Taming Jolinar
Taming Jolinar
by C. French aka Peterpan
Title: Taming Jolinar
Author: C. French aka Peterpan
Email: peterpan@neverneverland.cc
Category: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, MissingScene/Epilogue, Romance, Thoughts
Episode related: 211 TokRa 1, 212 TokRa 2
Season: Season 2
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Sam's having a tough time dealing with the emotions that Jolinar has unleashed, particularly concerning Martouf.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Sam sat in the floor of her living room with a box of tissues, leaning against the couch. More than half of the box was wadded up where she had tried to stifle the tears. She still was reeling from all the emotions she had experienced in such a short period of time. She seriously was beginning to wonder if she was mentally ill. The reality is that Jolinar's memories...no her emotions were literally like having a second person in her head. How could that be? They were blended for such a short period of time.
The second Sam had spotted Martouf, she felt a connection. It didn't start out strong, be she knew Jolinar had cared about Martouf. She had trusted him in a way that she didn't trust anyone else. It was the same way Sam trusted the Colonel, Daniel and Teal'c. It was so hard to discern what Sam's emotions were and what Jolinar's were. Fortunately, Sam had feelings for the Colonel long before Jolinar had inhabited her body. If she was truly honest with herself, she knew that she recognized what Jolinar had with Martouf to be what she wanted to have with Jack. That's why it was so maddening. When Martouf had taken her hand, she had lost Sam completely. She had wanted what Jolinar had with Martouf, what she was afraid she would never have with Jack. She loved Jack with all her heart, but she wouldn't act on it. Regulations forbade it. They had a job to do, and she knew neither of them would put their feelings before defeating the Goa'uld. What kind of life would they have when they were the ones that repeatedly saved the earth? Absolutely none, the Goa'uld would defeat the earth and Sam and Jack would be dead.
But Martouf on the other hand wouldn't be against the regs. What was this insanity? She loved Jack...but she loved Martouf. How would she ever come to terms with this? She needed to get Jolinar out of her head...for good...but that was impossible. They had blended.
The simple touch of Martouf's hand had such a calming affect on both Sam and Jolinar. Sam couldn't believe all the memories that simple touch had awoken. She had been a little uncomfortable when Daniel had walked up. He always did seem to have great timing catching her having intimate moments with men. He gave her a bad time about Narim for months. Sam had been flattered, even a little overwhelmed by his emotions and felt she owed him something. That kiss had meant as much to her as a kiss she had given the boy in the third grade that had a crush on her. He was the class clown and she had kissed him because she felt sorry for him. She should have learned...the other children had teased her for years about that one.
She may have been uncomfortable when Daniel had walked up, but she had nearly panicked when she realized that Jack had walked in while she was holding Martouf's hand. He was simply comforting her, she didn't know if her Dad was going to live or die...but when Jack had walked in, it suddenly had seemed very intimate. The look in Jack's eyes, it had cut right through her. Sam felt like she was living that stupid song they played all the time when she was in high school...what was it..."Torn between to lovers, feeling like a fool." Holy Hannah, did she feel like fool. How could this have happened?
She was thankful her Dad appeared to be okay; she just wished she could say the same about herself. To make it worse, there was no one she could talk to. She needed to tell someone EVERYTHING she was feeling. If she told Janet about her feelings for the Colonel, she would be obligated to tell the General. That would be the end of SG-1, and the end of everything Sam had worked for and believed in. She couldn't very well tell the Colonel how she felt, yet she knew he knew and that he felt the same way, but the regs stood in the way. Daniel would never tell on purpose, but he sometimes blurted things out...and she couldn't take that chance. Teal'c just wouldn't understand.
Sam was also torn about her Dad. Had she done the right thing? Would she ever see him again? Would he ever see his Mark's kids again? Would Selmak be good for him? Holy Hannah, he had to get a Tok'ra that was the oldest and wisest...he was already a pain in the butt...what was he going to be now? She almost laughed out loud at the thought. She had finally stopped crying but the confusion was still there...and it scared her.
Sam nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang. She wasn't about to let anyone in. There were tissues everywhere and she knew she looked like crap after crying all this time. She went to the door and asked who it was ready to send whomever packing. Her heart nearly flipped when the response came from Jack, "Sam? I really think we need to talk. May I come in?"
"Just a minute, sir." Sam dove into the half bath off the hall and quickly washed her face with cold water. She knew it wouldn't undo all the damage, but she had to at least try. It was dark outside, so the Colonel didn't immediately notice her red swollen eyes. He had a sack of Chinese with him. As he entered, he said, "You left so quick, which is very unusual for you, I had a feeling you would come straight home and wouldn't have eaten yet." He had reached the living room at this point and quickly took in the tissue box and all the tissues. Sam had forgotten what a mess the living room was in and immediately turned blood red. Jack turned around and looked at Sam and was touched in the heart by what he saw in her face, but was totally panicked. He didn't have a clue what he should do. He finally asked, "Where should I put this?"
"Just put it on the table, sir, and I'll go get some plates and forks. What would you like to drink, a beer?" Sam asked.
Jack replied, "That would be great." He quickly put down the food. He found a small trash can in the corner and quickly picked up the tissues. He then went back to the bathroom and quickly washed his hands. He was coming out of the bathroom when Sam returned with the plates. She blushed again when she realized he had made good use of the few moments she had been gone. She sat the dishes and the beer on the coffee table and asked the Colonel to sit down. They were both shocked when he reached out and put his hand on Sam's forearm. She quickly met his eyes and he asked, "Sam, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Sam started, but under the scrutiny of Jack's intense eyes, she shook her head and admitted, "No, sir, I'm not fine." Jack's hand was still on her forearm and he gave gentle nudge suggesting they both sit down. As they sat, he let his hand fall to his side. They sat in silence for a moment and Sam shook her head again, with a small furrow in her brow. "I'm sorry, sir, I forgot my manners. Let's eat, before the food gets cold." They fixed their plates and opened their beers. They ate in total silence. Sam could feel the Colonel watching her intently. She could not enjoy the food, but knew he would not be happy if she didn't eat. When they finished, the Colonel asked Sam if she would like another beer. She replied that she would, but when she started to get up to go get them he stopped her. He went to get the beers. When he came back, he handed her an open beer and then opened his own.
Jack had not expected to walk in on the scene he had walked in on. He was mad. He had seen enough of Martouf and Sam together that he was concerned. He also was not happy about his second in command telling him she wasn't leaving. It had terrified him. He understood her need to stay, this was Carter after all, but he didn't like it. She was in danger and entirely too close to this Martouf character. He didn't trust Jolinar at all and never would. He finally took a deep breath and said, "Sam, why don't you tell me why you are not okay."
Sam rolled her eyes. She couldn't have this conversation with the Colonel, but his look told her he wasn't going to give in on this. She thought over all the things that were bothering her and finally decided that Dad was a safe subject. She inhaled deeply and explained all of her fears and concerns about her Dad.
Jack listened intently and commented when appropriate. When Sam finally came to the end, Jack reached and took her hand in his, and quietly said, "But that isn't everything, is it Sam?"
Her stomach had butterflies. She actually wondered for a moment if she was going to loose the Chinese. Between Jack's taking her hand and calling her Sam, she was on cloud nine. This is what Jolinar and Martouf had...this is what she wanted, but this was just the beginning of what she wanted.
Sam finally drew up enough courage to tell Jack about Jolinar's emotions. How they felt as real as her own. She didn't admit to the relationship with Martouf to begin with. But the Colonel had known and he asked. Sam was cursing Daniel. She knew he had told Jack. Jack gently squeezed her hand and Sam met his eyes. She decided Jack deserved to know the truth. She finally explained the whole relationship with Jolinar and Martouf. She even admitted how confused she was by their feelings. Jack had listened very patiently, gently squeezing her hand in encouragement when she was overwhelmed. She had teared up several times when describing how intense the relationship had been. Sam nearly died of shock when Jack said, "But that still isn't what's bothering you the most, is it Sam."
Sam concentrated on Jack's hand holding hers as she admitted it wasn't. He asked a few questions along the way, as Sam admitted that she would like to have the same type of relationship with the same level of trust and love one day. Sam could have been blown over with a feather when Jack said, "We already have the trust, Sam, and the unspoken communication between us I defy anyone to match. One day, after we defeat the Goa'uld, we will have it all, Sam. I promise you that." Jack then kissed her hand. He got up from the couch and pulled Sam up after him. He led her to the door where he said, "Tomorrow I'll come to see you in the lab. For now, go to bed and get a good night of sleep. Everything will seem much clearer tomorrow. "
It was Jack's turn to be shocked when Sam replied, "It already does," as she squeezed his hand with both of hers. Embarrassed, Jack slid out the door quickly, with a wicked grin on his face. Sam had her usual angelic smile on her own face as she closed and locked the door. They both were thinking the same thing, how wonderful their lives would be when they defeated the Goa'uld. How fast could they get it done?
If you enjoyed this story,please send feedback to C. French aka Peterpan
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