---
Lt. Col. John Sheppard made his way down the corridor trying to look neither hurried nor too purposeful which naturally made him look both. The reason for his haste was due to something Carson has asked him during his post-mission exam several hours before: “How's Elizabeth?” Well, actually, it wasn't so much what the Scot had said as the unreadable expression on the doctor's face when he'd said it. Had she gotten sicker? If that was the case, why hadn't Carson said so? But that expression—that look in those clear blue eyes of his... Pausing outside her quarters to knock, he entered to find her sitting on the bed, tears streaming silently down her face.
“Hey,” he spoke soothingly as the door slid closed behind him. “What's the matter?”
“I'm scared,” Elizabeth answered as he sat down and wrapped his arms around her.
“Why are you scared?” John asked. She had laid her head against his chest while her rocked her gently. He was just able to see her bite her lip before hesitantly responding.
“I'm pregnant.” It came out as scarcely a whisper, but John hadn't missed it. In fact, it left him dumbstruck for a moment.
“Are you sure?” he finally managed. He felt her nod and he hugged her tighter. Elizabeth began to cry, her slender frame trembling like a leaf on a windy day. “Hey...” John murmured gently into her ear. “I'm here. I'll always be here...”
“They'll send one of us back,” the woman pointed out. It wasn't necessary for her to say who, he knew what she was talking about.
“Then, we'll both go back,” John said in his matter-of-fact way.
“That wouldn't be fair...”
“Listen to me,” the air force officer told her, sitting back so he could take her face in his hands. “I love you. Those aren't just words with me, I mean it—I am hopelessly and madly in love with you and if that means going back to Earth so I can be with you, then so be it. I'd like to see anyone try to stop me.” She managed a small smile and he hugged her again.
“I love you, too,” she murmured, melting into his embrace. John pressed his lips against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. Elizabeth was pregnant. The woman he loved, pregnant with his child.
He'd never been so joyous or terrified in his life.
-
FLASHBACK: Several months earlier...
“This 'party' seems kind of boring,” Ronon intoned, gazing out over the mess hall, which had been set up for use as a dance floor. Music filled the large room as expedition members talked and danced. “What are we celebrating again?” The large Satedan pulled at the tie around his neck, obviously uncomfortable in the suit he was wearing. He slouched down further in his chair.
“Well, back on Earth, it's Christmas,” Col. Sheppard told him. “There's this big, round, little guy with a white beard who goes around and gives presents to all the children...”
“All of them?” Teyla interrupted, surprised. She donned a lovely turquoise dress and a pair of dress shoes that John thought she might have borrowed from Lt. Cadman.
“Well, no,” John amended, “Not really—it's just a story to make children want to behave. It's really the parents who get the presents.”
“That doesn't explain why we have to dress up and why you have lights and leaves hanging from the ceiling,” Ronon pointed out.
“Right... well, while the kids get their presents, the adults usually do their own thing...”
“Adults don't get presents?”
“Well, yeah, but...” the air force major stammered, “have I told you how much fun a sleigh ride could be?” While Col. Sheppard tried to impress upon Ronon and Teyla the value of Christmas and why they were having a Christmas dance, Rodney and Carson were across the room near the punch waiting for Laura Cadman and Katie Brown to arrive.
“I was pleased tae here yeh finally invited Katie to the dance, Rodney,” Dr. Beckett told his friend. “I was starting to think I'd have tae give yeh a bit of a shove.” The scientist nearly choked on his punch.
“Well, uh, actually... Katie sorta invited me,” he confessed.
“She what?” Carson exclaimed. “Bloody hell, Rodney! And yeh wonder why yeh don't go out on more dates!” Before the good Scot could berate him more, three newcomers entered the mess hall. Laura was entirely unabashed, gracefully barging in and grinning at any who met her gaze as she made her way towards Carson, the meek and sweet-natured Katie in tow, her timid smile directed at Rodney. Few people noticed the third person to enter about a minute behind them.
John couldn't take his eyes off of her.
Elizabeth wore a dark red dress that hugged her slender frame in all the right places. The bodice crisscrossed over her chest, leaving her shoulders and back bare. Her hair was swept up in a simple, yet tasteful style and a single jewel sparkled at her pretty white throat. She was self-consciously biting her lower lip, obviously not quite comfortable being so dressed up, her nervousness causing her face to take on a rosy glow. Lt. Col. John Sheppard completely forgot that he'd been talking to Ronon and Teyla as he made his way towards her, his heart pounding uncontrollably.
“Dance with me.” She looked up at him in surprise.
“John.” He stepped closer, offering his hand, his eyes gazing steadily into hers.
“Elizabeth,” he said again, his tone softer, “dance with me.” She accepted his hand and he led her out onto the dance floor.
“He didn't finish telling us about stockings,” Ronon noted.
“I believe that John has... other things on his mind,” Teyla responded.
“Yeah. No kidding,” the Satedan uttered, watching his CO for a moment before rising to his feet. “I'm going to go get some food.” The Athosian smiled.
“I think I will join you.”
As they danced amongst the others on the floor, John still couldn't take his eyes off her face. Elizabeth was looking down, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks. The air force officer found that he was having difficulty catching his breath. He drew her closer to whisper in her ear.
“You are beautiful,” he murmured.
“I almost didn't come,” she confided.
“Why would you have done that?”
“I've never worn this dress before. I wasn't sure if I liked how it looked.”
“Well, I do.”
“Thank you.” Elizabeth bit her lip. She could feel her face burning. Although she maintained a professional posture, there was nothing she wanted more than to lay her head on John's shoulder. Mentally, she chastised herself for thinking like such a school girl.
The music faded but John didn't release her right away. “Take a walk with me.” It was the second time he had spoken like that tonight—neither commanding nor really pleading, but matter-of-fact, simple, confident that she would not refuse.
When had he come to know her so well?
“Alright,” she agreed. He led the way through the crowd and out of the room. Allowing the door to drift shut behind them, they strolled down the corridor in silence.
“I want to say something,” John spoke up suddenly. He pulled her into a transporter and touched a destination in an empty part of the city.
“John?” Elizabeth questioned as they stepped out.
“I know that I shouldn't be saying this, but I'll feel like an idiot forever if I don't take this opportunity to tell you that I'm in love with you,” he blurted, “have been for some time. You're smart and beautiful and you... you're amazing. I'm in love with you,” John took her hands in his, “and I just—I wanted you to know.”
Elizabeth stared at him in surprise.
-
A day later
Elizabeth glanced up from her paperwork as Dr. Radek Zelenka entered her office. He held a file in his hand.
“Elizabeth,” he said, “it's good to see you up and about. How are you feeling?”
“I'm feeling better,” she replied, offering up a rather wan smile. “Thank you. How's Rodney? I heard he came down with thi...s illness.” The woman hoped her momentary hesitation didn't sound as awkward as she thought.
“He's not so well,” Radek answered. “If you just went by how he sounds, you'd think that he was dying. He's not so bad as he was, though.” He gazed at her. “Are you sure you are well enough to be working? You look a bit pale.”
“I'm fine, Radek,” she told him (it wasn't entirely a lie). “I'm just a bit tired, still. Is that for me?” She pointed to the folder.
“Ah. Yes. Rodney contacted me twice to make sure I didn't forget to turn in this report on the device we've been working on,” Zelenka handed over the report, then added, “Elizabeth, if you need anything, be sure to let me know. Don't work too hard.”
“Thank you, Radek,” Elizabeth said. “I'll keep that in mind.” The Czech gave her a smile that told her he wasn't convinced that she was really alright before returning to his lab. The woman had just gotten back to work when she was again interrupted.
“Hey,” John said. They gazed at each other for a moment.
“Hey,” Elizabeth echoed softly.
“I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch.” He stepped further into the room.
“I really should get caught up some more,” Weir began. “I have...”
“When was the last time you had something to eat?” the colonel cut in.
“What? John...” she protested.
“When?” Elizabeth sighed in defeat. “Elizabeth, you need to take care of yourself,” John continued, lowering his tone as he moved closer. “And you're not the only one you have to look after right now.” She fidgeted under his gaze. She really didn't want to leave her work, as she still had a lot to catch up on, but she hadn't eaten since the night before and John was right.
“Alright,” she finally agreed, closing the file that Radek had given her before rising to her feet. “Let's go eat.” John let her pass him on their way out of the office, momentarily allowing his hand to rest on the small of her back. A warm shiver ran up her spine as it often did at a forbidden touch. Sadness crept over her and she frowned. What had she been thinking? She loved John, yes—she didn't doubt that—but she'd known just as well as he did that protocol dictated that nothing could happen between them. As his boss, she should've prevented it. In fact, as head of Atlantis, Elizabeth wasn't permitted to be close to anyone in that way.
How was that fair? Why must she choose between her work and her heart?
“What's wrong?” John asked, noting her sudden shift in mood.
“Nothing,” Elizabeth answered. “I was just thinking.”
“What about?”
“Don't worry about it. It's not anything important.”
“Okay. If you say so. Though, it's usually something pretty serious that can get you to frown like that,” he looked at her expectantly.
“I just,” Elizabeth began softly, “I wish things were different. For us. I wish there weren't so many rules we were breaking.”
“Well, some rules are just stupid. They were made to be broken!” John reasoned. She stopped, turning to face him.
“John, this could cost us both our careers,” she lowered her tone even more.
“I know.”
“Unless...”
“Don't say it,” the air force officer tensed.
“We have to consider all our options,” Dr. Weir began.
“Well, as far as I'm concerned, that is not an option!” John had to struggle to keep his volume down.
“Damn it, John!” Elizabeth exclaimed, tears stinging her eyes. “Don't make this harder than it already is! I don't want to leave Atlantis, and I am sure as hell you don't either. So what other choice is there?!”
“I don't know, but could you really live with yourself if you did that?” he demanded, “because I know I—Elizabeth, I'm not sure I'd even be able to look at you anymore.”
Elizabeth raised her chin, fighting to keep the tears at bay. “Are you saying that your love for me is conditional?”
“No,” he whispered, a bit harshly. “No, what I'm trying to say is that I love you so much that I wouldn't be able to stand the thought that you'd be willing to do anything to hurt our baby.”
“John!” That had done it. The tears began to course freely down her cheeks. John pulled her out of the hall into a side room, closing the door behind them.
“Look,” he said, taking her gently by the shoulders. “I know you're frightened. Truth is, leaving Atlantis and not knowing what will happen after that scares the hell out of me, but this is more important to me. We're more important.” He looked at the fear and trouble on her face, and he could stand her hurting no more. He reached for her and pulled her close. Caressing her neck as her head buried in his shoulder, he murmured in her ear. "Shh...it's alright...shh." At that moment, the world disappeared to them. It was as if all of their troubles and anxieties had culminated in a single, defining, heart-wrenching closeness that neither of them was willing to break.
---
To be continued...
Featured Stories
Fortune\'s Favor by Offworlder FAM
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Most Recent
Alisa - The College Years by LE McMurray 13+
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...
Random Story
A Difficult Situation by Mickey GEN
"He shot himself." John remained silent. He knew whom Rodney was talking...
"He shot himself." John remained silent. He knew whom Rodney was talking...