Bank Robbery
Bank Robbery
by Biltong
Title: Bank Robbery
Author: Biltong
Email: mwradvid@mweb.co.za
Category: Action/Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Even a simple visit to the local bank can be dangerous for Sam and Jack.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
"Dammit!"
The call came just as she stepped into the shower. The call wasn't on her normal land line, hell no; it was her cell phone, that innocuous device last seen lying on her bed.
For a moment Sam was really tempted to ignore it, after all, she was dead tired and had a hell of a lot of dirt to wash off from her last mission before hitting the sack, most of it due to her extremely wonderful commanding officer. Trust him to fly that stupid death glider into the swamp anyway. So what if they were escaping the Jaffa? Just because he was a Colonel in the Air Force didn't mean he could fly. And if he had taken lessons from Teal'c, they hadn't rubbed off too well. Just thank their lucky stars that they hadn't broken anything apart from the stupid glider, something she was past caring about the minute she squelched face first into the first of many muddy puddles.
Damn him. At least Teal'c and Daniel were okay in the other death glider, managing to elude any followers by some dazzling flying, she was sure. They on the other hand had to stagger for two miles through an icky swamp with mud up to their eyeballs. Well, she at any rate. He was a considerably taller than her.
He only got mud up to his armpits.
And he should really have kept his comments about mud being good for the female complexion to himself.
She had never been so glad to finally reach the SGC and hear some sympathetic noises from Janet, and when General Hammond stood SG1 down for three days it was like music to her ears. To hell with Colonel O'Neill. If she didn't see him for the full three days she wouldn't mind a whit.
So, here she was, at long last able to have a really relaxing shower in the confines of her own home for the first time in two weeks, and the cell phone just had to ring.
Which meant only one thing, the base. Which meant that it was probably important.
At least it couldn't be him, all set to raise her blood pressure once again. The phone trilled again. Dammit. She couldn't ignore it, it might be important.
"Alright already, wait a goddamn minute...I'm coming."
Mumbling to herself she padded naked into her bedroom and picked up the phone.
"Carter."
"Hi, its me."
Of course it was him, who else would tear her away from a good shower?
"Yes sir?" Her voice was carefully neutral.
His voice sounded, tired, like it come from the bottom of a hollow drum.
"I'm still stuck at the base, finishing up reports. I just phoned to apologize for what happened on...you know."
Her anger started to dissipate, replaced with a sense of shame. Here she was, looking to a clean shower and a good long sleep, and there he was, still stuck at the SGC buried under a pile of paperwork. Sure, rank hath its privileges, but not always.
"Oh, It's okay sir", she said, feeling like a heel, " I'll wash clean." She hesitated, he sounded so tired. "And you?"
He laughed briefly. "Ah, I'm okay. I'm gonna finish up these reports, grab a quick shower, escape from here and buy the biggest breakfast-lunch combination I can find."
She frowned. "Lunch?"
He obviously picked up on the puzzlement in her voice.
"Yeah. Lunch. At least it is on this...you know."
"Uh huh." She knew.
"You hungry? I'm buying."
That would necessitate her own quick shower and no sleep until later, but he sounded so tired and lonely. Her neglected stomach decided the argument for her.
"Starved. Besides, I want to see you apologize in person."
He sounded amused. "We hit a bird Carter, I swear."
"Yeah right." She wasn't letting him off the hook that easily, besides, there was still the facemask crack to apologize for.
"When and where, sir?"
"Half an hour? I have to withdraw money at First, and I recall there was a nice restaurant next door that you quite liked."
She nodded, her toes curling into the carpet. Trust him to remember. It was over three months ago, and she had mentioned it once.
Something that sweet deserved something good in return.
"I'd like that sir. Now I really must go, I'm standing in here the buff and I'm getting cold."
He sounded stunned. "You're...Excuse me?"
"See you in thirty sir." Clicking off the phone she ran back to her shower. The poor man. She knew what an active imagination he had.
Damn the regulations. Someday...
Thirty minutes to the dot she walked into Papa Gallo's only to find he wasn't there yet. Pity, she wanted to see his expression when she swanned up to him wearing her pink and light blue gauzy floral dress she bought on a whim a couple of months ago.
Ah well, there was always the bank. Nodding to herself, she turned on one high heel and trotted into the First Bank.
The bank was a small sub-branch of a huge chain, but to Jack O'Neill, it was just the thing he needed. He detested the hundreds of people prevalent in the main branch, preferring to deal with a tiny branch such as this. It wasn't anything special, just a solid shop with smoked glass windows and two tellers hidden behind thick glass. The only problem was that today seemed to be pensioners' day, and consequently the queue was slow moving. Bless them, he was hungry and impatient, sure, but wouldn't grumble. Maybe someday he would be one of those old people, slowly shuffling forwards in the line waiting to collect their meager pension money, although privately he doubted it. Somehow, deep in his soul, he knew that he would never live to get that old.
Slowly the conversation died out as a vision walked through the door. He stared at her, aware that she had immediately gained the attention of every person in the bank. The vision swept the queue with her blue eyes, and then smiled as she found her objective.
Uh huh. As she thought, he was stuck in a queue, looking upset. For a moment she just stared at him, ignoring the leering stares of two deliverymen leaning against a far desk. Who cared about them when she had a handsome C.O. to stun?
And, damn, he was handsome. He was dressed in the usual olive BDU's, the only difference being the light that glinted off of the pair of eagles on his shoulders denoting rank that they had to wear off base. He also looked tired and hungry.
She made her way through the small queue with muttered apologies, until she reached his side.
"Hello Colonel."
His eyes widened as he took in her appearance, making her heart flutter.
"Wow," he cracked. "No khaki to be seen...or olive, black or brown." He looked down at her neat feet, and clutched his heart. "Aargh. High heels."
Damn this man for deliberately embarrassing her so.
"They're not that high," she mumbled, staring at them, making him grin.
Suddenly an elderly lady who stood in the queue behind them interrupted them.
"Girl, you shouldn't let your husband embarrass you so."
Samantha Carter immediately reddened.
Jack O'Neill couldn't believe his luck. Damn, he was in the mood to tease her, just for looking so delicious in that dress, and now this lady was really helping him out.
He turned to her. "Ya know, we've been married for years, and still she gets so embarrassed when I compliment her in public," he said sadly.
"That...dear, is because you lay it on so thick," she replied with a saccharine smile.
The older lady immediately took her arm.
"Dear, take it whilst you can, it's nice, believe me, I know. But just remember dear, nothing lasts forever."
Sam was immediately contrite.
"You're right, I apologize."
Then they were at the front of the queue and were being beckoned by a bored teller.
"Come dear." She smiled up at Jack, noticing him flush slightly as she linked arms with him. "Our money awaits."
Pushing him gently towards the teller, she turned back to the older woman.
"Nice talking to you," she said politely.
"Don't you ever let your handsome Colonel go, you hear?"
Sam smiled sadly. "Never. That I promise you."
She rejoined Colonel O'Neill just as he was pocketing his money. He smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Ready for lunch, darling? "
Oh so that was how he was going to play it?
She nodded, refusing to be embarrassed anymore.
"Always, as long as it's with you," she said throatily, reaching up and pecking his cheek, aware of the seven elderly people still in the queue smiling at them. Not so the two delivery people, who were staring at them fixedly.
He flushed a dark purple, making her smile.
"You win," he smiled through gritted teeth. "Let's go eat."
Turning her towards the door, he took a step, and stared straight down the business end of a loaded gun.
"NOBODY MOVE!"
The voice was young and arrogant, emanating from one of the delivery people, a large gun pointed unwaveringly at Jack O'Neill's head. "Especially you Colonel," he whispered, a smirk on his face.
Jack stood stock-still, marginally aware of the other man roughly herding the other people to the far side of the bank. Damn, he had been stupid, too wrapped up in Carter to listen to his antennae. Stupid idiot. He stood loose and easy, watching the youngster, waiting for an opening. The man was wiry with sallow pockmarked skin that spoke of a hard life. If he was robbing a bank, it was also a desperate life.
"C'mon Colonel." The kid started waving the gun around, walking towards the fit looking man with gray hair, Jack's calm gaze unnerving him. "C'mon. You think you can take me? Huh? Huh?" He made beckoning motions with his other hand. "C'mon then."
And then his gun wavered a bit too far off center.
With hindsight Jack realized that he had been stupid, but at the time, all he could think of was taking the youngster down and removing the gun from his face.
When the gun barrel moved away from him, a smiling Jack seized his chance. Stepping forwards he sunk his fist into the robber's midriff, years of experience telling him to never go for the gun hand. A hand was too smaller a target to ever snag successfully. The middle of the body on the other hand...
The results were spectacular. Sallow face sank to his feet with a squeak, his gun falling from suddenly nerveless fingers.
"Okay," he cried, kicking the gun across the floor. "Carter, get..."
He froze in momentary surprise when she didn't move and consequently never heard the other shot.
Samantha Carter looked on in horror as a gunshot boomed and Jack spun around and collapsed in a heap at her feet.
"Colonel?" She slowly sank to her knees next to him, the soldier in her carefully taking note of both gunmen. The narrow faced one was slowly regaining his feet, his expression vicious. The other one was leaning casually against the far wall, looking totally unperturbed that he had just shot someone.
Then her attention was totally focused on Jack.
"Sir," she said softly, noticing a neat hole to the right of his breastbone. "Hold still while I check..." She ignored his gaze. She knew as well as he did that the exit wound in his back would be far worse.
He looked up at her, his eyes liquid with pain and made to speak, but no words were audible. "What was that?" she asked softly, placing her ear close to his mouth.
"Dammit Carter, I was stupid...Call me Jack," he breathed. "Take Beretta, in...belt holster, and, for God's sake move ring from middle finger to wedding finger...okay?"
She smiled down at him, noticing his lips curve slightly in response, and then she leaned forwards and kissed him, her hands busy between their bodies as she quickly moved the ring as he had ordered. To her surprise he responded to her kiss. It really would have been nice if her mind wasn't busy on just how to get the heavy weight of the Beretta out of it's holster and secreted somewhere on her person. Slowly her hands moved towards it, only to have her head brutally yanked backwards by her hair.
"I said MOVE IT."
She looked up at...rat face, her face set. "I'm not moving without him."
She gasped as rat face casually kicked Jack in his side, making him cry out.
He laughed nastily. "Oh dear, didn't Colonel whatsit like being kicked in the ribs?" He made to kick him again when a snarl from the other side of the bank stopped him.
"Quit horsing around."
Sam looked up gratefully at the other man only to see his pale eyes resting on Jack speculatively. "Have you searched them?"
Rat face shook his head, his voice a nasal whine. "Gonna do that now."
Hard face scowled. "Shoulda done that first. It's already a clusterfuck, they bein' here, don't make it worse by screwing up."
Sam watched in horror as Rat face lifted Jack up off the floor by grabbing his shirt front, then slammed him back down, causing the back of his head to hit the tile floor with a sickening thud, effectively ending any possible resistance. The minute Jack went limp he rapidly searched him, finding his cell phone and the Beretta almost immediately.
"Ooh lookee here," he smirked at her, showing a row of rotten teeth. "Now, your turn wifey."
She had no choice. Covered by both Hard face and Rat face now armed with Jack's Beretta, she slowly stood. Her head held high, she stared at the eight or so pensioners huddled together to one side of the bank as his hands slowly slithered over her body, feeling for more than a gun. Then, mercifully, the ordeal was over.
"Clean boss."
Hard face spoke directly to her.
"Walk slowly to the people over there and sit down." Nodding her understanding, she reached down for her bag, only to have him stop her.
"Uh uh, not your bag, wifey. Just you."
Dammit. She slowly straightened, another problem presenting itself.
"And Jack?"
Hard face smiled, not a pleasant thing to see. He pointed out to a big burly security guard. "You, come here."
Trembling nervously the guard took a step forwards.
"Yessir?"
"Drag the Colonel here over to your little bunch of hostages."
Sam stiffened. "You can't drag him, he's been shot," she whispered, horrified beyond words.
Hard face's smile became broader.
"It's either that or I shoot him dead right now, your choice."
Clutching herself, just like Daniel did sometimes, she looked down at Jack, lying so still and pale. Gritting her teeth against the tidal wave of hatred that suffused her, she nodded at the guard, noticing his name badge.
"Okay Leroy, but slowly, okay?"
Leroy nodded, and grasped Jack's booted feet. Step by step they dragged him over to the crouched pensioners, trying desperately to ignore the crimson trail they left behind, until he was lying amongst them. Once there she sank to her knees, unheeding of the sympathetic words. The Colonel was in trouble and it was up to her, again.
"Jack?" She stroked his cheek, wanting him to open his eyes, but he didn't.
Sitting back on her haunches, she looked up at the gathered people, aware that two frightened tellers and a rail thin man in his late fifties had joined them.
She stared at the man, figuring out correctly that he had to be the bank manager.
"Sir, is there a first aid box handy anywhere?"
The manager shook his head. "It's in the back, and somehow I can't see them allowing me to fetch it anytime soon, do you?"
Sam agreed. "Then I'll need a wad of tissues and... your tie sir."
She was gratified when the lady who had been behind them in the queue handed her a packet of tissues and the manager handed over his tie without a murmur. Tuning them out, she then proceeded to bandage Jack, finishing the job with her own gauzy scarf, concerned that he was still showing no signs of awakening. As soon as she was done the lady with the tissues covered him with a tablecloth she had found on a nearby table.
"Thanks," Sam whispered dejectedly, again brushing Jack's face. This was not right. He shouldn't be lying hurt in the middle of Colorado Springs. This was home. This was safety.
"What's that dear?"
With a guilty start she realized that she had spoken aloud.
"I said that this shouldn't be happening to us," she said, hoping that the inquisitive lady would accept this explanation. To her relief she did.
"Well, it is, so we had better accept it head on."
One of the men, a robust white haired man in his sixties nodded in agreement.
"Mattie's right." He looked around at the others. "Apart from the five youngsters, we are all over fifty years of age, old enough and cranky enough to accept this setback unflinchingly."
Slowly they all nodded, even the white-faced bank manager, making Sam smile.
Jack would be delighted to be counted as a youngster, along with her, the two tellers and the bank guard, although, come to think of it, he did look very young and defenseless lying so still like that.
"Jack?" She stroked his cheek once more, willing him to wake up, aware of the light flashing on her recently moved eternity ring. Trust him to notice some tiny detail like her ring, and which finger it was on.
"Jack?" she said again, but he didn't awaken.
"I'll be surprised if he doesn't have a fractured skull." Mattie's friend knelt down next to her with a grunt. "That was one hell of a crack that bastard gave him."
Sam nodded slowly, berating herself. Damn, she had forgotten about the head blow.
"Help me lift him slightly."
She had plenty of willing hands to keep Jack raised off of the ground, allowing her to gently run her fingers through the hair at the back of his head. To her dismay, she felt a slight give.
"Oh Jack." She shut her eyes for a second before looking up at the assembled people.
"I need a jacket or jersey, something soft to put behind his head." One of the tellers immediately stripped off her jersey, which Sam accepted gratefully. Carefully she laid Jack back down, making sure that he was resting comfortably.
Mattie put her hand on her arm. "His skull?" Sam nodded wordlessly. He needed Janet, and quickly.
"What do they want, why are they just standing there?" One of the pensioners burst out angrily, his frail body seeming to quiver in indignation. "Why I've got a good mind to march over there and..."
"Get shot, like the Colonel here?" Mattie shook her head in disgust. "Shut up Reggie."
Sam couldn't help but admire the feisty old lady.
"You seem to know everyone," she remarked, making Mattie smile.
"I do child." She drew up herself up to her full height. "We are all members of the Colorado Springs senior bowling club."
Sam tried to look impressed, but her heart wasn't in it, something the astute Mattie picked up on.
"Let me introduce ourselves."
She pointed to a tall black haired woman with small bright eyes. "This is Nancy, and that's Reggie." The frail looking man nodded.
Duncan, or Dunk for short, was a serious looking gentleman, Peggy reminded her poignantly of her grandmother and Janice had no time for them, just staring at their guards with fiery eyes.
"And I'm Paddy O' Reilly," the white haired man said, with a glare at Mattie. I believe it's all my fault that we're here right now. I have a car you see, and today's pensioner day..."
He started as Mattie's hand touched his, silencing him with a slight flush on his face.
"I'm Samantha Carter", she said softly, " and this is Jack O'Neill."
"You're both soldiers, aren't you?" Mattie asked quietly.
She nodded. "Air Force." She decided to come clean. "And we're not married, we were just fooling around."
"Liar," Paddy said with a smile, making her want to cry. "You remind me of Mattie and I fifty years ago, full of the sweetness of love."
Mattie reached down, her arm encircling Paddy. "Now we are in the autumn of love, and it's still just where I want to be." She gave her husband such a look of tenderness that Sam felt her heart break.
These people deserved to be outside, away from danger, not stuck in a bank with two gunmen waiting for God knows what.
She stared at Rat face, growling deep in her throat.
Mattie misunderstood.
"My dear, have patience. I'm sure that someone heard the gun shot. He'll be out of here in no time."
Sam felt slightly mollified until the bank manager shook his head slowly.
"I don't think so. He gestured to the smoked glass walls of the bank, making Rat Face twitch slightly. "These walls are solid armor plate." He looked annoyed. "I bet that no one heard a thing."
"So what are they up to?" The voice was low and husky and came from Jack O'Neill.
"Colonel."
"Hi Carter." Jack O' Neill couldn't remember when he felt so ill. He must have been at some point in his life, seeing as he had been shot before, but really, this time it seemed much worse. To make matters even more worrying was the fact that all he could see were distinct blurs.
"Carter?"
She took his waving hand.
"Lie still. You have a fractured skull."
"Ah. That explains it."
He could see her shape lean over him. "Sir?"
"I can't see too well, which is a pity, because I'd dearly love to..."
"Take them on?" The bank manager's voice was cynical. "Forget it. If I could I would.
Even Johnson, our security Guard has more professionalism than these two, and that's saying much, but they're staying right at the far side of the bank and the older man is armed with a H&K Submachine gun."
O'Neill's assessment of the bank manager went up a few notches. He was plainly not the thin geek he had seemed to be.
"Gulf?"
A hand reached down and gently gripped his shoulder. "Vietnam."
Jack sighed regretfully. "I was too young for that one."
The voice was dark. "Be glad." He shifted, "By the way I'm Henry Deerfield. I don't think we've ever been introduced."
Jack smiled and blindly put out his hand, which was shaken gravely.
"Charmed, I'm sure," He said dryly. Belatedly something occurred to him. "A Heckler and Koch submachine gun? Why would they need so much firepower?"
"I think they're after the Unity Milling pension fund," Deerfield said slowly. "The armored truck is due in about fifteen minutes." He hesitated, " It's worth about three million."
Jack raised his eyebrows, trying desperately to ignore the strange flashes of color that kept shooting across his vision. "And it comes here?"
The tall man must have nodded. "Yes, most pensioners live this side of town. Luckily for us, these bastards made their move too early. My phone's been ringing off the hook, probably the truck asking for the route confirmation code. Seeing as I'm not answering, and the bank doors are locked, I dare say it won't be long before the police are on the case."
"About time too," an elderly voice commentated. A large shape knelt down next to him.
"Hello son, I'm Mattie. I've been helping your wife keep you alive."
Jack frowned, blinking sleepily. "Sorry, she's not my..."
"THIS IS THE POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP."
There was stunned silence for a moment, then some of the pensioners burst into spontaneous clapping.
"Shut up or die," Hard Face yelled, showing the first signs of strain.
Sam decided to take the initiative.
"I suggest you leave. Attempted bank robbery is a much lesser crime than taking hostages." She stared straight at Hard Face. "Don't make this worse than it is."
The man looked unmoved, prompting Deerfield to chip in. "The Colonel here is seriously injured. If he dies, you're looking at murder as well."
Sam looked down at Jack, wanting to see how he was taking being used as a lever in the negotiations, but his face was impassive.
"YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES."
"In ten minutes this situation changes from a bank robbery to a hostage situation," Deerfield said calmly. "The police hand the case over to the FBI and you automatically add at least ten years on to your sentences."
"SHUT UP! "
Sam froze as Hard Face took a step towards them. She could see the snub nosed machine gun was set on full automatic and wondered if Deerfield could as well.
If he did, it didn't affect his behavior.
"I suggest you lay your guns on the ground, and walk out of the bank, slowly," he said calmly. "And I suggest that you do it quickly."
Sam's heart contracted into a cold fist as Jack's head suddenly lolled to one side, but he had merely given into the inevitable unconsciousness. Tenderly she righted him, arranging the soft jersey around his fracture.
The soldier in her saw what Deerfield saw, the pinched features of someone slowly bleeding to death. The fracture was secondary. If they didn't get him to a hospital as soon as possible, he would indeed die.
She was aware of Mattie squeezing her arm in sympathy.
"He doesn't have long," she whispered miserably, making the older woman gather her in a hug.
"Hang in there child", she whispered. "We'll make it, you'll see."
"YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES"
With a clatter Rat Face dropped his weapon and started to walk towards the bank doors, catching Hard Face by surprise.
"Jonas?"
"I'm going."
"Then wait for me."
Sam, Deerfield and rest of the people watched delightedly as the two robbers opened the doors and exited with their hands in the air, only to be immediately grabbed and thrown to the pavement.
Then to their surprise, the bank was filled with masked black clad people, all armed to the teeth.
"NOBODY MOVE."
The ex-hostages watched silently as the police SWAT team secured the area, kicking in doors where necessary, before they were pulled to their feet and roughly escorted out of the bank. Everyone was treated in the same manner, except for Sam and Jack.
For a brief moment the bank was silent and empty, then a black clad apparition slid to a halt by her side. "Maam, paramedics are on their way."
She looked up gratefully. "Thanks."
The man hissed when he saw the silver eagles and removed his mask, exposing an ebony face and kind eyes. "Oh man, he must have collected it bad." Sam nodded.
"He did."
Then she was gently pushed to one side as the paramedics took over.
"You were shot whilst in a bank?" Daniel's voice was incredulous. "Geez, is nothing sacred anymore?"
Sam smiled at Daniel's outraged expression, trying hard not to let her fatigue show.
It had been a truly traumatic twenty hours since Jack had been shot. At first all she had been worried about was whether he would survive, and only when they told her he would did she remember to call the base. As expected, their reaction been terrific.
Daniel had dealt with the City Hospital bureaucracy whilst Teal'c had guarded the Colonel's door, not even letting a nurse in unless she said it was okay. And when Doctor Fraiser arrived, she took over, just like that.
Janet had wanted him transferred to a more secure location, but at first he was too critical to be moved. When at last his blood pressure had begun to rise, the hospital had reluctantly given the okay, and he was immediately relocated to the infirmary, where he had been for the last ten hours.
"Yep." Jack's voice was a harsh croak. "I have to be careful of banks now." He smiled faintly. "But seriously, if it hadn't been for Carter here, I would have been dead."
Sam lowered her head, looking guilty. "I didn't do enough." She suddenly raised her head, looking furious. "Dammit, I should have dived for the gun when you..."
"And in all probability been killed." Jack's eyes were serious. "There are some points in life when we all do something so incredibly stupid that when the dust settles, assuming we survive, we can't help but ask ourselves what we were thinking of. Today I had my moment of sheer stupidity, and almost paid the ultimate price."
He could tell that Carter was confused before she even opened her mouth.
"Sir?"
He smiled at her. "I forgot to assess the situation before reacting, something they drill into you in boot camp, for Pete's sake."
When she slowly nodded her understanding, it was Daniel's turn to look confused.
"Mind telling me what language you're speaking please?"
They both smiled at his sarcasm. "Military", Jack answered. "Allow me to translate for our resident linguist."
He held up a trembling hand, obviously going to attempt to tick off some pertinent points, before abruptly thinking better of it and letting it return to the bed with a thud.
"Okay listen up kids, and learn from my mistakes.
"I never took the time to ask myself why two delivery men were in the bank in the middle of the day. It wasn't between the hours of thirteen to fourteen hundred, the traditional lunch period, nor were they standing in a queue. In fact, when I fist saw them, they were both leaning against the desk, looking as if they had all the time in the world."
He continued before anyone could answer.
"Second mistake was letting my arrogance and anger take control of my actions. I was baited by the younger one..."
"Rat Face," Sam murmured, causing Jack look at her oddly before nodding.
"Good description. Anyhow, Rat Face taunted my manhood, and I responded, not for a moment even thinking of his companion...?" He raised an enquiring eyebrow at Sam.
"Hard Face."
"Right. I completely ignored Hard Face, not even noticing the small fact that he was armed with a sub machine gun, for Pete's sake. Needless to say, he let me have it." He shuddered. "Luckily it was set on single shot, and his aim was shit, or I would have been just be a fond memory. And that brings us to my third and last mistake."
He looked up at them, trying hard not to let his fatigue show.
"And what was that, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked gravely.
"I completely ignored the fact that they were amateurs." He shifted his bodywith a small moan, trying to emphasize a point. "Rank amateurs. Why, they didn't even have masks on, and even if they intended the mass murder of all the witnesses in the bank, they still would have had their faces on candid camera." He locked his gaze with his captive audience. "Mistake three was treating them like seasoned professionals. I treated Rat Face like a soldier, a fellow professional, and collected a bullet from his friend for my trouble.
"Sam on the other hand, instinctively assessed the situation correctly, and instead of playing GI Jane, she took on the role of my meek and mild wife, and subsequently saved not only hers, but my life as well."
Sam was blushing furiously. "You're wrong. I would have gone for the gun," she muttered.
"Then why didn't you do so the minute I kicked it to your feet?"
She didn't answer, making him smile ruefully.
Daniel shattered their shared look.
"Wife?" He looked at her curiously. "You pretended you were married?"
Jack O'Neill sighed, sometimes there were advantages to being in the infirmary. He lay back with a smile and shut his eyes.
"Yep, she did it well too. She fooled a lot of people, believe me. Just ask her," he murmured, knowing that Daniel and Teal'c would, demanding of her every last nuance of information, no matter how long it took.
"Oh thanks Colonel..."
Her voice was soft and vicious, but carried perfectly well as Doc Fraiser shooed them out of the room.
"For this, I should'a let you die. Oh yeah, I should'a."
His voice was equally as soft. "Sorry sweetheart..."
EINDE
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