hold on 2
Hold On - Sequel
by Sherrill C. Martin
TITLE: Hold On - Sequel
AUTHOR:Sherrill C. Martin
EMAIL: bosco4@gte.net
CATEGORY: Double Sam and Jack challenge: death of Sam, or Jack, at the other's hand & the kissing picture challenge.
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: Hold On
RATING: PG-A (If you read Hold On, you know what that means.)
CONTENT WARNINGS: None
SUMMARY: None given
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, so the story didn't end where I thought it would. Here's, as Paul Harvey says, the rest of the story. I have also managed to take care of two other S&J challenges in the meantime. Hope you enjoy and be well. Happy Memorial Day to all of you and remember those who died for our freedom.
"Oh, no." Dr. Janet Frasier's words told the story as she and Captain Samantha Carter examined the x-ray of Colonel Jack O'Neill's chest. Luckily, the arrow that he'd been shot with had missed Jack's heart, only by a fraction of an inch, that was the good news. The bad part was that the head of the arrow was pressing against Jack's spinal cord.
"Janet, does that mean what I think it means," Sam asked in a scared whisper.
Dr. Frasier turned to face her friend, one hand holding the x-ray, the other going to Sam's shoulder for a comforting squeeze. "It doesn't look good, but this is just one view. When the other x-rays are developed they will show us a better picture."
Nodding her head in agreement, though she felt anything but calm, Sam turned once more to look at the x-ray in Dr. Frasier's hand. Dread filled her as she remembered ordering Teal'c to carry the colonel as they escaped their attackers. She should have done things differently.
"Sam," Dr. Frasier warned, seeing the guilty expression on Sam's face. "You are not to blame here. You did what you had to do. Your commanding officer was down and you took charge and removed him from further injury." Janet saw that her words were having little effect on her friend. Slipping the x-ray back into its jacket, Janet set it aside and turned to grab Sam's shoulders and turn her around. "You will not blame yourself on this one," she reiterated. "This was Colonel O'Neill's mission and you took charge as you should have." Sam shook her head and began to speak, but Janet would let her. "Jack O'Neill would tell you the same thing."
"Excuse me, Dr. Frasier, here are the other x-rays." The technician quickly handed the films to the doctor, gave Sam a pitying glance, then hurried out of Dr. Frasier's office.
Switching on the bank of lights along one wall of the office, Janet quickly placed the four films in the holders and began to study each one seriously.
Sam waited as long as she could before walking over to confirm her fear. Her face paled when she looked at the last film, an x-ray of Jack from the side. The arrow had actually penetrated the vertebrae of his spine and severed his spinal cord. Suddenly, the room began to spin and a chair was shoved unceremoniously against the back of her knees.
"Sit," Janet ordered as she applied a cool, wet cloth to the back of her friend's neck. "Lean your head between your knees and take deep breaths."
"Janet, this has got to be a bad dream," Sam whispered.
"I'm afraid it's all too real." Janet quickly removed the films and placed them on her desk. "Do you feel like sitting up, yet?" She asked when she noticed that Sam's color was returning.
Leaning her elbows on her thighs and placing her face in her hands, Sam sat up a bit. "The colonel..." She began, only to stumble for words.
"I'm going in to tell him now," Janet informed Sam.
"May I come with you?" Sam asked, looking up at her friend. She couldn't know that her heart was in her eyes and Janet nearly lost her composure.
"Sam, you know that I can't..."
"Janet, forget the formalities. You and I both know that Jack O'Neill has no one but Sarah, and she has gone out of town on vacation with her father. I should be with him when you tell him."
"Sam..." Janet watched her friend a second, then shook her head. "I'll ask the colonel, okay?"
Sam snorted in a very unladylike manner. "How are you going to ask him? Huh?" She jumped to her feet and began to pace the room like an agitated tiger. In a mocking voice she said, "Jack, I have some distressing news to tell you. Is it okay if Sam Carter sits in?"
Janet gave her distressed friend a wounded look. "Sam, you know that I would never do that." She turned to pick up the x-rays from her desk and headed out of the room. "Come with me and we'll see what he says."
Running to keep up with Dr. Frasier, Sam had to grab the woman's arm in order to slow her down enough to apologize.
"Janet, I'm so sorry," Sam said. "I didn't mean it that way."
Stopping in the middle of the infirmary, Janet smiled softly at her friend. "I know you didn't," she assured Sam. "And I know better than to take anything that a loved one says after receiving bad news to heart. All is forgiven." Hooking her arm through Sam's Janet smiled again. "Now, let's go talk to Jack."
~*~
Standing sentry before the colonel's doorway was Teal'c. He nodded gravely at Dr. Frasier and Sam.
"Teal'c, why are you here?" Sam asked as she paused in front of the former Serpent guard.
"Dr. Frasier requested that I monitor who goes in and comes out of Colonel O'Neill's room," Teal'c explained without any emotion in his voice.
"Thank you, Teal'c," Janet said as she gently patted him on the arm. "You are dismissed."
Teal'c nodded his head once more, then quietly left the infirmary.
"What was that all about?" Sam asked when Teal'c disappeared out the door.
"I could tell he was just as concerned as you were, as we all are," Janet explained. "So, I decided that he would feel better doing something that would help the colonel."
"Janet, you are so good," Sam said as she gave her friend an impulsive hug.
"Thank you." Janet gave Sam a serious look. "Are you ready?" She inquired gesturing toward Jack's room.
Taking a deep, cleansing breath, Sam nodded her head and stood in the doorway when Janet walked inside.
Walking over to Jack's bedside, Janet blocked his view of the doorway and Sam standing there. The wound over Jack's left eye had been sutured and the bandage was such that it covered his left eye. Gently pressing a piece of loose tape down on the bandage, Dr. Frasier looked into Jack's other eye and was surprised to see that he was watching her carefully.
"Colonel," Janet greeted, smiling softly at him. "How do you feel?"
Jack's mouth worked for several seconds before he could speak. "Hurts," was all he could utter.
"I know, but I don't want to give you anything until we get the rest of that arrow out of your chest." Janet had used a pair of sterile wire clippers to break off the end of the arrow so that it would not cause any further damage. She had intended on taking him straight to surgery after the x-rays were completed, but the images had changed everything. "Colonel, I need to talk to you and I was wondering if you'd like to have someone with you when I do," Dr. Frasier asked carefully.
"Bad news, Doc?" Jack asked in a rasping voice, sounding curious, not concerned.
"Yes, Colonel."
Jack closed his uncovered eye for a brief moment, then opened it again. "Can you have Sam come in, please?" He requested softly.
Turning toward the door, Janet didn't even have to say anything to Sam, as the woman was halfway across the floor by that time. She had heard Jack's request and her heart felt just a bit lighter for it.
Standing on the left side of Jack's bed, Sam reached down and placed her warm hand atop his cold one. "I'm here, Jack," Sam said, in what she hoped was a strong voice, though to her ears she sounded scared. She looked up into Janet's eyes and the woman gave a barely perceptible shake of her head to indicate that Sam had lost the battle to be strong. Squaring her shoulders, Sam tightened her grip on Jack's hand and nodded at Janet to continue.
"Colonel, as you know you have sustained an injury with an arrow. The protruding part of the arrow has been removed, however the rest of the arrow is still imbedded in your chest wall." Dr. Frasier waited for the news to sink in.
"Why?" Jack asked after a moment.
"The head of the arrow is pressing into your spine..."
"That why I can't feel anything below my shoulders?" Jack said bluntly. While Dr. Frasier had been gone he had tried moving his feet and legs, but had failed miserably. Jack had been injured enough to know that this injury was more serious than any of the others.
"That's right," Janet stated just as directly. "The arrowhead has injured the spinal cord, Colonel."
Closing his eyes momentarily Jack finally opened them to look up at Sam. Something tangible passed between them and Janet felt a sudden shudder pass through her for some unknown reason.
"Thank you, Doc," Jack said in a dismissing voice. When the women turned to leave him, Jack called after them. "Sam, could you please stay a minute?"
Janet gave Sam a reassuring smile, then left them alone.
Moving back to Jack's bedside, this time on the right side so that he could see her without having to move his head. Stroking a strand of hair from his forehead, Sam moved her hand down to gently caress his cheek.
"Colonel?"
"Sam," Jack said with just a hint of his usual sarcasm. "I think after all that we've been through recently, you can call me Jack."
Sam smiled sadly at him. "It would be an honor, sir."
"Cut the crap, Carter," Jack growled, the idea of being totally incapacitated for the rest of his life weighing heavily on his mind suddenly. "I asked you to stay behind because I've got something very important to ask you." Jack gave her a direct stare, holding her eyes with his own.
"Okay," Sam agreed without a thought to what he may ask of her.
"Doc Frasier said earlier that she was going to take me into surgery and remove this arrow." He looked down at his chest and the swathe of bandages there. "Sam, promise me something." He gazed at her intensely.
"Anything, sir," Sam agreed without hesitation.
"Sam," Jack continued after she answered him. "If I make it out of surgery, I want you to be the one to pull the plug if I'm still paralyzed."
His request stunned her speechless. Looking at him like he'd lost his mind, Sam shook her head.
"No, sir," Sam finally uttered, as she continued to shake her head. "I - I can't do that, sir. You can't ask me to..."
"Sam, look at me," Jack said in his best commanding voice. "I can't live a life like that.. depending on someone to do even the most basic things for me."
"Jack," Sam cried out. "Do you know what you're asking me to do?" She continued without waiting for him to answer. "You're asking me to kill you." Her voice caught on a sob and she covered her trembling mouth with her free hand. "You can't ask me to do that."
"Sam, you are the only one I can ask," Jack pleaded. "Daniel's too kindhearted and I know Teal'c well enough to know that he won't do it." He looked up into her eyes and she could see the pleading in his. "Sam, you're the only one."
Sam wiped a tear from her eye and gave a nervous laugh. "I don't know why you're telling me this. The surgery is going to go well, and you'll be up and walking in a couple of weeks."
Jack gave her a stern look, amazing Sam that he could do so with just one eye. "Stop kidding yourself, Sam. I know, as well as you, that I will never walk again. Never be able to bathe myself, or take care of myself without help." As if the realization had just hit him, Jack tensed and closed his eyes. "I'll never be able to make love again."
A shudder shook Sam clear to the bone at the defeatism in Jack's voice. She wanted to argue with him, but she couldn't, not when he was right. Janet had as much told her that Jack would never walk again, despite the surgery. His spinal cord had been severely damaged and there was nothing that could be done for him with the current medical know-how.
"Jack, what if..." Sam began, only to be interrupted by Jack.
"Sam, don't you think I've gone over all of the 'what-if's'? I have, and I am no closer to a solution than you are."
"The Tok'ra," Sam suggested cautiously and with perfect reason.
"There's no way they're going to put a snake in my head," Jack snapped in disgust.
"Okay," Sam said as she tried to calm him. The machines that monitored his vitals were going crazy and within seconds Dr. Frasier came racing back into the room.
"What are you two trying to do?" She said as she hurried over to the noisy bank of machines and gazed at the readings on several of them. "Jack, you're going to have to calm down and if that means having to send Sam out of the room, then I'll do it."
"No need to send me, Janet," Sam volunteered. "I have something I need to do." Sam looked down at Jack, whose eyes were silently begging her to stay. "I'll be here when you come out of surgery, sir," she told him, then hurried out of the room.
"What on earth?" Dr. Frasier said as she turned to watch Sam practically run from the infirmary. "That must have been one deep conversation," she hinted to Jack, but he wasn't talking all of a sudden. "Dr. Sawyer has been flown in and he's waiting for us in the O.R.," she said as she began to disconnect the EKG leads from the pads on Jack's chest. "You'll be going to surgery in about a half hour. For now I'm going to give you something to relax you."
Injecting a liquid directly into Jack's I.V. line, Janet waited until Jack's eyes closed, then waved two orderlies into the room to prepare him for surgery.
~*~
Sam ran as fast as her legs could carry her, passing people in the hallway without apology. At first she didn't realize where she was going, until she skidded to a stop at the door bearing a stained glass cross that lead into the tiny chapel. The room only held about ten pews, none of which were occupied at the moment, much to Sam's relief. Dropping into the first bench she came to, she dropped her head into her hands and allowed the pent up tears to fall. Great sobs racked her small frame until she thought she could cry no more. Suddenly a hand fell gently on her shoulder. She turned red-rimmed and swollen eyes up to see Pastor Montgomery standing there, compassion in his eyes.
"My sister, what troubles you?" He asked softly.
Sam simply shook her head as she braced herself to get to her feet.
"No. Please stay. If you need me, you know where my office is," Pastor Montgomery reminded her. Then, with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder he was gone.
Settling back onto the bench, Sam closed her eyes and sighed. It was quiet and serene here which was what she troubled soul needed right now. As the serenity of the place settled in around her, Sam found herself seeking that certain place in her mind where she could leave all her troubles behind and just be. Thoughts of what Jack had requested of her kept intruding on her attempt at peace until she finally gave up and sat up straight. Staring straight ahead at the beautiful backlit stained glass mural of a herd of sheep in a peaceful valley, Sam mulled over in her mind what Jack was asking of her.
Being in the military made you tough. Tough enough to face an enemy face-to-face, if need be, in hand-to-hand combat. But, Jack's enemy was invisible, therefore he was unable to fight back, except in the only way he knew how. Retreat was not an option to him, but to Sam it seemed that Jack was doing just that. Only he wasn't doing the retreating, he was asking her to take care of the deed for him. Sam had never, in all the years of knowing Jack O'Neill, thought of him as a quitter. Anger filled her now as she thought about what he had insisted that she do.
A quick glance at her watch told her that she'd been sitting there for two hours, though she hadn't been aware of the time going by, so caught up in her troubles was she. She stood to her feet and walked from the chapel, resolved to do what she had to do.
~*~
The surgery had taken longer than Drs. Frasier and Sawyer had anticipated, though the outcome had been the same. Colonel Jack O'Neill would never walk again. Having known the colonel these past three years, Janet sent someone to find Sam before she went in to talk to the him.
Sam hurried into Dr. Frasier's office, having been summoned from her quarters where she had been awaiting the news of the surgery with Daniel and Teal'c close at hand. Daniel waited anxiously outside Dr. Frasier's office. Teal'c stood at the doorway of the infirmary in order to give the doctor and Sam more privacy.
Closing the door to her office practically in Daniel's face, Janet gestured toward a chair. "Have a seat, Sam," she offered as she settled into her own chair with a heavy sigh.
"Just tell me," Sam pleaded urgently.
"It's as I told you both before the surgery," Janet said regretfully. "The spinal cord has been damaged beyond repair." She shook her head. "If only... No, I can't play that role," she muttered to herself, then looked across the desk at Sam with an apologetic smile. "See, you aren't the only one who feels guilty from time to time."
"So, what are his chances?" Sam asked bluntly.
Dr. Frasier nodded her head at Sam's bluntness. She could see that the news had shocked her friend, despite the fact that she had known beforehand what Jack's chance had been. "If all goes as expected, Jack should be out of danger as soon as tomorrow."
Shock crossed Sam's face once more. "What do you mean, out of danger?" She blurted out.
"Surely you know that a surgery of this nature is dangerous. Pneumonia, infection, or any number of things could complicate Jack's recovery. It doesn't help that he is unable to sit up and move about. The lungs tend to fill up with fluid when one is immobile."
"Can't you help him?" Sam asked worriedly.
"Oh, yes, we're going to put him in a special bed that turns a bit every five minutes, but that doesn't eliminate the dangers, it just gives Jack a chance." Janet looked tired as she stood to her feet. "Let's go see if the colonel is awake yet, shall we?"
She came around the desk to Sam's side and stood, expectantly waiting for her friend to stand to her feet. When Sam remained sitting in the chair, Janet gave her a stern look. "Jack will be expecting to see you there," she reminded Sam.
With a nod of her head Sam stood to her feet and followed Janet to the door. Daniel practically fell on them when they walked out.
"How is Jack? He's going to be fine, right?" Daniel's questions were nonstop until Dr. Frasier held a hand in the air, palm forward.
"Daniel, I have a patient to see at the moment. I will speak to you when I return. Excuse me," she said politely, then grabbing Sam's elbow, hurried toward the ICU.
Sam was unprepared for the sight that met her eyes when they stepped into Jack's room. He was strapped on a bed within a round frame that moved slightly even as they walked inside. Pity filled her as she realized that a great and mighty warrior had been reduced to this. Tears threatened, but Sam squelched them, packing the pity away with the fear that had caused the tears to surface. She followed Janet over to stand beside Jack as Janet maneuvered the bed until Jack was lying basically on his back.
A nurse, who had been monitoring the machines that beeped and buzzed along the wall to Jack's left, caught the gesture of Dr. Frasier's head and quickly left the room.
"Jack!" Dr. Frasier called to the unconscious man in an attempt to awaken him. "Wake up. I have someone here to see you." She reached out and pulled Sam a little closer. "Sam wants to talk to you, Jack." At Dr. Frasier's encouraging smile, Sam added her voice to Janet's.
"Hi, Colonel..., er Jack," she corrected herself. "Listen, I have a few things to go over with you. Things that we discussed earlier." Her face reddened when she realized that Janet was watching her closely. Sam merely shrugged her shoulders and reached out to place her warm hand against Jack's cheek. "Wake up, Jack," she pleaded.
With a barely perceptible flutter of his lashes, Jack shook his head slightly, then moaned in pain at the movement. His eyes opened slightly and he smiled softly at Sam since hers was the first face he could see.
"Hi, Baby," he murmured in a sleepy voice. "What are you doing out of bed?"
Sam exchanged a shocked glance with Janet.
"It's the anesthesia," Janet explained, as if to convince herself, as well as Sam.
"Sarah?" Jack called out, his eye closed in slumber. "Where are you?"
Leaving Janet's side, Sam crowded closer to Jack and whispered in his ear only words that he could hear. He calmed down and nuzzled his head against Sam's hand.
"'m glad," he whispered as he drifted back to sleep.
"I... I'm going to.. uh, I'm going back to my quarters to get some rest," Sam told Janet just before she bolted from the room.
Janet watched in surprise as Jack opened his eye and looked around for Sam. "Is she gone?" He rasped out when he didn't see anyone except Dr. Frasier. At her nod he sighed softly. "Good."
"Jack, what's going on?" Janet asked as one friend to another.
"Nothing."
"If it's something that concerns your health..." She began.
"Drop it, Doc," Jack warned in a growl, then began to cough. Pain sliced through his chest, just above the surgical area. He threw his head back and ground his teeth together in an attempt to hold back a scream.
Janet quickly injected pain medication into his I.V. and gently held him, stroking his cheek until the medication set in and he drifted off to sleep again. Adjusting the control on the bed she pushed a button on the wall in order to call the nurse back to the room. Jack was to have a round-the-clock nurse until he was able to care for himself. Janet was anxious to find Sam and discover why her friend had left in such a hurry.
"Marci, keep an eye on Colonel O'Neill's lungs. He was coughing a moment ago." With her instructions given, Janet hurried from Jack's room in pursuit of Samantha Carter.
~*~
Stuffing clothes willy-nilly into a canvas duffle bag, Sam didn't hear the knock on her door over her own sobs.
"What are you doing?" Janet asked Sam as she entered the room strewn with clothes and various other personal belongings. She took a quick look around and narrowed suspicious eyes at her friend. "Are you running?" She inquired.
"I'm calling it a tactical retreat," Sam muttered as she stuffed one sneaker into the duffle, leaving the mate lying on the floor beneath a pair of jeans turned inside out.
"What are you running away from?" Janet insisted.
"Death," came Sam's unexpected reply as she zipped up the duffle and pulled it over her shoulder.
"Whose death?"
Sam simply shook her head and started toward the door without looking at Janet.
The doctor reached out and grabbed Sam's arm and jerked her to a stop. "Sam, talk to me," she pleaded when her friend refused to look at her.
"There is nothing to discuss," Sam finally admitted. "I made a promise that I have no intention of keeping. Therefore, I have to leave."
Janet was stunned. Samantha Carter, leaving the Air Force? Something was terribly wrong here. Pulling Sam's resisting body with her to sit on the clothes cluttered bed, Janet slipped the strap of the duffle bag off Sam's shoulder and dropped it to the floor beside them.
"Sam, you once told me that the Air Force was your life," Janet began softly. "I'm going to ask you once more, what are you running from?"
"Jack's going to die," Sam said with such assurance that Janet was taken aback.
"Sam, you can't know that!" She exclaimed.
Sam turned troubled blue eyes to give her friend a look that frightened the normally unflappable woman. "He asked me to kill him."
If Sam had plunged a knife into her chest, Janet couldn't have been more shocked.
"W-w-what are you saying?" She stuttered.
"Jack asked me to help him end his life if the surgery couldn't help him regain the use of his legs." Sam looked down at her trembling hands, wondering where the water was coming from that made dark circles on her green fatigue pants.
"Well, you can't do it," Janet said so matter-of-factly that Sam almost smiled.
"Janet, I made him a promise. I know it goes against everything that you stand for, but think about Jack O'Neill. He's a very proud man and very active. Could you even imagine what it would be like to be trapped inside a body that was unable to do the things that you loved to do?"
Janet was shaking her head. "That doesn't matter," she argued. "What you're proposing is murder, pure and simple."
"Oh, I know," Sam agreed as she drew her legs up onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her knees. "I have bee having this exact argument ever since Jack and I talked before the surgery." Sam dropped her chin to her knees and stared, unseeing, across the room at the ugly gray wall. "Believe me, I don't want to do this anymore than you want me to."
"You'll go to jail," Janet reminded Sam.
"I know that, too."
Janet couldn't believe that she was sitting here having this conversation with her friend. They should be talking about that cute nurse that had just been assigned to the base infirmary, or the new lieutenant who had his eye on the both of them since he had arrived. She gazed at Sam's profile and it seemed that her friend had aged overnight.
"Sam, may I ask you a question?"
With a shrug of her shoulders, Sam continued to stare at the wall.
"Did Jack give you the opportunity to say no?"
Burying her face in her upraised knees, Sam shook her head no. She began to tremble and Janet gently took her friend into her arms and held her close.
"It's going to be all right," Janet said as she fished a hand into her lab jacket pocket and pulled out a hypodermic and inserted it into Sam's upper arm. Sam straightened in shock and shot Janet a glare of anger just before she crumpled to the bed, unconscious.
Janet did a thorough search of Sam's duffle and her room and discovered two vials of sedative and a hypodermic needle. Pocketing the medicine, she exited the room, locking Sam inside. As she hurried back to the infirmary she ran into a soldier and ordered him to place a round the clock guard on Captain Carter's door. She invented an excuse for the guard and hurried on her way, leaving a confused lieutenant in her wake.
~*~
Jack's condition had deteriorated in the short time that Janet had been with Sam. As feared, his lungs had filled with fluid and he had to be placed on a respirator to help him breath. It was as if he'd given up the fight to live.
Only Janet knew the full truth of the situation and she was aware that it would only be a matter of time before she would have to inform her superiors of the situation. That time came faster than she could have anticipated.
General George Hammond was a commanding figure, despite his barrel chest and bald head. Deep respect for the man surged through Janet when she looked up from one of Jack's monitors to see him standing there. He'd been to see Jack several times since he'd been brought home, but had never managed to be there when Jack had been conscious.
"Dr. Frasier, I've had word that Colonel O'Neill is worse," he said in his slow Texas drawl.
"Yes, sir," Janet said with a nod of her head. "He's taken a turn for the worse. We're doing all that we can to help him, but it seems that he has given up." She placed a gentle hand on Jack's arm. "If he gives up hope, then all we do is in vain."
"Understood." Hammond walked over to look down into Jack's drawn and pale face. "Jack?" He called softly. "Can you hear me?" The general glanced across the bed at Janet, who shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know if Jack could hear, or not. "Jack, Sarah's on her way here. We found her in Florida and told her about your injuries. She told me to relay a message to you. Sarah said for you to hold on until she got here."
A subtle change of sound issued from the monitoring equipment causing Janet to glance that way. Jack's erratic heartbeat had settled down and he wasn't fighting the respirator as much as he was before. Perhaps he was able to hear the general after all.
The general continued on for a few minutes more, explaining that Sarah's flight would arrive at the Colorado Springs airport within the hour and that an escort would meet her flight and bring her straight to Cheyenne Mountain.
Janet sighed. Why did life have to be so complicated? She had checked on Sam and found her pacing her quarters like a caged lion. She hadn't even acknowledged Janet when her friend had let herself into the room. After several minutes of trying to explain to Sam why she had done what had been necessary, Janet let herself out of the room and locked Sam in again.
Now, she stood waiting with General Hammond as time slipped slowly away. Jack grew worse and Janet was certain that he wouldn't be able to wait for Sarah when the harried woman was whisked into the room by none other than Teal'c.
"Mrs. O'Neill," Teal'c introduced her to General Hammond, then left the room as quietly as he'd entered.
Hurrying across the room to Jack's side, Sarah took his hand in her own trembling one and held on tightly to it. Janet and General Hammond moved across the room to give them privacy.
"Jack, honey," Sarah called softly, her face close to his. "Wake up, please. We need to talk about Charlie." She knew that if nothing else could reach him, the mention of Charlie would.
As soon as Sarah had begun to speak, Jack's heart rate had doubled. Stepping over to the heart monitor she carefully kept an eye on the data there while still trying to give the couple their privacy.
"Jack, wake up!" Sarah called desperately. She gasped when he opened his eye and stared at her as if to blink would be to have her disappear. "I'm here, honey. I'm not going to go anywhere." She gently smoothed the back of her fingers across his beard-rough cheek. "I know you can't speak right now, but that's okay. We'll talk when you're better. For right now, just close your eyes and rest. I'll be right here when you wake up again." She leaned over and kissed his forehead and Jack's eye closed as he drifted off into a normal, healing sleep.
Janet exchanged a quick smile with Sarah before she placed her stethoscope to Jack's chest and listened to his lungs. They were still congested, but it wasn't as bad as before. Sending Sarah a grateful look, Janet pocketed the stethoscope and showed Sarah where the rest room was so that she could clean up after her hurried flight. Then Janet sent a nurse back in to keep an eye on Jack while she went to inform Sam of Sarah's arrival.
~*~
Sam was fighting mad. Janet had no right to lock her in her own quarters, then post a guard outside her door. When Janet opened the door, Sam was ready to take the poor woman's head off.
"Whoa!" Janet cried when Sam tried to rush the door. "Just hold on there. I'm going to release you, but I need to tell you something first."
"I don't need to hear anything from you," Sam growled as she pushed past her friend and headed into the hallway. At Janet's nod, the guard let Sam go.
"Sarah's here."
Dr. Janet Frasier's words stopped Sam in her tracks. Pivoting on her heel, Sam turned to confront her friend and colleague. "Jack?" She asked in dread.
"He took a bad turn, but is improving." Janet watched as emotion after emotion rolled across Sam's face. "I believe the colonel's going to make it," Janet told Sam with confidence.
Sam simply nodded her head, then turned around and strode away, leaving Janet to wonder where she was going.
~*~
Having been through an emotional wringer, Sam sought the peace and quiet of the little chapel. Dropping once more into a pew at the back of the sanctuary, Sam bowed her head and began to pray. She didn't know how long she prayed, but this time, when the gentle hand settled on her shoulder, she wasn't startled. She looked up into Pastor Montgomery's pale green eyes and blurted out her problems. It wasn't long before he was sitting in the pew with her and giving her a comforting shoulder to cry on.
Before long another needful soul entered the chapel as Sam was explaining about Jack's request from her. She hadn't mentioned any names, but that hadn't been necessary since the base was like a small community and everyone knew everyone else's business. The pastor had known about Jack's injury and subsequent illness, so it wasn't hard to put two and two together. What he hadn't factored in was Sam's confession that she was in love with the same man who had garnered a promise from her to help him end his life.
Sam was suddenly aware of someone else sitting on her other side, she lifted her downcast and repentant eyes to stare into Sarah's clear blue eyes. Mortified beyond anything, Sam gasped and stood to her feet in an attempt to take flight, but she was hemmed in. Just as she raised a foot to vault over the pew in front of her, Sarah clasped her hand and gently pulled her back to the seat.
Placing a comforting arm around Sam's bent shoulders, Sarah whispered soothing words to the shocked woman.
"Sam, I may call you Sam?" Sarah began, then continued when Sam nodded her head uncertainly. "Jack and I had a wonderful life," Sarah began, only to stop abruptly when Sam surged to her feet once more. Pulling the reluctant woman back to her seat again, Sarah smiled gently. "Sam, it's okay. What Jack and I had was precious, but it's over now and has been for some time. He is free to love another, just as I am." Sarah dipped her head in order to look into Sam's eyes. "He is free to love you as much as you love him."
Closing her eyes to shut out the image that Sarah's last words conjured up, Sam didn't see the look Sarah and Pastor Montgomery shared just before he excused himself and left the sanctuary.
"Right now it may seem that the odds are stacked against the both of you," Sarah counseled. "But, Jack is getting better at sharing his feelings." Sarah waited until Sam looked up to continue. "I know he cares a great deal about you, Sam,"
she confided. "Jack is a man of very few words and when he does say them, he means them with all of his heart and soul."
"That's what I'm scared of," Sam blurted out, then wished that she could remove her tongue.
"Tell me, Sam. It won't do either of you any good for you to hold it in." Sarah waited patiently for Sam to come to terms with her secret.
"It's something Jack asked me to do," Sam finally confessed, swearing to herself that she would go no further with the confession, she was shocked half out of her wits to hear Sarah's next words.
"He made you promise to help him end his life if he can't walk, didn't he?" Sarah stated softly, a knowing look in her eyes.
Nodding her head, Sam could only stare at Jack's ex-wife in confusion.
"He made me promise him the same thing when he returned from an Iraqi prison." Sarah sat back in the pew and regarded the pastoral scene at the front of the chapel, as if it held the words to the story she was about to impart. "He was left behind by his squadron and left to die in a desert prison camp. When he had finally been rescued and brought home after spending two weeks in a coma, he was confined to a wheelchair because of an injury to his back. He would have bouts of anger and depression, which didn't help my condition any as I was six months pregnant." Sarah stifled a sob of her own, unaware that Sam's tears had been flowing unchecked since she had begun the story.
"Anyway, just before Charlie was born, Jack was given the okay to get out of the wheelchair for short walks, but no heavy lifting." Sarah stopped to wipe away the tears and sighed. "He would have been okay, except that I took a tumble down the stairs and Jack, in his fear for me, lifted me into his arms to take me to the doctor to make sure everything was all right with the baby." She shuddered in memory. "I heard the disc pop out of place. Jack nearly dropped me again, but at the last minute he managed to get me onto the sofa."
Sarah looked at Sam now and reached out a hand to wipe away Sam's tears. "I've never seen him in such pain. I called an ambulance and we both went to the hospital. I was released to come home, but the doctor's put him in traction. Those were the hardest few weeks of my life," Sarah admitted. "The baby was due any minute and his father was lying in a hospital bed unable to move." Sarah shook her head and chuckled softly. "If I had only known then, what I do now, I wouldn't have gone to see him that night.
"The night before Charlie was to be born I went to the hospital to visit Jack as usual. The weathermen had been predicting a whiteout blizzard for two days, but nothing had come of it, so I thought I would be okay. I drove to the hospital and walked into Jack's room just as he was snapping at a poor nurse. As you may have found out, Jack is not at his best when he is sick, or injured." Sarah shared a grin with Sam, then continued with the tale. "Jack had the poor woman in tears and I let him know rather quickly that I didn't appreciate his being such a bear. He apologized to me and had me bring the nurse back so that he could apologize to her as well.
"Then he tried to make me promise that I would pull the plug on him if he was ever in a situation like today." Shaking her head as she leaned forward to prop her elbows on her knees, Sarah looked at Sam and smiled. "I couldn't do it. I told him that he was a coward and that if he thought that I was going to raise our baby alone, then he had another think coming to him."
"You didn't," Sam gasped.
"I did," Sarah laughed, then placed a hand across her flat stomach. "I went into labor shortly after that, so Jack didn't have much to say. His concerns had turned to the baby and me. He was ecstatic when the nurse made a special trip down to his floor to bring Charlie to meet his father."
"I don't think I have that kind of persuasion," Sam said softly, wishing beyond anything she'd ever wished for that she was pregnant with Jack's baby.
"You don't have to, Sam. As I told you earlier, Jack feels strongly toward you, but in his military mind, he doesn't see you as a woman that he could love. He sees you as a friend, coworker and, most importantly, an inferior officer with whom it would be against protocol to have a relationship with."
Someone entered the chapel and walked over to kneel before a small cross at the front of the sanctuary. Slipping out of their seats, Sam and Sarah quietly left the chapel and walked arm in arm toward the infirmary.
~*~
That he was still alive, Jack knew, but why this was so was a complete mystery to him. He and Sam had made a pact. Dr. Frasier had informed him, in clear terms, that the possibility of his ever walking again were very, very slim.
He had overcome fluid-filled lungs and a dangerous surgery to remove the arrow from his body, but that meant nothing to him. Where was Sam?
As if his thoughts had conjured her up, Sam walked into Jack's room with an uncertain smile on her face. Moving to stand on his right side, she asked the nurse to excuse them for a minute.
"Jack, I'm aware that you can't talk, but I want you to listen to me anyway." Sam took a deep breath and began. "What you asked me to do was wrong and I refuse to help you commit suicide." She watched him as his eye showed his anger, then continued. "As my commanding officer, you are in a position to order me to do anything..." She saw his look of triumph then delivered the last salvo. "But, you're not my superior officer at the moment and I happily inform you that your order is null and void." Sam pivoted on her heel before she could loose her composure and quickly retreated. As soon as she returned to Janet's office she had to seek a chair since she was trembling so badly.
"How did he take it?" Sarah asked from her seat beside Sam.
"I'm not too sure. If the reaction I saw in his eye is any indication, then I'm in a lot of trouble when he is able to speak." Sam looked across the desk at Janet. "How long do I have?"
"One more day should do it," Frasier said with a smile. "I want to wean him off of that respirator as soon as possible. As soon as I do, which will probably be tonight, he'll have a sore throat and will be given the order to keep quiet."
Janet grinned. "Imagine Jack O'Neill being ordered to keep quiet for a full day."
"I, for one, am going to enjoy it while it lasts," Sam admitted, still a bit stunned at the way she'd spoken to a superior officer.
"I think I'm going to turn in and get a good night's rest before the bomb drops." Sarah excused herself and found her way to the guest quarters.
Sam left to be briefed as to her orders for her next mission, leaving Janet to beard the lion in his den when she and another nurse removed the tube from Jack's throat. She warned him not to speak for twenty-four hours and if he did, he might just injure his vocal cords beyond repair. Jack had closed his mouth over any protests he had been about to make.
~*~
As fate would have it, Sam had been called upon to fill in on SG-7's mission. They left promptly at 0930 hours and stayed gone all day long. An exhausted and wet team reported back to the gateroom nearly twelve hours later. By the time they had been debriefed Sam felt like a walking Zombie. She only managed enough energy to hit the showers, then bed. She was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.
Sarah had canceled her vacation, but would go home tomorrow. She was visiting Jack the morning of her departure when Sam walked into the room.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she exclaimed as she backed out of the room.
"No, stay!" Sarah invited from her seat beside Jack's rotating bed. She scooted over in the wide chair and Sam perched on the edge uncertain of Jack's welcome. She hadn't long to wait.
"What are YOU doing here?" Jack growled, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Jackson Charles O'Neill!" Sarah declared, sounding for all the world as if she were scolding a child. "Just where are your manners today?" She placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, holding her firmly, but gently in place. Shock registered in Jack's eyes and Sam just now noticed that the heavy bandage that covered his left eye had been reduced to a smaller bandage. She had to stop herself from grinning and wondering if it was from Sarah's reprimand, or her use of his full name, which Sam had never known before.
"I came to visit with you and Sarah, before she leaves," Sam finally managed to answer with the moral support of Jack's ex-wife.
Jack turned angry eyes toward Sarah. "You didn't tell me that you were leaving," he accused.
"Oh. Didn't I?" She said with a soft chuckle. "Well, I have to get back to the house and check on Dad." She squeezed Sam's shoulder gently, then stood to her feet. "I'm so glad that you're feeling better, Jack," she said with a smile and a swift peck on his cheek. "I'll be back by to see you on Friday, okay?" With that Sarah was out the door, leaving two very uncomfortable friends behind her.
"Well?" Jack finally broke the silence.
"Yes?" Sam decided that she could play this game, too.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?"
Sam turned startled eyes on Jack, uncertain whether she'd actually heard him say that, or if she'd just conjured it up in her fertile mind.
"Ex-cuse me?" She stammered.
"I said, aren't you going to kiss me?" He grinned suddenly and Sam felt like taking his pillow and covering his face with it. Instead, she jumped to her feet and practically attacked him in her enthusiasm.
~*~
Several weeks later...
Sam sat on the ramp leading up to the stargate. Her newly formed team had just returned from Abydos where Daniel had learned that Sha're was still alive, but her whereabouts unknown. Sam was pondering the fickle fate of lovers the world over. Daniel was married, happily in love with his Abydonian wife until she had been take over by a Goa'uld. Now Sam and Jack had some sort of a relationship, though she had yet to define it, and Sarah had visited three days ago to share the news that she was to be married to a colleague that she'd known for years, but had never felt compelled to admit her attraction until she was sure that Jack no longer carried a torch for her. Sam chuckled tiredly. She stood to her feet and gathered her pack.
"Hi, lady." Jack's smooth voice caused Sam to jump and she lost her grip on her pack. Whirling around to face the doorway to the gateroom, Sam was surprised and happy to see Jack sitting in a wheelchair. She knew that he had finally consented to physical therapy, but the wheelchair had been a subject that he wouldn't broach.
"Hey, where did you get the wheels?" She greeted as she leaned over to pick up her pack once more.
Jack slowly rolled the chair to stop before Sam at the ramp. "Doc finally gave her permission for me to use one of these things," he said with a saucy grin. "Hop on and I'll take you for a ride."
"Oh, Jack," Sam exclaimed, overcome with joy that he was getting stronger with each passing day, but she wasn't about to have him overdo on his first day out. "I'll walk beside you."
"Nope, nothing doing." With a swiftness that Sam hadn't known he was capable of, Jack whipped his right arm out and pulled her into his lap. "Where to, milady?" He asked in a terrible attempt at a British accent.
"I'm fine right here," Sam purred as she nestled her head against his shoulder. They both heard the blast door rolling closed as General Hammond and the rest of the control room personnel grinned at the couple below.
Grinning broadly, Jack took Sam's face gently between his hands and with a promise in his eyes he kissed her quite thoroughly and soundly right there in the gateroom.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Sherrill C. Martin
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