Truth and Consequences
Truth and Consequences
by Sally Murphy
Title: Truth and Consequences
Author: Sally Murphy
Email: majorsallymurphy@yahoo.com
Category: Drama, MissingScene/Epilogue, Romance, Thoughts
Episode related: 405 Divide and Conquer, 522 Revelations, 610 Cure
Season: Season 6
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: minor language
Summary: The apparent difference of opinion that Sam and Jack have on the Tok'ra, amongst other things, comes to a head.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Colonel O'Neill slowly shut his locker door and sighed. He wondered if Jonas's tongue could actually seize up and cease to work for talking too much, as he listened for what felt like the fiftieth time about his and Teal'c's escapades in figuring out the truth about the Tok'ra queen. As much as he admired their hard work, he was getting a little tired of hearing the same details.
Jack sighed again, and with great relief, as Major Carter entered their private lockers. As she approached her locker, she glanced his way and tentatively returned his smile. He watched as she quickly grabbed something out and shoved something in, all the while seemingly lost in thought. She finished and left, without acknowledging either one.
"Uh, Colonel, is Sam alright?" Jonas asked.
I think so? "Yeah, why wouldn't she be?" Jack answered.
"I don't know, she just seemed...she seems a little irritated to me."
Yes she does. "She's probably just tired, Jonas, like the rest of us."
"Then you don't think she's mad at me?"
She actually seems pissed at me, buddy, not you. "Why would she be mad at you?"
"Uh, I don't know, I just--"
"Look, Carter's fine," Jack said abruptly, standing up and shutting his locker door. "Don't make more out of this than it is." He glanced at Jonas and sighed, seeing his strained expression. "She's fine, Jonas. I know her better than you, and she's fine.
"Okay, Colonel, I was just worried about..."
Sitting on the bench, Jack watched Jonas as he sullenly left the room.
Carter hasn't said two words to me since we returned from the planet, and not one word since the briefing. Yeah, she's pissed.
The colonel quickly left the room towards her lab.
After visiting her lab, the commissary, the infirmary, even Jonas's lab, the last place he thought he'd find her was in the briefing room, which is where he did.
"Carter, jeez, I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you," Jack quipped, stepping through the door and shutting it behind him.
"You're looking for me, sir?" Sam said distractedly, shuffling through papers as she sat at the briefing table.
"No, I just like taking a tour of the base," he replied, smirking. When he didn't get the customary grin back, he definitely knew she was mad at him. And he pretty much knew about what.
"So..." He shoved his hands in his pockets, slowly walking up to the table and standing. She continued to work, going back and forth between reading and writing. "So you want to tell me what's wrong?" That got her attention, as her head shot up.
"What's wrong?" she said, glancing at him for a moment before returning to her work.
"Yeah, like in why are you mad at me?"
She paused, looking up at him with an unreadable expression. "I'm not mad at anyone, colonel." She glanced back down to her papers. "Why would you think I was mad?"
Repress and deny, Carter, right to the end. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm not in love with the Tok'ra the way you are, and don't believe everything they do or don't do is exclusively for our benefit.
She continued to write.
He sighed. "Look, Carter, let's just get this out, okay?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, sir," she said calmly, as she erased a mistake she'd made and angrily wiped away the results.
Huh. "Yeah. Let's just get this out so we can--"
She sighed loudly. "Sir, I really need to get this done, so if you don't mind..."
"As a matter of fact I do mind."
She dropped her pencil and looked up at him with wide eyes.
Here we go. "Carter, I know you and I don't share the same sentiments on the Tok'ra, but we've always treated each other respectfully concerning that." She merely stared at him. Or glared, it looked more like. "I know you're not happy about what happened on Pangar and about Egeria and such, but--"
"Colonel!" He paused, and she cleared her throat. "Sir, with all due respect, I really don't think we should go into this."
"Why?"
She sighed and looked down. "I...it's just..." She sighed louder, picking her pencil back up and fiddling with it. "I really--"
"Hey, it's alright, Carter, we can just keep it in the room with the rest of the shit you don't want to deal with."
Ah oh.
"The stuff 'I' don't want to deal with? Me? I..." She paused, taking a deep, long breath. As soon as she'd collected herself, she started collecting her things off the table.
She's doing it again, stuffing everything back in. Deny and repress. Not this time, Carter.
"Carter, this is off the record, completely off the record. Okay?" She merely continued to gather her things. "For once, just tell me what you're thinking." No response. "Carter, dammit, just tell--"
"Don't you think some things are better left unsaid," she snapped, shoving her papers in a folder haphazardly.
"Yeah, but this isn't one of them," he snapped back, grabbing a chair and sitting down across the table from her.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why not this time?" she replied, standing up.
"Because this is something that can actually interfere with our working relationship, so it needs to be dealt with."
"And the other stuff doesn't..." She shook her head and grabbed all her belongings off the table.
"Don't do that."
She paused, looking up to him. "Don't do what?"
"Don't...you start to say something, then you pull back. You always pull back."
"I have to. I..."
"You're doing it again!"
"I have to!"
"Why!"
"Because you're my commanding officer and I just can't say whatever I want!"
"Even if I've given you permission, which is what I did?" Did she just growl at me?
"Sir, with all due respect, I--"
"Cut the all due respect shit and talk to me, Carter." If looks could kill, woman, I'd be dead on the stop.
He sighed, as she shoved her chair into the table and began to walk away. "The room's getting pretty stuffed in there, Carter, don't you think?" he said quietly, staring down at the table while wiping non-existent dust off with a finger.
She abruptly turned around and came back to the table, literally slamming her things down onto it. "I'm not the one that wanted it left in the room, Colonel!"
"The hell...'you're' the one that said it!"
"I only said what I thought you wanted to hear!" she snapped, grabbing her same chair and sitting down forcefully.
"Why the hell would you think I'd want to hear that?"
"Because I literally had to pull it out of your head to remember everything!" She paused, seeing his confused statement. "I'm the one that figured it out, I'm the one that had to explain it all. I--"
"And you think that means I want to repress it all?" he snapped, shaking his head and sitting back against the seat.
"'And'," she sat forward, placing both hands on the table. "And when you were being tested, I had to remind you of the truth. The truth that got us into that mess to begin with. The truth that--"
"Don't you think we've gotten off the subject here?" he interrupted, glaring at her.
"What 'is' the subject, Colonel?" she replied, returning his glare.
"That you're pissed at me for not trusting the Tok'ra," he countered, his look daring her to respond.
She didn't respond.
"Jesus, can you not repress one goddam thing!"
"What do you want me to say to you!" she said exasperatedly.
"The truth! For once just tell me what you feel," he replied, his own hands flat on the table, inches from hers.
She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, only to sigh loudly and sit back dejectedly against the seat.
He sighed, sitting back into his seat as well. "Well, if that room gets any fuller, Carter, it's--"
"Stop saying that! You make it sound like all of this is my fault." She held up a hand to stop his reply. "I only said what I thought you wanted to hear. I saw the relief on your face, colonel, when I said it, so don't go acting like I'm the sole blame here."
Ouch. Shit, she saw that. I didn't mean it really. "I didn't really mean it, Carter. I mean, I..."
"You mean that you wanted it dropped as much as I did." She saw him flinch and look down. "There was nothing else for us...it wasn't the right time to deal with it. It just--"
He looked up suddenly. "When is the right time?" he asked quietly.
She paused, fighting the instinct to look away. "When we can both talk about it without consequences I'd think," she replied, just as quietly.
They stared at one another a moment before both looked away: anywhere but each other. The silence lasted for all of five seconds before the colonel resumed his tirade.
"Getting back onto the real subject here, I think we need to come to some sort of agreement to disagree about the Tok'ra without you getting all pissy with me."
She moaned, her head dropping unceremoniously onto the table. "Colonel, I can't do this anymore. I just want to--"
"Just don't get all holier-than-thou with me and we'll be just fine."
Her head shot up, her lips quivering in anger. "I'm not the one that has an attitude about 'this' either, colonel!" She stopped his reply with a hand. "It's not my fault that you can't be open minded enough to see the good the Tok'ra do for us."
"The good? The good, Carter! Name one frigging thing they've done for us, Carter, that hasn't backfired in some way?" He stopped her reply in the same fashion. "Yeah, I have a problem with the Tok'ra, and it started way before Kanan screwed me over and left me in the hands of the Goa'uld."
"I don't--"
"And I can't believe that 'you' don't have a problem with them as well! I know how hard it was to get...'whatever' his name was to give over information when I was being held by Ba'al. You just turn a blind eye to everything they--"
"No I don't! I just don't dwell on every little--"
"Being tricked by one and ultimately tortured to death numerous times because of said one is 'not' a little thing, Carter!"
"I know that! That's not what I'm saying!"
"What 'are' you saying then?"
"If you'd stop interrupting me I'd tell you!"
"Than say it! Don't hold back for once and say it!" he snapped, hitting the table and sending the pencil sliding across it.
They both watched the pencil as it slid to the very end of the table, precariously teetering on the edge. Each glanced up to one another at the same time, anger still boiling in both.
"I--"
"If you--" He paused, motioning her to go ahead when they'd both spoken at the same time.
"No, you go head," she said, sighing deeply and momentarily closing her eyes.
"I just don't like this attitude that the Tok'ra can do no wrong with you."
"I don't have that attitude, colonel."
"Yes, you do, Carter. It started a few years ago and it's gotten progressively worse with time."
"I'm not the only one with an attitude here, colonel," she replied, sitting up fully in her seat.
"I know--"
"When I tried to talk to you about Daniel after he...'ascended' or whatever, you brushed me off. Rather ru..." She sighed, looking down a moment to the table. "It hurt my feelings, a lot. I needed someone to talk to, and you just acted like business as usual...as usual."
"God, I can't talk about every frigging thing that bothers you, Carter, at one sitting, so can we keep to just one subject!"
He grimaced, seeing the hurt look in her eyes before she looked down to the table. Why do I keep hurting her?
She glanced back up to him, her steely visage back in place. "It's obvious, colonel, that we have more than one issue between us. You want to stick to one problem, and I don't want to talk about any of them."
"Yeah, I know," he said sarcastically, hitting the table lightly to finally send the pencil over the edge. He really wanted that pencil to go over for some reason.
"So, sticking to this subject, colonel. I don't hate the Tok'ra. I don't think they're evil incarnate. I 'can' work around their sometimes reluctant approach to--"
"Sometimes! Hell, if it wasn't for your father, I'd have suggested to the general that we drop them all together!"
"Now don't you think that's just a little too much? I mean really, they have helped us at--"
"Name one."
"What?"
"I said name one time they've helped us that it wasn't ultimately in their favor?" He smiled after a moment, seeing her struggling to come up with one. "See!"
"I'm thinking!"
"Yeah, well, if it takes that much effort, Carter, I think I've made my case."
Her eyes blazed with even more fury, as she began to assemble her stuff together again to leave.
"I didn't think you were one to give up so easily, Carter," he said sarcastically, staring at her.
"There's nothing to give up," she replied, restacking her papers in the folder that the colonel's table slamming had disrupted. "It's not a winnable case."
"You just know I'm right," he mumbled, reaching across the table to retrieve the paperclips that he'd caused to scatter.
"You're not right, colonel," she nearly snapped, grabbing the paperclips from his hand. "I just know a losing battle when I see it."
"And you know what, this should have never been a battle between us, Carter. We should be able to talk about things."
She snorted. "Yeah, colonel, whatever you say."
"So you're just going to walk away, without this being settled between us?"
"Which 'thing' would this be, colonel? The Daniel thing? The Zatarc testing thing? The Edora thing?" She saw his bewildered look at that last statement, but she quickly continued. "See, we have a few things to work through, colonel, so you're going to have to be a little more specific."
"You forgot the Tok'ra thing there, Carter. Remember, the one that we 'were' currently discussing before you decided to bail again."
She dropped her stuff on the table, shoving it aside haphazardly. "Okay, colonel, what will it take to get you to drop this?"
"The truth would be nice," he replied casually.
She sighed. "I've told you the truth, colonel, you just don't want to hear it."
"To tell you the truth, Carter, I'm getting a little hazy on exactly what you've said because you've thrown so many different subjects into the fray."
"I don't hate the Tok'ra. Does that about cover it for you, colonel?" she replied sarcastically.
He shook his head slightly and sneered. "And I think there's just a little bit of you that does, Carter."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, frowning.
"That means that I think that with all your 'the Tok'ra aren't so bad', there's this little part of you that hate their guts."
"What? Why would you think I'd hate the Tok'ra?"
He sat forward, looking her fully in the eyes. "Because you were screwed over even worse than I was by the 'wonderful' Tok'ra, or have you forgotten?" She stared at him with a bewildered statement. "I might not have asked for what Kanan ultimately did to me, but at least I was asked if I wanted him to begin with. You weren't given the choice, and look what it's left you with."
He knew his words had hit home as he watched her face go pale. He was starting to regret his words, when she suddenly stood and pushed in her chair.
"Alright, colonel, you win," she said quietly, grabbing her things off the table. "You're right, I do have some issues with them, but--"
"Issues? You should despise them for what they did to you. And it was 'they', Carter, that did it. They always stick together. They made excuses with what Kanan did to me, just like they did when Jolinar raped her way into you." He stopped, seeing her pained expression as she closed her eyes a moment.
Make me shut up.
"I..." she paused, clearing her throat. "I can't...I don't want..." Suddenly she lifted her hands and let her belongings drop unceremoniously onto the table. "Okay, you want to know the truth, colonel!"
"Carter, I--"
"There are times I hate them. There are times I curse Jolinar, and Martouf, for what she did to me." She grabbed the chair and sat down again. "Yes, she screwed me over! My body will never be the same. My body chemistry is so screwed that Janet isn't sure I can have children. I have memories of a person's life that isn't even my own. And sometimes those memories are awful, but I can't shut them out. But I--"
"Then why do you continue to defend them!" he yelled, leaning forward at her.
"Because I have to!"
"Why!"
"Because of my father!"
He blinked and leaned back. "What does your father have to do with it?"
"He has 'everything' to do with it, colonel! He is 'the' reason I don't let my anger and resentment..." She paused, taking a deep breath. "Colonel..." She laced her fingers as she brought them to her mouth a moment. "I can't let that hatred germinate inside of me for my father's sake, don't you understand? If I let it, I'll lose my father."
"Carter..."
"The best thing that ever happened to my relationship with him is Selmak, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I can't lose him again, so I let it go. I let all the crap that builds up in me about the Tok'ra go, because if I don't, I risk losing my dad, permanently."
They sat there a moment staring at one another. He saw the consequences of his accusations on her, and she saw the regret of what his accusations had done.
After a moment she abruptly stood, once again gathering her stuff. "Colonel, I really need to go now."
"Yeah, Carter, I know," he said quietly, watching her. Just as she began to walk away he cleared his throat, grabbing her attention. "Carter, I--"
"It's alright, colonel, friends and colleagues sometimes argue. We both gave as good as we got."
"I know, but...I'm sorry," he said softly.
She stood there, observing him a moment. "I'm sorry too, colonel. I was out of line."
He snorted. "Carter, I was so out of line, there wasn't even a line anymore," he quipped, smiling slightly.
She smiled a bit in return, which made him gasp in relief.
"So," he indicated between them, "We're alright?" She smiled and nodded. "We're still friends?" She brandished him with one of her mega-watt grins.
"Alwa...Yes, colonel, we're still friends."
He smiled at her as she turned and headed for the door. "Hey!" She stopped and glanced back at him. "What do you say that we meet in," he glanced quickly at his watch, "In say half an hour in the commissary for a big, thick, extremely fattening piece of cake?"
She laughed a moment. "That would be great, sir," she said, opening the door. She quickly looked to see if they had obtained an audience, hoping that their argument had remained quiet enough to not garner attention. She smiled in relief as she turned back to the colonel. "I'll meet you in thirty minutes. And please get one piece of cake, okay?"
"Why?" he said, standing up and pushing his chair in.
"Because I want to share with you." When she saw his amused grin, she continued. "It's half the calories, colonel, with half a piece of cake."
He nodded in return. "Whatever you say, Carter," he teased, watching her shake her head and walk out the door.
He suddenly felt his appetite return.
~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this story,please send feedback to Sally Murphy
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