Dawning Realizations
Dawning Realizations
by AngelQueen
Summary: Stranded on the 'Prometheus', Sam begins to see and interact with hallucinations of her friends. Now she has to deal with on in particular.
Category: Angst, Drama, Missing Scene/Epilogue, Romance
Episode Related: 104 The Broca Divide, 405 Divide and Conquer
Season: future Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam, Sam/other
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: minor language, sexual situations
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 10/12/03
"Damn it, come on!"
Samantha Carter, a Major in the U. S. Air Force, a doctor of Theoretical Astrophysics, had almost always been able to make any technology work properly. From her early days finding ways to fix the washing machine for her mother to figuring out the Stargate and putting naquadah reactors together almost from scratch, machines had been like puzzles and games to her. As a result, she had gained a bit of a reputation for having "magic fingers". And that was just the polite version.
But now, the `Prometheus', the pride and joy of the U. S. military, was about to ruin said reputation. And Sam truly did not appreciate it.
When the console that she half - leaned against, half - slumped over, still refused to activate, Sam groaned in frustration and slammed her fist down on it repeatedly.
"Hey! Easy, Carter! Don't take your anger out on the poor ship!"
Sam closed her eyes, fighting an on - coming wave of nausea. This was another aspect of her current situation that was irritating her. She had a mild concussion, at the very least, which was causing her to experience various hallucinations that varied between her father and her friends, or a small brown - haired girl with bright blue eyes that insisted on being known as Grace. Though, the girl hadn't appeared since Sam had started to see her friends.
After Daniel had first appeared and was followed by Teal'c and her father, logically, Sam had known that it was only a matter of time before he showed up. The one person that she hadn't been able to look in the eye for the past three months.
"Aww, for crying out loud, Carter! Are you gonna just keep ignoring me like you've been doing?"
Sam bit her lip, but couldn't keep from replying. "You're not real."
"That didn't stop you from talking to Daniel, or Teal'c, or even Dad. What's your problem, Sam? You've been walking around with a stick up your ass lately and you hardly say two words to me!"
Her head inadvertently shot up, an angry denial on her lips. The image of Colonel Jack O'Neill sat perched in the center chair. His normally mirth - filled eyes were anything but that and her vehement denial died before it could be voiced.
Sam knew he was right, hallucination or not. Ever since her relationship with Pete had begun to take a more serious turn, she'd deliberately distanced herself from him. The problem was, Sam wasn't totally certain why she had done so. Perhaps it was to assure herself of her loyalty to Pete, or maybe it was to prove to Jack that she had moved on. But when all was said and done, she knew that she must have hurt him. Deeply. And that was something she'd promised herself long ago that she would strive to never do, before Pete had ever entered into the grand scheme that was her life.
Forcing herself to look away from his accusing gaze, Sam whispered quietly, "I'm sorry, sir."
His harsh gaze did not abate as he stood up. "I don't want apologies, Sam. I want an explanation. I thought we were friends."
"We are." Immediately, Sam winced. The words were weak and pathetic, even to her own ears.
Apparently, the Colonel agreed with her. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he said plaintively, "Then why have you been acting like it's a huge bother for you to be in the same room with me for more than two minutes? I didn't know I was that offensive to you."
The sheer stupidity of the situation rolled over her senses at that point. Sam snorted and pushed herself up, away from the console. "This is ridiculous," she muttered. "You aren't really here! You are just a figment of my over - active, damaged brain. You aren't him! And even if you were-"
"What? If I were really here, what would you say," he demanded roughly, cutting her off before her rant could truly begin. In the space of a moment, he crossed the distance between them and his face was just inches from hers.
Almost instantaneously, Sam's mouth went dry. The heat radiating from his body felt real enough, as did the faint smell of his aftershave tickling her nostrils. An old feeling, a familiar one, began to pool in the pit of her stomach. The longing...
No! Sam tore her thoughts away from that path. That was over and done with, damn it! She had Pete now, she was happy with what she'd been given.
She tried to back away, but Jack merely followed, determined to allow only a few inches between their two bodies. His eyes were dark, radiating some thing that was... animalistic in its intensity. Sam's heart pounded loudly in her ears as she felt her insides begin to instinctively respond. She was backed up against the console, unable - or perhaps even unwilling - to look away from the deep chocolate eyes that burned into hers.
"Why are you doing this?" She managed to breathe. "This isn't right..."
"I'm just showing you the truth, Carter," he replied, his voice sending a rumbling sensation down through her body. He leaned down, bringing his face to a position just centimeters from her own. "You aren't in love with him. You're just using him."
Those words broke the spell he'd somehow managed to work on her. Sam's blue eyes narrowed and something inside of her snapped.
"How dare you," she hissed. In that moment, Sam forgot - or chose to forget - that Jack O'Neill was her commanding officer and that she was only hallucinating. Her hand came up to strike his cheek as hard as she could given their close quarters.
Her hand never reached its destination. Jack's reflexes were lightening - quick as he caught her arm and yanked it back down to her side. When he slowly let go, her arm stayed where he had left it; Sam did not attempt to slap him again.
His lips drifted closer to hers and she held her breath, waiting for the contact that they both knew was forbidden and yet longed for all the same. Technically, she already knew what it felt like to have his lips pressed against hers, but it was so long ago -
He stepped away from her. She instinctively followed, a small moan of protest slipping past her defenses. Sam blinked in confusion and stared at him.
Jack's breathing was ragged as he looked right back at her. Sucking in the hot air around them, he said, "You're right. I'm not real."
She blinked again, then managed to ask, "Then why are you here? Why are you doing this to me?"
On any other occasion, she would have chastised herself for sounding like she was choking back tears. She would have been pulling up every memory of Pete she could think of. She would have berated him - hallucination or not - for doing this to her. She would have insisted that she did love Pete. But this wasn't any other occasion. This was now.
He shook his head, a bit of the smirk Sam had come to recognize reappearing on those lips that had been so tantalizingly close to her own just seconds before.
"I'm not doing anything to you, Sam. I'm just in your head. I'm only saying stuff that is already there."
She shook her head. It was pounding forcefully. She was going to have to take another painkiller soon, again diminishing her already small supply. "I don't understand," she murmured. Or, at least, she didn't think she wanted to understand."
"Everything we've said to you is already inside your own mind," he said quietly, slowly stepping back into the shadows. "I just forced yourself to see it."
And when Sam could no longer make out his silhouette, she knew that he was gone. Even though he'd never really been there in the first place.
Slowly, she slid down the console until she was on the floor, still staring at the place where she had last seen him. It couldn't be true, could it? Granted, he had been nothing but a delusion brought on by her own head injury, so it was true that he was in her own mind. But what he had said, it wasn't true. She did love Pete. She wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise. She wouldn't be using him -
"Sam."
Sam's head shot up and she looked around wildly. There, right where she had last seen Jack, was Grace. Her tiny face, having the appearance of an eight - year -old girl, was solemn and serious, showing off none of the light - hearted happiness that had been evident the first time she had appeared.
White - hot anger surged through Sam's heart, a bead of sweat trickling down her forehead. She glared at the girl fiercely and snarled, "You did this! You brought them here! Don't deny it!"
Grace didn't even bat an eye at her apparent fury. "Yes," she replied simply.
Sam blinked. Despite her words, she had still expected a denial. "W - why?! Why did you?"
"Because you needed to hear what needed to be said."
Sam shook her head furiously, sputtering, "You mean I needed to hear my dearest friends tell me that I've ignored chance after chance to find love, that I've kept myself from committing fully to almost any relationship I've ever had?!"
The girl's reply was, again, simple. "Yes."
"Why, damn it?!"
Grace stepped closer at that point, a great sigh heaving through her small body. Sam watched her warily with eyes that were growing more and more glazed as time passed. Grace appeared to pull herself up onto the center chair and settled herself into it.
"You had to hear it because it was what was inside of you. In your heart, you know what they said was true. All of it," she said quietly, her blue eyes softening as she looked down at her.
Sam couldn't reply at first, she just shook her head. She couldn't believe this. She loved Pete. Martouf, Narim, Orlin... she'd cared about them deeply, but that wasn't the same thing. And as for the Colonel himself... well, that was a whole can of worms she hadn't wanted to open. It hurt too much.
Worms... fishing...
Sam gave her entire body a violent shake, trying to dispel that final thought before it could fully form. She only succeeded in making herself moan as another sharp, shooting pain flared through her aching head.
"Who are you to care about whether I lie to myself or not?" She faintly heard herself say. "Don't we all lie to ourselves? Why do you care so much?"
Sam closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the console behind her. She really needed that painkiller. She needed to stay awake and get the ship up and running again.
"I am what you thought me to be."
Her eyes shot open and riveted themselves on Grace. The girl's face revealed nothing, she only stared at her pensively.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"You often wondered what I would be like, how would I look. Would I look like you, or Daddy," Grace replied, a small smile twitching at her pinkish lips.
Sam scrunched her face up in confusion. She didn't understand. Look like her, or the girl's father? Imagining what she would be like? This girl, who was now beginning to grin at her -
Oh. That smile. The one she knew so well. The grin that was his.
Not long after the za'tarc incident, Sam had suffered from a slight case of depression. She had, with Janet and Cassie's help, managed to deal with it quietly and it hadn't affected the status or well - being of SG - 1. But during the worst days, Sam had lain in her bed, remembering the other realities in which she and Jack O'Neill had been engaged/married and wondering what their children would have been like. Thinking back, Sam could distinctly recall thinking of a little girl with her eyes, but everything else coming from the man who would have been her father...
Sam's eyes widened. "Oh my god... You're her?! How-"
"You hid me away, deep inside your heart where no one could see me," Grace explained, her voice echoing in the sheer emptiness of the bridge. "I guess you forced yourself to forget about me as well, but I was always there, no matter what you did. Then when you hit your head, I had a chance to come out again. I took it."
"Why?"
The little girl didn't answer at first. Carefully, she slid out of the chair and down to her knees. She crawled speedily towards Sam and didn't stop until she was sitting right next to her. Grace didn't look up at her, but instead stared at the view screen, which showed the green nebula that the `Prometheus' was currently located in. Grace seemed to find it fascinating, or perhaps she just thought it was pretty. Sam didn't know. Despite knowing where she had come from, Grace was still an absolute mystery to her.
Finally, she began to speak. "I saw what your heart knew and how you ignored it. Pete's a nice guy, and you love him-"
"Then why did-"
"But you're not in love with him. And you can't ignore that. It hurts too much. And it'll just cause a big mess if you continue to ignore it."
Abruptly, Grace shot to her feet, her brown head cocked sideways, as if she could hear something. A big, wide smile erupted on her face and she looked down at Sam.
"It's time for me to go," she said, "But remember what I said. Do what's right, Sam. Not what's easiest."
Not giving Sam time to respond, Grace walked away and out of the bridge.
"Carter."
Where was she going? It wasn't like there was anyplace she could go.
"Carter."
And how was she supposed to do what was right? There was so much standing in her way.
"Sam!"
It was too hard!
"MajorCarter."
Instantly, Sam's surroundings changed. She was back in Main Engineering, not far from the main engineer's console, lying flat on her back. Blinking rapidly, she glanced up.
Kneeling on either side of her and in front of her was Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c. Their faces were masks of worry and concern as they gazed down at her.
"Hey, Carter," Jack said, "What did you decide to blow up this time?"
Sam blinked again, then began to struggle to pull herself up into a sitting position. Immediately, Daniel and Jack put their hands behind her shoulders and assisted her. Wincing at what the sudden movement did to her still-pounding head, she focused on her three teammates. They looked back at her expectantly, obviously thinking she would be giving them an explanation.
Tentatively, she asked instead, "Are you real? Am I hallucinating again?"
The three of them then exchanged anxious looks. Teal'c spoke up, "We are indeed real, MajorCarter. We are not imaginary beings."
Biting her lip, Sam nodded. Teal'c wasn't likely to lie to her.
"Come on, Carter," Jack said, indicating to her that she should leave with them. "We've got the rings working and should be able to get you down to the planet and through the Gate. Doc Warren should take a look at that head of yours, make sure you didn't knock too many screws loose."
Sam allowed them to lead her out of Main Engineering. She would have been content to go in silence - which seemed to be the best thing for her at the moment - but Daniel seemed to have news of his own for her.
"I've gotten a few calls from Pete. He's been worried about you. I told him you were off on an emergency classified mission and that I wasn't totally sure when you'd be back. You might want to give him a call when Doctor Warren gives you the all-clear."
Sam forced herself not to glance at Jack, merely closing her eyes and nodding silently.
`Do what's right, Sam. Not what's easiest.'
Those words seem to not only echo inside her own mind, but throughout the entire ship as the four of them continued their trek to the ring platform.
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