Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis nor any of the characters.
Authors Note: This story contains a few references to my previous SGA fic, Dear John. It will still make sense if you havent read it, but it might help if you do.
Behind the Faade
This is cool, Major John Sheppard said as a bright yet oddly gentle light surrounded him and Chaya. He began to feel lightheaded and strange, as if he were floating.
The light stopped growing. Chaya stared into his eyes - although he did not remember opening them. Warm brown and icy blue locked as Chaya asked, Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?
Sheppard replied with conviction, Absolutely, positively sure.
The light intensified until it obscured everything, including Chaya. For a moment, he could still feel her hands on his arms, and her arms under his hands. But the floating sensation increased until all sensory input vanished.
Then, suddenly, he could see again, but it was not the forests of Proculis that greeted his eyes - not at first. He was inside Chayas head, seeing what she saw, remembering what she remembered.
Feeling what she felt.
Sheppard felt Chayas desolation as her people exiled her to this tiny planet. He saw just how devoted she was to the people of Proculis. He could sense the depth of her love for him. It made him dizzy to realize that she now knew, without a doubt, that he felt the same. He moved carefully, afraid to offend her, terrified that he would drive her away with one false step. A question born of previous rejection and paranoia occurred to him: Could this be some kind of screwed-up test?
Despite his fears, a profound peace swept over him as they explored each others psyches. Neither of them had anything to hide. Both were willing to give up everything for the other. This wasnt mere infatuation with good looks, this was love, pure and simple.
But that peace was suddenly shattered, along with the mental bond. The light disappeared, and the sensation of dropping like a stone caused Sheppard to stumble back from Chaya, gasping.
-------------------------------------------------------
The mental link was strange but exhilarating. There was much more to John Sheppard than met the eye - something she had suspected since they had met, but she now knew for certain. Chaya saw behind his sarcastic faade as easily as if it were a windowpane, to the sensitive soul underneath. He acted tough, but was in reality a loving, caring person.
She saw why John hid behind his mask. He had once been hurt, badly, when he had fallen in love with a woman. Chaya felt the anguish that had driven him to his knees as his fiance left him at the altar with an empty-headed note. She saw him close himself off to love - until he had met her. Even now, he was tentative, afraid he would be hurt again.
Do not worry, she reassured him.
Just as John could see her past, Chaya saw his, the events that had ultimately led him to Atlantis. Not only saw - felt.
He had fought in a war, in a place called Afghanistan. She sensed, disturbingly, his hatred for those he fought against. But that was long ago, and forgivable. Those feelings no longer existed. Chaya saw his personal morality override his orders as he rescued two men from behind enemy lines. She felt his disappointment in the American military as his act of heroism earned him not a medal but a court-martial.
She knew of his original indecision when General ONeill had asked him to join the Atlantis expedition. She sensed his wonder at the marvels of the sunken city, and his initial terror of the Wraith.
What she saw next horrified her.
John Sheppard no longer feared the Wraith, oh no. He hated them, hated them with all his being. She tore herself away from that hatred, mentally and physically. The jolt caused him to stumble backward, gasping, a bewildered look on his face.
What was that? Sheppard asked, wide-eyed.
-------------------------------------------------------
You have hatred in your heart, Chaya whispered.
Sheppard felt as if he were on a roller coaster that had suddenly taken a screaming downhill turn. For lack of an intelligent response, he stammered, Wh-what?
Chaya was backing slowly away form him. The Wraith. You hate the Wraith.
Of course I hate the Wraith! Sheppard almost shouted. Theyre on a killing spree! Theyre a threat to the entire galaxy! And they have a personal vendetta against my people when the only one they should be after is me!
Chaya shook her head. Justified or not, I cannot and will not abide such feelings. Im afraid this means goodbye, John. Forever.
The word speared through his heart like a knife. Chaya, please, listen to me -
Im sorry, John.
Sheppard turned away. So this is how all my relationships are supposed to go, I guess. Its Mari Crichton all over again, he sighed, naming his former fiance.
Chaya grabbed his arm and spun him back around. No! I am not leaving you for some stupid, airheaded nonreason.
No, youre leaving me for some idealistic, enlightened nonreason, Sheppard said sarcastically. I understand completely.
Chaya sighed. No, you do not. You cannot.
Oh, so now Im stupid, too, is that it? he snapped, glaring into her beautiful eyes.
The pity in those eyes threatened to beak his heart. No, Chaya whispered, youre just blind.
Without another word, lest his voice betray him, Sheppard left the village for the puddle jumper so she wouldnt see his tears.
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