Too Late
Too Late
by Scully
Summary: Sam discovers something is very wrong with her.
Category: Hurt/Comfort
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/26/03
Hey, this is just a quickie I promise, whilst I'm doing some last minute research on Alone in the Night.
Needed to get this off my chest, let me know what you think, it's really an S&J fic that I had to write. Cos I'm new to all this, I'm just trying out different styles, so be patient while I play. As usual all views are welcome..
Disclaimer: Stargate will never belong to me unfortunately, but as usual, I'm happy to have a bit part on the show, so if any of you directors wanna whisk me away to stardom...I can packed within 10 minutes.
Rating PG
Spoilers: None
Too Late
Sam had been having a few "women's" problems for quite a while now; and she had yet to discuss it with Janet. She didn't know why she was having difficulties talking to her, normally everything that happened to Sam's body, was well documented by ol' Doc Frasier, as Jack liked to call her.
"Enough was enough though" thought Sam, something was definitely wrong, and she had to find out what it was. So reluctantly she headed for the infirmary.
Walking along the corridor, she bumped into Jack on route.
"Hey Carter, whatcha doin'" Jacked asked nonchalantly.
"Um, actually I was just going to see Janet." She hoped he wouldn't ask why, she didn't really feel in the mood discussing her "women's problems" with him.
Knowing him he'd probably stutter through the whole conversation, with her trying not to laugh at his awkwardness. She'd known him long enough to know that he didn't exactly cope well when discussing personal problems, and smiled at the thought.
"Something I said Carter." He asked watching as a small smile played on her lips, God he loved her smile; it was the sort of smile that would make her eyes sparkle.
"No, sir, just thinking of something, that's all."
"OK then, well I'll see ya later." He told her and carried on towards the commissary, still wondering to himself what that was all about. Self-consciously he started playing with his nose, wondering if he had something on it, and Carter just refusing to tell him.
Carter explained to Janet what had been happening over the last few months, Janet scolding her for not coming to her sooner. Janet explained that she'd run more tests, which included an MRI scan of her abdomen.
"The results should be back within twenty four hours Sam, come back and see me tomorrow, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." Janet informed her, rubbing Sam's shoulder slightly.
"Thanks Janet", she replied, feeling better than she did a couple of hours ago, as she headed off to the mess hall to get some ice cream with whipped cream, and tons of blue jello; her favourite.
As she joined her friends, who were surprisingly still there, she sat next to Jack, who had kindly saved her favourite desert. Surprised and delighted that he had thought of her, she flashed him a brilliant smile, which lit up her whole face. Jack would describe it as Carter's smile #3, which in Jack's book meant that he had secretly delighted her. Which then made his smile grow even wider, causing the creases around his eyes to turn upwards.
They carried on with their usual banter for several hours, all of them in high spirits for some strange reason. Sam smiled contentedly enjoying spending the time with her 'family', and forgetting for a few hours about her test results.
Sam slept on the base that night, as they all had to be up and out early for a mission. She was woken up about 6 am by Janet knocking on the door.
"Sam, you awake?" she asked softly.
Still half asleep, she waved the young doctor in, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Hey Janet, what's up?"
Walking over towards her and perching herself on the bed, tapping it slightly, not quite knowing how she would break the news to her friend, she turned towards her, concern in her eyes.
"Janet, what's wrong?" Then she realised the events from the day before, it was her test results, something was terribly wrong, and now with all remnants of sleep erased, she was now fully alert, her eyes searching for Janet to tell her.
"Um Sam, the results came back from the MRI...the resonance imager showed two deep seated masses about 4cm long, they appear to be attached to your ovaries."
Sam looked at her in shock, "no...it can't be, Janet must be wrong." She thought with a deep fear setting into her. A knot felt as if it were forming in the bottom of her stomach as she waited for Janet to continue.
As if pre-empting Sam's next question, she continued. "I don't know at this stage if it's Cancer. We'll have to perform a biopsy as soon as possible, can you come down in a couple of hours, it shouldn't take that long, and it's just an exploratory procedure at this stage."
Seeing Sam's face full of fear, she put her arms around her and gave her a hug, not knowing who was receiving the most comfort from it. They were not doctor and patient now; they were just two friends who needed to feel the support from the other.
As Carter lay in the infirmary waiting for the inevitable, General Hammond who had been apprised of the situation went to see her, before he advised Colonel O'Neill that Sam would not be going on that morning's mission.
Knowing full well that the General would advise Jack of the situation, Sam had asked him if he would just tell the Colonel and Teal'c that she wasn't feeling well, as opposed to saying she was having surgery that morning. The last thing she wanted was for them to worry about her.
Respecting Sam's wishes he agreed, and went off to tell advise Jack of the changes, and knowing Jack, he'd probably want to see her before the they set off.
Jack O'Neill was worried and annoyed, "Why the hell hadn't she said something earlier that she wasn't feeling well. He couldn't understand it, she looked perfectly OK yesterday. His annoyance faded quickly as he entered the infirmary and saw her lying still on the gurney. Hell, now he was more concerned than anything else, as she looked embarrassed when he headed towards her.
"Colonel..w..w.what are you doing here, aren't you and the Teal'c supposed to be off world by now." Her face growing flushed as she saw his troubled expression.
Now he knew something was wrong, Carter never stammered. "Um, hey Carter, the General said you weren't feeling well? What's up?" He asked trying to sound casual.
Oh crap how was she gonna explain this to him; she didn't want him to know yet, not until she was sure herself what was going on. "I'm fine Sir, really..." she lied, not sure who she was trying to convince more, him or herself. "It's probably too much desert last night. Ya know, we did kind of go overboard."
Trying to gauge Sam's expression, seeing if she was lying, damn she was getting good at hiding her feelings from him, mind you he couldn't talk, he'd been doing the same for years. After a brief moment, he decided not to call her on it. Knowing she would tell him sooner rather than later.
"Ok Carter, well...you take care, and we'll come visit when we get back." Torn between wanting to wrap his arms around her and hugging her, and his duties as her C.O, he simply patted the bed, leaving his hand just beside hers for a split second longer than necessary, then left.
Not long after Jack O'Neill left her bedside, the orderlies came to take her to theatre, with Sam wishing that the Colonel could be there to hold her hand. Thinking of all the things they had been through over the years with each other, this was the thing that scared her the most.
SG1 returned through the Stargate without any problems, the trip had been remarkably uneventful, although Teal'c had commented on several occasions on the way back to the gate that O'Neill had been uncharacteristically preoccupied with his watch throughout the mission.
As they descended down the steel ramp, Teal'c asked; "Is your preoccupation with your time peace due to the fact that Major Carter is unwell, O'Neill?"
"Kinda 'T', I just wished she'd talked to me, before we left."
"Indeed, and what would that have accomplished O'Neill? Would that have eased your worries over her?" Teal'c continued.
"Well...yeah...no.... maybe? Hell I don't know. Look 'T' forget it, let's just go shower and change ok, then we'll go and see her."
With a slight bow of his head, Teal'c followed him towards the showers, de-briefing would have to wait until they'd had the chance to see Sam.
Teal'c and Jack managed to shower in record time; both feeling refreshed and clean again. Walking through the empty corridors, Jack felt absolute dread as he stepped through the door. Sam was lying on her side with her knees slightly bent, surrounded by Janet and General Hammond. Sam he noted looked as if she had been crying, and by the colour of her now bloodshot eyes, it hadn't been just one or two tears.
Janet was the first to see them, followed by the General. Before Jack had the chance to ask Sam what was wrong, the two of them ushered him and Teal'c into Janet's office, and closed the door.
General Hammond advising the two to take a seat. With a slight panic in his voice Jack asked; "General, Doc, what the hell is going on, what's the matter with Sam, she looks awful."
Noticing the slight change from 'Carter to Sam' the general told him to take it easy whilst Janet explained what had happened over the course of the last 24 hours, up until the time of the surgery.
Jack was stunned, his face drained of all colour as she explained about the tumours they had found. Never in his life had he been more stuck for words than at that very moment. His eyes taking on the appearance of a man twenty years older. Teal'c sitting silently waiting for her to finish. Jack only now fully realising the reasons behind Sam's tears.
Jack knew what Janet was about to say, it wasn't sixth sense, it was that feeling of dread when your woken up at 4am in the morning, and before you answer the phone, you know it won't be something pleasant on the other end.
With his eyes closed waiting for her to say the word, he felt as if his whole world was crashing around on him, knowing he was helpless to stop it.
Janet, not saying the words, but whispering, like a soft wind in the night, she said. "I'm sorry Colonel.... Teal'c, the tumour's are filled with cancer cells, that have metastasised into her stomach lining, and is too advanced for us to do very much."
Blankly the Colonel asked "What about chemotherapy, surely we can try that."
Sheer desperate could be heard as his voice was now almost a whisper he asked Janet, "Does she know?"
Janet nodded simply, "Yes she know's Colonel."
Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up with his hands squarely on his thighs and told her, "I want to see her."
Janet and the general both advised against it. Sam had been given a sedative earlier, and with a combination of that and the surgery, it would be unlikely that she would realise that he was there.
Jack ignoring them both said, "I don't care, I need to see her. I need to let her know that I'm here for her, that she's not alone in all this." his words tumbling out of his mouth, quicker than his thoughts.
"Jack, please do yourself and her a favour and wait for a few hours, let her sleep." General Hammond advised.
Jack needed to see her, he couldn't wait for a few hours, all he was concerned about was the fact that Sam was lying in that bed alone, with noone to comfort her, and he didn't care at this point what the General or the doc said, he was going to be with her whether they liked it or not. Ignoring their requests, he opened Janet's office door, and walked towards her. The tears barely staying away as he drew closer.
She knew he was there, she could sense him, and with her eyes heavy, she tried hard to keep them open as he walked up to the side of the bed. Seeing her eyes open, and the pain she was holding inside, he knew he had made the right decision.
Brushing a stray hair that fell across her face, he carefully brushed his fingertips across her forehead trying to calm the stray hairs that continued to fall over her eyes. He knew it was a futile gesture, but he didn't care, he needed to touch her, to let her know he would be there whenever she needed him.
Sam struggled to sit up, her arms and legs heavy from anaesthesia, she couldn't see him properly lying down, no matter how contented she felt at this moment, she needed to see all of him. Seeing her struggle he helped her to a sitting position, neither of them up to this stage needed to say anything.
Gazing into each others eyes, seeing the anguish each of them appeared to be facing, Sam lowered her head waiting for the tears to fall freely once more, he slipped his fingers into her hand and tried to hold them as steadily as he could, but they had a mind of their own, shock now taking over from grief as his hands trembled slightly.
Jack heard her sniffle, and lifted her head with his free hand, moving it slightly so that his palm covered her ear. With Sam leaning into his touch, she closed her eyes briefly, finding solace in his soft caress, her eyes filled with sadness. She had never felt so much love from anyone in her life as she did at that time, small sobs started to escape her as she whispered, "I'm so frightened."
Jack not needing to hear anything more released her hand and held her so tight, both crying on each others shoulders, neither one caring who saw them, as jack whispered softly. "You're gonna be ok, Sam. I got you...I got you." And they held each other rocking ever so slightly until Sam fell into a deep sleep.
She opened her eyes, not knowing for a second where she was, until she saw him. His head lying on his arms, his free hand holding hers slightly. Not wanting to wake him, she tried casually to move her hand away, unfortunately he didn't want to let her go, and she smiled, she didn't remember much that happened last night, but it was enough to know that he was still with her. But as sweet as this moment was, she really needed to pee, and if he didn't move his arm soon, there was gonna be an unfortunate accident, one of which she couldn't explain to her CO.
Gently she tried to wake him, "Sir, Colonel, you need to get up, Sir." Still he wouldn't budge, she really needed to go now, her legs starting to fidget. In the end she did the only thing she could; scram in his ear. "Jack!"
"I'm up, I'm up!" He told her slightly startled, his eyes trying to focus on who was speaking.
Finally seeing Carter smiling he said "You ok?"
With Sam's body jiggling slightly, she said, "No, not really Sir."
With panicking eyes, he said, "Wait here I'll go get the nurse.."
With her eyes rolling she sighed, it was too late to stop him, as he got the nearest nurse and was dragging her back with him towards Sam.
The nurse not quite sure what the Colonel was panicking over asked Sam if she was OK. Sam looked at the Colonel, then at the nurse, and said, "Um I need to go to the ladies.."
Jack looked surprised. "Oh" was about all he could muster, a feeling of stupidity coming over him.
After she had returned from the ladies, she settled herself back into bed, knowing that Janet would discharge her shortly said to Jack, "Sir, why don't you get some sleep? You look exhausted."
Pretending to be the brave soldier, he told her that he was fine, and sensing that he wasn't going to budge, she eventually told him that she needed to rest, and that they would talk after a couple of hours sleep.
Several months had passed since he had held her in his arms that night, neither of them discussed it again, they didn't feel it necessary. Sam had been going to Chemotherapy now on and off for almost 6 months. The Colonel was treating her with kid gloves, and she hated it, Janet had restricted her going off world, advising her that they didn't know what sort of reaction she would have knowing all the drugs that were in her system. All Sam wanted was for them to treat her normally, and after a few rowdy conversations with Jack, he finally conceded, allowing Carter the space she needed, but sneakily he kept an eye on her. " Bless that black Ops training," he thought with a smug smile.
The first few treatments hadn't been as bad as she expected, but unfortunately after the third round of chemo, she was constantly feeling sick, sickness that lasted consistently for a couple of weeks. Janet had tried a combination of anti-sickness drugs such as metoclopraminde and domperidone, but they had little effect. It had got to the stage where she couldn't work anymore; she'd spend half her time with her head down the loo, or over a basin.
In the end Carter was forced to spend most of her time at home, he had offered her t move in with him, and she had flatly denied, telling him that it was important she kept her independence.
However one night Jack went over to Carter's unexpectedly and had found her very dehydrated after being ill for most of the night. Having to carry her in her arms and drive her back to the SGC so that she got be hooked up to IV fluids to re-hydrate her, he had told her in plain and simple terms that she was moving in with him, and that it had been all agreed with Janet and General Hammond who had graciously given him time off to look after her.
"You did what!" Carter shouted. "How dare you? I'm not an invalid ya know Colonel. I can look after myself thanks very much, and I don't need a babysitter."
With frustration clearly taking over her, didn't he realise that her independence was the only thing she had any control over anymore, god knows she had lost control over her body months ago, as she found out the Chemotherapy wasn't working, so the last session she had was her last hope.
Seeing carter get angry was a good sign, she needed to get fired up to try and beat this thing, because over recent months, he had noticed that she accepted it and had stopped fighting.
Standing face to face, he put on his best military voice, and said warningly, "Major...That's I don't need a baby sitter Sir. And as a matter of fact Major" emphasising her rank for effect, "If you hadn't acted like such an ass, this never would've of happened."
"Oh I see Sir, so it's my fault I have cancer is it...is that what you're saying." With her voice getting louder to match his.
Jack O'Neill sighed this wasn't the way he wanted it to go. It was at that point he decided to stop it before their relationship was ruined. He walked over to the nearest chair and sat down tiredly. He needed to get her to listen, and she wouldn't if she was shouting at him, like some wailing banshee. After he took a deep breath he lowered his voice and said, "No, Sam, I did it because I care about you, a lot more than I'm supposed to."
With her voice still raised she shouted, "Oh you care about me do you?" and instead of ranting on, she listened to what she'd just said and thought, "did he say what I thought he said," after a few seconds once it had sunk in, her voice dropped to the same pitch as his, and she looked intently into his eyes, he really did care, and it was more than a CO to his 2IC, he loved her, he really loved her.
It was like a bombshell had hit her full force, she hadn't realised. Ever since that night when he'd stayed with her and the days that followed...it all seemed a bit of a blur to her trying hard to remember the details. But he hadn't said anything, mind you thinking back, neither had she. All this time, they had both been feeling...this.
"Sam, I never wanted to hurt you, but your so damn independent, and you wanted to do it all yourself. You shut me out!" he told her with sorrow in his eyes, finally letting go over all the hurt and sadness he'd been feeling for the last few months.
"Jack." She said quietly, sounding so strange in her ears. "Jack, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, it's just that everyone was saying, you can't do this, you can't do that, and to be perfectly honest, you were the worst. You treated me with such kid gloves after I found out, and things were never really the same after that. But it didn't mean that I didn't stop caring, I'm sorry Jack, I really am." And finally, she cried, the first time since that night he had held her in his arms. He walked over and held her so tightly that she felt as if she were wrapped in love, and that nothing could harm her, as she whispered, "I love you."
Pulling away from her slightly, he cupped her face ever so gently and looking directly into her sea blue eyes caressingly wiped the tears that persistently fell, and told her that he had loved her from the moment he had set eyes on her.
"Sam" he continued "That day I first met you, you were filled with such brilliant confidence, you were so beautiful and brilliant. Your smile lit up the whole meeting room when you challenged me to an arm wrestle, and I knew then that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was so scared though. I mean, think about it, a beautiful astrophysicist who has more brains in her little finger than I do in my whole brain. What would she want with someone like me?"
Sam was about to say something, but he cut her off, this was too important, and he doubted he'd ever have the courage to say it again, and placed his finger over lips for a brief moment as he continued. "I knew you were that someone I could share my hopes and dreams with, and I know that wherever this takes us, I'll never regret a single moment of working with you, and loving you.
He then saw it, eyes twinkling with happiness, and a smile that could light up many a darkened night, as she said, "Jack, you've always been there for me, every scrape we've ever gotten into, you've been there to pick me up. Never once did you let me down, and that's what I love about you, your kindness and silent strength in the fact that you have always been there to protect those you love. Jack, no matter what happens over the next few months, I want you to remember me as I am today, loving you. Remember this poem, and remember me;
Look to this day, for yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision;
But today if lived well, makes
every yesterday a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Tears filled their eyes; there would be no regrets or empty promises, and no goodbyes, as they took each other into their arms once more.
The End
I know it's a bit different to what I normally write, but you know what they say, a change is as good as a rest. Love to hear your views.
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