-so mood right now."
Both of them realized at the same time that he was still holding her and that her hands were still on his shoulders where they'd fallen in Sam's astonishment. They pulled apart reluctantly, and she was the first to speak.
"I have to go, you know that."
"Yeah, I guess I do. We can visit, right? I can bring you news, whenever Hammond has any. Whenever he gets a letter, a phone call, an email. I'll let you know."
Sam smiled even though she knew he'd said it just for that purpose. "I'd like that." She put her hand up to his face and leaned forward to press her lips to his cheek. When she pulled back she quirked her lips at his raised eyebrow. "That was me. You'd better go."
"Promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Come back to me, Sam."
She almost made a flippant reply but his serious statement stopped her. "I will. I promise."
"Good." This time he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers, quick and hard. He smiled as he spun around and headed out the door, taking one last look back as he turned the corner. He knew he'd see her off the next morning, but this was the picture he'd carry of her in his head, standing in the middle of her barren quarters with one hand to her lips and a bemused smile on her face. He called back as he rounded the corner. "That was me."
THE END!!!...For now anyways.J
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