Hope for the Future
Hope for the Future
by Sharim
Title: Hope for the Future
Author: Sharim
Email: misssharim@yahoo.com
Status: Complete
Category: Romance, angst, S/J
Pairings: S/J
Spoilers: Major one for Divide and Conquer, a little one for Enigma.
Season/sequal info: A week after Divide and Conquer
Rating: PG -13
Content Warnings: None.
Summary: Sam deals with the results of Divide and Conquer.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, I wasn't paid. I just made it up. Don't use this without permission...PLEASE!!! I worked really really really hard on it. Also, the usual disclaimer that the heliopolis provides also counts!! Sides, if I owned this then the whole show would probably suck.
Authors Note: This is just something that I thought of about 3 hours ago. It hasn't been beta'd, so sorry for any really bad grammar errors or spelling. Once again, this one is for you Megs, for those late night hints, antique wardrobes, bricks and friendship you give me!! I luv ya hun...
Sharim
P.S. Any feedback would really be appreciated...no, that's not true. I'd KILL for some feedback!!!
Sam cursed silently in irritation as he eyes caught sight of the those little grey things she hoped to God she would never have to see again. Pulling a face, she decided to ignore the 'problem' for the moment and get ready for work.
Work. That place. The SGC.
A shudder raced down her back as she remembered the last time she was in the SGC. She felt that horrible, gut wrenching feel of bile rising up in her throat again as the image of Martouf flashed before her face.
Choking back a sob of grief she hastily filled a glass with water and swilled a sip of it around in her mouth. She looked like shit, she realised as she studied her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was growing longer, soon she'd have to start tying it back. Grimacing, Sam decided that the first thing she was going to do on her next break was schedule an appointment at the hair-dressers. Having tied back hair...it didn't even bear thinking about.
Sighing, she skillfully applied her foundation, packing it on a little heavier than usual to cover the dark circles under her eyes. Down time. Huh. What she had really wanted to do was go and bury herself under one of her projects - preferably the one that recquired the most concentration - and just forget everything. Instead, Hammond and O'Neill had sent her home with explicit instructions. Either she stayed off base or she'd get a permanent baby sitter.
Great. Work time. Sam glanced at herself once more in the mirror, half satisfied that she had enough artisitic talent to hide her sleeplessness. She spent the next ten minutes looking for her car keys, and then remembered throwing them in the fruit bowl when she'd taken the last, sorry excuse for a banana.
"Morning." O'Neill greeted her, his own eyes slightly bleary as he slouched on the briefing table, his hair ruffled and his shirt hopelessly wrinkled.
"Hi." She smiled at him, her heart lurching. Turning away when she saw the slight curl upwards of the corners of his mouth, she felt a ridiculous sense of happiness.
'It's only been a week!' she admonished herself, remembering as Martouf's eyes had begged her for the release she'd provided him with. She wished with all her soul that she hadn't had to do that, that Martouf hadn't been shot by her.
"You okay?" Daniel's concerned voice broke into her thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She nodded, injecting just the right amount of peacefulness into her voice to keep him off her back.
"You sure?" He pressured, relief starting to light in his eyes.
"Yeah." She nodded, a quivering tone to her voice that seemed to convince him. Pity she knew that O'Neill wouldn't fall for it. He could read her better than anyone had ever been able too.
"Had a good week?" Daniel changed the course of the subject.
"Well...other than finding out that my house definately has been invaded by mice, going stir crazy with boredom and gorging myself on banana's, yeah, a great week." She smiled in mock disgust as she remembered the little mouse droppings in the bottom of her bathroom cabinet.
"Need a pest remover?" Daniel asked sympathetically, "I can get you in touch with the guy who does mine every six months. Really good, and not very expensive."
"Ahh...no thanks." Sam shook her head. "I'll just buy some traps I guess..." Sam's voice trailed off.
"Good morning people." General Hammond entered the room. Both Sam and O'Neill jumped to their feet in a salute.
"At ease." He waved his hand as they sat back down.
Jack turned quickly to Sam, concern in his brown eyes.
'You sure you're okay?' His eyes sent her.
'I will be.' She mouthed silently to him. Unobtrusively his hand reached over and took hold of hers under the table, squeezing it slightly.
Sam turned her attention to the General, aware of O'Neill's hand still holding hers. It was nice, she realised with a shock. There was this peace between them now, this sublte knowledge of peace and promise. They belonged to each other, and for now, it was enough just knowing that and sharing small, significant little touches and smiles. This infant-like start to their relationship was not only comforting, but it gave her the time and security she needed to deal with her feelings. Maybe, she contemplated, maybe one day things would change and they would openly be able to admit their feelings for each other and act on them. Now though, some things were still left better unspoken, admitted and acted on.
Sam stiffened as the mouse ran across the floor. Schroedinger had never let mice hang around here, but Nareem had Schroedinger now. She sighed. Another cat would have to be bought now.
A slight flicker of excitement dashed through her. Another cat. That would be nice, she realised. A companion and the perfect way with which to get rid of her mice. Tomorrow, she'd go into town tomorrow and buy a cat. She'd call it Martouf...
Unbidden the tears started rolling down her cheeks again. What was wrong with her? One minute she was happy, the next....
Sniffing softly, forcing her tears away, Sam pushed the images from her mind. Martouf's death, as Freya had promised, wouldn't be in vain. They'd find a way to stop the Za'tarc programming, and a way to defeat the Go'auld.
The doorbell startled her. Wiping the tears away determinedly, Sam hoped it didn't look too obvious to who ever it was that she'd been crying.
"Colonel!" She started in surprise, unable to stop the smile of joy breaking through onto her face.
"Hi Carter." He smiled at her, a hesitant look on his face. "Can I come in?" He asked her softly.
"Sure, a drink?" She asked, stepping back and turning to lead the way into the kitchen.
"Whatever you're having." He agreed, following her into the kitchen. "You okay?" He asked her, his eyebrows narrowed.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She turned away from him, getting the mugs out.
"Don't lie to me, Carter. You've been crying." He accused her gently, making no move to cross the floor.
'How', Sam wondered briefly to herself, 'does the way he talks just make me feel better?'
"I'm okay though." She sighed, putting the coffee into the mugs.
"No, you're not." He told her firmly, watching her hands shake as she scooped coffee into the mugs.
"Yes, I'm fine." She denied.
"I'm not here to argue with you, Sam." He sighed. "We're not stupid. Neither me or Daniel are buying your story, either." He told her seriously.
"What story?"
"That you're okay. You're...you're upset." He fumbled for the words.
"About what?"
"You shot Martouf, Sam." She froze, the memories flashing before her eyes violently, her guilt rising through her like an unstoppable wave. "Sam?"
"I'm...I'll be okay." She struggled for composure. He watched the way she licked her lips and her shoulders shook slightly. She was tough though, she'd make it through.
"We know. But...we are here for you Sam." His eyes flicked away from hers as he said the words, hoping she'd get the implied meaning.
"I...I know that..." She hesitated, her eyes waiting for his to look back into hers. He complied to her unasked wish and there was silence as his brown eyes met hers. "I do know that, Jack." She smiled slightly at him, relaxing again as his presence washed over her.
"That's good." He thrust his hands into his pockets, uncertain what to do now that he'd told her. "Daniel was worried about you." He continued the pretence, taking the coffee she offered him.
"He was?"
"Incredibly." Jack nodded, his face serious as his gaze searched her eyes. "He told me to...Oh!" Jack remembered something.
"What?" She frowned in concern at his sudden change in tone.
"I have something for you." He grinned suddenly, excited.
"You do?" Her curiousity was piqued now.
"Sit and close your eyes." He instructed, pointing to her kitchen chairs.
Shooting him one last, wary glance, Sam complied and closed her eyes obediantly while she waited. She heard him leaving the room and fiddling around in her little hallway, and then entering the kitchen again.
"Hold out your arms." He instructed. Silently, with an apprehensive smile on her face, Sam put her arms out and gasped in surprise as a warm, furry something was gently placed in her arms.
"Open them." His breath was soft and warm against her ear, she could almost feel the stubble on his cheeks against her skin.
With her own breath catching in her throat, Sam opened her eyes to look at the small kitten he'd placed in her lap. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at the small black and white animal moving agitatedly in her arms, the sky blue eyes big and wide.
"Thank you." She sniffed softly, turning to look at him.
"Daniel suggested it. He said you used to have a cat..." Jack trailed off, fighting the jealousy at the thought that Nareem and Sam had been...
"I was going to get another one tomorrow. You guys saved me the trip though..." Sam wiped her eyes again, embarrassed at crying in front of the Colonel, again.
"Hey, it's okay." He told her, putting his arms around her and giving her gentle hug. Sam closed her eyes and leant against him, savouring his closeness in a way she knew she shouldn't. His arms lingered around her for a while, and then he reluctantly removed their weight from her. She shivered slightly as the cool air encircled again, but knew that she wasn't allowed to be in his arms.
"I know. Thank you." She smiled at him, looking down at the cat.
"You'll be okay." He told her, touching her cheek softly, his brown eyes staring deeply into hers.
"I know." She managed a wobbly smile. "What's his name?"
"Well...I wanted to call him Zanex...." Jack grinned at her hesitantly, "but we thought that Marty would be more appropriate."
"You don't mind me naming my cat after a snake?" Sam grinned slightly, disbelief flooding through her.
"Well...actually, Daniel suggested it." Jack admitted, earning another grin from Sam.
"I'll call him Zanex..." Sam said softly, "probably Zane though, seeing as it's more of a name. That way I'll remember forever..." She trailed off, looking at him.
"It wasn't such a terrible day, was it?" Jack asked hopefully, his face unsure.
"No, it wasn't." Sam agreed eventually. "It gave me hope." She said after a while.
"That we'll wipe the Zanex's out?" Jack laughed gently, knowing what she meant.
"That too." Sam laughed as well, leaning her head against his shoulder. "But it reminded me that there are still good things, even if we can't have them yet." She whispered.
"I know. Me too." Jack agreed softly, closing his eyes and resting his forhead against her head for just a minute. "Remember, I care about you." He whispered.
"A lot more than you're supposed too. I know." Sam smiled, tears trailing down her cheeks again. "Me too."
Jack wiped the tears from her cheeks tenderly and pressed a soft kiss to her forhead, and then he stood up. "I better go." He said reluctantly, swallowing the last of his coffee.
"Already?"
"Yeah. I have Teal'C waiting at my place with Daniel. Daniel's gonna teach him the finer points of Monopoly."
"I thought he was past that!" Sam laughed, a bitter-sweet sadness washing over her as she stood up with him.
"So did I." Jack said with a heartfelt sigh as she escorted to her door.
"Well, have fun." She stood, unsure of what to do next.
"You too. Look after Zane." He touched her arm lightly and then he was gone.
Sam cuddled the now sleeping kitten and watched as his car pulled slowly out of the drive. Only when the headlights disappeared around the corner did she go back inside and close the door. A slight smile hovered around her lips as she clambered onto her couch and positioned the cat on her tummy.
That's it!! FEEDBACK...PLEASE!!!
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