The consequences of our actions
The consequences of our actions
by Helen
The consequences of our actions
AUTHOR: Helen
EMAIL: helljackson85@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Angst, Action/Adventure
PAIRING: Daniel/Sam
SPOILERS: FIAD, ITLOD
SEASON / SEQUEL: 5
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: language
SUMMARY: Daniel becomes depressed and runs away leaving the team to worry about him
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I like this one, hehe. please be gentle
B My life, my real life, was in danger and not from anything other people might do but from the hatred I carried in my own heartB James Baldwin
Chapter one:
"Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said it best with 'let us, then, be up and doing with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labour and to wait" Daniel Jackson stated before he raised his glass of champagne as did everyone in the SGC "and to quote another great man, myself" Daniel stated as there was a loud groan from the crowd, which made Daniel grin even more "The SGC may be the single most important human endeavour for the future of mankind, and a few years ago I forgot what those words mean, but one man, well he repeated those words to me and I understood everything" Daniel stated before jack O'Neill grinned "to the SGC, may it carry on it's endeavours" Daniel stated as everyone cheered "because we fight for everything that is right, but what is freedom? Rightly understood a universal license to be good, but our dear colonel O'Neill believes it to be a universal license to pose with a gun" Daniel stated as everyone laughed.
Samantha carter smiled as the video carried but she turned it off and tapped Daniel who was slumped over work "yeah, um, what, oh, Sam" Daniel stumbled as Sam giggled before Daniel propped himself up on the desk and looked at her, over his dishevelled glasses "you missed the best part" Sam stated as Daniel frowned then looked at the TV which now was blank "oh right" he stated before he sat up and pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes "just thinking" Daniel stated before he put his glasses back on "it's been two months, jack keeps going on and on about how he won against general Hammond in a game of poker" Sam stated as Daniel smiled then looked at his watch "I better get home, I guess" Daniel stated before Sam frowned at him "what's wrong Daniel" Sam asked before Daniel raised his eyebrows then his head at her "nothing, just tried I guess" Daniel stated as Sam frowned at him more "Daniel, it's me your talking to, something's up, you feeling ok" Sam asked as Daniel nodded smiling at her "just tried, really, that's all, lately I've just felt drained" Daniel stated as he looked around his office before he stood and let his shoulders slump "my back sore slightly" Daniel stated as Sam laughed "come on I'm driving you home" Sam ordered as Daniel nodded before he switched his lamp off and sighed before he followed Sam out the door.
Sam glanced over at her passenger and sighed "Daniel, what the hell is bugging you, you get any moody I must just have to take you out to perished and shoot you" Sam stated before Daniel looked at her "sorry, I was just thinking" Daniel stated as Sam side glance him "what about" she asked before Daniel sighed and looked out the window "nothing much, just things" he stated as Sam sharply pulled over to the side and switched the car off and turned to face Daniel "now this car get mighty cold when turned off, and if you think you can get these keys off of me your wrong, years of army training proves that, so your going to tell me what the hell is wrong or you can freeze, what's it going to be" Sam demanded before Daniel blinked at her before he opened his mouth then closed it before he looked down "everything that's happen" Daniel muttered as Sam shifted in her seat "what about everything" Sam asked as Daniel looked at her "guess you can call it the aftermath, it's just catching up that's all" Daniel stated as Sam studied him "that's all" Sam asked as Daniel nodded "yep all, Sam you don't have to worry about me" Daniel stated as he smiled slightly at her before Sam let her shoulders slump before she started the car up "your lucky my ass is freezing" Sam stated as Daniel made a mused sound before he looked back out the window as Sam drove again. Daniel looked around his apartment and smiled at Sam "your not going home, it's three in the morning" Daniel ordered as Sam nodded with a dozy expression before Daniel smiled and scooped her up "Daniel" she giggled before Daniel quickly walked into the spare room, once there he dropped her on the bed "now sleep" Daniel ordered as he turned and walked out as Sam laughed. Daniel slumped on the couch before Sam walked out still laughing and sat down next to Daniel "Daniel, if you want to talk" Sam asked as Daniel shook his head and patted her knee with a fake smile "I'm fine Samantha carter, don't worry, I'm off to bed, you can do what ever you want" Daniel declared before he stood and smiled down at Sam "night Daniel" Sam stated as Daniel smiled genuinely at her before he kissed the top of her head "night Sam" he echoed her statement before he walked to his room.
Daniel stared at his bedroom ceiling, he had laid awake for three hours, just like the night before and the night before that. It was strange, one night he laid down and suddenly he couldn't sleep, then things became harder and harder to handle, like getting up in the morning, that had become a chore, going to the base was another, joking, talking, being among people, was hard. Now he couldn't sleep at all, he knew he should go see Janet about it but it was too hard, life was hard, Daniel sat up and looked around his darken room, this was his life, he found himself thinking more and more about his life and that there wasn't much too it, a couple of friends. Daniel got out of bed and padded to the door, he opened it gently and walked out into the hall, he crept pass Sam straight into the kitchen, he stared at the cupboards and thought about food, and for some reason, he couldn't and didn't want to eat, he hadn't eaten any proper food for a week, and he wasn't hungry, he walked over to the sink and grabbed a glass and poured some water.
He sipped it and walked into the living room and over to the window, when he couldn't sleep he stood watching the world go on around him, with out him.
He found himself staring out the window for hours, till the sun rose or five minutes before jack or Sam came to pick him up for work. So Daniel stared out the window, holding the glass tightly. The next thing Daniel knew was that Sam was standing in the doorway looking at him "Daniel" Sam called softly before Daniel looked at her "morning" he greeted before he looked out the window "what's going on out there" Sam asked as she playfully crossed her arms "nothing, that's what so great about it" Daniel stated as Sam frowned then looked at the clock "time to get ready, another day and another adventure" Sam declared before Daniel smiled at her before he put the glass down and walked to his room.
Chapter two
Jack looked up as Sam walked into his office "hey carter, what's up" jack asked before Sam frowned and took a seat "have you seen anything wrong with Daniel, has he been acting weird" Sam asked as jack looked at him "little bit, but hey it's coming to that time of year again" jack stated as he looked down at his work "time of year sir" Sam asked as jack looked at her "Sha're's death" jack stated before Sam slapped her head and groaned "I totally forgot, man, I've been bugging him to tell me" Sam moaned at her self "don't worry he'll get better" jack stated as Sam nodded and smiled "I've some work to do, thank you sir" Sam stated as jack waved a hand before Sam walked out.
He found her in the middle of a war, and he lost her in the middle of a war. Her blood mixed with his, her eyes lost that glow then her real eyes died, just like his did, just like him her last words of concern for others, not of her self. Life felt wrong when she left, when he stole her. his life felt wrong with out her, he shouldn't be there with out her. when he was hurting, when he was in pain, when he was caught. Life felt right, the guilt was lifted because he was being punished for leaving her. Daniel snapped out of his unhappy reverie when his computer beeped at him, it was bad enough that he hated himself, the world pushed him back in to the harsh world too quickly. Daniel groaned before he grabbed his glass of water and stared hard at it, if he could push, could the glass push back. Daniel tighten his grip on the glass, that was what he had been doing for so long, someone or something push and he would push right back. But now, it was hard to push. Daniel jumped when the glass shattered, pain rippled up his arm, blood splattered to the desk along with glass "damnit" Daniel cursed before he open his clenched hand and saw a large piece of glass sticking up from his hand. He cradled his hand before he stood, the blood was dripping to the floor, he watched it rebound from the floor once it hit and then settled. Daniel frowned, blood can give and blood can take, Daniel had learnt the hard way.
Janet Frasier looked up when Daniel walked in holding his hand "hey Daniel" she greeted before she looked at his hand grimaced "what happen" she asked as Daniel sat on a bed and Janet walked over to him "pushed a glass to far" Daniel stated as Janet sighed "stay here" Janet ordered as she wandered off in search of something. "Now go right home, get jack or Sam to drive you home" Janet ordered as Daniel nodded "yeah, sure" Daniel stated before Janet frowned at him "Daniel I have three questions to ask, have you been eating alright, have you been sleeping and what is wrong with you" Janet asked as Daniel sighed "yes, not a lot and nothing is wrong with me Janet" Daniel stated as he walked to the door "I can give you something" Janet stated as Daniel shook his head "those pills make me feel sick" Daniel stated as he stood in the doorway "well just try and get some rest ok, not much use wondering around like a zombie or on a coffee high" Janet ordered as Daniel smiled tightly before he walked out. The steering wheel felt strange against his hand, the painful one. Daniel had gone to his room and packed, for no reason he packed all his clothes then drove away, he had at least one part of his brain telling him that he was acting strange but that bit was growing fainter and fainter as time went on, and time was going by fast. Before he knew it. He had stuffed his bag in to the car and started driving, Janet's orders ringing round his head but also growing fainter and fainter.
He stopped outside his flat and rushed up, leaving the bag in his car, he didn't know why, but he had a feeling that once he went across the threshold of his home he would know why. As promised when he walked into his apartment he understood, he went straight into his bedroom grabbed the bags from under his bed and started to pile clothes in to it. Where he was going he didn't know B "nothing, that's what so great about it" B. That's where he's heading, the place of nothing. Once he had shoved enough clothes into his bag he walked into the bathroom and grabbed the first aid box and his toothbrush before walking back to his bags. He stared hard out the window, he had tried to figure out everything on different planets and he tried to figure out everything on earth, in his apartment but he couldn't do it, but now he had to leave, a force beyond his control was pushing him out the door and towards the car. Daniel shut his door but then dashed back in and grabbed a pencil. He didn't know if anyone from his team would read it or would even care but he had to write it, at least to know that he was coming back, staking a claim.
'I need the time owed to me, the actions I took. I'm sorry, please don't worry' Daniel scribbled on a notepad by the phone before he carried on with his journey.
Sam pulled her leather jacket on, she was going home, no late working sessions, no more overtime, she was going to say bye to the relevant people then off home, to a bath. Sam grinned at Janet when she stuck her head around doctors office door "I'm going home, I'll see you tomorrow" Sam stated as Janet smiled at her "did Daniel get home ok" Janet asked as Sam frowned "Daniel, I don't know, I haven't seen him" Sam stated as she walked into Janet's office "I told Daniel to get you or jack to drive him home" Janet stated as Sam got worried "what happen, as far as I know Daniel didn't come to see me or the colonel" Sam stated as Janet smiled and waved a hand "he must of got an airman to drive him home, oh he cut his hand that's all. But I am slightly worried, do you know if he's been eating properly" Janet asked as Sam shrugged "I don't know, I haven't seen him eat much" Sam stated as Janet sighed "when he gets back tomorrow I'll bug him till I see him eat" Janet stated as Sam smiled, but then frowned before she turned and walked out.
"Ah Sam the poor boys just a little tired and over worked, you know Daniel, if he doesn't have his head stuck in some book then he's up to his eyes with old *rocks*" jack stated as he and Sam walked towards the car lot "but he cut his hand and didn't even tell us" Sam stated as jack sighed "he got an excuse to get time off, to rest" jack pointed out as Sam nodded before she stopped at her car "ok, I might pop in and say hello" Sam stated as jack groaned "what ever cater, I'm going home" jack stated before he walked over to his car.
Chapter three
"Thank you sir, and I hope you enjoy your new car" the sales man stated as Daniel nodded and climbed into his new car "thank you" Daniel stated before he drove away. Maybe if he could get rid of everything that was the old Daniel then his life would leave him alone. Daniel gave a dry laugh. Life always finds a way. Daniel sighed before he turned a corner and drove towards a never ending street.
Sam knocked on Daniel's door for a minute before she got her keys out and went to unlock his door but found it open. She walked in, pocketing her keys. She didn't find Daniel's car out front "Daniel" Sam called before she closed the door and walked over to the kitchen and saw no one. She went about searching his apartment calling his name, but her search turned up nothing, only that half his clothes were missing, Sam sighed and walked over to the phone and picked the phone up but stopped half way when she saw a note, scrawled in Daniel's handwriting. She yanked the phone up and dialled jack's number, she waited impenitently while ringing echoed in her ears "hello" a voice mumbled "sir, something happen to Daniel, you have to come to his apartment now" Sam ordered before she hanged up and dallied Janet's number at the base "hello" Janet picked up after the first ring "get Teal'c and general Hammond to Daniel's apartment now" Sam ordered, Janet's voice caught Sam before she could hang up "what happen" Janet asked as Sam rubbed her head "he left a note saying not to worry and that he taking the time owed to him, Janet I'm really worried about him, I know he hasn't been his self with Sha're's death coming up, what if he's done something" Sam asked on the verge of tears "ok, don't worry, we'll be there in a minute" Janet stated before she hanged up and Sam looked around the empty apartment before she placed the phone back and picked up the notepad and stared at Daniel's handwriting, the tears falling freely down her cheeks "oh Daniel" Sam whispered before she slumped back.
Jack looked up when Janet handed him a mug "thanks" jack stated before Janet smiled then walked over to the mantle "so do we know what drove Daniel to leave" general Hammond asked as everyone sat down "I can only guess, but from what SG-1 has told me about Daniel's behaviour and what I saw it seems to me that Daniel is depressed" Janet stated as jack gave a dry laugh "we all got a little depressed over the years, but none of us have run off" jack stated before Sam shot him a look before she looked at Janet "jack, Daniel is clinically depressed, this means he has an illness. It's his body's way of telling him that he can not take any more, everything that has happened to him has come crashing down on him and now he's withdrawn" Janet stated as jack sighed and looked down "oh" jack stated before Sam shifted "what can we do" Sam asked as Janet took a deep breath "find him first, see there are all sorts of depression, one is like what Daniel's going through, not eating, not sleeping and withdrawing. Then there is one where some can eat a lot or sleep a lot and in extreme times drink a lot. To escape. Those are fairly easy to treat. Then the worst one, the one Daniel might go to, because of his past, is the one were they don't eat, sleep, talk, anything, they withdraw till the point when life is not worth living, then they do something, but from what I can see Daniel hasn't gone that far" Janet told them before Sam stopped her lower lip from trembling "but we don't know, he's not here, he may get to the point where he want to kill himself, god we're not with him to stop that from happening" Sam exclaimed before she jumped and rushed to the bathroom, jack went to go after her but Janet raised a hand "leave her, we have to figure out how to find Daniel" Janet stated as general cleared his throat "the last trace of Daniel was these two" general Hammond stated as he showed everyone two pieces of paper "at a car lot and at bank not far from here, he exchanged his old car and withdrew over three hundred dollars" general Hammond informed them before Teal'c stood "then can we not follow the licence plate of his car" Teal'c asked as general Hammond sighed "that's what we're trying to do, but so far we've come across nothing, he's not using credit cards" general Hammond stated as jack sat backwards "because he doesn't want to be traced, he doesn't want us to find him" jack stated as Janet looked down "maybe all Daniel really needs is time, but then again I know how he views life, everything is his fault or he feels like it is, maybe time alone will be what sends him over the edge" Janet stated before Teal'c raised an eyebrow "the edge of what doctor Frasier" Teal'c asked as jack crossed his legs and rubbed the bridge of his nose, very much like Daniel "it means when Daniel has thought and thought for so long that he can't accept life anymore" jack stated as Teal'c nodded before he sat down "this is a point we do not wish Daniel Jackson to reach" Teal'c stated as everyone nodded "defiantly" Janet stated as jack open his eyes "we have to try something, push harder" jack stated as general Hammond looked at him "there's nothing more we can do but wait, Daniel has been with the army long enough to learn how to hide" general Hammond pointed as jack nodded before he lent forward "it just feels like we could do more, I feel like I should be doing more, I have to do more, I can't let my best friend down" jack stated as general Hammond nodded "I know jack, but we will find him, if I have to move heaven and earth I will find him" general Hammond declared before Teal'c raised an eyebrow "is that not impossible to achieve" Teal'c asked as general Hammond smiled "it means that I will try with all my power and a little bit more to try and find Daniel" general Hammond stated as Sam came out of the bathroom and looked at everyone "how you feeling" Janet asked as Sam nodded sadly "we should all get some sleep, one stays up to keep watch in case Daniel phones, and swap every three hours, it's going to be a long road ahead" jack stated as everyone nodded "I shall take first watch" Teal'c stated as jack sighed "ok, Janet and Sam can take Daniel's room, sir you can take the spare room, I'll sleep in here" jack stated as general Hammond shook his head "I will go and fetch Cassandra for doctor Frasier then I'll go to the base and start phoning around, believe or not major Ferrite found out and wanted to be posted as did SG-2" general Hammond stated as jack smiled slightly "thank you general" Janet stated as general Hammond waved a hand "don't worry, go get some sleep" he ordered before he walked towards the door.
Chapter four
Daniel let himself into the motel room, his hand hurt like hell as did his eyes, he need to lay down, even if he didn't go to sleep, he needed to lay down to rest his body, it was screaming at him. he dropped a bag and walked over to the bed and sat down, he stared at his hands. Daniel glanced up from his hands when a car tore pass outside and looked at the wall clock and saw he had been sitting like that for two hours. he sighed and turned and crawled up the bed and buried himself under the covers, curling into a foetal position, fallen in to a dreamless sleep.
Sam sighed before she looked at Janet and Cassandra who were sound asleep, her watch wasn't for another four hours, and she couldn't sleep, she was sleeping on Daniel's side of his bed and every time Sam tried to snuggle under the covers or against the pillow she smelt Daniel and she welled up. She didn't know where he was, if he was ok. Even if he was alive and that scared Sam more then anything she had seen. She knows what Daniel is going through, with Jolinar, the whole feeling of loss, uncertainly. Just like everything had become a struggle. But Sam was dammed if she was going to let Daniel come to that, she cared too much about him to watch he leave them, like that. It hurt bad enough when he became addicted with the sarcophagus. It killed her to watch him wither from the bright, chirpy and happy Daniel to a loathing and cruel, even bitter Daniel. The one that said Sam never knew what love was. She swore to her self that she would never let Daniel get like that again. Daniel brings the mother out in all women and the father out in jack and general Hammond. But something else as well, Sam could never deny that Daniel had sex appeal but somehow in that brilliant mind of his didn't know. But Sam knew something the other women didn't know, he was unattainable. From the first moment she met him and saw him with Sha're she knew he was unattainable, even when Sha're died, Daniel was still unattainable. Sure their had been others, Sam watched them, but such a large part of Daniel could never be theirs. And that was the part which every woman wanted, that to Sam was what she found so unattainable, she was just happy that Daniel let her in at all. So that was why, right now laying in Daniel's bed that she was vowing to never let Daniel go down the sarcophagus way again or the way she went after Jolinar. Sam just wished that Daniel would let them, no not them, her, let her save him from the edge of despair he had to be staring straight into.
The emptiness was what greeted Daniel first, not only the emptiness of the room but of his life. He woke to find himself alone, with out someone by his side. That what got Daniel, the fact that no one waited for him to come home, no one making the bed warm. Daniel slowly uncurled himself from the ball he had created and laid on his back. He knew something wrong with him, something had to be wrong with him. he remembered watching Sam, after Jolinar died inside of her. she had seemed so drawn away from the real world, the people who cared about her that Daniel hurt, and he felt like he was losing her. but this wasn't like that, no, he didn't have to take time to think about someone who gave their life for him. Sam was mourning Jolinar, Daniel was just, well he was just thinking, one endless thought. The questions started just under two months ago, after he spoke at the anniversary of the SGC and SG-1, he had been thinking about his life with the SGC and how far he had come. Then he couldn't stop the thinking, about everything, anything. The feelings of hardness and despair set in, like a cloak of darkness over the land. He didn't understand, he forgot how to understand all he could do was question.
Daniel drew himself up and padded to the bathroom, and switched on the light, he tried to blink back the brightness but gave up and walked over to the shower and turned the taps and hot water pounded down, he removed his clothes and got in slowly.
He replaced the bandage around his hand and brushed his teeth, he got changed and gathered his dirty clothes and shoved them back into the bag before he switched the light from the bathroom off and grabbed the bag. He was surprised to see that the sun was shining brightly at him as he opened the door and shuffled out and closed the door. "Hope you enjoyed your stay" the young spotty attendant stated as Daniel handed him the key and some money "yeah, best sleep I had in ages" Daniel muttered before he turned and walked out over to his car and stuffed the bag into the back before he climbed in and drove away, the young attendant stared at the fleeting image of the car before the phone rang and he picked it up "hello, this is the heaven motel how may I help you" he stated proudly "hello, um has anyone by the name of Daniel Jackson or doctor Jackson stopped by your motel" a elderly voice asked before the boy looked at the sign in sheet and then back to the car that left "yes sir, indeed we did, Daniel Jackson, you must have some bad luck sir, he just left" the boy stated while there was a pause "thank you son" the voice stated before he hung up "your welcome" the boy stated before he hung up and looked at the sign in sheet.
Jack tapped the dashboard hard as general Hammond drove. Sam was too distracted to be annoyed. Teal'c understood that everyone was anxious about the possibility of find Daniel while Janet chewed her bottom lip, jack almost jumped out of his seat when heaven motel came into view "they have to know where he is" jack mumbled before the general pulled into the heaven motel and stopped before jack jumped out a little after Sam but before the general, Teal'c and Janet. He burst into the office and was greeted by a young boy, the one he assumed the general had spoken to "how may I help you sir" the boy asked before he eyed the whole group, still holding the smile "we need to know if Daniel Jackson stayed here" jack stated as the boy nodded before he pointed to the sign in sheet "last night sir, pulled in about one am, look pretty bad, asked for a single room, no food or anything went to his room and left about eight thirty this morning" the boy stated as jack sighed "do you know what way he went, what kind of car he had" jack asked as the boy nodded before he pointed to the road Daniel took "he went down there, for a little while, it's clear 100 miles before you hit any sort of life, only a few petrol stations, café. He was driving some sort of jeep, kinder like an FBI one, all black" the boy told them as jack smiled "thank you" he stated before everyone turned and walked out "your welcome" the boy shouted before the group piled into the van and general Hammond started it up again.
Chapter five
Daniel stared across the lake. He had stopped by a large lake because it looked welcoming and safe. He lobbed a rock across the water surface and it skipped. There were no lakes or rivers to show Sha're this. But he did do this with jack and Sam and even taught Teal'c how to do it. Daniel felt a slight pain in his chest when he thought about his friends. He missed them, missed having them to talk to. It had been a long time since he sat down and just had fun with them. Daniel lobbed another stone before he laid backwards, SG-1 were said to be so close that they could read each others minds, and Daniel so wished that to be true, if anyone could understand the things in his brain it would be his friends. But they weren't here, they were back there. He had gone, and left them with only a confused note, Daniel shook his head before getting to his feet and strolling back to his car, maybe tomorrow he would call them, just to hear their voices, he didn't have to tell them where he was, did he now? No he didn't.
Daniel drove for a good hour before he hit something that looked like the country side, one house stood out against the green back drop, a large painted sign 'room to rent' stood out and Daniel once again found himself being pulled towards it. He pulled the jeep into the drive and was greeted by the image of two old people stretched out on the porch, he got out the jeep and looked at the people "you come about the room" the old woman yelled, her voice sounded like it had a touch of honey to it, her pepper and salt hair left loosely down to her shoulders swayed at the gentle breeze "yeah" Daniel yelled back before the woman smiled at the man who Daniel could only guess to be her husband, who grinned right back at her "well you better get in here, supper will be ready in a minute" the woman stated as Daniel nodded then slammed the jeep door shut and walked up the gravel path to the house. It was two storey house and was painted white but was chipped. The porch was shielded by an overlay roof, the front door was the same colour as the sign, bright red. Daniel walked up the stairs to the porch and he glanced at the lazy dog curled up by his masters feet before he followed the woman into the house.
"This will your room, keep it clean and I'll be happy" the woman stated as Daniel nodded as he looked around the light coloured room, a brass bed was station across from the window which had a seat under "yes maim" Daniel stated before the woman lent against the doorframe and folded her arms across her bosom and tutted "what have you been eating, probably nothing, well I'm going to see to that, but no one who stays put under this roof misses any of the meals I make, only if your sick, and the only illness you look like you have is tiredness and not eating" she stated as Daniel looked at her and managed a smiled "yes maim" Daniel repeated before the woman shook her head "oh no, none of that maim, it's Nell and 'im down stairs, why you can call him Jim, everyone else does" Nell stated as Daniel nodded "and you, what am I meant to call you, blue eyes" Nell asked as Daniel blinked at her before he sighed "Daniel, Daniel Jackson" he stated as Nell gave a sharp nod "don't mind the flea bag of a mutt downstairs that would be buster, he's older then the waters, but we like to keep him around" Nell stated as Daniel managed another smile and Nell smiled right back at him "now, I can see you haven't been doing that for a little while" Nell stated as Daniel nodded before Nell walked over to him and stood arms length from him "so, lets be having you, big fellow aren't you, pity about the hair, but your in good shape, no drugs I have to worry about" Nell asked as Daniel shook his head firmly "no Nell, I just, I just needed time away" Daniel stated as Nell nodded "ah, don't you worry, old Nell here will take care of you Daniel, no I don't like Daniel, to formal, how 'bout I call you Danny, my eldest is called Danny, don't like it much, but like my mother always said, your elders know best" Nell stated as Daniel laughed "good, at least I know you have some sort of humour" Nell stated as Daniel smiled "thank you Nell, how much do I owe you" Daniel asked as Nell waved a hand "I just take care of the guest, it's man business to take care of money, all I'm going to worry about is fatten you up, you look like some dead awful mutt who ain't got no where to go, well for you Danny you have, and like I said as long as you stay under this roof your going to eat every meal cooked, I ain't having no poor lads going hungry in this house" Nell stated before she grabbed Daniel and pushed out the room.
Cassandra jumped up as did Lou Ferrite when the front door to Daniel's apartment open and the search team walked through led by jack but minus general Hammond "anything" Cassandra asked as her mother shook her head and both Cassandra and Lou collapsed on the sofa "but we did get some sort of led on him" jack stated as Teal'c closed the door "but nothing solid" Cassandra stated as jack nodded sadly before he collapsed into a chair as did Janet while Teal'c and Sam stayed standing "well we need to do something, he already has a two day start on us" Cassandra stated as Sam sighed "we know and we're trying everything we can, but Daniel is trying hard not to be found" Sam stated before Cassandra looked down and sighed before Sam wondered into the kitchen, Janet watched her before she followed leaving jack and Lou talking.
"Sam you ok" Janet asked as Sam looked up at her, she was sitting at the kitchen table in the dark kitchen "yeah" Sam mumbled before Janet sat down next to her and held her hands "Sam we're going to find him" Janet stated as Sam nodded and sighed "I just feel like I should be doing something more" Sam stated as Janet smiled sadly at her "we all feel like we should be something more" Janet stated before Sam shook her head, sending her blonde locks shaking "it's because I love him that I feel like I should be doing more" Sam stated as Janet squeezed her hands "we all love him Sam" Janet stated as Sam shook her head again and looked at her friend biting her lower lip, Sam sometimes wished Janet could read minds, it would stop Sam having to say what she had to say next "because I'm in love with him that I feel like I should be something more" Sam stated as Janet nodded letting it all sink in "your in love with Daniel, not just love him but IN love with him" Janet stated as Sam nodded biting her lower lip again "when" she asked as Sam shrugged "I don't know, I really don't, I guess I always had feelings for him, but I never knew how strong, till well I don't know" Sam stated as Janet nodded again before she smiled brightly at her friend "I'm glad Daniel's going to come home to you Sam" Janet stated as Sam stared wide eyed at her "but he doesn't know" Sam stated as Janet grinned "he will, I will not let you back out of telling Daniel that you love him, you got that major" Janet stated as she waged her finger at her "yes doctor" Sam joked before she smiled and sighed "now come on get some sleep" Janet ordered as Sam nodded and stood followed by Janet.
Chapter six
Jim smiled as Daniel sat down at the dinner table "I washed up first" Daniel stated as Jim waved a hand. He very much reminded Daniel of general Hammond except for the fact that Jim was less rounder then the general but had lesser hair then the general "ah good on ya, she hates it, but its only been me and her" Jim stated as Daniel smiled before Nell walked over to them and placed to plates down "this is too much Nell" Daniel started before the woman shook her head fervently "remember what I said now Danny, everything has to been eaten" Nell stated as she grabbed a third plate and sat down "yes maim" Daniel stated with a smile, which this time didn't vanish after ward.
"So Danny, got some little lady tucked away back home, bet your fighting 'em off with a stick" Jim stated with little jesting motion as Daniel smiled "no, I haven't" Daniel stated as he caught Nell gauging him "you have, and I bet she's a looker, and I won't be having none of this 'no haven't', I can tell when you've got one or not, used it on our Danny all the time, didn't I Jim" Nell stated before Jim nodded and ate his food "I haven't got one really, but a best friend of mine is a woman" Daniel stated with a friendly smile "you got that goofy look, what's her name and tell us all about her" Nell stated before Daniel laughed, these people were what he needed, a breath of fresh air. "Her names Sam, she's in the army actually, a major, we've been good friends for just six years" Daniel stated as Nell smiled at Jim "what she look like" Jim asked as Daniel shovelled food into his mouth and chewed "well she's a little shorter then me, got short blonde hair, big blue eyes, wonderful mind but she's some one else's" Daniel stated as Nell rolled her eyes "does she belong to some one, does he own her" Nell asked as Daniel shook his head "well then she isn't some else's is she" Nell pointed out as Daniel smiled slightly "she thinks I'm like a brother" Daniel stated as Nell lent forward "she said this to ya, do you know what she's thinking" Nell asked as Jim grinned, obviously this wasn't the first time she had done this "no, but it's clear-" "to who, you, she's the one you have to ask, only her will make it clear" Nell stated before Daniel frowned then shook his head "all I said was that one of best friends was a woman, I never said I was in love with her" Daniel stated before Nell and Jim chuckled before Daniel a genuine smile "but isn't it when your not looking that love rears it's head" Daniel muttered as Nell nodded, beaming at her victory "you I've never felt this good, thank you both" he stated as Nell smiled at him "just eat Daniel, you can have some cake and custard" Nell stated as she looked down at her food as Daniel smiled gently at her before he carried on eating.
Daniel jumped slightly when the front door open and Jim stepped out onto the porch "sorry, just need a smoke" Jim stated before he eased himself next to Daniel who was sitting on the steps "don't mind if I sit with ya boy, do ya" Jim asked as Daniel shook his head before he looked at the fireflies "pretty little devils aren't they" Jim stated as he lit a cigar up "yeah they are, strange" Daniel stated before Jim looked at him "what's so strange" Jim asked as Daniel sighed and hugged his knees "that a world can produce something so beautiful into a world that is so-" "wrong" Jim finished before Daniel looked at him and nodded "well boy, I don't know, alls I know is I don't hurt no one and no one hurts me" Jim stated as Daniel sighed "sometimes it isn't that straight forward" Daniel stated as Jim looked at him "it's always straight forward Danny, it what you make of it" Jim stated as Daniel sighed "sometimes I wonder what it's all for" Daniel muttered as he looked down "what saving the world" Jim stated before Daniel snapped his head around "ah don't worry, it's just that you said that girl of yours was in the army, anything to do with the army must be saving the world or something, you know what I think" Jim said before Daniel looked at him "what" Daniel asked as Jim sighed and smiled "the world isn't worth saving if you don't like it, see I've only seen half of it and I like what I've seen, but you, you must of travelled a lot and seen a big amount of the world to know that maybe it ain't worth saving" Jim stated as Daniel frowned at him "oh don't get me wrong boy, I've seen bad stuff as well, I saw my boy die, but the years I had with him were plenty enough to know that there is something good about this world, but it's what I think, you may see the world in a whole different light" Jim stated as Daniel looked away and thought "what if the world I see isn't any good" Daniel asked as Jim laughed "then we're screwed" Jim stated as he laughed as did Daniel "tell me something boy, when you wake up, when you go about what you have to, do you think about the world" Jim asked as Daniel shook his head "I think how I love my work" Daniel stated as Jim nodded then took a pull on his cigar "and when you put your butt on the line, do you think about the world" Jim asked as Daniel thought then nodded his head "there you go, you seen good in this world also" Jim stated as Daniel frowned at him "but it's what I have to do" Daniel stated as Jim smiled and shook his head "no body has to do anything, if everyone in this world did what they had to do, instead of what they wanted to do, we would be screwed a long time ago" Jim stated as Daniel looked away and nodded, smiling slightly to him self "Nell's lucky to have you" Daniel stated as Jim grinned "it's the other way round" Jim stated as Daniel smiled at him "Danny, your only as good as those who you call your loved ones and friends" Jim stated as Daniel thought "then I'm the best" Daniel joked before Jim laughed and ruffled Daniel's hair.
Chapter seven
Three weeks later
Cassandra slowly walked into Daniel's living room and saw the three members of SG-1 slumped in chairs and general Hammond sleeping soundly in a chair with his hands folded across his chest. Like she had been doing every morning, she went over to the phone and the answer machine and saw no messages left. It didn't matter if she checked or not, Sam, jack or Teal'c would be up in a snap before the phone finished it's first ring, her mother was a sleep in Daniel's room, she could no longer bring herself to tell everyone to get some sleep, Cassandra padded to the kitchen yawning as she did.
She made a beeline for the sink but was stopped when her mobile beeped, she rushed over to her coat and rummaged through her pockets, she pulled the small thing out and hit the call button "hello" she gasped before there was a deep breath "Cassy" a deep voice asked before Cassandra slumped into a chair, tears spilling down her cheeks "Cassy" the voice called again, but with concern "Daniel" Cassandra managed to whisper before there was another deep breath "hello Cassandra, I'm sorry, about calling you at eight in the morning, but I thought it was Saturday and all" Daniel's voice stated over the phone before Cassandra snapped "where the hell are you, Daniel we're all worried about you, we thought you were dead" Cassandra snapped in a whisper "I know, I'm sorry, but there were things, things that I had to work out alone, and I didn't tell you all because I felt it best to do it by myself" Daniel stated before Cassandra sighed and slumped a little "just tell me where you are and I'll get everyone to come and get you" Cassandra stated before there was a pause on the other end "I'm sorry Cassandra, but I can't come home yet, just tell everyone I'm fine and I miss them all, I love you, bye" and with that Daniel hanged up leaving Cassandra crying and staring at her phone, she snapped out of it and jumped up. Scraping the chair across the floor straight into the living room "Daniel just called" Cassandra shouted before everyone jerked awake.
It was stupid. They would find him. but wasn't that what he wanted, he wanted them to find him, not for him to tell them or to ask them to come, he needed them to come and find him, to save him from loneliness, maybe he had come to depend on them a little too much, but he had to try. Daniel walked out of the house back on to the porch where Nell and Jim sat, lazing in the morning sun "make your call" Nell asked as Daniel nodded and sat on the step "tell 'em what they needed to know" Nell asked as Daniel nodded as he closed his eyes "yeah I did" he stated as Nell smiled before she ruffled his hair, which over a matter of three weeks had grown slightly. At the request of Nell.
"you sure it came to this house major" general Hammond asked as Sam nodded while jack drove the large van carrying himself, Sam, general Hammond, Janet, Cassandra and Teal'c "traced it to this address, he has to be here" Sam stated before she chewed her lip. He just has to be, Sam thought before she spotted a house in the distance.
Nell walked into Daniel's room and sighed "your going have to leave aren't you" Nell asked as Daniel let his shoulders slump as he packed his bags "I'm sorry" Daniel told her over his shoulder before Nell waved a hand "didn't expect you to stay forever, when you got a pretty lucky major back home" Nell stated before Daniel turned and looked at her, unshed tears glazing his eyes over "don't you dare go crying on me Daniel Jackson" Nell ordered as Daniel nodded smiling "that's the first time you called me by my fall name" Daniel pointed out before Nell smiled "and the last, now come on get packed up, there's a car pulling up, friends aren't going to wait all day" Nell stated as she quickly and swiftly wiped away the tears "I don't know I think they might" Daniel stated before Nell threw her arms around him and hugged him "I'm going to miss you Danny, you will come back won't ya" Nell stated as Daniel nodded before he hugged her tightly "yeah maim" Daniel stated before Nell pulled back and squatted his arm "I won't be having any of that Danny, now come on, get packed up, I want to see this Sam of yours" Nell ordered as Daniel smiled bright then carried on packing.
Chapter eight
Sam jumped out the van first and stared at the grey haired man laying out in a chair smoking a pipe "hello, I guess you haven't come about the room have ya" he asked as the rest of the team piled out all flanking general Hammond, the old man stood and stared at them "you're a biggen" he stated pointing to Teal'c who raised an eyebrow "and you're a littlen" he said with a grin as he looked at Cassandra "wait right there, I'll get Nell" he stated before he walked into the house, Sam didn't want Nell, she wanted Daniel, she needed to him, to at least know his well. The old man walked back out just as Sam saw a black jeep in the driveway "yep, that'll be his, a beut, said I could have it, I says no, don't have much use for it" the old man stated before a woman walked out and looked at them all "ah, you'll be wanting Danny, he'll be coming in a minute, has to pack" Nell stated, or who Sam could only guess was Nell. Jack was happy but not showing it. They had found Daniel and he was coming home with them, thank god, Danny boy was coming home with them. "how has he been" Janet yelled before the old woman smiled as she walked down the steps "don't have to yell, can hear just fine, maybe you can't but I can" Nell stated as the man laughed "he's been so, so, guess I could say I can imagine him being better" Nell stated as jack tapped his fingers against his leg, it was very nice talking with these people but it wasn't getting Daniel out any faster, just then the front door open and shabby looking dog bolted from the house and straight up the drive pass Nell but it stopped and turned around sharpest when no followed in tow, jack was now on the edge of his seat, it had to be him, it had to be his space monkey. And surly it was Daniel, carrying three bags. Looking more human then he did in years, his golden brown hair was slightly longer, not as long as before but not as short as before either, Daniel wore no glasses but did squint before he stopped on the porch. Jack could barely hold himself back, the thought that Daniel might change his mind and turn right around and back into the house made jack want to grab his friend and drag him to the car, but Daniel just dropped his bags and lent over to the old man and hugged him. Daniel embraced the man for a minute before he straighten and wiped a tear away before he grabbed his bags and walked away and stopped at Nell who he hugged. She hugged him back before they pulled apart and she ruffled his hair as the dog happily nipped at their feet pushing Daniel with his nose, Daniel dropped his bags and scooped down and grabbed the dogs head in his hands and rubbed it mischievously before he stood, clasping hold of the bags as he stood and grinned at Nell before he looked at his friends, he frowned slightly before he walked over to his jeep and open the door and chucked his bags in before he looked at his friends. Cassandra couldn't take it anymore, she didn't have what jack and the rest of them had, all she knew was that she was looking at the man who had always been a brother to her. she pushed pass jack and general Hammond and rushed right up to Daniel, who caught her and hugged her tightly, he closed his eyes and held on to her even more "I've missed you" Daniel whispered before Cassandra grinned. Daniel pulled back and stared at Cassandra before he looked at his friends and smiled before they all walked over to him "hey space monkey" jack greeted as Daniel smiled at him, no one invaded his space, and Daniel was happy, he didn't mind Cassandra, but he still needed space and time. "Daniel" Janet greeted, holding the tears back before Daniel smiled at her "you are well Daniel Jackson" Teal'c asked as Daniel nodded "yeah, thank you Teal'c" Daniel stated before he sighed "I'm going to take my car home" Daniel stated before Sam piped up "and I'm coming with you" Sam declared before Daniel looked at her "you don't have to Sam, I'll be fine" Daniel stated as Sam shook her head before Nell stepped up "your Sam" Nell asked before Daniel looked away as Sam nodded and smiled at the old woman "yes" Sam stated before Daniel sighed "everyone this is Nell, Nell this is Sam, Janet, Cassandra, general Hammond, jack and Teal'c" Daniel stated before Nell smiled before Daniel pointed to Jim "and that's Jim" Daniel stated as everyone smiled at Nell and Jim "I think it's time for you to go Daniel" Nell stated as Daniel nodded "you better come back" Nell ordered as Daniel nodded before he smiled at her "I'll miss you" he stated as Nell grinned at him "now get, phone me when your home" Nell ordered as Daniel nodded and walked around his car and climbed in, Sam jumped in fast and fasten her seatbelt "Sam" Daniel started before Sam fixed him with a gaze "Daniel you have been gone for three weeks, I'm not letting you out of my sight, you got that" Sam ordered as Daniel smiled slightly before he looked out the window and waved to Jim.
Sam glance at Daniel while he drove, jack driving behind them, following his space monkey "I missed you Daniel so much" Sam stated as Daniel smiled slightly before he looked at her then back at the road "you too" Daniel stated before Sam sighed "did you get everything thought through" Sam asked as Daniel looked down sadly "no, not yet, but I got a good deal done, Sam you have to understand something" Daniel spoke so quietly that it was making Sam strain to hear him "I didn't run away because I was scared or even mad, it was because I couldn't push" Daniel stated before Sam frowned but listen, Daniel flickered a glace at her and sighed knowing she didn't understand "the day I left, I pushed a glass till it broke and I felt like that was my life, something would push and push and I would be right there pushing back but at one point I couldn't push anymore and my life shattered. Now it may have been when I lost Sha're or maybe something else, but all I know is that my life isn't the same anymore, I'm not the same. A lot has changed in me, about me, not just my hair and appearance, but my mind, the way I view life. I'm not so ready to adapt to everything, I can't push back as much as I could" Daniel stated as Sam sighed and reached out and stroked his hair "Daniel, I'm right here, ready to get to know the new you. I don't care if it takes me another six years to figure you out, I'll do it, because Daniel Jackson you are worth it" Sam stated as Daniel smiled slightly but still visible flinched from her touch, Sam withdrew her hand and looked down sadly "sorry, but it's been me for such a long time, that it's still all new to me, being with people who cared about, I mean Nell and Jim did the best but all they could do was help me understand what was going, they lost their son to depression, so they knew the signs and what happens" Daniel stated as Sam looked at him "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you" Sam stated before Daniel shook his head "no, it's just sometimes you can't help me, no one can but me, Sam I love you all of you but even sometimes a family and team have to stop at some limits" Daniel stated as Sam shifted "Daniel we care so much about you, but I know that no matter how much people care you have to relay on your self for a little while" Sam stated as Daniel nodded "what about the SGC" Sam asked as Daniel stared ahead "it's still there, and it will still be there for a couple days" Daniel stated as Sam sighed "you are coming back" Sam asked as Daniel sighed and lent back in his seat "in time, but not yet, I can't be the old Daniel anymore, I don't mean major changes but I mean like bottling up my feelings, carrying on like I can take it, because I can't, oh don't worry I'm not going to break down every time I fall down. I'm just going to give my self enough time to mourn when I need to" Daniel stated as Sam nodded "that's all you can do Daniel and no one and I mean no one is going to make you do any thing you don't want to do, I'll break their nose if they do" Sam stated with a proud smile before Daniel laughed but didn't keep a smile "Sam, for some time I need to be by myself, you and the rest have to back off, I still you want you lot as friends it's just I need to sort through my feelings and thoughts before I can start acting normal" Daniel stated as Sam nodded "and that's what your getting, distant support from us" Sam stated as Daniel smiled at her "thank you Sam" Daniel stated as Sam nodded "just promise me that I can still know what your thinking from time to time" Sam stated as Daniel nodded "absolutely" Daniel stated.
Epilogue
A new start, a new home. But he still felt like he needed to be gone. It had been six months since Daniel left and returned. The moments of despair set in but all he had to do was call Nell and she would help. But lately Daniel relayed less and less on her and more and more on his friends and his family. Daniel let himself into his new home, two storey. He painted it white, like Nell's house. Daniel was upset when Nell told him that buster died, but he was happy that Nell got a new pup, buster two. Daniel stepped up the bump leading into his home and was half way in when he got a feeling to turn and run away. But he shook it away. He was happy that he had found a retreat from life and the cruel stargate, but he didn't want to relay on it all the time. He had taken it one day at a time, nothing more could be asked of him. he could do no more then that. And slowly the days got better, he could push back slightly, but never too much, or he would fall back into his illness. Janet said so. Daniel was a recovering depressant. He had illness that could pop up anytime he was really low. So jack, Teal'c, Sam, Cassandra and general Hammond made a pack never to let Daniel get to that point. Even Nell and Jim were brought in on this pack. Which they agreed to in a heart beat. Daniel closed the door and dropped his keys on to the wooden table and Daniel looked at the mail that was laying unopened on it. He shrugged his coat off and hung it up before he walked towards the living room. they had agreed it would be best for him if he moved, his old apartment was said to have demons, that hunted Daniel so much that it rotted away at his mind. A fresh new start, they had called it before they handed him the papers to a new home. He looked at the papers over the table, the cold coffee and then he saw the owner of the remnants on the table. She was sleeping peacefully on their sofa, curled up. A few strands of her blonde hair fleeting across her creased brow. Even in sleep she still thought. Daniel smiled at the sight that had greeted him for the pass six months. She sometimes looked like a cat so warm and comfortable that you envied them. Daniel bent down in front of her and smiled deeply at her face. He brushed the hair away with his fingertips, but even that small gustier got through to her unconscious and she was awake before he moved his hand away, her blue eyes met his blue eyes "hey" she greeted with a contempt smile spreading across her face "hey" he greeted back before she reached out hungrily and grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. After he pulled back she rested a hand against his neck while he still smiled at her "how was your trip to Janet" Sam asked as Daniel nodded, this had also become a greeting to him. for six months general Hammond had declared sg-1 on stand down. Daniel was still a little unwell to work. Daniel didn't like having to talk about stuff he wanted to sort out but he had to. He did feel a little better but he still had so many un answered questions which he had to work out and no one else "she's happy, I'm happy" Daniel stated before Sam grinned at him "then I'm happy" Sam declared as Daniel laughed and smiled even more brightly at her, it had been such a happy change to hear him laugh, Sam and jack made him laugh at all most everything, even made fun of Teal'c to do so. Teal'c didn't mind, but he did get his own back on jack. A fishing trip where jack got hooked more then the fish did. Sam reached up and stroked his face and smiled dreamily at him. he had been able to be touched and not flinch. Sam helped him with that and he hasn't stop thanking her for that.
But there was more then simply flinching, and to Daniel's disappointment Sam couldn't help with that. "I have one word for you" Sam stated as Daniel looked at her before he stroked her hair "what" he asked running many words through his mind "blue" Sam stated with a small smile "blue" Daniel repeated before Sam nodded chewing her lip "not red, yellow, green or even heaven forbid purple" Daniel mocked before Sam hit him playfully before she held his free hand as his other ran through her hair "yes blue" she stated as Daniel frowned "ok, you lost me somewhere, oh three minutes ago" Daniel stated before Sam smiled at him "think about it, blue means one thing that we should worry about" Sam stated before Daniel frowned and thought before he looked at her sheepishly "Daniel when did we give up caring about protection" Sam asked before Daniel's eyebrows shot up "a baby" Daniel asked as his hand stopped and his eyes glazed over. Sam stiffened as she watched all emotions vanished from his face "Daniel" Sam called before Daniel snapped out of it as Sam heart froze "a baby" Daniel repeated before Sam nodded swallowing the cold hard lump in her throat. Daniel's face broke and a smile spread across before he kissed her greedily. After he pulled back Sam smiled at him "it's ok" she asked as Daniel nodded "very ok" Daniel stated as Sam brushed her hand against his cheek "Daniel I know, your sick, but I only want this if you want it" Sam stated as Daniel sighed and sat down "I know I' am sick, but Sam no matter how ill I get, as long as I have you and the baby, I'll still carry on with one day at a time" Daniel stated as Sam smiled before she hugged him "I love you" Sam stated as Daniel nodded "I love you too" Daniel stated before he kissed her.
There was still a part of him that hurt. still a empty pit in him. he could never promise he would never run away, but he didn't have anything bad to run from. He hoped.
The end
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Helen
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Consequences Of Our Actions, The
by HelenSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis