King of Hearts
King of Hearts
by tgfencer
Summary: Sam plays a Valentine trick on Jack.
Category: Holiday, Humor, Romance
Holiday: Valentine
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: 13+
Warnings: minor language
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2005-01-29
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Jack strode down the corridors of the SGC in a rather thoroughly disgruntled mood. The SGC was going to have a dance. A Valentines Day dance none the less. It wasnt that he couldnt dance, though he was definitely not fond of it, it was the way and the who, that proposed and then, accepted the idea.
Earlier this afternoon Jack had been in Hammonds office discussing some specifics for their next mission, when Frasier and Carter walked into the room.
May I help you ladies? The General had asked.
Yes sir. Frasier said stepping forward. Recently I have noticed a large drop in moral in the base. At first I believed it was just me, but after talking with Sam my suspicions were confirmed. Hammond nodded and motioned for them to continue. What the troops need is something to get their mind off work, something to let them relax and socialize. Janet glanced quickly back at Sam. Weve come up with solution.
Well lets hear it, Doctor.
We would like to put on a dance, sir. Throughout the whole conversation, Jack had been getting little warnings that had told him he wasnt going to like their solution. He was right.
More specifically a Valentines dance, sir. Jack groaned audibly, and thought he saw a quick grin flash on Carters face.
General. Jack complained, but Fraiser quickly cut him off.
Despite Colonels ONeills animosity, our idea has merit. A Valentines Day Dance would be bring back everybodys old memorys and help lighten the mood by making them think back to their childhood.
And what if they went to their Valentines Day Dance alone , Doc? Jack put out, recognizing a lost cause but refusing to submit. Janet frowned, but she wasnt done.
Besides what better to lift a bases moral, who might I add is 75% males then a chance to let their testosterone soar. Jack had no problem seeing the now unsuppressed grin on Sams face.
I agree, Doctor. I leave you and Major Carter in charge.
Thanks sir. Well make it two days from now. Janet replied.
Jack stood up. If they were going to get their dance, he was not going to allow them the satisfaction of his appearance.
Well, I have to be going General. He turned to the women. Ladies, you have a wonderful plan. I regret to inform you I can not make it due to the overly large stacks of paperwork on my desk. Sorry. Halfway through the door, Hammond stopped him.
Colonel, this dance is for all the staff. Youve worked harder than most. Besides being the second in command, your appearance is required.
Jack started to disagree I will not have it Colonel. Hammond said as he cut Jack off. My decision is final. Jack nodded and beat a hasty retreat to be sure that Carter and Frasier would not follow him to gloat on their victory.
So here he was, standing in the commons waiting for the two conspirators to unleash their plan to the public. He hoped the base rejected the idea, it would serve them right. He understood that Sam and Janet were just trying to help and he actually wouldnt mind too much if Carter danced with him. Sam stepped up to the microphone.
Ladys and Gents Im here to announce that tomorrow we will be hosting a Valentines Day Dance. A startled silence and then a few ragged cheers went up followed by a momentous chorus. Sam smiled. We will try to make this as realistic as possible so we will, of course, need help. Any volunteers will be excused from chores that non-volunteers will fill, if your interested just talk to Janet or I later. However to add an extra, spice, so to speak Doctor Fraiser and I have come up with a few rules. First, attendance is mandatory. Seeing some petrified looks, Sam mended her statement. You do not, however have to dance. Second, females will be asking males. Thirdly, everyone will be required to bring Valentine cards for their dates, who can be from town. Last of all, we decided that Colonel ONeill and his date will have the honor of the first dance. Startled, Jacks anger rose, not helped in the least by the congratulating assault of patting hands. Sam dismissed the assembly and as the crowd of excited, chatting people passed by filling the air with rumors of who they were going to ask or be asked by, Jack was glaring angrily at the smug grins of two women beating down on him. The room was empty now except for the clutter of volunteers eagerly accepting duties, fortunatly none of them heard the words that Jack uttered to his second in command as he left.
You watch it Sam. Youd better watch it. The next day did nothing to improve his mood. After spending half the night attempting to get the troops in the neighboring quarters quiet, so he could sleep, the buzz was back.
In the showers the men conversed. A few had already been asked, while the majorities were awaiting their summons with eager delight. Irritated Jack headed to one of the few places he knew would be quiet. Unfortunately, as he strode into Daniels office he was confronted by a gaggle of girls, each undoubtedly hoping to walk into the dance with Daniel on her arm.
Sorry ladies, Daniel was saying loudly. Ive already accepted to go with the dance with someone else. There was a collective and disappointed sigh. Noticing Jack, Daniels mouth quirked. However Jack here doesnt have a date. Most of the group walked right out the door without giving him a second glance. A few however looked him up and down appraisingly and one even gave him a quirk of her eyebrow before brushing by.
Hello Jack. Daniel said after they had all gone. How are you doing? Jack rolled his eyes.
Dandy, just dandy. Jack replied falling into a vacant chair.
Has anyone asked you yet? Daniel ventured.
No, no one has. I would rather be at a barbecue with Apothis then this dance. Noticing Daniels smile, Jacks anger flared.
I suppose your getting a kick out off all this arent you. I would bet my incredibly meager salary that Janet and Sam did this to make a fool out of me.
Why would they want to do that, Jack? Daniel was baiting him but he was too irritated to care.
Maybe because they know Ill show up alone. Maybe by saying that girls ask guys they made sure I wouldnt make a last ditch effort and just go into town and pick someone up. Besides only a fool would think that this was a coincidence. Daniel just sat there and grinned his face off. Oh, go smile all you want. Its not like you have problems getting girls. Youre not the person that this is rigged for! Standing up, Jack was out of the doorway when he thought of something disturbing.
Daniel? Jack asked turning around. Does Sam have a date yet?
No Jack. Daniel was doing way to much smiling today.
Now completely disgusted with the whole world Jack turned to the only person he who was left to him, Tealc. All the way to Tealcs room, Jack was besieged with questions of if he had a date yet, who did he think was going to ask him, and some nice sympathetic remarks, which just irritated him farther. Reaching his friends door he threw it open and practically ran in. Right over a departing Sergeant. The woman swept by him with a cold glare.
Colonel ONeill. Tealc welcomed.
Hi Tealc. So youre going too?
Attendance is mandatory. I believe accepting a females offer is custom on this planet is it not, ONeill? Jack nodded. I believe that you have not been asked yet. Am I not assuming correctly?
Your right, Tealc. Well I believe Im going to go lock myself in my quarters now. Toot-a-lo.
Wait ONeill. You must report to commons for your chore.
My what? Jack asked.
You must participate in taking over the volunteers chores, O Neill. Tealc responded.
Great. Youd think that being second in command of this base would come in handy sometimes. Muttering, Jack headed toward the commons.
Two hours later he found himself saddled with and apron and a hairnet and armed with a large spoon.
Mash potatoes? Slop!
Im personally going to kill whoever gave me this damn job. Kids these days have no respect for rank. Here I am Colonel in the U.S Air Force who saved the world more times than I can count doling, out potatoes. Slop! Slop! Slop! Slop! I wonder if I look good in this hairnet. Slop! Slop! Slop! Wait! Jack held up a spoon and looked at his reflection.
Im not that fat! Oh, nope, just that private at the second table. Whew.
Colonel. Colonel! The call woke him up from his reverie.
Yes? he said without glancing up.
Blue jello please, Jack. Came the soft reply. Despite himself he jumped. Sam. Determined not to look surprised or the least bit angry, Jack looked up into her face. There was the grin. The damn perfect grin. Blue Jell-O, Colonel.
Sorry, Carter were all out. Besides Jell-O is bad for you. He said, expressionless. The perfect grin broadened. He felt a tap on his arm. Jack turned and was faced with an airman holding a cup of blue Jell-O, perfectly unaware of what he had done.
Thank you, Airman. Jack practically snarled. The airman retreated hurriedly.
Silently, he gave Carter the cup.
Thanks, sir. She turned to leave but stopped suddenly, a devilish twist in her grin. Do you have a date yet, sir? She asked innocently. He smiled the sweetest smile he could summon.
You havent come close to beating me, Sam. She returned his smile with one more angelic.
Oh believe me, youre helpless. She turned and sauntered off to a group of her friends. Where there was an exchange of smiles and laughs. He had to come up with something, yet, he thought suddenly, she had already provided him with one.
The afternoon had worn into evening and the a fourth of the male staff were gathered in the MALP room. With the cameras volume turned down, Jack explains his plan.
Im going to feed Sam her own medicine. Get the words out to all the men but make sure not one woman hears of it. No one is to except Sams offer.
One of the men piqued up. But they said the women were asking. Jack rolled his eyes.
And were accepting. Or not, if we so please. The man nodded understanding. If Im going alone, Im not going to be the only one.
Finally, Jack could go to bed happy, even content to listen to the whispers and rumors that circulated the hall. He was finally striking back. Boy was Carter going to be mad when she figured out his plan, and knowing her, it wouldnt be long. But hopefully, long enough for it to succeed.
The next day came and went fairly smoothly. The barbs were once again slung at him but seeing him unaffected, they were soon subsided. After getting out of his job, all that was left was to sit around and watch the volunteers work and wait for the evening to come. Unfortunately, lady luck had abandoned him.
Jack. Daniel called, breathing heavily.
Yes? Jack replied, already feeling the bad news.
Sams found someone. Good news for Sam, bad news for Jack, and incredibly bad news for who ever accepted.
Who is it? He asked vehemently. The answer shocked him.
Strolling down the hall in a near run, Jack swore at himself for the hundredth time. Why had he not thought to inform Hammond. The man was as gullible as a baby, Sams perfect target. Of, course none of the men had thought to inform their General. He always was aware of everything. Except something no one had told him about. Rounding the corner to Hammonds office, he swung open the door and forced himself not to slam it shut. General Hammond looked up.
Yes, Colonel. He asked.
Sir, you cant go.
What are you talking about, Colonel?
You cant go to the dance with Carter, sir. Jack answered.
And why not?
Because, General, you know as well as I, that Sam and Janet set this up to make fun of me, even if it was an after thought. Shes rigged it so I wont have a date so Im going to do the same for her. Tell her you cant go with her. Jack stopped breathless.
And just how do you propose I do that, Colonel? Hammond demanded.
I dont know, tell her you agreed to go with someone else and just forgot. How about& that bony old lunch lady. You know the one with the wig thats always checking you out. I know for sure that she doesnt have a date. Just tell Carter that you felt obliged to go with her. Shell understand. Hammond studied his face for a moment.
Alright Jack, I agree. But you owe me big time. That lady gives me the creeps.
Excellent sir. Thanks a lot. Jack turned and practically skipped out of the room.
Do you think shell accept that excuse, Jack? Daniel asked. Jack had just told him his plan to rob Sam of her date.
Of course, why would I have said it if I didnt think it would work?
Because you were desperate. Daniel said cheekily and was rewarded with a scowl. Their conversation turned over to topics when suddenly Carter rounded the corner, walking straight toward them with a smile on her face.
Hello Daniel. Jack. Do you both have dates? She asked. Daniel nodded and Jack shook his head. You dont have one Jack? Im surprised that no one has claimed a beast like you. She shook her head in false bemusement. Well, Im sure youll find someone. As for me, I have to go prepare. You always have to look good when dancing with a General. And with that she left them, sauntering away in a flirtatious manner. When at last she disappeared from view, Daniel turned his head toward Jack a surprised and knowing look on his face.
Shes not going to know until tonight is she? Jack didnt respond, the smile on his face better than any words.
The afternoon drew to close and evening was beginning its reign. The base was full of action. Men were pulling on suits and fixing their ties, women putting on dresses all the while remarking on their neighbors. Volunteers were hurriedly fixing the decoration and tweaking the assorted foods before joining the others in preparing themselves for the dance. Over all, there was a sense of excitement and a touch of tension. After a time, the first of the couples started drifting down to the dance, welcomed by Sam. Jack had decided he would meet Hammond and his date and accompany them down to the hall.
Hello General. Jack said shaking his hand then turning to his date. Lynda, youre looking lovely tonight.
Thank you Colonel. She replied, trading niceties. Walking slightly behind them, Jacks anticipation began building. Finally he would be able to see Sams surprise. Patiently waiting his turn, Jack joined the line of couples waiting to be greeted. Calls rang out to him from close by women.
Hey Colonel, you alone?
Wheres your date?
Who are you taking, Colonel?
How do you dance alone?
Jack didnt respond, just smiled to each in turn. The guys kept quiet, a few speaking to him to keep a semblance of innocence. Two couples away. Once couple away. Now. Thats when he caught sight of Sam. She was wearing a short black dress that outlined her natural figure and exposed her shapely legs. Her blond hair was done up in a pretty design and her blue eyes were sparkling. She was radiant. Until she saw Hammond and Lynda. A touch of surprise flashed through her face, making her smile tremble.
General, welcome. Sam said. Jack was slightly disappointed by her lack of emotion. Hello Lynda. Im happy that youve found someone worthy of you. Jack thought he saw a bit of a sarcastic smile twitch at her lips. Sam was never far from humor. General you make sure to keep a tight hold on her now. Wouldnt want any rogues stealing her away. Her eyes turned to Jack. Isnt that right, Colonel? Jack agreed with her and the couple continued into dance. Her attention turned fully onto him. He could feel those blue eyes appraising him in his black suit.
I guess no one wanted to dance with you, Colonel. She started, but Jack, intent on leaving before she could finish, broke her sentence.
Im just reserving myself for someone special. He flashed his cheekiest grin and sauntered by.
Before he had taken more than two steps, Daniel intercepted him, with an offer of punch.
How did she take it? Daniel queried eagerly.
Too well. It wasnt any fun. He complained. She barely even paused before congratulating Hammond on netting such a fine woman. Daniel snorted into his punch.
Right in front of Lynda? I had never realized just how slow she was. Jack nodded and glanced around the room for Sam before turning his attention back on Daniel.
So who netted you, Daniel? He smiled and pried a lieutenant off a young womans face. Jack was confronted by a good set of features including bright green eyes.
Tara, Daniel introduced. I want you to meet my friend and commanding officer, Colonel Jack ONeill. She smiled at him and shook his hand before turning back around and letting the airman take control of her face once more.
Whew Daniel, you sure dont keep a very close grip on your girls, do you. Daniel explained.
No Jack. I agreed to go with her because she wanted to ask that airman but couldnt find the guts, so I provided her with an alternate means of reaching him.
Jack surveyed the couple once more. It gives a whole new meaning to love thee neighbor, boss, and dog. Daniel shot him an odd glance but didnt comment.
Realizing his rambling, Jack quickly began a new topic of conversation.
So, why is no one dancing? Daniels eyebrow rose.
Why, because you have the first dance. Its tradition. No one dances until the first dance has finished. Jack took another glass of punch ad scanned the room. There she was. Sam was stuck in among a crowd of females who looked more annoyed then she did. Jack decided he would take the advantage where it was given.
Lets do this. He muttered. Handing Daniel his glass, Jack walked out onto the floor and picked up a microphone, remembering a little too late that public speaking was not his strength.
Uh, testing one, two, three. Can you hear out there? The crowd got silent. I was wondering why no one was dancing, since this is a dance. Then Daniel told me I had to dance first, before everyone else could dance. Stupid if you ask me, since no one wants to see an old man dance. This was definitely not going the way he had planned. So here I am ready to dance. One itsy-bitsy problem has come up though. I dont have a partner. Now being the considerate and sensitive person that I am, Jack paused as laughs and sniggers ran through the crowd. He smiled. I had decided to award the honor to Doctor Frasier, but seeing how possessively Doctor Jackson has his arm about her, Daniel blushed as more laughs issued from the crowd. During the pause, Jack quickly took in Sams calm state. However, having known her for a long time, he could tell she was nervous. So I decided that Sam Carter can dance with me. Jack turned to her. If thats alright with her, that is. She nodded and walked out onto the dance floor. Ive picked the song, Quit Playing Games with My Heart. The crowd clapped as the first notes rang out. He gathered Sam in his arms, able to read her discomfort and slight peevishness at having been outwitted. Now was the time to pull his last trick from the hat. To most it would seem utterly dorky, yet to some, most importantly Sam, it would be a great prank.
Jack pulled suddenly out of her arms and turning toward the crowd tore off his jacket and pants and hurled them into the crowd. There was a collective gasp followed by an explosion of laughter louder than any bomb. Janet was reduced to tears while Daniel choked on his drink. A chant rose up from the crowd.
King of Hearts! King of Hearts! King of Hearts! He turned back to Sam. Her face had turned a brilliant shade of red as she stared at him, or more specifically his suit. His suit that happened to be a bright pink with red and purple hearts swirling around his body and a huge king of hearts card stitched to his back.
Well? Jack asked. Sam managed a shrug and a hug. Jack retrieved the microphone.
For crying out loud, come on and dance. He said. The crowd clapped and broke into partners. He felt a tap on his shoulder.
Do you want to dance, Jack? The soft voice asked. He swiveled swiftly and caught her up in a swinging motion, bringing a laugh out of her.
Sure kiddo.
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