Hearth & Home
Hearth & Home
by havocthecat
Summary: Sam and Jack are in Sam's lab. Post-ep for "Between Two Fires."
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene/Epilogue
Episode Related: 509 Between Two Fires
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 09/05/06
***
I was working in my lab when he showed up. I'd been doing a lot of that lately--working in my lab, that is. It's the safest place to be when I want to be alone. Most people avoid it like the plague, possibly because I have a tendency to talk about whatever I'm working on, and a lot of them don't understand the explanation.
"You didn't kill him, you know," says Colonel O'Neill, leaning in the doorway of my lab, hands probably stuck in his pockets in what he hopes is a completely innocuous manner.
Unfortunately for me, Colonel O'Neill is anything but most people. The innocuous thing didn't fool me one bit.
"He made the decisions he did on his own, Carter." His voice isn't very loud, which I appreciate, because God only knows who could be listening. There's always someone wandering around; a place like this needs constant upkeep.
Maybe Narim did make those decisions on his own. I wasn't even there for the crucial ones, but that doesn't mean I feel any less responsible. "Excuse me?" I ask him, straightening up and putting a wrench down on the table. "Did you say something, sir?"
"I know you heard me, Carter," he says, coming in, sitting down in my chair, and propping his legs up on the edge of my desk. I could chase him out of here easily, but then he'd only track me down some place less convenient, like the mess hall. "You did that tensing up thing you always do when I tell you something you don't want to hear."
Sometimes I hate that man. "I really don't know what you're talking about, Colonel." That's right, Sam, retreat right behind those formalities when he starts talking about something don't want to deal with.
I'm talking about Narim, Major," he tells me. His eyes are full of compassion. He's worried about me. I don't blame him, really, but I'm not in the mood to talk about Narim right now, or Tollana, or the High Council being ready to throw us to the wolves--the snakes, really--and all the innocent Tollans who are suffering right now to make sure we survive.
"Oh," I say. "Really?" He's not fooled in the least, of course, but if I keep up appearances, he won't push. I hope. "What about Narim?" Other than the fact that he's probably dead by now, and if he's not dead, he's certainly hunted by the Goa'uld, and probably by his own High Council too.
I refuse to think of the third option as even a remote possibility. The Tollans are as human as the rest of us, but it's not likely that Tanith's mystery boss came looking for hosts. All the Goa'uld were interested in with Tollana was getting them to do the dirty work of sending a bomb through the 'gate to Earth.
"It's not your fault he's probably dead," says Jack. Colonel O'Neill. Not Jack. Absolutely not Jack, especially not now.
"Why do you think I would think that?" I ask him, sounding as innocent as I could. Damn it. Narim is not a subject for me while I'm here. Not in the lab, not while I'm trying to work. Maybe when I'm alone at night, when I can't sleep.
I have a list of names, and Narim was just added to it. It's short, but it still hurts that there are any names there. Jonas was the first name on the list. Then Martouf, and most recently--too recently--Orrin. And now Narim. And I will be damned if I talk about it with the one person left who has the chance of being the next name on the list if I screw up again.
And then I realize that Colonel O'Neill has been saying something, and I was staring at him the whole time, but I didn't hear a word of it, which only proves his point. And he knows it too. Damn it.
"I said, it's not your fault because I'm the one who talked him into it," he says. "Narim did the right thing because he knew it was right. Hell, the Tollan High Council coulda come to us months ago and chances are we would've helped them--they're the ones who screwed up. Narim didn't."
"Narim did the right thing because he was in love with me!" I yell. Oh. Damn. I really didn't want that little piece of information to slip to the Colonel.
He shrugged at me. "I already knew that, Carter," he tells me, making it sound like the most obvious thing in the world. I resisted the urge to sigh, but only barely. He wasn't making this easy on me, was he?
"Oh," I say, leaning back against the workbench and crossing my arms, since my desk happens to be occupied by a Colonel who's made himself a little too much at home. "Really?" I ask, giving him that look I save for when he's being particularly obnoxious.
"Oh, come on," he says. "It was pretty obvious that he mooned over you every time he saw you, Carter. And besides, Teal'c told me about his little voice--" He waves his hand in the air like he does when he doesn't know the the right word. "--thing. The voice thing must've been weird."
I frown, remembering how incredibly embarrassing that was. "Really?" I ask, and the Colonel nods. "I'm going to have to have a little chat with Teal'c."
Colonel O'Neill nods at me. "Pretty blushworthy topic, don't you think?" he asks, changing the subject abruptly. I'm not sure if he's trying to put me at ease, or make himself more comfortable. "You're too pale, Carter." He looks around, then smiles at me. "We've gotta get you out of the lab a bit more often."
And then I fall silent. This is...awkward. I don't really know what to say when I realize that he notices entirely too much about me. He knows it too, and we have a moment of awkward silence when all we can do is stare into each other's eyes--and then I break it by blinking and looking away. "I..." I take a deep breath. "I don't really know what to say, sir."
"It's not your fault, Carter," he tells me, ignoring the fact that the past minute happened, getting up and going over to the door. "If you wanna blame anyone, blame me. He was having second thoughts, doubts about helping out me and Teal'c, and I pushed him."
"It's not your fault either, sir!" I exclaim. You know, I think I'm really glad the door is open. I'm getting very tempted to whack my superior officer upside his superior head, and while he might let me get away with it, it would be just my luck that General Hammond would walk by just as my hand connected with the back of his head.
"Now you've got the idea," he said. "You know, I was getting really tired of watching you mope your way through the debriefing, and dinner later on, and Doc Fraiser's medical exam, and--"
"Enough, sir," I tell him, grinning wryly. "I'm cured. You've done your duty. Go on, get out of here, and I'll get back to my--"
"To your thingamajig," he says, grinning back at me. "Don't bother explaining it to me. You know, Daniel and Teal'c and I are gonna go and grab a pizza in a few, maybe drag Doc Fraiser along too. You wanna come?"
"Well..." I glance back at my workbench. I could probably get everything put together with just a few more hours of work. And then I glance back at Colonel O'Neill, and he's staring at me with that cute puppy-dog expression of his, the one I have a very difficult time resisting. "All right, all right, I'll come, to dinner," I say, grinning at him.
And later on, when we're eating and joking, and Daniel is trying to steal the remote from Colonel O'Neill so that we're not subject to another interminable night of sports watching, I realise that I'm not completely cured--but I feel better. I've never been in love with Narim, but he's always been special to me. I'm never going to get over his death, but I won't lie awake at night wondering whether or not there was something I could have done differently. Okay, I lied. I will. I'll never get over what's happened with him, not completely. But it's enough that I won't be dwelling on it constantly.
Then I look over, catch Janet's eye and grin, and swipe the remote from Daniel. He exclaims in dismay, but I have no desire to watch the Discovery Channel all night. The Learning Channel, on the other hand, is quite well-known for its physics programs, and while I know everything they're going to air, I'm sure Colonel O'Neill could use the information.
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