"Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go."
"Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go."
by aligater
Summary: Carter gets rather annoyed with a geek. 'Annoyed' isn't the word I'd use to describe his feelings towards her!
Category: Humor
Episode Related: 514 48 Hours
Season: Season 5
Pairing: Sam/other
Rating: PG
Warnings: violence
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/16/03
"Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go."
By aligater
Email Author: aligater@online.ie
Summary: Carter is extremely pissed with a certain geek (who likes her A LOT, I might add).
Category: Drabble! Missing scene, and it's funny if you have a very weird sense of humour
Season: Missing scene from `48 hours'
Pairings: Anti-pairing? Carter & what's-his-face, MacKay?
Spoilers: 48 hours
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bitch-fight!
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, SCI-FI Channel, Gekko, Double Secret Productions etc. and all the powers that be, not me. I do not own Startrek does not belong to me either. It belongs to Paramount Pictures etc. No copyright infringement intended. This story is written for fan entertainment only and no money has exchanged hands. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted anywhere without the authors consent.
Written: 30 March 03 -12 April 03
Dedication: Those crazy T.Y.s! And `The Brozonator' or `Broser' to some people. Also, an "anonymous" kilt-wearing guy (we'll keep his name out of this to maintain pride and dignity). Thank you SO MUCH Deepdale! The best beta'er I could ever ask for!
Author's note: Please understand that this is BEYOND drabble. Do not take it seriously, if anyone does I will FEED YOU to those T.Y.s! Also be aware of the fact that it is similar to other scenes from other Fanfictions but I just liked the location so don't lose sleep over that. So anyway, this is how MacKay went from "Very, very sexy" to "You are a certifiable wack-job!" Enjoy it campers! J
The Doctor found her an hour later, in the gym, beating the crap out of an unsuspecting punch-bag. `Soldiers!' he thought. `Would they ever learn?' He watched her for a while, made an assessment of her condition: she seemed very uptight, fuelled purely on adrenaline. God, he found that so sexy. She was wearing a light blue tank top that really didn't conceal much, and every part of her upper body was glistening with a coat of fresh sweat. And that blonde hair; he really couldn't deny his thing for blondes. He noticed that the green jacket she had been wearing earlier was thrown aside, along with the black T-shirt: careless, Carter...
She was unaware of his presence until he stepped between her and the metaphorical Goa'uld she was slaughtering, narrowly avoiding a broken jaw.
"Goo-od afternoon!" He looked into Carter's eyes, and received nothing but pure contempt.
"What do you want?" That look on her face said `move it or I personally put you in hospital'.
"Oh I just thought you might be lonely, appreciate some company, in the form of me." He knew he'd have to advance cautiously; a livid female is a dangerous female.
"No. Are we done here?" She pushed MacKay aside and continued punching the bag.
"Not so much."
"Oh I think we are." The Major clearly wasn't paying the least bit of attention to him. Well, he'd just have to make her then, wouldn't he?
"Are you angry and frustrated because you couldn't save Teal'c?"
She didn't even look away from the bag.
"I was angry and frustrated because I couldn't save Teal'c, now I'm angry and frustrated `cause you're here."
"Oh that hurts." MacKay said sarcastically. "You know, you're going to have to accept the fact that you're not the smartest person in the world, Major. I've spent years studying the gate's technology, there is just no way you could know more about it than I do." He got no response.
"I've been working hard at scientific research while you've been... running around, shooting snakes." Carter flinched, before throwing a particularly brutal blow at the bag. MacKay could see progress. He stepped in front of her again.
"And I've had SOME sort of social life."
Right then, MacKay thought her brains might very well pop out of her head.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Her cheeks had turned slightly pinkish and a look of fury covered her face.
"Well, I'm just saying, when do YOU have time to go out on dates?" This time, he received a cold stare.
"Outta my way peanut-factory," she pushed him aside again but that didn't stop him talking.
"I mean, sure there's the odd alien fling now and again; stories of `some hot Martian who falls for the human woman' that I seem to be hearing so much about. And then there's the Colonel..." This time Sam spun around.
"You have absolutely NO IDEA what you're talking about."
"Sure he's handsome, but a little old for you don't you think? What is it? Fifty-"
Carter turned around again.
"MacKay? Get bent."
MacKay just had to gloat. "Ooh, struck a nerve there. Maybe there's something going on between the so `highly regarded' Major and her CO."
She just glared at him. "Get outta here, now."
"What you gonna do, hit me?" his taunting was becoming too much for the officer.
"You should just be glad I don't." she replied through gritted teeth.
"So... what? It goes against some high and mighty military rule to strike a civilian?"
"No, I just don't make a habit of breaking the arms of anyone who gets in my way."
MacKay smirked. "Oh please, I'd like to see you try."
"Don't tempt me."
"Oh I've heard THAT before!" The geek just didn't know what he was getting into.
"Really? Well then, I have a question: are you insane, or just really, really stupid?"
"Well you know what they say: love makes you do the wacky."
Oh if looks could kill. "Well, you go do that then." She turned around, so that he was looking at her back.
"Oh I wasn't talking about me."
"That's nice to know, I'd hate to have to tell the `Chief of Staff' that his pet scientist was a complete moron!"
"Oh, Samantha, my dear sweet Sam... when will you ever learn to express your true emotions? Everyone knows that if you bottle up those feelings of lust, it will only come back at you in the form of misery."
"Well that seems to be something you're well acquainted with." Carter put forth.
"Alas, it seems I'm not the only one..." He laid his hand on her waist, just above her hip. She responded by giving him a rough shove.
"You didn't hear me when I said that stuff about the lemons, did you?"
"What can I say? Citrus is the work of the devil."
"Another thing you seem well acquainted with." Carter pointed out.
"Don't play games Major, we both know exactly what your relationship with the man downstairs is like. A woman's place isn't in the airforce, it's-"
"Bite me!"
MacKay grinned. "As tempting as that sounds, I'm afraid my doctors asked me to refrain from eating human flesh, not good for the heart." As he said this, Sam noticed he was slowly moving in her direction.
"Heart? You have one of those? Well there's a surprise, I was under the impression you just had a third lung or perhaps..."
"Not a Klingon."
"What?"
"Never mind... baby, the point is that you shouldn't be here."
"Is that so? Remind me why I care?"
"You should be in a kitchen somewhere, or better yet in certain bedrooms..."
"Get out of here now!!!! Or I swear to God!!!!!"
"You'll do what? Treat me to another lecture on random, unorthodox theories about event-horizons?" As he said this, he placed his hand on her shoulder and ran it down her arm. "There are MUCH more interesting things we could be doing right now..." This time Carter really lost it. She pushed him fiercely, sending him halfway across the room. MacKay landed on his back, not physically hurt but ready to put up one hell of a fight before having his pride injured again.
"I MEAN IT! Get THE HELL out of here!"
"Mmm, terrified. You know, this is how Romeo and Juliet really started out and look at how well that ended!" He moved from the ground to his feet, knowing that he might well end up back there in a few seconds, but better that, than letting some Airforce officer think she'd gotten the better of him.
"NOW!"
"Why? I just got here, still 15 hours to go before your buddy Hammond is ordered to do his job and I go back to my normal occupation forgetting the blonde who thought she was smarter than me."
This was the last straw for Sam, she couldn't stand the fact that she wasn't able to help her friend and now this sexist pig was rubbing it in her face, and it was too much. She lunged at him, not caring about any consequences there might be if he really did end up in the infirmary, only that it was his fault Teal'c would die and he was going to pay.
He dodged her first attack, leaping to the right while Carter struggled to keep her balance. She spun around, not sure how that little worm had gotten away from her.
"Hey, I've had women throwing themselves at me for years. You don't think I've learned a thing or two in that time?"
Her first instinct was to draw something pointy or explosive and teach this little bastard a real thing about her throwing capabilities, but, her being a scientist and all, she hadn't been carrying weapons with her on base and anything remotely sharp was in her jacket pocket. So she'd have to use bare hands to get her out of this one. Not the most difficult of tasks when the fact that she was a good three inches taller than her adversary was taken into consideration.
She attempted a second blow. This time the blow landed slightly off course, lightly impacting the doctor's shoulder.
"Whoa! Easy there. Wouldn't want to break a nail," he taunted.
"Or a bone, but it's not mine I'm worried about." The two were now on a bare part of the gym, circling each other, watching their opponent for any sign of attack. Without warning, Carter pounced. MacKay lifted his arm in defence and it collided with Sam's forehead.
"Are you okay?" he asked. In his mind, the only concern was that of having hit a girl.
She answered with a swift kick in the shin.
"Oh Christ!" MacKay swore. This was followed by some more unmentionable defects of the English language. Carter let show a satisfied smile. "Was that really necessary?" he demanded.
"No, but it was fun." An evil grin fell over the woman's face.
"I see, well that's really a matter of opinion."
Using the time while she was distracted, MacKay made his move. He landed a blow on Carter's left hip sending her backward into some gym equipment. She collided with a thud, but then sprung back up, swaying a little as she regained her stability.
"Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go."
The Major didn't stand for that kind of crap, especially from a guy with an ego the size of a Goa'uld Mother ship. She threw a punch intended for his face but he moved and it got his chest, doing little more damage than a possible bruising. She began to feel a slight remorse at attacking a man who had no military training. But that thought was dashed from her head when MacKay abruptly dived at Carter, catching her off-guard and tackling her to the ground. They each struggled violently to get the upper hand, their limbs becoming entangled in the process. MacKay finally came out triumphant, dislodging himself from the officer's choking grip, and pinning her down.
"Not exactly how I pictured my stay here when they told me I was going to be working with a `Sam Carter'." he chuckled. "Can't say I'm disappointed though."
Sam wriggled beneath him. "Why do I feel like breaking your neck?"
"Cause you're nuts?"
"I think not." She used a move the Colonel had taught her, and flipped MacKay over, so that she was the one pinning him down. "Actually, I'm beginning to think I might be the only sane person in this line of work."
He struggled, unable to get free of the contented scientist resting on top of him. Eventually, he gave in.
"Do you mind?" MacKay asked.
"What?"
"Letting me up?"
"And, explain to me, why would I want to do that?"
"Because..." he continued reluctantly. "You're hot, and not the type to kill for fun. Ow, OWWW!" He screamed as `the type who didn't kill for fun' began to apply agonizing pressure to some painful, but not deadly places. "OW! Because... you're right, you're right! You're smarter than me! For God's sake let me go!"
The Major released him, allowing him to get up. She was surprised to find that when he arose, he gave her a goofy grin.
"That was SOME ROUND, huh?"
Carter said nothing.
MacKay looked at her expression. "I'll just be leaving now."
He turned and began to leave, when:
"Doctor!" He spun back to meet her gaze.
"Yes Major?" He looked up into her face, her eyes no longer so full of revulsion and disgust.
"Doctor?" she repeated.
"Ye-es?"
Carter lifted her hand.
WHAM!
MacKay found himself at the bottom of a mound of equipment before he knew what hit him.
"Oh man!" He lifted a hand to his face to find a bruise emerging on his jaw. Holy cow! That mad woman had hit him! Really hard! Oh just wait `til the guys back at the Pentagon heard about this, he'd NEVER live it down!
"You CRAZY BITCH! You are SO GONNA PAY!" With that, he got up and ran from the room, most likely straight to the infirmary. He'd be fine, just as long as no one asked how he'd gotten injured.
"Mmm, now I feel better." With a mischievous grin, Sam picked up her jacket and shirt and headed for the door. But before she reached it, General Hammond entered, and, to borrow a quote from the absent Colonel O'Neill, he was NOT a happy camper.
"What in God's name happened here?!" Carter glanced around the room. Everywhere, there was gym equipment out of place, knocked aside or rolling freely around the floor. The whole place pretty much looked like it had been hit by a hurricane. Either that, or the time the Colonel tried cooking.
"General Hammond, I..." She dropped her head, realising that there was no way she was going to be able to talk her way out of this one. "Creative differences." Sam looked up at the General to realise the face he was wearing was not one of anger but of concern.
"Major?"
"Sir?"
Hammond gestured towards her arm. Sam glanced down over her shoulder, to see that her arm was swollen and bleeding freely. That must have happened when they hit the- oh god...
"Oh, it's just as scratch." He didn't look too convinced. "I'm fine, really. Was there something you wanted, sir?"
"I went to your lab earlier but you'd already left."
"We weren't getting very far sir, I just needed to... clear my head a little."
The General nodded. "I was just checking up on your development. Any progress to report?"
"I'm afraid none yet sir."
"Do you have any idea how to save Teal'c before the deadline?"
Sam shifted uncomfortably. "No... but Doctor MacKay and I are still working on it."
"I see." Hammond paused. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah... er, yes sir"
"Good. Where is Doctor MacKay anyway?"
"Oh he's around here somewhere."
The General didn't look too convinced. "Is that so?"
"Yes sir. I think he was just feeling a little... dizzy."
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