Is that so wrong?
Is that so wrong?
by Elyse Blackford
Title: Is that so wrong?
Author: Elyse Blackford
Email: icklepiglet@aol.com
Category: Thoughts, Angst
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: None (minor)
Season: 3
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Sams musings
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: I love feedback by the way!
Is it so wrong to have loved so much only to be told you can't have it?
I don't know what's worse, being with someone and not being able to act on your feelings, or never having met that person in the first place? The person you know could be the one, the love of your life. That person you have been waiting for all your life to fall hopelessly in love with. But it can never be. Rules always get in the way, I know they are there for a reason...to spite me. Working with them everyday and having to watch them go through all that we have been through has been so hard. It hurts deeper than I could ever believe. The worst moments are when they are injured, wanting to wrap them up in my arms and tell them its all right only to be forced to sit back and wait for help to arrive, keeping a working distance.
Because of regulations, I have had to put up with the worst medical condition of all, an empty heart. Empty as I have no one to share it with, no one I have ever really left it with, and no one I would ever trust it with...except him.
I know he feels the same and it only makes it worse, knowing he must feel as bad as I do.
He nearly died today, the closest it has ever been, the closest I ever want it to be. I felt I have to have some way of telling him how I feel if I was ever in that position. My life hanging by a thread, unable to say goodbye and tell him that I love him...
It was so close today, we were caught by surprise, and Jack went down. I tried to get to him, really I did, I was also hit. He came off worse. Janet actually lost him twice and I don't think she will ever know how grateful I am to her for bringing him back to me.
After today, I intend to hand in my notice. I have been offered another job to do with the Stargate, behind the scenes king of job. More chance of promotion, more chance of being allowed to be with Jack, more chance of *being* with Jack. I hope he understands why I am doing this and doesn't disagree with it. All I want is to be happy, is that so wrong?
Sam Carter's Diary
Oct 2001
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