Boogie
Boogie
by Brionhet
Title: Boogie (Story plus appendix)
Author: Brionhet
E-mail: brionhet@enteract.com
Date: August 20, 2001
Categories and Rating: Humor. Slightly PG. Het, sort of. Almost. Sam and Teal'c. Nearly.
Status: Complete
Archive: Yes to list archives. Anyone else interested please ask.
Spoilers: None
Season/Story Info: Independent story. Some time in fifth season.
Disclaimers:Stargate SG-1 and its characters are properties of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. Much to my sorrow, I think that precludes me claiming either the archaeologist or the colonel. Original characters, situations and story are the property of the author and are not to be appropriated without the permission of the author. This story is intended for entertainment purposes only; no money will be made with it. Trust me. No money.
Summary: Sam experiences an epiphany.
Warnings: Slight flavor of het. But none, really.
Notes: Thanks to Jmas and Brenda for giving it a little look so I'd be brave enough to post :^)
Yes! Take that, you furry bastards! Not so fond of us now, are you?
Damn! They've got Daniel and the colonel pinned in the ruins. How can I...?
Oof! Watch your six, Sam! Idiot!
Shit shit shit! Three of them... all over me... God, the stench!.. Off! Get off!
Off? Yes! Teal'c!
Oh, yeah... Teal'c...
Whoa, mama, Sammy. You gotta get out more!
Grab the hand, Sam. So what if he... oh, god... primal, ferocious. Gorgeous. Cubed.
Okay, Sam... it's just the adrenaline. And hormones. Oh, boy... hormones.
Right... Daniel and the colonel. And herds of big, smelly, ugly... dog-things.
I used to *like* dogs.
Nice, short debriefing. Once we pried the colonel out of the infirmary. Daniel may be confined for the night, but what's *his* excuse?
For that matter, what's *my* excuse? It's taking every scrap of self control I've got to keep my tongue off Teal'c's nice sweaty neck. Where the *hell* did this come from?
Okay, Sam. You're a scientist. Take it slow; take it apart. Just another puzzle to figure out.
You've worked with three of the universe's most edible men for more than four years now.
You love Daniel to pieces. But thinking 'sex' and 'Daniel' in the same sentence makes you feel slimy. Like you were contemplating seducing your kid brother... if you had one. I guess you do.
You had a brief fling with thinking you were having the hots for Colonel O'Neill. What's not to go for? He's gorgeous, and he really *defines* 'hot.' But you flashed your pan over him in microseconds. Not a quiver left.
Now suddenly you're going weak in the knees over Teal'c? Alien with accessory. Now, given he's beautiful, and his body is... beyond belief. He's also intelligent, enigmatic, strong, skilled, courageous, *fierce*... *primal*... Uh... did someone turn the heat up in here?
All right. Time for some field testing...
Ah, good. He's home. Such as it is. Ohhh. Nice with the candles. Atmosphere.
He's pleased to see me. Can he tell? Damn. Hyperventilating here. Black tank top. Candlelight on all those... muscles.
Make the proposal, Sam. You can talk. Ah, good. Brows are flying, but he's gonna go along with it.
Oh, yes. Come to Mama. One kiss should be a start.
Nice... Gentle... Warm, incredible lips...
Uhhh... Nice. Hmmm.
He's giving me this quizzical, amused look.
My hormones are giving me... nothing.
Okay, Teal'c. One more test. *Now* I've surprised him. Yeah, big guy. Snarl a bit.
Woo hoo, there it is. Test over. I got it now.
Sammy, my old buddy, you are seriously weird. So Teal'c lights every fuse you've got--as long is he looks like he's about to tear your lips off. Not exactly the basis for any kind of long-term relationship.
All right. We can deal with this. Eventually. Always assuming I can actually look Teal'c in the face after my little scientific investigation of human-jaffa relationships.
Hello, frustration. Old friend. Wanna beer? Just you and me?
I'd love to let Lois know the way I feel,
To let her know the man underneath the steel.
But she doesn't want to have a thing to do with me
Unless I'm out bashing baddies in my BVDs...
***Superman Sex Life Boogie
***Tom Smith
Appendix
Since this is one of the world's truly hilarious songs, I'm going to take this opportunity to spread it around LOL! Here is the complete set of lyrics to Tom Smith's brilliant Superman Sex Life Boogie. Imagine a lively boogie beat...
Superman Sex Life Boogie
Tom Smith
Well I'm a small town boy with a heart of gold,
Not to mention heat vision and breath that's cold.
I got super strength; I'm immune to pain,
But I'm weak in the knees around Lois Lane.
She's got a sexy walk and the bluest eyes;
Her clothes are all painted onto her thighs.
She's got great taste, so I just don't see
Why she's in love with my costume and not with me.
I can change the course of rivers, bend steel in my bare hands.
But none of that hockey macho stuff makes me feel any more like a man.
I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I'm tougher than a moving train,
But why leap a tall building in a single bound, when I'd rather jump Lois Lane?
Now I'm a nice easy goin' kinda guy;
I got mild manners and my wit is dry.
But it doesn't ever seem to matter what I say,
'Cause Lois never gives me the time of day.
But when I fly the city in my blue and red,
She'd risk the whole world just to get me to bed.
But that's not the way I want to let her get my bod;
That's not making love, it's seducing God!
I've told her a thousand times we can never have normal sex...
If I lose control we can get David Kronenberg to do the special effects.
I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I'm tougher than a moving train,
But why leap a tall building in a single bound, when I'd rather jump Lois Lane?
Well, I'm sick of all the supervillains poking fun
Just because I'm still a virgin at age thirty-one.
I don't like the names that I'm being called;
I couldn't care if Lex Luthor's always been more bald.
I'd love to let Lois know the way I feel,
To let her know the man underneath the steel.
But she doesn't want to have a thing to do with me
Unless I'm out bashing baddies in my BVDs...
I've had it with the hero biz; frustration has got me down...
Why should I bother with saving the city when I'd rather be painting the town.
I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I'm tougher than a moving train,
But I'd throw it all away in a minute if I could just once get the jump on
Lane...
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Brionhet
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Boogie
by BrionhetSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis