I Love Her
I Love Her
by Michelle Birkby
TITLE: I Love Her
AUTHOR: Michelle Birkby
EMAIL: mbirky@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: Gamekeeper
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: Someone is pondering over their romantic feelings.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just so you don't read this story and then all jump on me screaming 'no!' I know what I write in this is a totally opposite point of view to everything I've written before, and it doesn't mean my views on this situation has changed. I just though it'd be fun to try it from a totally different point of view. Still, the way it came out, I think we need a kleenex warning. (Don't worry, this'll make sense after you've read it.)
I love her. I know it. I don't know when it happened, of if one day it will fade away as softly as it came, but I love her. Oh, I love my wife too - but she's not here, and when I see her - she's so different. I think I've slowly begun to realise that I will never get her back, that she will never be mine again.
And Sam IS there. Always there, beautiful and kind and intelligent. Always by my side, sharing in everything I do. She touches me easily, unaware of the feelings it evokes, how hard I find it to reach out as easily as she does. She gives me her affection and friendship easily, again unaware of how starved of affection my life has been, how difficult I find it to return, in case I'm rejected.
Watching her with Cassie, being with her and Cassie, sometimes my treacherous imagination thinks of Cassie as OUR child - that she and Sam are MY family. It's an unbearably sweet thought, but one I dare not linger on. It is impossible.
She has always given me support, even in the hardest of times. She helped me through my parents' death, and I was so glad she was there. I wish she would let me do the same for her. She doesn't reject my offers of support, she just doesn't take them. If this happened with anyone else, I'd clam up and walk away, safe in my shell. Not with her though. I know she doesn't mean to hurt me, she just feels she has to do it all herself. I wish she knew though, that I would gladly take the weight of the world off her shoulders, if she asked.
The problem is, she doesn't love me. I've come to know her so well that I know her better than she knows herself. I know she loves Jack. I know Jack loves her. I see them, sharing secrets and jokes. I see the way they always watch each other. I see how much they mean to each other, and I also see how much they hide from each other. I see this beautiful, fated, inevitable, angst-ridden relationship unfold before my eyes, and while I am happy that my friends can find such happiness in each other, I am sad. I am sad because I love her, and she will only ever see me as Daniel, her pseudo-brother.
Daniel Jackson, the clumsy, allergic, blind (physically and emotionally), married, pacifist archeologist is no match for Jack O'Neill, funny, charismatic, chivalrous, understanding, brave and good-looking. So I love her in silence, and wait for the day that she become's Jack's, body and soul.
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