After following their counterparts through the corridors of Atlantis and watching as Elizabeth was overcome by contraction after contraction the two made it to the infirmary.
It was strange walking through Atlantis not being seen by people and a little freeing in a way. Rodney had already shown his dislike for some of the people that passed them by using some rather rude hand gestures, taking full advantage of the fact that they couldn't be seen. It was even more strange seeing themselves as they got ready to become parents.
Elizabeth couldn't begin to imagine the pain that her counterpart was going through but she was glad that she had Rodney at her side to soothe and comfort her and help her get through the pain. He was the doting father to be and he obviously loved her very much. She obviously loved him too and their unborn child. If it were she and her Rodney in their counterparts place would they be as happy now?
Elizabeth couldn't help but wonder how Rodney felt watching this all unfold in front of him. They were both shocked by it. That was a given. Who wouldn't be shocked if they were in the situation that she and Rodney were in now? But did he have any feelings about what he was seeing?
Earlier that evening back on their Atlantis and even here she and Rodney had discussed children and the unsure ness and fear he had in regards to the fatherhood and now she had seen his counterpart talk about it firsthand. She had spoken to him about how she hadn't really thought about children. But now here they were seeing something that they desired and they were seeing it together. They were seeing themselves together with a baby nearly ready to be born and she knew it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the meaning of that was. They wanted love. They wanted a family. But most shockingly and yet somehow naturally they wanted those things with each other.
She couldn't help but feel a little guilty for seeing what she and Rodney had been put there to see. She had someone back on Earth and yet here she was seeing how things could possibly be with Rodney. Her inner desires didn't even seem to include Simon back home. That was something she felt so guilty for and it broke her heart. She had seen herself happy and having something that she didn't even know she wanted. How could she feel guilty about wanting that? How could she feel guilty about seeing what could make her happy? Because, she realised, what she was seeing had turned her whole world upside down.
Rodney meanwhile was a little awestruck by it all. When he thought about children and whether or not he wanted them he immediately became filled with doubt over his abilities as a father and over the aspects of his personality that he feared would prevent him from being a good one. The same aspects of his personality that he feared would be passed on to his child. Any want for a child immediately became replaced by a fear of failure and so until that day he had kept any paternal instincts tucked away deep inside. But watching himself with the pregnant Elizabeth and seeing himself so totally in love with her and their unborn child had made him wonder about things.
Yes they were seeing a version of life that they both desired and yes maybe the Rodney they were watching would be a doting father but if he was in the same situation would he be the same? Or was he just seeing the person that he wanted himself to be? Or would he have run by now because of the fear of ending up hurting the person he loved or the fear of being a bad father? It was then he realised that there was no way he would run. Not from her and not from his baby. There was no way he could run from something so beautiful or someone so beautiful in her strength, dignity and spirit.
Fear could be paralysing; but why should he let it stop him from being happy and living the life he wanted? Elizabeth truly had made him want to be a better man and he truly did love her for it.
Rodney looked at her and wondered what she was thinking. She looked so caught up in her thoughts as they walked along the corridors that he didn't want to interrupt her. This had to be having an effect on her just the same as it was him and he didn't want to stop her from trying to work through it.
He and Elizabeth made it to the infirmary a couple of minutes after their counterparts did and when they arrived in there the heavily pregnant Elizabeth was already in an infirmary bed with Dr Beckett and his team checking on the progress of the labour and mother and baby's health. Rodney stood at her side watching anxiously as she was examined; smiling proudly when Dr Beckett announced that Elizabeth was indeed in labour and that it wouldn't be long before the baby was born.
`Ghost' Rodney and Elizabeth glanced at each other shyly while Rodney's counterpart could be heard trying to soothe Elizabeth as her contractions came quicker. They then watched Dr Beckett hook Elizabeth up to a machine that monitored the baby's heartbeat.
"That's the most beautiful sound in the world." A young nurse who they recognised as Emilie pointed out to the proud parents to be.
"I think you're right." Elizabeth agreed as she smiled at Rodney proudly, then looking down at her swollen stomach as he stood totally in awe at the sound. "Just think you two have all of this to look forward to." She told Emilie and Doctor Beckett who smiled at each other lovingly.
"It's like a soap opera is this." Carson Beckett could be heard stating.
Elizabeth frowned. She had been watching what was going on around her counterparts bedside since she and Rodney had entered the infirmary and the Doctor Beckett she was watching hadn't said a word. Either he could throw his voice or...
"Carson?" Rodney called noticing that there were not one but two Carson's and two Emilie's in the infirmary.
Elizabeth turned to Rodney and followed his gaze to where another Carson and Emilie were sitting. The pair immediately tore their eyes away from the drama in front of them and focused on the duo.
"Bloody hell Rodney am I glad to see you two." Carson replied relieved. "What the hell is goin' on here?" He asked them.
Elizabeth and Rodney walked over to the pair, all wincing as they heard Elizabeth's counterpart groan in pain.
"Did you two have some of the Athosians drink?" Rodney asked them both.
Carson and Emilie nodded.
"Yeah. He collapsed. I knelt down to check on him and then I came over all dizzy and weak." Emilie told them.
"You collapsed too. I saw you both and then Rodney and then I must have collapsed myself. The next thing I knew I was coming round in their quarters and Rodney was there. And then all of this...started to happen." She explained turning her attention back to her pained counterpart on the bed who was having her back rubbed affectionately by her McKay who obviously hated that she was in so much pain.
"Elizabeth has a hunch that this is to do with the drink that the Athosians were handing out to us. Halling told her that it makes you aware of your inner desires. Somehow we've woken up as some kind of apparition looking in on ourselves living the things that we desire the most."
"But how can that be? Where is this place? How can we all be here at the same time? How is any of this possible?" Carson questioned.
Emilie gently put a hand on his arm hoping to calm him a little. He smiled at her gratefully and put his hand over hers.
"I'm beginning to learn that in this galaxy anything's possible." Rodney told the other man sitting down. "In answer to everything else I have no idea. All of us meeting like this is a good sign though. It looks like whatever this drinks done to us we're somehow all experiencing this phenomenon in the same place. Everyone else who had some of the drink must be here somewhere, watching themselves like we are. It's like we're in a shared dream where every single one of us is watching ourselves live out our desires as outsiders."
"It's a little freaky." Emilie replied.
"Amen to that." Rodney told her glancing worriedly at Elizabeth who was standing looking at her counterpart thoughtfully. "Elizabeth?" He called.
There was no response.
"Are you all right Doctor Weir?" Emilie asked her quietly as she tiredly leant her head on Carson's shoulder.
"I'm fine...this is just all so..."
"Revealing...?"
"Bizarre..."
"Thought provoking?" The other three chorused.
Elizabeth nodded.
"I can't believe I heard our...their...babies heartbeat." She commented softly as she found herself overwhelmed by emotion.
"It is pretty amazing. I know this is a dream. It's not what's real. It's not what's going to happen; but we're still here experiencing this with them and it's just so...it's a little person. It`s a little person that she`s carrying inside of her and its mine...it`s just amazing." Rodney commented a little wistfully, his attention turning back onto his counterpart who was sitting at Elizabeth's side, stroking her hair as she rested her head against his chest between contractions and whispering `I love you' to her.
Elizabeth looked at him. She had seen so many new depths to him that evening and this was another. He truly was in awe of the events that they were seeing and it touched her deeply to know that what he was seeing affected him so deeply. It was affecting her too and she was glad that she wasn't alone in feeling that.
Being a leader could be so lonely sometimes but in Rodney she'd found herself a person who she wanted to talk to and whose many facets she wanted to learn about. He was a complicated man, arrogant yet brilliant but underneath all of that so unsure about himself and life. He was petrified of failing and terrified of getting hurt and so he used his humour as a way to push people away. With her though it didn't work because she saw beneath it all and she wanted to be around him whether he believed her or not.
With her he was gentle and sensitive when he wanted to be. It was as if she made him embrace his more emotional side. She'd trust him with her life and take him into her confidence though she was sure he wouldn`t believe her if she told him that.
Spending time with him that evening she had learnt more about him than he ever thought possible. She had seen a side to him that though she had sensed was there she hadn't really seen before. He was sitting beside her in complete awe about a baby that their counterparts were having and even though she knew that this all was just a manifestation of their deepest desires, it didn't stop his reaction to it all and the care for her he'd shown that night from warming her heart.
"I remember when I was training as a nurse and I first heard a baby's heartbeat on a sonogram. To see the parents faces when they realise that there's a tiny little person inside...you can't beat it. I cried." Emilie revealed.
Carson looked at her affectionately. He already thought a lot of the young woman and he was glad that he was sharing this experience with her. They had realised pretty early on what their experiencing this together meant. They desired each other. That was something perfectly clear when they saw their counterparts together.
"So what did you two see before we arrived?" Rodney asked Beckett and Emilie as Elizabeth sat down beside him, watching as her counterpart started to cry with the pain and tiredness.
"A little bit more of Doctor Weir than we expected." Carson joked. "Apart from that we came round to see ourselves talking on one of the beds. It turns out here I've found a cure to one of the rampant viruses that plagues the Pegasus Galaxy."
"Not a bad desire to have." Rodney commented. "Carry on..." He then prompted.
"We're engaged here." Emilie told them a little shyly.
"Ah so that was what their little glance at each other was for earlier." Rodney teased.
"And we also just found out that we're going to be parents." Beckett told his friend. "I'm goin' to be a daddy here." He told his friend as he looked at Emilie and smiled warmly.
They were interrupted by Elizabeth's counterpart screaming in absolute agony. All four of them turned their attention to what was going on.
"Okay Elizabeth not long to go now." Doctor Beckett soothed.
"Come on honey breathe. Remember what we practised?" Rodney asked her holding her hand that was entwined in his own up to his mouth and kissing it.
Elizabeth nodded.
"It really hurts." She told Rodney through gritted teeth. "I'm so tired and it really hurts."
Rodney kissed her forehead tenderly.
"I know it does and I hate seeing you in so much pain..." He told her stroking her hair back off her forehead, which was covered in sweat.
"You're the reason I'm in so much pain." She snapped making Dr Beckett and Emilie smile.
"It takes two sweetie remember?" Rodney told her kissing her forehead. "I know that you're tired. I know that you're in pain. I swear that you've nearly broken my fingers by squeezing them so hard...but honey in a little while you're going to be holding our child and this pain will all be a memory." He told her softly.
"I can't believe our baby will be here soon...owwwww...." She groaned. "It doesn't seem long since we found out about the baby. This pregnancy's gone so quickly.... Owwww." She groaned again tearfully.
Elizabeth leant forwards and Rodney rubbed her back in circular motions trying to relieve the pain a little.
"Seeing you pregnant has been the most amazing thing. Feeling our baby kicking inside you. Watching your face when you felt it kick for the first time when I'd just got off the puddle jumper from a mission...singing to it and feeling it kick as though it was trying to tell me to shut up...I've loved every minute of it."
"You weren't the one throwing up every morning or suffering from mood swings, or getting fat and irritable and swollen...then you wouldn't have loved it so much." She teased him.
"You're gorgeous you know that?" He said honestly. "You've been glowing from the start of this pregnancy. I've never seen you so happy and you`re not fat honey. There`s a baby in there. There`s a difference."
"I know. I don't regret any of this even though it does hurt like hell right now." She reassured him. "I can't wait to hold our baby. I can't wait for you to hold it. Feeling it move inside me and hiccup and kick...I`ve been bonding with this child for the last nine months. Now you get to bond with it to."
Rodney smiled.
"I already have." He replied kissing her. "I've felt a lot of those kicks and those hiccups. When I've held you in bed and had my hand resting on your stomach I've felt all those things...maybe a little differently to you but I have. I'm not going to let you down Liz. You or our baby." He reassured her.
"I know." Elizabeth replied squeezing his hand tenderly.
The four who were sitting watching it all turned to each other, touched by what the were seeing. Rodney swore he could see tears in Elizabeth's eyes.
"You really love her here." Emilie commented.
"And you really love him lass." Beckett replied.
Elizabeth and Rodney looked at each other uncomfortably.
"It's okay. We're here too remember...together...like you are. It's the same for us." Beckett reassured them. "You don't have to worry about anyone finding out back on Atlantis."
Emilie nodded her head in agreement.
"Revealing is an understatement about all this." Elizabeth commented. The others nodded in agreement.
"Look at you two. Young love." Rodney commented glancing over at Beckett and Emilie's counterparts. Beckett was standing there with Emilie leaning back into is chest and one of his hands on her stomach. Their engagement rings could clearly be seen.
Beckett and Emilie blushed shyly.
"I think I need to push, Carson." Elizabeth shouted.
Carson examined her and nodded.
"You're fully dilated. Okay lass on the next contraction push as hard as ye can." Carson told her.
Elizabeth nodded and took a tight hold of Rodney's hand.
The four spectators winced at Elizabeth's pained groans as she pushed. She looked so tired and all of them could tell she was struggling. Rodney was comforting her any way that he could, encouraging her to push and squeezing her hand comfortingly. Carson and Emilie too were offering all of the encouragement that they could to her as she reached the final stages of labour.
`Ghost' Rodney turned to Elizabeth and put a hand on her back gently.
"How are you doing?" He asked her quietly.
"I'm a little overwhelmed here." She admitted. "What about you?" She asked him concerned.
"A little overwhelmed." He agreed. "I just can't help wondering if when it is my turn to have a child I'd be anything like the Rodney McKay here or whether I'd just freak out and run like the coward we all know I can be."
"Oh I don't know. You seemed pretty awed by the whole process earlier." Elizabeth told him.
"Yeah. I am...I'm sure that I would be even more if it were actually me going through this all. Watching all this has made me think about the future you know? Maybe I wouldn't be so bad after all. Not if I tried. It must be amazing to be with someone that you love and experience your child growing inside her with her. It'd be a steep learning curve for me. But I'd be willing to learn and to try and be a better father than my own ever was. It`s the opening up yourself to fatherhood and to your child, which I think for me, would be the hardest thing. I`d be so convinced I`d be bad that I`d be too scared to try."
Elizabeth smiled at him.
"You're not as big a coward as you think you are you know." She reassured him. "You shouldn`t be scared to try. When you open yourself up to the people around you Rodney...that`s when you`re at your best."
"Thank you." He said gratefully. "It's all right to be overwhelmed about all of this you know. This is what's deep within us. It's bound to challenge everything that just a few hours earlier we believed was true."
"It certainly makes you think about things. I'm watching myself having your child Rodney."
"I know. It must be difficult for you. What with everything at home and my being a complete pain in everyone's ass."
"That's just it. Rodney this is coming from us. This is what's inside of us. It's.... Complicated."
"Complicated is an understatement." Beckett commented.
"How about you two? How are you doing?" Rodney asked them as he discreetly took Elizabeth's hand in his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm just glad that I'm not here alone. I'm glad I've got you here with me." Emilie told Beckett.
He smiled at her.
"Ditto." He replied. "You've got to admit; as weird as this is it is a little interesting to learn what your inner desires are. Apparently one of mine is sitting right next to me." He said looking at the young woman who then rested her head on his shoulder again.
Beckett rested his head on tops of hers.
The four were interrupted by Beckett's counterpart shouting by Elizabeth's bed.
"Come on lass. I can see the baby's head. One last push."
"Come on Elizabeth you can do it." Emilie told her as she stood by Carson.
"Come on honey. This is the last one." Rodney said kissing Elizabeth's forehead.
The four spectators all watched as Elizabeth pushed as hard as she could and then just a few seconds later a babies cry could be heard echoing in the room.
Carson picked the baby up and held her up so the new parents could see her.
"Congratulations Elizabeth. Congratulations Rodney. You have a bonny baby girl." He told them as he gently placed the tiny baby on her mother's chest.
"Oh god Rodney. We have a daughter. Look at her. She's so tiny." Elizabeth told him proudly as she cradled the little baby in her arms and kissed her forehead. "Hello sweetheart. I'm your mommy. I'm a mommy." She told Carson and Emilie as tears of happiness streamed down her cheeks.
"You did it sweetheart. She's adorable. She's completely adorable. I can't believe I'm a daddy." Rodney commented stunned, as tears started to stream down his own cheeks. He sat down on the bed next to Elizabeth and kissed her tenderly. "I love you. Marry me?" He asked her.
Elizabeth looked at him stunned.
"Rodney.... You just proposed to me." She told him kissing their daughter again.
"I know. Will you marry me Elizabeth Weir?" He asked her again as he was overcome by emotion.
"Yes. Of course I'll marry you. I love you" She replied smiling happily as she looked at the little girl in her arms. "I think this one would like to have a cuddle with her daddy." Elizabeth told him smiling proudly as Emilie handed the tiny baby to Rodney who cradled her like she was the most precious thing in the world.
He turned to Elizabeth and smiled at her tearfully.
"This is our daughter. Our perfect, beautiful little girl. I never knew I could love anything as much as I love her...and you. You are both the most precious things in the world to me you know that?" He told Elizabeth proudly leaning in and kissing her.
She smiled, overcome with such love for the man who sat beside her cradling their daughter so tenderly in his arms.
"I know. I feel the same." She replied honestly as she watched him hold their child and thanked god that she was healthy and safe.
"I'm your daddy sweetheart." Rodney told the little girl that he held in his arms. "And I promise you I'll never let you down my darling little girl. Not you or your mommy." He said quietly smiling proudly as the little girl looked up at him with wide eyes and grabbed his finger with her tiny hand.
`Ghost' Rodney watched in awe as his counterpart cradled his baby daughter in his arms and couldn't even begin to imagine what he was feeling right now. He looked so happy; but he couldn't help thinking he would be too if that were him in the same position holding a baby that he and Elizabeth had created in love and knowing that she had just agreed to be his wife. He'd give anything to know what it felt like even if it was just for a second. Seeing himself with the family life that he so craved had made him determined not to let fear overcome him when the time was right.
Elizabeth also watched in awe, as her counterpart became a mother. She wondered what if felt like to suddenly be overwhelmed by a mothers love for her newborn baby and what she'd feel like if it was her having Rodney's baby. She'd never realised how far to the back of her mind she'd pushed her wanting to have a family until she had seen all she had that night. She also hadn't realised how deeply her feelings for Rodney went until she saw his face as he watched his counterpart hold the baby in his arms. Of course things weren't that simple and there was a lot that she had to think about and consider but as hard as it had been at times to watch what her hearts desires were she didn't think she would change it. She had learnt so much about herself and the people sitting in that room with her and that was a gift.
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