Blame it on the Primta
Blame it on the Primta
by Denise and Adi
Title: Blame it on the Primta
Author: Denise and Adi
Email: skydiver119@hotmail.com,dr_bev_crasher@hotmail.com
Category: Humor
Season: Season 6
Pairing: Sam/Tealc
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: sexual situations
Summary: Jack finds out something surprising about two of his teammates
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Title- Blame it on the Primta
Author- Denise & Adi
E-mail - skydiver119@hotmail.com , drbevcrasher@hotmail.com Category- humor, Sam/Teal'c
Archive Anywhere but please link to the page on my own site. http://www.geocities.com/sky_diver119/comedy/primta.htm Season- 6
Spoilers - Nothing really
Rating- PG-13
Content Warning- Silliness, what happens when you're playing around on MSN messenger and decide to write a two person round robin
Summary- Jack discovers something about two members of his team Disclaimer Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Sci-fi and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author
This all started out as a nice serious discussion about just how many sentient beings are involved if a Jaffa or host get into a relationship...and careened nicely downhill from there. You have no idea how much fun we had just coming up with the title. ;)
Blame it on the Primta
By
Adi and Denise
Jack watched as Sam yawned for the fifth time in three minutes and resisted the urge to do so himself. What was up with her today? If she wasn't yawning, her eyes were drifting shut, and she was . . . glowing? As her eyes once again closed and failed to open, Jack coughed and her head snapped up. This was getting ridiculous. "Rough night Carter?"
Seemingly self conscious, she shifted in the chair, making an effort to sit straight. Her efforts were in vain when a small grimace and tiny gasp escaped her lips.
"Carter? You ok?" Jack asked, concern swelling in his chest.
"Fine, sir, just fine," she said, shooting a glance across the table. Was it his imagination or was she blushing?
"Are you sure? Cause according to this," Jack held up the mission briefing, "We got a long walk ahead of us. If you're not feeling up to it..." He said knowing full well that what she was about to say.
"I'm fine sir. Really." Another grimace contradicted her words.
"Cut the crap, Carter. You're barely keeping your eyes open, and you're wincing every time you move, so don't tell me you're fine."
Sam looked down, obviously not physically comfortable, but also not wanting to share the cause for her discomfort "Do I have to make it an order?" Jack asked, hiding his concern for his friend under a guise of duty.
"Well...sir..."
"Major Carter, did you not tell me that you suffered an accident in your domicile last night?" Teal'c interrupted.
"You did?"
"I did? Oh, that's right," she said quickly. "I Aah...I slipped...down...down the stairs," she said. "That's it. I slipped down the stairs last night and...I slipped," she finished awkwardly.
Jack knew when he was being lied to, he was good at reading people, it was part of his training, and Sam lived in a bungalow, she didn't have stairs, other than to her basement, and he knew she never went there anymore. However, she had Teal'c covering for her, so he either knew what was going on, or at least knew that something was going on . Maybe he could corner him into talking later, and maybe he could get the Goa'uld to make nice with the galaxy...no, his chances were better with Carter.
"And this caused you to run a marathon and therefore not to get any sleep?" Sam squirmed and winced again, and now he was sure she was blushing. He made a mental note, never ask Sam to lie. She was embarrassed, and uncomfortable, and whatever she had been doing she should have known better than to do it before a mission, so he was going to torture her a bit.
Giving up on getting the truth out of her just yet, and knowing that she was smart enough not to endanger the mission by going off world in less than decent physical form, he decided to ease up. This was just a simple day trip, easy planetary survey on an unoccupied world. "Well, I suggest you have a chat with Fraiser before we ship out," he said, ignoring Jonas' frown. "If she doesn't clear you, we'll postpone this one for a day or so."
At that moment, General Hammond stepped out of his office and they all stood up. The older man took his seat and Jack watched Sam sit back down, carefully using her arms to ease the way. Yep, he was definitely going to have fun with this one.
<><><><><>
Boring, tree-filled, empty planet. 'Just what the doctor ordered.' Jack thought. He leaned against a tree, holding his weapon close, enjoying the warm sun. Sam and Teal'c were off gathering soil samples, with the Jaffa apparently her willing bodyguard/caddy. It was an uninhabited planet, so he allowed himself to take it somewhat easy. Jonas was categorizing plant life and seemed deeply engrossed in his task so Jack decided to see how the other half of his team was doing. Getting up he announced to Jonas his destination, and made Jonas repeat it back to him before he left the clearing.
The ground on this part of the planet was soft, and his boots made almost no noise as he neared his teammates. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation and out of curiosity Jack paused to listen.
"It's alright Teal'c, really. It's normal for a woman to ache a little." Sam was kneeling and gathering samples while Teal'c crouched near her.
"You have never," he paused as though trying to find the right word, "ached before."
From where he was standing Jack could only see Sam's back, but when she turned to Teal'c he saw that she was smiling, one of her brilliant smiles that seemed to light up the room. He hadn't known she even smiled like that anymore, but what really shocked him was when she raised her hand, cupped Teal'c's face and kissed him gently on the lips. "Well you were unusually enthusiastic last night."
Jack choked, barely able to smother the sound as he spun; deliberately placing a tree between him and the pair, insuring that he would remain unobserved.
"I believe I have discerned the reason for my...enthusiasm," he heard Teal'c say; his deep voice soft and caressing in a way Jack had never heard the formidable warrior speak.
"I thought I was the reason for your enthusiasm," he heard Sam answer, her voice full of mock puzzlement. She let out a small squeal and Jack peeked around the tree, totally at a loss as to what could make the major squeal like that.
Teal'c had swung her up in his arms, cradling her playfully. He watched the Jaffa carry her a short distance away, setting them both down on a large boulder. Instead of the expected protest, Jack watched her snuggle up to Teal'c, her head resting on his shoulder. "I believe my symbiote derives enjoyment from our nocturnal activities. Doctor Fraiser has suggested that it is not impossible for the larva to secrete pheromones encouraging behavior that it finds pleasure in."
She laughed, lifting her head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "Are you telling me, junior makes you horny?"
"I am telling you that my primta finds as much pleasure in you as I do." Sam grinned and playfully head butted Teal'c's shoulder.
"That was almost romantic." Deciding to leave before they started to make out like a couple of teenagers, Jack turned around, walked half way back to Jonas, turned around again, and walked back to the two, this time making as much noise as possible, even calling out their names. When he finally reached the clearing Sam was closing her sample case and Teal'c stood near her, looking vigilant as ever.
"Ready to go?" Jack asked with as much normality as he could. Sam snapped the case closed and stood up.
"Yes sir." Jack looked closely at the Major. She looked... normal. Jack shook his head slightly. He'd underestimated her all these years, Carter was obviously a better liar than he'd ever given her credit for. Then it hit him: exactly how long had this been going on?
"Alright then, let's pick up Jonas and go home."
<><><><><>
Jack scrubbed the towel over his head, soaking up the last bit of moisture from the shower before quickly dressing. A part of him really wanted to go home, but he also still had three missions worth of reports to finish. Mission reports that Hammond had insisted he do.
He heard a movement behind him and glanced over his shoulder, seeing Teal'c stride out of the showers, the large white towel slung low on his hips. The X shaped opening of his pouch was clearly visible and Jack winced internally, flashing back to what he'd learned on the planet.
His mind's eye tried to paint a picture of Carter and Teal'c...Shuddering, he shook his head. Too much information, definitely too much information. He pulled his shirt over his head, searching his memory for any signs. How long? How long had they kept it from him? Was it something new or had they been...close for years?
He desperately wanted to know. And he loathed finding out. "So, Teal'c. Got any plans for the evening?" he asked, keeping his voice deliberately casual.
"O'Neill?"
"I got some reports to get done before Hammond has a cow. But, the rest of the night is free. What say you and I take Jonas out and perform a little experiment?"
"What kind of experiment, O'Neill?"
Jack turned, noticing that Teal'c had put on his pants but was still shirtless. Are you telling me Junior makes you horny? "Liquor," Jack stuttered out. "I wonder what the Kelownan tolerance for beer is."
Teal'c quirked his eyebrow and reached into his locker for his shirt. "I believe Jonas Quinn's tolerance of alcoholic beverages rivals your own," he said. "Unfortunately, I am unable to join you this evening."
"Really? Got plans?"
"Indeed. Major Carter has determined that she wishes to rearrange the furnishings in her domicile and requested my aid in this endeavor."
Jack stopped and thought. Didn't she do that just last month? And before that he remembered a request to show the Jaffa how to paint a house. So it had been going on for quite some time. Why didn't they clue him in? He would have understood. Well two could play at this game. "Why don't we come over too? Three times the muscle," he offered, just to see his friend's response.
"I am sure Major Carter would appreciate the offer, however it is not an onerous task," Teal'c said, neatly refusing Jack's offer.
Biting back a grin, Jack reached into his locker, pulling out his jacket. "Whatever you say, Teal'c," he said, making his way towards the door. "I do have one request though," he said, pausing at the threshold.
"Yes?"
"If you don't stop wearing out my major the night before missions, I'm going to have to find something else for you to do." He turned to look his friend in the eyes. "Like helping the Marines with their combat training. ALL the Marines," he threatened, seeing comprehension dawn in Teal'c's eyes. Satisfied, Jack turned, pushing open the door. "At once," he tossed over his shoulder, letting the door swing close.
Chuckling to himself and immensely glad to have the last word, he strolled down the hall, his discordant whistling echoing off the barren cement walls of the SGC.
~Fin~
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