Why Us
Why Us
by Jen
Title: Why Us
Author: Jen
Email: stargate-sg1@v21.me.uk
Category: Humor
Season: any Season
Pairing: Daniel/Sam, Janet/Hammond, Sam/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, minor language
Summary: Well, Jack, Sam and Daniel go through the gate and start to act like kids. well i suppose thats all i could say.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Why Us...
SUMMARY: Jack, Sam and Daniel act like kids, Jacob comes to baby-sit, Teal'c and Jacob help the rest of SG-1 and it ends happily ever after. CATEGORY: Humour/ PG
SPOILERS: not that I know of!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or names, all I own is the idea of the story. Authors notes: I hope ya like this as it took a blimin' long time so read and enjoy.
" SG-1 you have a go", General Hammond said as the team got up from their mission briefing for the new planet which looked a lot like Earth through the 'MALP' pictures.
"Come on then campers" Colonel O'Neill called enthusiastically as his team headed towards that big ring, other wise known as the 'Stargate'. "Lets go see some more trees, maybe a few bugs and birds and oh yes, I suppose we'll meet some rain on the way".
"O'Neill, I do believe we can not meet rain as..."
"I know Teal'c..." O'Neill said sarcastically pretending to be speaking like the tall jaffa warrior standing next to him but was cut off when he walked through the 'Stargate'
When SG-1 reached the new planet they were going to explore it was blazing hot and the sun was shinning upon all four of them making it hard to see where they were heading.
Carter was scanning the area for any life forms they could not detect earlier, "sir, the area seems to have faint life forms heading north but that's all. I suppose they are probably animals of some kind"
It was nearly 1200 hrs and the sun was blazing right above them now "OK, lets stop for lunch at the nearest shaded area as I'm gonna be a roast O'Neill soon"
"Hey, Danny boy!"
"What, what do you want now?" the archaeologist replied knowing that his CO wanted something stupid.
"Um, what ya got for ya lunch? I wanna swap my cheese sandwiches for somethin' good"
"Uh, I've got marmite in mine, Hey Sam, what you got?
"I've got ham and tomato, do you guys want to swap cos I don't like the tomato? "
"I know what" the confused colonel replied as Carter never wants to swap her lunch for something else. " Why don't I have the ham and tomato, Danny you have yours if ya don't mind and Carter you have mine, is that alright?"
"Yes sir" Cater said hungrily.
"But I want to swap mine Jack" Daniel said childishly.
As the arguments were going Teal'c was enjoying his tuna and sweet corn sandwich, which he had never tried before and really liked now.
3 DAYS LATER:
"Hey kids, come on we've got to get back NOW" they were 5 minutes late and Daniel and Sam were still studying this 'thing' they had picked up earlier and were arguing about what it was, "The general is gonna kill your old CO if we're not back in time and nothing's happened to us... CARTER why the hell did you do that for..." he said quickly as Sam gave Daniel a big push. "OH FOR GOOD SAKE MOVE YOUR BLOODY ASSES OUT OF HERE...".
When SG-1 got through the wormhole, guess who was waiting there... General Hammond, not in one of his best modes either. " Colonel, what the heck happened, your 30 minutes late!?!?"
"Um Carter and Daniel were studying a rock..."
" Artefact" Daniel butted in trying not to get pushed by Sam who was still arguing with him, as she couldn't carry the artefact back.
"And as I was saying, they were studying an artefact and they some how got into an argument with who wanted to carry it back to the SGC... DANIEL...CARTER... will you two just STOP THAT RIGHT NOW"
"Colonel, take Major Carter and Dr. Jackson to the infirmary... MAJOR...DR... and get checked out yourself...debriefing is in 30 minutes."
"But sir, I don't want to..."
"Don't but sir me colonel..."
"Hey Danny... I want that to play with, give it here... hey Sam, I want it give it to me now"
"Ummm Teal'c can you take this 3 to the infirmary instead of O'Neill as it seems he has got this thing, I suppose, that is making the rest of SG-1 act like 10 year olds..." as he said that he got a stupid look from all 3 of the team and a sir from Jack... " Yes colonel, you are acting like a 10 year old so I want you to go get checked out NOW"
"Yes General Hammond, I'll see to it right away".
"Thank you Teal'c"
While SG-1 were in the infirmary they were causing havoc, apart from Teal'c who was very surprised by the actions of the rest of the team, General Hammond walked in...
"I want a chocolate, I want a chocolate, I want a chocolate, I want a chocolate, I want a chocolate," was all Jack said for nearly 15 minutes to Janet.
"Dr. Frasier, do you know what is wrong with SG-1, apart from Teal'c" he tried to say above the 'I want a chocolate' noise Jack was repeating.
"No sir, not yet but I'll be getting the blood tests, which should be coming soon, all I can tell is that they have a juvenile behaviour problem which is probably caused by something on the planet because the rest of the base are fine and I haven't caught it from being around them..."
"Thank you Doctor, Teal'c debriefing will now be in 30 minutes again... also bring the other members, if that's alright with the doctor?" General Hammond said walking out the room looking at Janet while she nodded to say SG-1 was fine to go to debriefing, or in other words... get them out of here so I can have some peace and quite for more than 30 seconds.
After the havoc debriefing, which was a totally stupid idea to bring the whole of SG-1, Jack, Sam and Daniel went to stay in a V.I.P room and they were making a total mess.
"Dannnnnyyyyyyy, what ya got there?" Jack asked.
"Ummmm, a book!" he replied.
"I want that book now!" as he tried to reach for it but Daniel pulled it back...
"No you don't Jack, it's mine and I'm looking at the pictures so you cant have it, ha ha!"
"What about me..." Sam butted in; " I asked for it first Jack... you have to wait for me..."
Soon there was a big argument and ended with Jack having half a picture book, Sam and Daniel with a quarter each and crying while Jack was laughing at them because it had gone to plan as he hated Daniel reading.
"What the heck is wrong with them now. there are plenty more in the cupboard". She was murmuring to her self as she walked down the corridor with a baby alarm in her hand, which sounded like 2 babies crying, as she had orders to 'baby sit' them.
As she opened the door there was innocent face staring at her and 2 with tears in their eyes, "Jack, what happened here?"
"Ummm...Sam and Daniel...um...had and...uh...fight over a...uh...um...book ...yeah a book"
"How do I believe it wasn't you who started it..."?
"...He...`sniff'... ripped my pic...`sniff'... picture book...!" Daniel managed to sniffle out.
"...And I was supposed to have it after him!" Sam mumbled after.
"Jack don't do that again and clear up this mess... Sam, Daniel you can have another in a minute, just let me get them, is that OK"
"But Janet..."
"No buts Jack, you clear this up now or you don't get a chocolate later".
A WEEK LATER:
"Some one is going to have to look after them sir, I cant handle them anymore"
"I know, I was thinking of calling Jacob Carter but I'm not sure if he'll be needed and have to be called back to the tok'ra". Hammond replied.
"Well it's an idea sir and it means that we wont have to do anything to drastic with them either, It'll also help me find out what to do about them and how to cure them as well, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind time with Major Carter either sir..."
"OK doctor, you've convinced me... I'll get some one to pass a message to the tok'ra right away as I suppose it is a desperate need. "Hello Jacob, come with me and I'll tell you what has happened..."
While Jacob was in Hammond's office with him, Jack, Sam and Daniel were causing havoc in their room, as Janet wouldn't let them play with her stuff.
"Sir, with all do respect, I think you better hurry up, they're going mad and so am I with them"
"All right doctor, Jacob has agreed, show him to where they are..."
"Okay, there worse than I thought, Sam's acting like she was 7 again, Daniel seems younger and Jack... grumpy 12 year old... believe me, Mark was just the same" Jacob said as he looked through the door to see what they were like. " I've got myself in bad situation again, haven't I?"
"Now you can see why I can't handle all 3 of them".
"What about Teal'c, hasn't he got what ever this is..."
"No for some reason he hasn't, its probably his symbiote stopping this..."
Jacob and Janet both enter and there is a 'hooray daddy' from Sam with her bright blue eyes ready to pop out, and a 'ha ha' from Jack, and a 'hmmmm' from Daniel which is not sure about him as he preferred Janet.
"Good luck" Janet said as she left them with the 3 adults acting like kids.
"I'll need it". Jacob replied. " OK then kids what's going on"? As he looked at the mess round the room, which was covered with cars, cut up paper, pens, chocolate wrappers and a broken doll, which looked like it was done on purpose. He also looked at their faces, which was covered in chocolate and pens.
"Daddy, Jack's being annoying..."
"I can tell you are as well," Jacob muttered to himself, with great disbelief that Sam had started acting like an annoying tell-tell-tit.
"I am not..." Jack replied,
" Are too"
"Are not"
"Too"
"Not"
"Too"
"Not"
"You to cut it out now," Jacob said getting annoyed with in the first couple of minutes. "Right, Sam you can help me get some thing to eat for all of you".
"Okay..." she replied happily as she could now leave the boys.
"Jack clear up the mess on the floor".
"whhhhyyyyyyyyy"? Jack said disappointed that he got the hard part.
"Just do it, and Daniel you clear the table for me"
"awwwww, Sam gets the easy part, that's not fair..." Daniel whined.
"Will you two just do it please, it wont take longer than five minutes, and Daniel Sam hasn't got the easy part". Jacob said winking at Daniel.
"Okay".
"Thank you Daniel, come on then Sam, lets get something you all to eat," Jacob said grabbing Sam by the arm so she wouldn't run off or embarrass him, "and I want the room spotless when I get back, is that clear".
"OK Sam, what do you all like in sandwiches, chocolate?" Jacob asked when they reached the sandwich bar.
"Yes, Yes, Yes..." Sam replied with sparkling blue eyes.
"OK, can we have 3 chocolate Sandwiches, 1 Cheese, 4 ready salted crisps, 3 bottles of lemonade, and 1 coffee please." Jacob said to the lady serving behind the bar.
"Sorry we don't do chocolate sandwiches", she said but Jacob did a hard looking General look, "I'll see to it straight away sir.
" I want something else with it, maybe Jell-O..."
"OK, and also 3 Jell-O's."
"Yes sir".
"Thank you daddy." Sam replied.
"Here you are sir, is that all you want"?
"Yes thanks, come on then Sam, you have to carry this please".
"Come on you two, I've got something for you lot to eat".
"What is it"? Jack and Daniel said together.
"Chocolate sandwiches, crisps, Jell-O and lemonade, you better eat it all now".
"Totally, how did you know I love chocolate sandwiches". Jack asked curiously.
"A little birdie told me".
"What?"
"Sam told me, come on eat up we have got a lot to do today".
While they were eating, Jacob was wondering what the heck he was going to do for the rest of the afternoon with 3 mature adults, make that 2 and an annoying colonel, who are acting like 5-12 year olds. 'Well I could take them with me to go see George, then we could go get some thing to eat, but that'll only take 10 minutes but who cares, we could then go and annoy Dr. Fraiser for a while then they could come back here and put a video on for them, but what would they want? There's a 5, 7 and 12 year old adults here, I suppose they could watch something like 'the Simpson's' or 'tom and jerry' or maybe a Disney film. Oh I don't know I'll let them chose.' He said to himself.
"Hey, George, wait up." Jacob said with Jack, Daniel and Sam, hang on make that Daniel and Sam behind him. " Could you just look after these 3 while I just pop to see Fraser for a minute"?
"Yeah sure, hang on where's colonel O'Neill!?!"
"Oh, shit"Jacob said realising Jack weren't there with Daniel and Sam. "Do you two know where he is?" he asked crossly because he had told all 3 of them to stay with him.
"Ummmm, nope, what about you Sam?"
"Nope, I haven't seen him since we left the General's office".
"Why the heck didn't you tell me when he wasn't with you?"
"He told me not too". Sam said innocently.
"Oh god, do you know where he was going then?"
"Nope he didn't tell me".
"Ok, George you look after them two, and I'll look for..."
'General Hammond to the control room, General Hammond to the control room, Colonel O'Neill is pointing an armed weapon at the officer's in here, I ask again, General Hammond to the control room please.' Someone in the control room was speaking through the speaker.
"I now know were he is, and what he's doing".
"OK Jacob you take these two now and I'll go sort out O'Neill".
"Hey I want to go see Jack" Sam said disagreeing.
"Me too".
"Oh god, come on you two lets go find him but stay with me".
When they got to the control they find 4 men with their hands in the air and Jack pointing a weapon at them.
"Jack, I want to join in," Daniel asked.
"Hey guys look what I can do" He then pointed at one of the men, "SIT" and he did, "that's a good boy, now lay down", and he did, " well done, See Daniel they do what they say, you try..."
"Ok, but I want the gun".
"Nope, I'm having the gun".
"I want it"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
While they were arguing Jacob and Hammond were talking to Sam to go and grab the weapon and bring it back to them as quick as possible. She had done it. The weapon was now in the hands off Hammond while there was a really cross Jacob and a real cross Jack.
"WHY THE HECK DID YOU RUN OFF AND AIM THAT WEAPON WHICH IN FACT WAS LOADED AND YOU COULD OF KILLED SOMEBODY". Jacob shouted while Jack was giving Sam the I-will-get-you-back look.
"I was just bored, you can't have a go at me for being bored can you".
"SO YOU RUN OFF AND TELL SAM THAT SHE CANT TELL ME, AND AIM A LOADED WEAPON AT SOMEBODY AND SAY YOU WERE JUST BORED". He was getting really mad now and decided to take all three of them back to their room and leave them there while he gets time off to calm down, "THAT IS JUST A LOAD OF CRAP, JACK, AND YOU KNOW IT"!!!
"Hey Jacob, you look way tired, why don't I look after them for a bit longer while you take some rest."
"I'll be fine Selmak is looking after the stressed part of me".
"Oh yeah, Dr. Fraser thinks that you and Teal'c should go back to the planet and see if there is anyone there who can help."
"Yeah when do we go, anything to get them 3 off my back."
"Tomorrow at 0900 hours, after SG-5 leaves.
"OK I'll be ready, anyway what time is?"
" Ummm, it's 1730 hours, why".
"I promised that I'll put a video on for them and it'll go on for 90mins so if I start it at 1830 hours then it'll finish at..."
"I get it" Hammond replied quickly before Jacob goes on.
"OK, well I better go sort out something for them to eat".
0840 HOURS THE NEXT DAY
"Right report back in 24 hours if there is any signs of civilisation, Dismissed." Hammond said strongly at Jacob and Teal'c.
When Teal'c got to the gate room Jacob was waiting there already. "I hope we find someone there Teal'c, because I'm not having my daughter acting like a kid for the rest of her life". Jacob said as Teal'c joined him waiting for the gate to open.
"I am sure we will" Teal'c replied.
When they got to the other side they were met by a group of farmers. "Well we've found somebody now" Jacob said to Teal'c and then turned to the farmer, "Hello, were peaceful travellers looking for help" There were some strange looks and then someone spoke.
"Who are you and what do you want."
"Ummm, I'm Jacob Carter and this is Teal'c"
"Are you from the goa'uld?"
"No, but we have some friends who came to this planet only a week ago and they have started to act like children".
"Oh, I am so sorry, why don't you follow me and I'll show you why, by the way do they have a symbiote inside them like you".
"No, why?"
"As you can probably tell, we have symbiotes inside us, they don't control us and we don't know them but they look after us and make us strong enough to do farming work. Well anyway, there is a substance in there air which makes anyone who has no symbiote turn childish as most young people at the age of 13 turn old enough to receive one and if you are younger you are supposed to enjoy childhood. So as your friends have no symbiote living in them, this air substance affected them. If you come with me I'll ask one of the scientists here to find out what you can do".
"OK, thanks" He replied then whispered to Teal'c, "they're friendly for people with symbiotes inside them."
"Indeed".
"Jacob, how do you know that this isn't a trick"? Selmak said to Jacob.
"How am I supposed to know, they just seem friendly so I suggest we go along with 'em!" Jacob replied.
Back at the SGC, Jack, Daniel and Sam had run off in search of food so Hammond had most of the SGC personnel looking for them, which had been over 1/2 hour now. "Where the Heck are they", Hammond had been saying over and over again.
Soon after over an hour 2 SGC personnel managed to find them and guess where they were? They were in Hammond's office. It must be a simple place to look but nobody did look in there, not even Hammond! Well anyway after causing havoc on the base they decided to cause havoc to Hammond by calling or maybe I should say shouting for him every 5-10 minutes, which meant he was behind in paper work.
When Jacob/selmak and Teal'c made it to the village after about a 1/2 hours walking they met a man called Carlen who was a scientist there. Jacob thought he was a nice man but he talked very fast. He went on about the air and there history of it and finally came to the part they needed to know.
"Well anyway all you need to do to make them normal is to make them not eat or drink for over 36 hours, and make sure they are in bed for that long as well. And make sure they stay inside a building"
"Why?"
"It is because when ever a young person is given a symbiote they have to do that so they don't breathe a lot of air in which makes them mature enough for the next day when they receive it."
"Thank you very much." Jacob replied, "We must now go to help our friends".
"We must have something returned for the information we have just told you, that was the deal".
"Ummmm, Teal'c do we have anything to offer on us?"
"I do not believe so".
"Ummmm, what about this pen", Jacob said as he noticed that they did not use pens, but instead they used pencil.
"What is a pen?"
"It is something that you use to write with, instead of a pencil", Jacob said not sure if its really important to them, "It does not need to be sharpened".
"I'll test it out now to see if it'll do", He found a piece of paper and started to write on it, "It is very nice and a very nice construction, well it'll give me something to do and I could make more if I work out how, so Yes I'll take it".
"That seemed easy for a pen, aye Teal'c" Jacob said to Teal'c which raised his eyebrow.
"Indeed".
"Come on then we know what we have to do, lets get back and help them".
Back at the SGC they had lost all 3 of them again and Hammond was going bonkers and getting everyone to look for them before Jacob and Teal'c came back but was to late. "Hello Jacob, Hello Teal'c how did thing's go".
"Excellent we traded information for a pen general Hammond".
"Is this true Jacob"?
"Yeah, all they said was to put them in bed for 36 hours with out them moving around or eating or drinking, and I know that'll probably be impossible for Jack but it's how to do."
"OK lets go get them, oh umm we have a bit of a problem with that though."
"What"?
"Well this is the second time they have run off, last time for between 1/2 hour to an hour, and now it's been over an hour since we last saw them. But we do know they haven't go higher than level 18 because the elevator has been higher than that yet."
"Oh god, well I have a bit of an idea where they'll be".
Jacob led them to canteen storage room were all the packets of food for the next couple of weeks were kept if nobody could leave the base.
"Well they might be in here."
"What made you think that Jake"?
"Well when I took Sam to a base that I used to run when she was about 10 she always used to be able to find her way to there. By the way you may need to get some more food cos she used to scoff the lot".
"Why do we not open the door now" Teal'c said impatiently.
"Yes Teal'c what ever you say". As he said that he opened the door to see 3 sleeping fat kids on the floor with all the packets of chocolates, fizzy drinks and a lot more sweet things.
"Come on lets get these 3 lumps to the infirmary". Jacob said.
After 36 hours of continuous moaning from Jack, Jack, Sam and Daniel were back to normal. Which gave everyone a sigh of relief as, 1, they weren't kids, 2, and Jack had stopped moaning.
"I need a drink, anyone coming"? Jack said.
"Ummm, well I'm kinda tired..." Sam said trying to get out off it...
"But, come on Carter, It's just one drink and we've got the whole weekend off to sleep and..."
"Yes, I'll come sir"
"It's not wor... Did you just say yes"?
"Ummm, Well it did sound like a yes to me, sir".
"OK get your stuff together then, were leaving now, before someone gives us a strange look again."
THE END
If you enjoyed this story,please send feedback to Jen
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