What If (Part 3)
What If (Part 3)
by Th1rteen
Summary: Here's part 3. I hope you're all still with me.
Category: Alternate Universe
Season: Season 8
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: GEN
Warnings: minor language
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2005-01-19
"Excuse me?" Jack was confused. Very confused.
"Look I know that you're going to think I'm out of my mind. I probably am. I mean if someone were to tell me that they're from the future. I'd think they were crazy. You probably-"
"Sam! Slow down. I don't understand."
She stopped and looked at him. She really looked at him. ^This is Jack. He's going to believe you. He always believes you. Just take a breath and tell him... Slowly.^ "I'm sorry. I've been carrying this around with me for a while. I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but I wasn't sure how. I'm still not sure if you're going to believe me, but I know that I have to tell you
"No... I trust you... I'll believe what you say, whatever it is." He waited patiently for her to start. She was hesitant. He could see that. When she didn't say anything at all, he made a decision to take her for a walk so they could be alone. "I'll be right back ok?"
"Ok."
"Marty," Jack walked into the living room and Marty turned toward him.
"What's up Jack? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, everything's ok. I was wondering if you could watch Charlie for a little while. I wanted to go for a walk."
"Umm, sure." Marty was going to goad Jack a bit, but something in his face told him not to.
"Thanks Marty." Jack turned back toward Sam.
"You sure everything's fine?"
"Yeah, no problems."
**
Jack and Sam walked aimlessly and quietly for about half an hour before Jack broke the silence. "You can tell me anything you know."
"I know." She didn't say anything else.
"Why is it so hard for you to tell me this?"
"I don't know Jack. It's just that it's really not a pleasant story, and there are so many unbelievable parts to it."
"Well, let me ask you this. I'm getting the feeling that we knew each other before, whether that was some point in the future, I don't know, what I do know is that you seem to know a lot about me even though you really don't know me all that long, and *I* for some reason seem to know you. I don't know how that's possible but I feel like I know you from somewhere. I can't believe I'm going to ask this... But... Would you be able to tell the *future* me this stuff?"
Sam didn't even have to think about that one. Jack was always the one she ran to. "I think I would have told the *future* you already."
Jack took her hand, which made her look up and into his eyes. He told her softly, "I'm the same man."
That did it for her. She saw *her* Jack looking back at her in his eyes. That and the softness of his voice and the warmth of his hand in hers convinced her to tell him about his future, about his heroism, his heartache, and his eventual death. "Jack, you might want to sit down."
**
In the back of a small coffee shop Sam told Jack about how they met. How she was his 2IC and about the work they did together. She explained the Stargate and the SGC as best as she could and he looked like he was following her. She told him about the discovery of the Stargate and about Daniel and how he was probably already starting to be involved with the program.
"Wait, I don't understand something. Why did you come back? Was it an accident? Can you go back?" Jack was halfway hoping that she couldn't go back, that she had to stay in this time with him and live it out into the future she described.
"There was an accident Jack, but it's not what you think. I wasn't *sent* back. I figured out a way to use the Stargate to travel back in time."
"But why? I mean is there another *you* here somewhere? Are you an older version of another Sam Carter?"
"No, it didn't work like that. I transported my consciousness back in time."
"Your consciousness? But, what happened to your future body?"
"Well, I don't really know. I never really made a practice run. I think... Well, I think that if I didn't change the timeline yet, it's pretty much brain dead."
Jack was stunned. "But why would you come back? Just a test? Isn't that a lot to risk for a trial run? What goes on in the future? No one is valued? Geez..."
"It's not that Jack. There was an accident that I came back to make sure didn't happen. But I came back too far. I was only supposed to go back a few weeks, maybe a month. The thing is that I dropped the time device on my way through the Stargate and I ended up coming back ten years."
"You keep saying accident. What happened?"
"I... I... umm.. I really don't know how to tell you, or even *if* I should tell you." Sam looked away from him nervously. ^How do you tell someone that they died and that's why you had to come back?^
"Sam please, whatever it is. I know it must be important, I know you wouldn't try this kind of thing if it wasn't for a good reason. Maybe I can help. What happened Sam?" He took her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Sam, what happens ten years from now that made you come back?"
"You... You..."
"*I* made you try this?" ^GOD I MUST BE AN ASSHOLE!^
She shook her head though, and then continued haltingly. "Jack... you didn't send me. I came... I came because... because... you died."
Jack was dumbstruck. For no reason at all his back started to burn, it was as if he'd been shot with some sort of energy beam, and just as suddenly it was gone.
"We were on a mission.... We were totally outnumbered, we didn't even think we really had a chance at getting back to the gate, but somehow we did... You were supposed to leave on a diplomatic mission hours before... but you didn't... you were leaving as we came through... when we got there... you... you... were... a blast must have come through the gate after we opened it... you were in the gateroom... God, I'm sorry... you were... shot... in the back..." She exploded into tears at the memory, reliving the moment. "I passed out... I got hit in the arm and lost blood... I woke up five days later... you were gone Jack... you were just gone..." She was breathing erratically and tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't see him through the tears and was totally unprepared for his reaction.
Jack finally found his voice. "I died?"
She stopped her sobbing for a moment, taken aback by his very calm response. She was expecting him to scream, to be really angry at her for taking that chance, but he was totally calm, ^Maybe he's in shock?^
"What happened to my son?"
"What?"
"If I died, who had Charlie? Sara?"
"Oh God Jack... Charlie... he..." She was crying fiercely again. "Charlie had an accident... Before you were in the Stargate program... he died..."
"MY GOD! When?!" Jack stood up. He was absolutely panicked.
"About ten years before I came back."
^Ten years... Wait... That means it happens THIS YEAR!^ "Sam... How?? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"
"He was playing with your gun."
^That's not possible. I keep the gun locked- Wait a minute.^ He knelt down and forced her to look at him again. "You saved my son?"
She was crying too intensely to answer, but somehow managed to whisper "I couldn't stand to see you suffer again." She just tried to keep her eyes open to look at him. She was an absolute mess, physically and emotionally. She was red and puffy, her nose was running and she was crying so much that she thought she would drown in tears, but even through all of this, she felt as if a very heavy burden had been lifted from her.
To Jack, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, and he thought that if he wasn't absolutely certain before, now he was positive that he loved Samantha Carter, and somewhere, somehow, he was certain that he had loved her ten years in the future. He couldn't hold himself back anymore. Too much had come crashing down on him, he gave in. He jumped to his feet, taking her with him and kissed her. She was surprised and rigid at first, but the relief of his believing her fantastic tale soon washed over her and she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.
All too soon Sam realized that she needed to breathe. Reluctantly, she pulled away from him slightly. She was much calmer than she had been moments earlier, and had stopped crying for the most part. He loosened his grip on her and she wobbled a bit. "I think I need to sit down. I haven't been sleeping very well lately."
"Are you ok?"
She smiled at him. "Yeah, I think."
Jack looked around and realized that they were still in the coffee shop and that all eyes were on them ^Guess we made a bit of a scene.^ "Feel like getting some air?"
"Uhh... Yeah."
**
They walked back to Marty's house. Jack wanted to ask her more about the future, about what the Stargate program was like, and even what they were like in the future. ^Were we together? No, she said that she was my 2IC, it's against the regs... Unless it's allowed in the future... no no.. doubt it. So if we weren't anything more than friends, why did she-^
Before Jack could finish his thought, they reached Marty's house. "Do you think anyone would mind if I didn't say goodnight? I feel really drained and I'd just like to go home and get some rest."
"Nah, I don't think it'll be a problem. They're probably both asleep anyway."
"Thanks for dinner, and the coffee."
Jack took her hand as she started to turn toward her car. "Thank you." She knew what he was thanking her for and she was glad he didn't say it. She might fall apart again if he did. She turned away again to leave. "Can I see you again?"
"That depends." She said with a smirk.
"On?"
"If I get a kiss goodnight."
"You want me to kiss you?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, I don't know... We hardly know each other..."
She snorted at him, and said "Shut up Jack." As she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a long, soft kiss.
**
Jack walked Sam to her car and promised that he'd call her the next day. Usually when he had said that to a woman in the past, it meant that he'd call in a few days if he liked her, and possibly never if he didn't, but this was different. He didn't want to come on too strong, but after about an hour, he really wanted to hear her voice.
Marty thought he was out of his mind, and called him a child on the very frequent occasion he saw him with his phone in his hand. "Could you relax Jack? Geez... You're worse than your son in the car on the way to Toys R Us!"
"I'm sorry, it's just that... I miss her."
"Jack, it's been two hours, not two years. Besides, you'll see her tomorrow on base. She said she had to go in."
"That's not the same. I can't talk to her on base like I can when we're alone."
"You two talked all night. What more could you have to talk about?" Secretly Marty was thrilled at this turn of events, but he liked the opportunity it was presenting. He could tease Jack endlessly. Jack was always collected and decisive. He was always frustrating and very good at flustering everyone, especially his superiors. It was a lot of fun for Marty to throw this back at him and have Jack restless and agitated. It was entertaining to watch, the look on his face was priceless!
"I wish I knew how she felt about me."
"I'll pass her a note in study hall and ask her to circle the answer.... Could you give the High School Drama a rest now? It's obvious Jack."
**
Sam went back to her quarters floating. ^I haven't felt this good since... well since before this whole thing started, and even then I wasn't all that happy. Sure I had Pete...^ It was at this point that guilt reared its ugly head. ^Should I tell him about Pete? No, it's not necessary... It doesn't even affect him... But still... It almost feels dishonest... like I'm lying to him or something... No, I'm not lying... I don't even know Pete yet.... Well, I do... but I don't...^ "This is so confusing!"
So rather than enjoy the rest of her evening and finally get some much needed rest, Sam spent the rest of the night in her bed tossing and turning trying to figure out whether or not to tell Jack about that aspect of their future, and missing Daniel and Teal'c terribly. When she had a problem, no matter what Daniel and Teal'c had to offer, it always made her feel more confident in herself and her decision. But now she was alone. Alone and guilty. What had started out as what she thought had the potential to be one of her fantasies come true, turned into a sleepless, tearful extravaganza.
**
Jack got onto base early the next day. He seemed to have a bit of a bounce in his step and it was scaring the airmen who knew him to death. They all thought that for sure either he had gone mad, or the world was about to end. Either scenario was not a promising prospect.
After stopping off at his office Jack made his way over to the lab, hoping that he had beaten Sam in. He walked by the open door of the lab first, looking in slightly as he passed, trying to casually see if there was anyone in the room. With two more passes he determined that the lab was empty, and he went in. He found Carter's desk. It was toward the back of the lab, in a corner. He pulled the small pink rosebud from inside his standard issue jacket and laid it carefully on the desk. He thought for a second about leaving a note, but decided that he wouldn't know what to write. So he simply left the small flower in the middle of her desk where she was sure to see it.
**
Sam hardly slept at all. Somewhere in the middle of her tossing she came to the decision to tell Jack about Pete and hope that he understood why she had made that decision ten years later. ^God, I hope he understands... This is crazy... I don't know why I said yes...^ That much wasn't entirely true. Sam said yes to Pete because she was tired of being alone. She was tired of being just `Soldier Sam.' She wanted more from life, and she thought that she could be happy with Pete. But she slowly began to realize that she was fooling herself. She didn't really love Pete, she couldn't. Her heart belonged to Jack. She was going to break if off with Pete eventually. She had to. It wouldn't have been fair to Pete to drag it on. But she didn't get that chance. Jack died, and she felt as if her life might as well have ended too.
She got to the lab later than usually and was in no mood to concentrate. She needed industrial strength coffee in a big way. She just had to drop her files off on her desk and then she would head to the commissary.
She walked into the lab and was greeted by a group of staring lab techs. As she made her way to her desk, she heard someone in the background whisper "Sammie's got a secret admirer."
As soon as those words floated into the air she heard another, more familiar voice come from behind her "My daughter has an admirer?"
^Dad? This isn't right. This didn't happen ten years ago.^ "Dad? This is a surprise. What are you doing here?"
"I came to see how my little girl was doing."
Sam finally looked down at her desk and saw the small rose. Then she lifted her eyes to the many faces staring at her from around the room. ^This is just great.^ "Dad, do you think we can maybe talk somewhere else?" She didn't wait for him to answer. She just started walking toward the lab door. Jacob turned to follow her, but something made him stop. He turned back toward her desk and saw the flower. He picked it up and then followed her out of the lab.
"Back to work everyone! That's an order." He bellowed as he exited the lab behind Sam.
**
"What are you doing here?"
"Is that a nice way to greet your father?"
"Oh, um, I'm sorry Dad, I've just had very little sleep the past few nights."
"Is this the reason?" Jacob pulled the rosebud out from behind his back. Sam was caught off guard. "Who's this from Sammie?"
"Umm... I don't know" ^Ok, it's probably from Jack... Aww.. he gave me a flower!! Wait wait, back to the situation at hand. I don't know for sure it's from Jack, so I didn't exactly just lie to my father.^
"You don't know? Could it be from that Jonas you've been seeing? He seems like a nice kid."
"Actually Dad, we broke up." ^And he really wasn't all that nice!^
"Actually Sam, I knew that."
"You knew?"
"Yeah. I found out that Jonas had a run-in with Colonel Jack O'Neill at a party. Turns out he was pretty drunk and tried to assault someone there. Colonel O'Neill subdued him... Do you know the Colonel?"
^Oh God... Now what do I say? Do I lie? Does he know that Jonas tried to attack me? How much does he know? Why is he asking me this?^
"Uhh... yeah, I know Colonel O'Neill."
"Yeah, I thought you did." He let out a sigh and then looked Sam over before continuing, "Did Jonas hurt you that night?"
^Whew... Picked the right answers so far.^ "No Dad, I was fine. He was just upset that I broke things off with him. Colonel O'Neill took care of him." Not wanting to sound like she had shown weakness in front of other officers, she quickly added, "I could have taken care of myself, but my wrist was still hurting pretty badly."
They had just made it to the commissary and Sam thought that maybe she'd be able to get out of this conversation by getting some coffee. She was wrong. As she entered she noticed that Jack was walking toward the door and he spotted her, but not her father.
"Hey Sa-"
"Colonel! Nice to see you again, Sir." She interrupted him before he could get her name out. He was confused at first, but then saw the general behind her and understood.
"Good morning Captain Carter." Then he turned toward Jacob and snapped to attention. "Sir!"
Jacob returned his salute. "At ease Colonel. This is the mess after all."
"Yes Sir." With that, any intention Jack had of staying to have a cup of coffee with Sam went flying out the window at the speed of light. "If you'll excuse me Sir," and he turned to Sam "Captain," He winked at her as he left and Sam prayed that Jacob hadn't caught it.
"He worries me."
"Why?"
"I don't know. He seems... reckless... no respect for authority."
"I think it's more like no respect for authority that doesn't respect him."
"Interesting opinion, but what makes you say that?"
^Do I come clean now or later?^ "Well Dad, I've heard a lot about Colonel O'Neill, I mean from those under his command, they respect him and they trust him." ^Not a lie, not really, it's just that those conversations haven't actually happened yet.^ With that she walked away from him and back to her lab.
"I see."
**
Later, Sam was in her lab finishing an experiment and thinking. She was trying to figure out what she should do with her life. So much had changed already, and yet so much stayed the same. She was still Samantha Carter. She was still intelligent. She was still in the air force and moving up quickly. And, she was still hopelessly in love with Jack O'Neill. But there were other things that were very different. She knew too much of the future, but she had already altered that timeline, sure, it wasn't something that she hadn't done before, but this time she had to actually relive the past, and as it stood at the moment, she had no way of getting back to the future. All this was swimming around in her head, but the thought that was confusing her most had almost nothing to do with time travel. The thought that was foremost in her mind was that she wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset that she hadn't seen Jack all day after their meeting in the commissary that morning.
She went back to her quarters and sat on her bed. "What am I going to do? Should I get as far from here as possible? Do I risk not being involved in the Stargate program? And if I do that, does that make the whole reason I went through with this insane plan worthless? Can I walk away? Do I have the right?"
Sam laid down and covered her head with her pillow. In her head she saw Teal'c when they had first found him as first prime to Apophis, then she saw Daniel, and Janet, and Cassie and countless other people she had met at the SGC. The images were fuzzy and blurred but as she shut her eyes tighter they started to clear, and just before the colors became too bright for her to bear, she saw Jack on the floor of the gateroom shot in the back and dying. Then, just as suddenly, everything faded.
She lifted her head and dropped her pillow. "I think I need to decide what I want, and then figure out how I can get to that point." When all else failed, Sam knew that she could always count on logic.
"Ok." Talking out loud always seemed to make things clearer to Sam. It was almost like giving a voice to these things made them more real and attainable, or just made them a little simpler because she could put a name to them. Anything she could explain, she could fix. She hoped this wasn't an exception.
When Sam tried to figure things like this out she had a method. When she was a little girl and she had to think of what she wanted for her birthday, she would close herself in her room and sit on her bed, cross her legs, close her eyes, and try to clear her head. Once she was certain that her mind was blank, she let thoughts creep into the edge of her consciousness. Pictures would appear slowly, and some would repeat. The thing that repeated the most was what she would ask for. This technique always worked for Sam in the past, and now she figured that this was the best method she had to solve this dilemma. Of course there was the one year when she asked for a pony and didn't get it, but she figured that she would get to the `how' part of the equation later.
Sam closed her eyes and sat cross-legged on her bed. She pushed all of her thoughts and worries away knowing that whatever was most important to her right then would surface shortly and then she would deal with it in a logical manner. She exhaled slowly and tried to sink deeper into nothingness and let it envelope her completely. After a short time longer Sam knew she was ready. She took a long breath and tried to slowly let images take form, almost wondering what she'd see.
**
Sam opened her eyes two hours later, she had fallen asleep. But, she knew what she wanted. She wasn't entirely sure how to get it, and she definitely didn't know if the cost was worth the gain, but she knew she had to try.
She realized, somewhere between awake and asleep that although one image hadn't repeated itself more than any other, all of her images featured Jack. Really all this did was assert what she knew to be true. Jack was most important to her. That's why she came back in the first place.
The problem that she faced now was that if she tried to pursue Jack in a non-military way, she knew she wouldn't be placed under his command. That meant that she wouldn't be placed on SG-1 and that thought made her miss the future she had left terribly.
Suddenly something occurred to her that gave her some hope. Her assignment to the SGC was at least another year and a half away. A lot can happen in that time, and maybe, just maybe she could find a way to make all of the pieces fit. She also came to another decision; she was going to live her life from this point as if she was doing it for the first time. She wasn't going to concern herself with the future and what is going to happen because it might not happen. The only aspect of her life that she was going to be careful to insure comes to pass was that she had some involvement with the SGC. She needed to find Daniel and Teal'c and make sure that Earth was kept safe. She knew that with her knowledge of the gate, and with a little help from her father, she could probably get herself into the program. Where in the program she wasn't sure, but she'd be there and that was all she could hope for. As for the rest, she wasn't going to treat her whole life from that point on as some kind of re-run, it was too much for her psyche to handle.
Feeling totally exhausted from her efforts, Sam flopped back down on her bed and fell asleep almost instantly, hoping to stay asleep at least until the next morning.
About an hour later there was a knock on her door.
**
Author's note: Ok, I know that the cliffhanger thing is getting old, I just don't know how to end these things. I hope I haven't disappointed anyone with this chapter, I'm not all that confident in it, but I think I know where I'm going, and with a couple more chapters I think I'll be there. I'd like to thank everyone who's still reading for the confidence you all have given me to continue. I'm sorry I'm so slow with the updates, but bear with me please.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Th1rteen
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