Such Sweet Sorrow
Such Sweet Sorrow
by Newromantic
Title: Such Sweet Sorrow
Author: Newromantic
Email: Newromantic@Bolt.com
Category: Angst
Episode related: 410 Beneath the Surface
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Daniel/Sam
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Why did Sam cut her hair?
This one's a bit melodramatic, sorry.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Such Sweet Sorrow.
Four in the morning is definitely not a good time to be awake, Daniel Jackson thought to himself as he turned off the lamp on his desk. He had been studying one of the artefacts SG12 had bought back with them from P3X725 earlier that day. Or more specifically, yesterday, he realised with a grimace as he locked his office door and made his way quietly to his sleeping quarters. Under normal circumstances he would have gone home hours ago and left the 'rocks' until a more sensible time in the day, but there was something about the strange markings on one in particular that had intrigued him and when Daniel was intrigued, nothing could stop him from working.
After thirty minutes of lying in bed desperately wishing for sleep to claim him, he sighed and sat up, knowing that once again, he would not sleep tonight.
Most of his colleagues had long since gone home, but he knew one person who would still be around. After a moment's contemplation he picked up the telephone receiver and dialled the internal number for Major Samantha Carter's office.
The phone rang a few times before it was answered with a brusque and very military 'Carter.'
'Sam.' Daniel smiled at the sound of his friends' voice. After four years he knew Major Carter well enough to know she would still be in her office - even at this ungodly time in the morning.
'Hey Daniel! ' She replied. 'What's up? Where are you?'
'Uh, I'm upstairs actually. Just finished up for the night on those artefacts we got today. Figured you'd still be around.'
'Yeah, well, I wanted to finish repairing the...never mind. So, what can I do for you?'
'You can come and talk to me for a little while. I could use the company.' He paused a moment before continuing. 'I don't seem to be sleeping well since...well you know. And home just doesn't seem...'
'Like home?' Daniel could almost see Sam's weary smile. 'I know what you mean. I haven't slept properly either. Just a few moments here and there. It's kind of tiring!'
'So, you wanna come to me, or you want me to head over to the lab?'
'I'll come to your office. I need to get out of here for a while. I'm starting to get cabin fever. Do me a favour and fix some coffee?'
'No problem. I'll see you soon.' Hanging up the receiver, Daniel swung his legs out of bed and threw his clothes on and headed back to his office.
By the time Sam arrived the coffee was ready and Daniel was lying on his sofa reading through an old journal. Hearing her knock, he placed the paperwork carefully on the side table and opened the door.
The sight that met him was somewhat of a surprise. Sam had told him she hadn't been sleeping, and by the look of her, it had really taken its toll. The smile that usually brightened any room was weak with fatigue, and she had large dark patches under eyes that seriously lacked their usual shine.
'Sam, you look terrible.' He said as he ushered her into the room.
'Thanks. I could say the same for you.' She replied with a sad smile as she made her way over to the waiting coffeepot.
After taking a sip she moved over to the sofa, placed her cup on top of the journal (which, despite wincing slightly, Daniel chose to ignore) and sat down heavily.
'So what happened to your hair?' he asked as he planted himself next to her.
'Therra cut it.' Sam reached up and lightly touched the straggly blond locks at the back of her neck.
Questions as to why Sam referred to her 'other' self in the third person could wait, Daniel decided and he nodded silently for her to continue.
'I remember thinking it was getting too long for the work Therra was doing. So one night she just...cut it.' Sam paused as the memory came flooding back to her. 'Really, it was too long for my work as well - but I didn't realise that at the time.'
Sam lifted her mug from the paperwork and took a sip. Daniel took the opportunity to glance over at the journal and sighed inwardly at the lack of coffee rings, smiling to himself as he thought of how Jack would have undoubtedly destroyed the document as soon as he had connected cup and paper.
'What?' his companion asked as she noticed the wry grin spread across his tired face.
'Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about Jack.' his smile quickly faded as he noticed the sudden change in Sam's expression. Her eyes seemed to become filled with sorrow, and her face paled. She was fiddling nervously with her drink, and staring unblinkingly at her hands.
Daniel reached over, took the cup from her tight grasp and placed it back on top of his precious papers. A momentary look of confusion crossed Sam's face before she closed her eyes and let herself be pulled into her friends' warm embrace.
She lifted her feet off the floor and curled them under her as Daniel rested his chin on her forehead. 'Do you want to talk about it?'
'Not really.' She sighed, before allowing the tears she had held back so long to fall freely down her face. Sam wasn't weeping. Not in the wailing, sobbing sense of the word. The tears that fell were silent, and if it weren't for the fact that he could feel a damp patch forming on his shirt, Daniel would never have realised she was crying at all.
Now, most men would have no idea what to do in situations like these, but Dr Daniel Jackson PhD, well, he wasn't one of them. He had always been in touch with his emotions, and knew perfectly well how to handle a crying woman. He realised immediately that the best thing to do was...nothing at all. He just held her more tightly and let her cry. He knew why she was so sad; she was mourning. Just as he was. He was in mourning for the death of his wife, a love he had lost, and she was in mourning for a love she could never have. One that fate had allowed her to have a taste of, a moment of pure happiness where all the rules and regulations that she and Jack both lived their lives by no longer existed. And just as she was getting used to the taste of this sweet temptation, it was cruelly pulled away from her again. Punishment for her daring to love the one person out of her reach.
And so she cried. She cried for herself and for the man she loved. Daniel knew Jack felt the same way she did. It tore him up knowing that two of his closest friends were dying inside and there was not a damn thing he could do to help them. He had to content himself with consoling the woman he had come to love like a sister as she wept.
'So what happens now?' he asked her quietly when her tears had finally run dry and she was wiping her eyes.
'I really have no idea.' Sam replied a slight tremor still evident in her voice. 'I guess we go back to being SG1. You have to understand Daniel, this is the only way I can cope.' She looked at her hands. 'Therra and Jonah...and even Carlin and Tor, they're all other people. Not us.' Sam raised her head and looked into space. 'If I remember for even a minute...' the tears were beginning to form in her eyes once more, but she determinedly held them back. 'If they become part of who we are again, then I can never go back. I have to separate Therra from Sam, or I'll never be able to deal with this.' She was no longer looking at Daniel. In fact, she wasn't even talking to him any more. She was convincing herself. Her own personal pep talk. 'I have to be Sam again, and he has to be the Colonel. That's how it has to be.'
Neither said much more after that. Daniel held Sam and talked to her quietly until they both fell asleep around six in the morning, still holding each other tightly - a lifeline they had come to depend upon. And when he awoke she was gone. He smiled to himself as he remembered their conversation, a sad contemplative smile that, despite all the rules and Military Regulations, even now, held out hope for a happy ending.
End.
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