I Love You, Goodbye

TITLE: I Love You, Goodbye
AUTHOR:Arla
EMAIL: arla@telusplanet.net
CATEGORY: S/J, Angst, Killing Challenge response
SPOILERS: The Enemy Within
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNINGS: Character death
SUMMARY: Sam begs Jack to kill her.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: As always, kudos to my beta readers. ~~ Indicates thoughts. Hopefully without giving too much away, I went back and forth over where Sam's GSW should be, chest or head I wrote it one way, revised it with the other and then went back to the first way I had written it. Thanks to those who made suggestions, your help is and was appreciated. And finally, I guess the ending might be a bit of a cop-out, but...what the hell :O)

~Can this day possibly get any worse ?~ Colonel Jack O'Neill thought to himself as he moved quietly down the hall. The day had started out as fairly normal, with his team, SG1 surveying a new world. They had arrived and had split up, agreeing to meet back at the Stargate a couple of hours later. He, Daniel, and Teal'c had arrived on schedule, but Carter had been late. Just as he was beginning to worry and was going to search for her, she came trotting down the hill. "Sorry I'm late." she told them with a smile. "I went just a little too far and lost track of the time."

This was O'Neill's first clue that something was wrong, Carter never lost track of the time. He didn't press her on it, though, as they traveled back through the Stargate.

They emerged in the embarkation room and that was when the terrible truth was revealed.

Carter turned on them , her eyes glowing yellow and speaking in that distinctive Goa'uld voice, telling them all that she would now destroy them. It was obvious to him now that during the time away from them Carter had been captured by the Goa'uld and had unwillingly, he knew that with every fiber of his soul, become a host. And ,as a member of an SG team ,she was the perfect infiltration device. It took every ounce of courage in him to pick up that Zat gun and shoot her in the back, something he hoped he would never have to do again.

And now O'Neill was on his way to the brig to interrogate her....it. Jack's mind flashed back briefly to a similar situation when Jolinar had taken over Sam's body, only this time it was different, very different. Jack braced himself for the confrontation as he neared the cells.

The guard outside opened the door for him and O'Neill stepped into the room. Sam, no ...it stood in the middle of the cell, proud and defiant. "You have made a grave mistake Tau'ri!" the Goa'uld said coldly. "You may have captured me, but you will not stop us."

"We'll see about that!" O'Neill stated as he moved closer to the cell.

Suddenly Carter stiffened, then gasped. When she looked up her eyes were the clear blue he remembered and her face was filled with pain.

"Jack," she said. "I can't keep her away for long, she's very strong." Sam's eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. "I want you to kill me ,Jack." she told him.

O'Neill's face filled with horror and he shook his head. "I....I can't do that."

"Please, Jack." Sam sobbed. "I don't want to live like this, I'd rather be dead then be a host to this obscenity. Please, Jack! You have to hurry. I can feel her trying to gain control, and I'm not strong enough to do this again! Please!" she cried, tears staining her ivory cheeks.

"We can do something, Sam, anything else but this!" Jack pleaded with her. "Doctor Frazier can do something to get it out."

"No," Sam shook her head. "This is the only way to be sure. Remember Kowalski?" she reminded him softly. Jack grimaced. He did indeed remember Kowalski. Frazier had operated and removed what they had thought was all of the goa'uld from inside him but a piece had still remained. Without stopping to think, Jack crossed to the panel that activated the lasers and turned them off. He knew it was risky going inside, the goa'uld in Sam could take over again any second, but he felt this was important. He had to be inside with her. He opened the door and stepped into the cell. Cautiously he approached Sam, and stopped mere inches from her. Reaching out he rested his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. He could see the struggle on her face, her fight to keep the goa'uld away for just a little longer and instinctively knew that their time was short. The parasite inside Sam would regain control soon and once that happened Sam would not be able to get through again. His hand rose to cup her cheek. "We'll find another way, Sam." he said softly, emotion choking his voice. "Any other way. Maybe..."

Sam leaned into his caress and her tears soaked his hand as she said. "And how long before we find this other way, Jack,...six months, a year, two years? No, it's too long. This is the only way, if I'm dead....Please, Jack, you must kill me. I need you to do this."

Jack could feel his own tears start as he dropped his hand from her cheek and reached for his sidearm, removing it from the holster and flicking off the safety.

He raised the weapon and aimed it. His hand trembled and he faltered. "I can't Sam, Oh God I can't." he sobbed.

Still crying, Sam reached out and took his hands in hers and pulled them until the muzzle was pressed to her chest, over her heart.. She wrapped her hands around his, her thumb lying over his finger on the trigger. "I love you, Jack." Sam sobbed. "Goodbye." And then she pulled the trigger. The gun blast was deafening and Jack watched in horror as Sam's body jerked violently and she fell silently backwards, hitting the floor with a dull thud, a crimson stain blossoming on her chest as the bullet pierced her heart, killing her instantly.

The door behind him burst open and the guard rushed in and his expression, too, was horrified as they watched the Goa'uld leave Sam's now lifeless body.

Rage filled Jack and he turned his weapon on the Goa'uld, emptying the clip into it's tiny form until he was sure that it was dead.

Numbness filled Jack as he knelt beside Sam and reached out to draw her lifeless body against him. Not caring that her precious blood stained his clothing he pulled her tight to him. His tears fell freely now as he pressed his face to her fragrant hair "I love you Sam," he sobbed, "I've always loved you."

Jack was unaware of the others, Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and Janet, as they rushed into the room and became silent, grief-filled witnesses.

Throwing back his head, Jack released a primal, gut wrenching scream full of rage and grief. It was the cry of a man who'd lost the other half of his soul and would never be whole again.

"SAM!"

Jack jerked up in bed, his body drenched in sweat, the scream slowly dying from his lips. Next to him the woman stirred and sat up. "Jack?" she called softly and pressed a gentle hand to the center of his chest.

Jack turned his head to look at her and his body filled with relief as he took in the delicate, familiar features. Sam, his Sam looked at him with concern-filled blue eyes.

~A nightmare~ he thought with a sigh of relief ~Only a nightmare!~

"I'm okay." he murmured softly and he lay back down and pulled her into his arms. She settled her head on his shoulder, snuggling close, and her hand gently teased the soft dark curls on his chest.

"It was just a nightmare." he told her softly and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Want to tell me about it?" she asked quietly and felt his nod.

Jack took a deep breath and quietly began to tell her his nightmare. His voice trailed off quietly and he turned his head to meet her gaze. Sam lifted her head and looked down into his eyes.

"It was just a dream." she soothed and then took a deep breath. "As much as it is painful to hear this, in light of your nightmare it needs to be said. If it ever happens, if ever the Goa'uld do that to me, I want you to know that I don't want to live like that, I'd rather be dead. And if you can't do it yourself then I want you to promise me that you will have someone else end my life."

Jack's expression was horrified. "Please, Jack, promise me." Sam asked softly.

He took a deep breath and then nodded. "I promise."

"Good." Sam smiled.

"Sam, I want you to promise me that you'll do the same for me."

"I will." she responded in a soft whisper then leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to his lips.

The kiss grew more passionate and soon nightmares were forgotten and they were aware only of each other.

They made love long into the night, falling asleep, exhausted and sated as the first rosy hues of dawn kissed the horizon.