Shade: Part Nine
Shade: Part Nine
by Gene Este
TITLE: Shade: Part Nine
AUTHOR: Gene Este
EMAIL: gene_este@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: 5; Work In Progress - part 9 of ?
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst
SUMMARY: Now that Sam's back, everything will be fine...or will it?
STATUS: Unfinished
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank yous to Danver, my unstoppable, excellent, hilarious beta reader and friend, and to The Guild, the most talented group of writers I've ever had the privilege of working with.
Constructive criticism is welcome and wanted. Hope you enjoy...
//Two days later//
Jack entered Sam's hospital room, having finally gone home some hours earlier for sleep and a shower, and inadvertently into a telephone conversation Sally was having. Jack moved to go back out, but Sally motioned an 'it's okay', so he sat down instead.
"I know, Baby. You will as soon as Aunt Sam gets better, I promise. Grandpa isn't here right now, but I'll tell him. I love you too, sweetie. Why don't you put Aunt Mel back on the phone and go take a nap? Bye-bye, Honey."
Sally rubbed her forehead tiredly.
"Mel? Yeah. No, she hasn't come out of it yet. I know I sound like hell, thanks for pointing it out," she paused, listening, "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just stressed out. I don't know, not until she gets better, so you're going to have to hold down the fort till then. I know they do, but I don't want the kids to see her like this. I don't think she'd want them too either. At a hotel. It's not that expensive, really."
Sally winced and glanced fleetingly at Jack.
"I don't really think that's an option right now. I know, but we have a little savings, so it's not that bad. I will, I promise. I will. I love you too. Bye."
She hung up the phone, and collapsed into a chair on the other side of Sam's bed. At Jack questioning glance, she gave him a tired smile.
"Mel was wondering whether we could transfer Sam to a military hospital near San Diego so Mark and I wouldn't have to spend so much money or time away from home. I figured you guys wouldn't be too happy with that."
Jack smiled. "I think you're right," He raised an eyebrow, "How much do you guys think you're going to have to spend?"
"Well, thankfully Mark can work from pretty much anywhere, so he's still getting paid. That, along with our savings should cover the costs."
"That's still not a number there, Sal."
She shrugged. "We'll be fine. We're thinking about renting an apartment near here for about a month. I'm hoping we won't have to be here that long, but if we do it'd be a lot less expensive than staying in a hotel."
Jack shook his head. "Don't bother. Carter's apartment is paid up for. Janet took care of it when we...when Carter turned up. Anyway, you guys could stay there."
She looked unsure. "I don't know..."
"Carter's not using it."
Sally grimaced. "No, I guess she isn't."
"Then it's settled. You guys will keep the place warm for her until she gets up and about."
She nodded.
"I guess it's kind of comforting being here." Sally said, sitting in Sam's newly returned sofa in the living room, watching Mark gaze out the window.
He nodded. "Maybe a little. It feels kind of weird, though."
"I'd be surprised if it didn't. But I think Sam's would be happy if she knew you were keeping the place up for her." Daniel said, coming from the kitchen.
Sally smiled. "So do I."
Jack stood up. "Okay Daniel, let's go and let them get situated. We don't want to leave Murray alone with the hospital food for too long anyway."
Sally gave them a grateful look. "Thanks again."
Jack waved as he went out the door. "Anytime. Bye."
Mark twisted his body around momentarily to give them a nod. "Bye."
They left Mark and Sally to the apartment, and headed back to the hospital.
"Jack? Jack, wake up." Daniel shook his shoulder, nearly knocking him out of the chair he had fallen asleep in.
Jack groaned. He had a crick in his neck that was giving him hell for dozing of with his head hanging down.
"What time is it?"
"Six. How long have you been here?"
"A couple of days."
"Any change?"
Jack shook his head. "Nothing."
Daniel raised his eyebrows, noticing for the first time the absence of one very persistent Jaffa.
"Where's Teal'c?"
"He's doing his kel'no'reem. He should be back in a few hours." Jack sighed. "He's worse than I am."
"I noticed. He's very protective of Sam."
"Yeah." Jack stood from his chair and rubbed a hand over his face.
"You look like hell, Jack. Go home."
"You're not exactly a picture of beauty yourself, Danny."
Daniel glared and motioned pointedly at the door.
"I'm going, I'm going."
"Good. Stay away for at least a couple hours. You need to sleep. In a bed, not a badly furnished chair. Goodnight."
"Sure."
Daniel claimed the chair Jack had slept in, and pulled it closer to the bed so he could take Sam's hand comfortably.
"Hey Sam. How's it going?"
Nothing but the beeping and whooshing of machines answered him. He held up his occupied hand sheepishly.
"I brought a book. Thought you might like to hear it. I'm sure you've read it before, but there's nothing like reading a good classic again. The House of the Seven Gables."
He sat the book on the bed, propping it up on Sam's still form, still holding her hand. He took a deep breath, and began reading.
"When a writer calls his work a Romance, it need hardly be observed that he wishes to claim a certain latitude..."
Janet found Daniel asleep, hunched over, his head resting on the bed. The book he had been reading still laid open to the side. She shook her head.
"Talk about learned behavior," she muttered, and nudged Daniel.
"I'm awake, I'm awake." He jolted up, and realized where he was.
"Daniel, do I have to give you the lecture I give Colonel O'Neill?"
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "No."
"Then go-"
"Go home. I know. I can't leave until Jack or Teal'c come back."
"I'll stay with her."
"No."
Janet blinked. "What's going on, Daniel?"
He shook his head. "We weren't with her when she was taken. We weren't with her in the prison. And we can't be with her now, not really. It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"Who said anything was going to end, Daniel?" She asked softly, her hand on his arm.
"If something happens, it's supposed to happen to all of us. Not one of us. Not like this."
"She's not dead, Daniel. She's still hanging on. She's a fighter, remember?"
He nodded, and gave a small, solemn smile. "I know."
"Then keep doing what you've been doing. Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to."
"What if what's supposed to happen isn't what we want to happen?"
Janet sighed, and shrugged a little. "That's God's department, not mine."
"That's not very comforting."
"Waiting rarely is."
"Hell." Janet said viciously, and rubbed her forehead. She wasn't looking forward to this. She had been putting it off since she had spoken to Daniel, but she couldn't postpone it any longer. Sam was her friend, and it was what she wanted. But she'd be damned if she had to like it.
She took a deep breath to calm herself, and went to talk to Sam's family.
"What?You can't possibly think she'd want that!" Sally hissed.
"It's in her living will. If she hadn't wanted it, she wouldn't have made it." Janet replied tiredly.
Sally's eyes darted between her husband, who wouldn't meet her gaze, and Janet.
"It's only been three weeks!" She turned her glare to Jacob.
Jacob swallowed, the struggle to maintain his composure evident on his face. His voice was hoarse from the effort.
"As much as I don't..." He cleared his throat and bowed his head. "I won't go against her wishes."
"Please, Jacob! After all this, you're going to give up after only three weeks? Sam wouldn't want this and we both know it." Jack said vehemently.
He looked at Mark, who had his head in his hands.
"You turn off those machines, Mark, and it's done. Final. No going back. You wanted a second chance? Here it is."
Mark looked uncertainly between Jack and Jacob.
Jacob looked at Mark, and then back to Jack. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."
Jack stared at him for a moment, and walked out of Janet's office, slamming the door as he left. Daniel followed.
"Give me a week. A week, and if there's still no change, you can do it." Sally pleaded quietly.
Janet sighed sadly. "Sally, I can't"-
"Please."
Janet closed her eyes. "Alright. Seven days. After that..."
Sally nodded quickly. "I know. Thank you."
"I don't believe this is the right action to take O'Neill!" Teal'c said fervently.
"Neither do we, Teal'c, but there's not much we can do. This is the family's choice, not ours." Daniel replied miserably.
"And what are we Daniel? Passing acquaintances?" Jack spat back from his seat on the park bench.
"Of course not. I'm just saying there's not a lot we can do here."
"Right. Well I guess that makes it okay then."
Daniel gave him a look. Teal'c turned around and began walking back to the entrance to the hospital.
Jack frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Major Carter's room. I wish to spend what remaining time we have with her."
Teal'c's comment must have hit home, because Daniel saw Jack wince.
"He right, Jack." He said quietly.
Jack looked down at his hands and then stood up, "I know."
"We still have a week?" Jack whispered, heedful of the family in the hallway, "That's not enough time, Sal."
"It'll have to be. Janet won't give us any more."
Daniel glanced at Jacob and Mark down the hall talking to Janet. "I still don't understand why they gave up so quickly."
Sally shook her head. "They aren't exactly giving up, Daniel. Sam did make a living will. They're right in wanting to respect her wishes. I'm just not sure if that's what's best."
"I know it's not what's best." Jack said quickly.
Sally nodded, and yawned. Jack nodded towards Mark.
"You guys should go get some rest. We'll stay here with her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
Sally thanked them and left to get Mark.
"We are awaiting your presence Major Carter," Teal'c said, alone in the room. It was Monday, the third day, and Sam had still given them no sign of waking up.
He sighed. "When I was a boy, my father would take me into the woods for days at a time. He would tell me it was my time to recoup myself from my responsibilities to my family, or whatever may have bothered me during his time away. And to organize myself before he left again. I took that time gladly."
He leaned forward and placed his hand on her arm. "I believe this is your time. This is your time to prepare yourself for what is to come." He withdrew his hand.
"But please do not take too long. The others, they do not understand the importance of this."
He sat back and leaned his head against the wall to observe her. At the sight of her, his guilt reared up again. He clamped a tight lid on the cauldron. He would deal with the Jaffa that did this in time. But that time was not now. He sighed into the dark room. Fatigue was seeping into his bones, but he ignored it. There would be no harm in waiting to observe kel'no'reem to be with his friend.
"I hate Tuesdays."
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "I don't know why I hate Tuesdays, but I do."
He sighed and looked at Sam. "You used to bring me my favorite cookies on Tuesdays. Seems dumb now. They're only cookies. But I never asked you where you got them, and now I can't find any."
He looked at his hands. "I suppose I never asked you where you got them so you'd always have to come back and bring them for me. And I think you probably knew that."
He looked back up at her. The bruises were still there, but just barely.
"...wake up Sam. I miss you," he said matter-of-factly, "We all do."
"I hate Wednesdays."
Jack sat with his feet propped up on Sam's bed, studiously avoiding looking at her directly.
"You've already been though three days of the damn week, and Wednesday's the teaser, 'cause you know you'd only have two more days to go if you could just get throughthisone."
He shifted, unable to get comfortable. "But you know what I think? I think you're just avoiding poker night, 'cause you know I'll win," Jack spoke quietly, "And I'd be angry at you for ruining my night if you didn't have such a damn good excuse."
He found a place on the wall and didn't move his eyes. It was just sofascinating.
"But hey, I can't get on you. We both know how good I am at making excuses. I make excuses for not trying to find you. Then I make excuses for finding you, but not looking at you. I've been in here all this time, and I still can't look at you. You could probably tell me why if you were awake."
He paused and shook his head. "And that's it - I make excuses for you not waking up. But I'm tired Carter. Tired of excusing myself. I'm tired of excusing you. It's about time we all got on with our lives. Especially you. You have a life waiting for you, Carter. You have a second chance."
He looked at her. And couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Not everyone gets a second chance."
"Hello, Major Carter." Hammond smiled, "Sam."
He sat down in the chair ever-present against the wall, pulling up his dress uniform trousers slightly as he sat down.
"We've missed you back at the SGC. The scientists have some big shoes to fill. Especially Major Perez," he sighed with guilt, "He's your replacement."
His face took on a look of indulging annoyance. "Jack's been hard on him," he chuckled, "Jack's been hard on everyone."
He shook his head. "He and Jacob have especially been butting heads. Neither of them know how to deal with losing another part of their family."
"We've all been taking this hard, Sam. It isn't the same without you," he fixed his sad blue eyes on her face. "So I'm going to order you to do something that I really have no right to. I order you get through this. The SGC, and more especially the people, need you back. We'll be waiting for you, Major."
"Jacob, you're tired," Sally's brows met in worry, "Why don't you go ahead and go home? You need to sleep."
Jacob smiled bitterly. He actuallydidn'tneed sleep. He wouldn't for quite a while. His mind touched only briefly on how ironic it was that helookedtired.
"I'm okay, Sally. You've hardly slept yourself. Go home to Mark."
She was still frowning, but shook her head and headed to the door. Just before she left she turned, and smiled sadly.
"This isn't an easy decision. I know that. And I want you to know that whatever went on between you two, and whatever happens, that she always loved you. And I know she always will."
Then she was gone. Before he knew it, his head was in his hands, and he was half-crying, half-laughing.
"Oh god," he stopped laughing, and sank his head into the crooks of his elbows, crying hard and silent.
Moments passed, and he calmed, taking several long, deep breaths as Selmak soothed him.
Jacob, Samantha knew the risks and took them gladly. She even accounted for these risks by preparing for an irreparable injury. You do not need to seek forgiveness from her for carrying out her wishes.
Jacob shook his head, "No. I know that. But how am I supposed to forgive myself?"
By loving her, Jacob. That is all the forgiveness you need.
They all gathered outside her room waiting for Janet to get ready, their week having come and gone, leaving nothing but regret.
Jack was done the hall looking out the window when Jacob came up behind him.
"Jack"-
"Nothing you can say, Jake, is going to make you feel any better about this. You know this is wrong."
"I don't need this right now, Jack."
Jack turned around quickly, and he was quiet but still as explosive.
"Yes you do! I can't believe that after everything she's done, everything she's beenthrough, that you're going throw it away like this."
"I'm not throwing away anything!I'm letting her go!" Jacob turned away, every part of him resigned as he shook his head.
"I'm letting her go."
Jacob left him staring out the window.
Her hospital room was encompassed in sorrow and silence. Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c stood away from everyone else in a corner, watching what was going on but not interfering.
Janet turned off the ventilator, and disconnected the pacer. As she pulled out the breathing tube, Sally whimpered and looked away.
Sam's heart never stopped beating.
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