The Articulate Incident
The Articulate Incident
by Tealc
Title: The Articulate Incident
Author: Tealc
Email: Crash_Override86@Hotmail.com
Category: Challenge, Crossover, Drabble, Drama, Filk/Song, FutureStory, Holiday, Humor
Season: any Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Gen. Hammond shows the team his new board game, but things get out of bit out of hand.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
The Articulate Incident
"What is our destination O'Neill?"
"P3X-925, otherwise known as special quarters 3." Answered Jack.
The two exited the elevator and walked down the corridor. They entered a door to their left. To their amazement Daniel, Janet and Hammond were all standing there with their arms up in the air, trying to eat their elbows.
"What are you doing?" asked Jack.
"Well Sam said it's impossible to lick your own elbow, we don't think so." Answered Daniel.
"Any luck?"
"Not yet, but I'll get it any minute know."
Teal'c raised his right arm, put it to face and licked his elbow.
"See, I knew it could be done!" shouted Janet.
"That can't count, he's a Jaffa, it's gotta be Goa'uld genetic modification."
"Why are we here General?" asked Jack.
"It's a very important mission, this just arrived today."
Hammond reached into a large box and pulled out... Articulate.
"A board game?" said Daniel "I was in the middle of translating a..."
"What are the rules?" interrupted Jack.
"Quite simple Colonel." Said Hammond "We form teams of two, and we have to go around the whole board. To move one person on your team describes a word to you and the other has to guess what it is. First team to the end is the winner."
"Sounds fun." Said Janet "I'm with Daniel!"
"I'll take Carter!" shouted Jack.
Teal'c and Hammond just looked at each other. The teams sat beside each other and Hammond set up the board.
"Jack, you and Major Carter can go first. You have 30 seconds to describe as many of the words on those cards as you can, starting... nnnow!"
Jack whipped up the first card.
"OK they're little black things that run around the place!"
Sam looked cluelessly.
"Em... they multiply really fast!"
Sam still didn't have it.
"Come on Carter! In 18 months two of them can have a million descendants!"
Jack was becoming frustrated.
"Bacteria?" guesses Sam.
"NO!!!!"
"Eh... a virus?"
"NO!!! They're vermon!"
"Oh it's a..."
"Time!" shouted Hammond
"... rat." Sam finished.
"You have to give us that!" said Jack.
"Sorry Colonel, she didn't get it in time." said Hammond with a grin on his face.
Jack was red-faced. Sam was slightly embarrassed.
"Where'd you get that rat thing from Jack" asked Daniel.
"National Geographic."
"Dr. Fraiser, you're turn, now!" said Hammond
Janet looked at her card.
"Errrr... It's a machine that you make copies with!"
"A cloning machine?"
"No! People copy their asses with these things! It causes 23% of faults with them!"
"A photcopier?"
"YES! OK, he's goes around the world in a blue suit with a cape! He's in every episode of Seinfeld!"
"Michael Richards?"
"No!!! He's a superhero! Where'd you get Michael Richards from!"
"Oh, Superman?"
"Yes!!! OK it's a..."
"Time!" shouted Hammond.
"It was tongue twister."
"What was it?" asked Sam.
"A tongue twister!"
"Oh right."
"How'd you know that copier thing?" asked Jack
"My ex-husband was a source of useless information, and he shared it whenever he got a chance. Like did you know that 'sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick' is the most complicated tongue twister in the English language."
"Sick-sick-shicks-six-ship-sheep!" shouted Jack.
"Six-six-sick-ship-shup-shup." He said more quietly.
"OK, I'll go now. Dr. Jackson, time me." Said Hammond.
"Go!" shouted Daniel.
"What the hell is this?" said Hammond.
Janet looked at the card and burst out laughing. She whispered it to Daniel, who also started laughing.
"Damn it! I've heard this before!"
Teal'c sat there patiently while Hammond got madder and madder.
"That's it! It's what you call a pregnant goldfish!"
"I believe it is known as a twit General Hammond."
Everyone stared at Teal'c in disbelief.
"OH, she's a famous chat show host! The most famous one!"
Teal'c didn't know.
"I do not believe I know of whom you are talking."
"Come on Teal'c, everyone watches her show! It's on everyday! In the afternoon?"
"Ah, you seem to be referring to Judge Judy."
"NO!!!!!"
"Time!" shouted Daniel grinning, him and Janet winning at this stage.
"It's Oprah Teal'c! OPRAH! Who gets Oprah mixed up with Judge Judy!"
"OK sir, now calm down." Said Jack.
Hammond looked at his feet and didn't move, taking deep breathes.
"Is it my turn know?" asked Sam.
"I think so." Answered Janet.
"I'll time. Go!" Said Daniel.
"Right, ok it's an action! It's when you have the Lemon Chicken from the commissary and top it off with Blue Jell-o."
"Indigestion?" guessed Jack.
"No! It's a bodily action, horses can't do it, neither can rats!"
"What?"
"Oh god, it's em... throwing up! Getting sick!"
"Oh, vomiting."
"Yes! Now, it's a creature, you hate them. They look like the Replicators, or is it the other way around?"
"Bugs!"
"No! Well, yeah, but a particular type of bug, that look like the Replicators!"
"Spiders?"
"Yes!"
"But they have four legs and spiders have eight legs."
"Shutup! It's a..."
"Time!" said Daniel and Janet in sync.
"OK, Daniel, we need this to get ahead of them."
"Time me Jack?" said Daniel handing the timer to Jack.
"Start!" said Jack.
"Right, it's when you're in a canyon and you shout! What happens?"
"Avalance?"
"No! What do you hear?"
"Yourself?"
"No! It's what you hear when you shout, and if you shout a gun, or made a duck quack!"
"An echo?"
"Yes, finally!"
"Now it's... yes!" Daniel smiled "It's impossible to lick according to Sam, unless you're a Jaffa!"
"Elbow!"
"Time!"
"Yes!" shouted Daniel and Janet together.
"You're lucky I got that, the duck thing confused me." Said Janet
"Why?"
"Well ducks can't make echoes."
"Really?" said Jack, sarcastically.
Hammond was still looking at his feet.
"General?" said Jack
"Maybe you should just start Teal'c"
"Very well."
"Go!" said Daniel.
"General Hammond, it is a sport in which a man throws a block down an ice track and his team-mates follow the block, shouting at it to make it reach it's target. It is a favoured sport of O'Neill's grandfather."
Hammond said nothing.
"General Hammond?" said Teal'c.
"Sir?" said Sam.
"I am not speaking to him." Said Hammond.
"Come on sir, it's only a game." Said Jack.
Hammond said nothing.
"You're just being childish, with all due respect of course." Said Jack.
"I'm not being childish, I'm obeying the law. On July 16 1969, it was made illegal by Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, to make contact with extra terrestrials or their vehicles. We can't talk to Teal'c."
"Now sir, I think you'll find that only applies to citizens only, so you can speak to Teal'c all you want." Said Janet.
"What about me?" asked Daniel.
"Sorry Daniel. I'm going to have to arrest you." Said Janet producing a pair of handcuffs.
"Where'd you get them?" asked Daniel.
"Come along now." Said Janet, smiling devilishly.
The two left the room.
"Come on sir, you can't blame him! He only watches Rikki." Said Jack.
An alarm sounded.
"Unauthorised Incoming wormhole!"
Hammond didn't move.
"Want me to get that sir?" asked Jack.
Hammond stayed still.
"Come on guys." Said Jack leaving the room, along with Sam and Teal'c.
"Maybe I shouldn't have acted that way." Thought Hammond. "I better go apology... How can he not now Oprah! OPRAH!!!"
"OPRAH!!!!!"
"Was that the General?" asked Jack.
"I think so, sir."
"We better get Dr. Fraiser to take a look at him." Said Jack.
"I think she's erm... busy, with Daniel sir." Said Sam.
"Oh, right. I'll get Dr. Warner then."
"Perhaps General Hammond is not suited to playing board games O'Neill?"
"OPRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ya think?"
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